Loraelsia Mithrilspine
Loraelsia Mithrilspine (a.k.a. Ael (Pronounced like Ale))
Physical Description
General Physical Condition
Loraelsia is rather tall for a female dwarf, a notable feature she has always been a tad self-conscious about, though she has learned not to show that openly. She is rather soft for her species, her physique suggesting she has not done much resembling labor in her life.
Body Features
At campaign start, she has a single, occasionally glowing rune across her hand, one that she tries to keep hidden away using fingerless gloves.
https://tinyurl.com/firstrune
Facial Features
Her face carries a healthy glow that suggests to the casual onlooker that she is a little bit drunk at all times. This is not actually the case, but she has learned to embrace the complexion brought on by generations of proud Mithrilspine women.
Identifying Characteristics
Her eyes are a family trait, a sparkling silver-blue that resembles her family's namesake. She would wear contacts to hide them, except her eyes are quite sensitive to such things, so those in the know might recognize her based off of those.
Her runes, when seen, are also distinctive, and when active carry a mithril-silver glow that is distinct to her bloodline.
Physical quirks
She has a recently developed habit of rubbing at her concealed rune across her hand. This happens when she is nervous, especially if she is nervous about being identified as a Mithrilspine.
She also has a tendency to shuffle her 'special' deck of cards. Sometimes this includes showing off, but at other times she just does it to keep her hands busy.
Mental characteristics
Personal history
Loraelsia Mordribera Ravaebena Mithrilspine was born to privilege, born to duty, and born to expectations, none of which she asked for.
The firstborn child of Vardric and Nosurra Mithrilspine, Ael spent her early childhood and adulthood chafing against the expectations that came with being the eldest born of her clan. The Mithrilspine clan has always been relatively small, but influential within what is currently called the Dwendalian Empire, the kind of family with ancestral wealth and long-running connections to the realm. Noblesse Oblige was the mantra she was inundated with from a young age. This was equally true for her seven siblings, but Loraelsia especially felt the pressure to succeed, given her position as eldest and the future head of the clan.
This was a future that Loraelsia never felt she lived up to, unfortunately. She never felt like a typical dwarf. She lacked an interest in the physical exploits and crafting disciplines that her species is known for. She was labelled lazy by her less-charitable siblings, and the charge was not without merit. The pressures put on her by her parents combined with the sinking suspicion that her younger siblings would do a better job resulted in a young dwarf who was full of self doubt. This was only compounded by the simple, unavoidable fact.
She did not seem to possess the bloodline her clan was famous for.
The thing about old families is that whatever noble intentions they might have, the trappings of wealth and power. This proved true... and disastrous... for the Mithrilspine clan when Loraelsia's youngest sibling, Vamwaeline, decided that she would be a far better family head... and set out to make it happen. Conspiring with a human guard, Brannerth Covenswallow, Vamwaeline arranged for the assassination of her parents, with the intent of substituting in a fake will. The plot proved successful, but by chance Loraelsia walked in on the murders and, due to having witnessed Vamwaeline in conversation with the assassin, put two and two together.
Unfortunately, a conversation did not equal proof, and while Loraelsia's arrival ensured the will was not swapped, her anger after the loss of her parents proved fierce. Ignoring the urgings of her brother, Dalovum, the second eldest and the only sibling she as close to, Loraelsia confronted her sister, a confrontation that turned into a chase through the streets of Rexxentrum. This confrontation came to a head atop of a large tower, and during the intervening struggle, Loraelsia pushed her sister off of the tower, apparently to her death.
Aware that she had no proof of her sister's wrongdoing, and had, therefore, committed murder in the eyes of the law, Loraelsia fled her home, leaving her clan and her former life behind. This proved to be quite a challenge for Loraelsia. She left with only the gold she had on her, which quickly dried up, and for many moons she lived off what supplies she could clumsily scavenge or steal. Eventually, however, luck... or rather, natural talent in the guise of luck stumbled into her lap, when she fell into a game of cards she had no business playing, and used her natural charms and talent for reading others to secure a sizable fund of gold.
Thus began a career that turned into a passion, with Loraelsia's gambling 'habit' soon proving to have little gambling involved. She developed her own system for marking cards. She came to embrace the freedom from expectation offered by her new lifestyle, and while she eventually became skilled enough to ensure she always had a tidy sum, she never stopped wandering, for fear of her old life catching up with her.
Over the next seven years, Loraelsia continued as such, with a few further misadventures along the way, including a notable instance where she beat a Goliath tribal chief Kreg in single combat. The chief of course, insists to this day that the feat was only accomplished due to cheating on Loraelsia's part... which is absolutely true. Dust of Deliciousness, a vial of itching serum, and an innocent offer of sharing a final drink before combat won her the day. Unfortunately, this earned her an enemy, and another group to avoid, as the tribe have dedicated themselves to hunting her down and forcing her into a rematch.
And so her life continued, up until two weeks before campaign started, when the unexpected popped up to throw a wrench into her new happiness. At the age of 34, 7 years after the death of her parents, she woke up in the middle of the night after a strange dream she does not remember, only to be confronted with a silver glow across her left hand. Loraelsia's runic bloodline had, at last, come into effect. And she had no idea what to do with this development.
Gender Identity
Female
Sexuality
Try sexual. She'll try anything once... or twice... or three times.
Education
Loraelsia was fairly well educated. Her parents ensured she and each of her siblings had tutors. She was neither the best nor worst student, but she has not retained as much of what she's learned as she would like.
Employment
She cheats at cards... ahem, she wins at cards.
Mental Trauma
Witnessing the tail end of her parents' deaths, murdering her youngest sister for her role in those deaths.
Morality & Philosophy
While she is a charlatan, she is a benevolent one. She has a code that she follows. She never takes money from anyone who cannot afford to lose it, and always ensures that those she cheats at cards have a good time in the interim. She also never takes money from those who are actually desperate, and if she feels that is the situation she will either break even with the person after a few hands and move on, or, if she is feeling particularly benevolent, she will 'lose' on purpose.
While she feels that as of now she is in no way a noble, the philosophy of Noblesse Oblige was engrained in her at a young age, and that sense of duty to her fellow man, especially to those less fortunate, has never quite abandoned her despite many attempts to change that about herself.
Taboos
She believes saying the name of The Crawling King is an ill omen.
Personality Characteristics
Motivation
One of Loraelsia's strongest motivators is an inability to ignore the plight of others. Whether one looks upon this as a noble spirit, or simple nosiness, she is often exasperated with her own inability to leave well enough alone when she sees people in need.
While it is not as active a motivation, she is eager to avoid confronting her past, and that desire to avoid could motivate her in interesting ways. She also would likely be driven to find and confront Vamwaeline should she find out her youngest sister is not, in fact, dead.
Virtues & Personality perks
While she is a charlatan, she is a benevolent one. She has a code that she follows. She never takes money from anyone who cannot afford to lose it, and always ensures that those she cheats at cards have a good time in the interim.
Personality Quirks
She does not like sitting with her back to the rest of a room, always sitting where she can see everything else, including the entrances and exits if possible.
Hygiene
She prefers to be clean when able, but she has learned to be comfortable with occasional bouts of uncleanliness.
Social
Contacts & Relations
Kreg - Noble in his own way, but wracked with Pride, Kreg feels as if his standing was injured by his loss to Loraelsia during what was, more or less, a souped up bar brawl. In truth, while he certainly would beat the crap out of Loraelsia if given the opportunity, but would likely not actually kill her. His tribe has honor, he simply wishes to get recompense for an unjust loss, for having his righteous challenge met with trickery and falsehood.
Brannerth Covenswallow - The guard who conspired with Vamwaeline, Loraelsia is not entirely clear as to what his motives were for joining up with her younger sister. She knows that he was, at the time, a mid-ranked guard within the Rexxentrum guard. She knows he comes from a noble family, and nows that he always seemed cordial enough with her parents in social gatherings... but that seems to have been a facade, because she saw him with Vamwaeline and the assassin the day before the murders. She has never confronted him, and has no idea what became of him, but she confided that information to her brother, Dalovum.
Family Ties
Vamwaeline - Vamwaeline is a little shit. The youngest Mithrilspine, younger than Loraelsia by 9 years. A dwarf's dwarf, to a parodic. She was the youngest, and also developed her bloodline at age 13, a record in the history of the clan. Unfortunately this went to her head, and ultimately resulted in Loraelsia proving she was more capable in combat than any of her siblings would have guessed.
Dalovum - The second eldest Loraelsia's generation, born two years after Loraelsia, Dalovum was the only sibling that she felt particularly close to. In many ways, Dalovum was the type of dwarf that Loraelsia felt SHOULD lead the clan. Alas, he was more inclined to the church, and became a priest of Erathis. Their relationship was damaged severely by Loraelsia's actions, though she has not seen him since that day.
Erildrelin and Halgrona - The twins. 'Dreli' and 'Grona' were always rather insular. Four years Loraelsia's juniors, the two were always inseperable. Dreli was the thinker, and Grona the schemer, and together they often caused benevolent mischief, much to the chagrin of their mother.
Noromi - Is the family drunk. Not in a negative sense, he was a party animal, almost a dwarven equivalent of a Dandy. He is five years younger than Loraelsia.
Thendrem - The scholar of the family, Thendrem was seven years younger than Loraelsia. He had aspiritions to attend the Soltryce Academy, but was always held back by his natural magic interfering with his arcane studies. Somewhat boring.
Jagnaec - The truest crafstman of the family, Jagnaec, or 'Jag' is eight years younger than Loraelsia. He often told terribly, pun-ridden jokes, and was more often than not covered in soot. Other than Loraelsia herself, he was probably the least-comfortable with the family he was born into, and at times confided in his father he would have been happier to be born into a simpler clan.
Vardric and Nosurra - Loraelsia's parents were, to her, paragons of that idea of Noblesse Oblige that they tried to instill in their children. While they likely were not as perfect as Loraelsia has come to regard them as. Death often erases flaws. She thinks fondly of her parents, but often felt like a disappointment to them. Her father, in particular, was often hard on his daughter in an attempt to help her reach the potential he saw in her to be a strong leader, and unfortunately this led to a perception that he felt she was incapable. This was further compounded by Loraelsia's suspicion that her father would have preferred a male firstborn. This was probably not true, but it was a thought that festered during Loraelsia's younger years. Her mother was the peacemaker between father and daughter, but even she was often frustrated with Loraelsia's inability to act in a manner that befit a noble dwarf. Despite all of this, Vardric and Nosurra loved each of their children dearly, which makes their youngest daughter's betrayal all the more tragic.
Religious Views
Loraelsia worships the Allhammer, Moradin, but is not very active in her faith. It is more a byproduct of how she grew up, almost a habit. That said, she still recognizes major religious festivals and holidays, and will, in more introspective moments, offer prayers to him.
Speech
She has what, in the real world, would be a Scottish accent.
Loraelsia, or Ael, is a dwarven card-shark who recently came into her family's Sorcerous Bloodline, the ramifications of which she would rather not consider. You can trust her implicitly, so long as cards are not involved.
View Character Profile
Alignment
Neutral Good
Age
34
Date of Birth
17th of Brussendar
Birthplace
Rexxentrum
Children
Gender
Female
Eyes
Silver-Blue
Hair
Red
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
Fair
Height
4'8"
Weight
148lbs
Quotes & Catchphrases
She often refers to her friends of the moments as her duckies. It's an odd form of affection. Alas, her friends have, until recently, not been long term, due to her wandering nature.
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Family Matters
7 of Sydenstar
I want to preface everything I am about to write by saying that this Girl's Night was a lot of fun. I didn't realize how fun that type of thing could be until it was all of us, in the water, feeling... at peace. We haven't had time to be at peace for all that long, even when travelling we're on guard, or at least I am...
But Viertree... talking about family, about...
They were talking to Kayrin about Rholis, and they talked about how you need to be kind to your siblings, about loving your siblings and using polite words, that you... and...
I killed Vamwaeline.
It doesn't matter that she killed our parents first. It doesn't matter that she didn't stay dead. I killed her. I pushed her, and I thought I made my peace with it, but ever since I found out she is still alive... I ache. It's getting harder and harder to pretend I'm fine. That I'm not remembering all the times before things went bad, when she'd come to me to patch up a scrape to her knee or ask me how I felt about whatever boy Mom and Dad were introducing me to next or coming up and hugging me when she saw how defeated I looked after one of my lessons, and I just...
Where did things go wrong? How did she go from being a bright little ball of sunshine and wit to... parricide? To sororicide on my part?
What became of them? My siblings? What does Vamwaeline being alive mean for them? Sure, we fought, and I know they didn't respect me, but I thought they loved me... I loved them, even if I left them and...
Was I a bad sister? I was a bad heir, but was I... I never felt like...
Gah.
Then the talk about using my real name in Xhorhas. They keep wanting to call me Loraelsia. Which I shouldn't REALLY mind, because it is my fucking name, but... I don't want it. I don't. I don't want it. I don't want to be Loraelsia Mithrilspine again. I don't want to be that miserable, disappointing woman who was never good enough for anyone or anything. I don't want to be the girl who pushed her sister off a tower and looked at the situation and ran away, leaving everyone else she cared about to pick up the pieces. I don't want to be an utterly worthless, talentless waste of space and resources who squandered every attempt her parents made to better her through her own ineptitude and talentlessness. I want to be Ael. I want to be happy. I want to be the woman who walks into a tavern and owns the space, who dazzles with stories and cards and patter and shows those she cheats a good time. I want to be a wanderer, I want to be anonymous, I want to be mundane and slightly shitty, but content.
I want to be Ael.
And I don't believe Viertree. I mean, I don't think she's lying, but I think she's understating the way that the former heiress of a noble family of a nation that they are at war with will be greeted. Everyone talks about these rewards and privilege's and future endeavors and I'm sitting her convinced that the moment I am forced to take up the mantel I abandoned I'm going to end up imprisoned, or else I'm going to have to leave, because the fact of the matter is I am NOT an enemy of the Empire. I'm just not an enemy of Xhorhas either.
I have nowhere else to go, but I am convinced I am going to be fucked, I just think I will be less fucked there than here.
I want to be Ael. The best thing Loraelsia Mithrilspine ever did was leave.
Ramblings of a Sober Dwarf
5th of Sydenstar, 185
We had some... mixed luck. Viertree got injured by a bear trap. Bad luck.
The hunter who set the trap helped us set her leg. Good luck.
That hunter was instantly smitten with Thistle. REALLY good luck.
I'm probably being ridiculous about it, but it is just... a relief to have something so undeniably good happening after almost a week of looking over our shoulders and ghost attacks and bandits. Thistle and Louise are just... cute. It's sweet. Maybe I'm living a touch vicariously through Thistle, but...
They're just so cute~
Honestly... it reminds me of Dreli when she and Grona had their first ball. She was grumbling the whole time about it, fussing about being fussed over by Mother and I. She kept insisting she didn't want to dance with anyone, even though she was twice the dancer I ever was, making big claims that she'd sooner drown herself in the punch bowl than be caught dead on the dance floor. I swear she made the braiding of her hair take twice as long as it would have just from her fussing alone. Or maybe I made it take longer to spite her, I don't remember. She was being a proper brat about the whole affair. Grona at least was looking forward to the buffet. She kept trying to cheer Dreli up by promising they'd slip away if things were dull to have a chess match in the lounge, but Dreli wasn't having it.
She ended up spending the entire night with Tobias Jung, twirling around and looking quite precious, all breathless, dizzy, flush. I never told Mother, but I think she had a hickey the next morning. Grona and I didn't stop teasing her about it for a week and a half, we practically made it a game to see which of us could make her more red, and Vamwaeline was smitten with the whole story, kept asking Dreli if she thought Tobias was dreamy...
...
Honestly, the first night in Louise's home was the best sleep we've had since before we all ended up in that blasted inn. I learned some more about magic too. Gale and Viertree have been teaching me about the schools of magic, about how we can more consciously manipulate things. All the lessons I never had back during my schooling since I didn't show even a hint of aptitude... or talent...
God, I was a mess back then, wasn't I? Desperate to prove myself, to figure out how I wanted to prove myself. Is that what is up with Virdan? He's seemed so... lost these last few days. Ever since the bandit attack. I hope he isn't still shaken up by his concerns about killing. We need him to have his head on straight if we end up in a fight.
Charlotte seems concerned too. Honestly, I think the two of us are getting on like two peas. She's probably as excited for Thistle as I am, and then we worked together and figured out how to make Gael, Virdan, and the other Drow look like High Elves. It's been a lot of fun gossiping with her, and she's a right talent with the viol. She's... probably the closest thing I've had to a friend in years. I mean, the others are friendly enough, but... I don't know. Everything is so tense, and Charlotte is just... No idea if she feels the same way, but it has been nice to talk to someone who I feel like would be friendly with me even if we weren't all running for our lives. It feels... natural.
She apologized to me for "Story Time". None of that was remotely her fault, but it still felt good to get the apology.
We had an uneventful day's travel, then set up camp for the night and put together a hunting party while Thistle and Louise did... whatever they decided to do. It got... weird. Virdan attacked Panlo, then Gael, but then he stopped being a wolf and he took Gael off in the distance. I think they were arguing. It looked heated as fuck. I've seen drunken, jilted lovers act more civilly. Confusing, but none of my business.
Sure, maybe part of me is a touch bitter that others seem to be allowed to keep their secrets and I wasn't, but that part of me is... best ignored. Virdan has a right to keep his secrets. If they are even his secrets. I feel suddenly like a lot of things have been happening that I've just been missing because I've been all googoo eyed over the adorableness of Thistle and Louise.
I did check on Gael, and he said he knows something about Vamwaeline, but I can't... ask yet. He asked me what I think of him joining, and of his book, and I'm... a bit shocked I'm okay with it. I am. He showed... respect. I trust him about as much as I trust any of the others at this point. He means well. That doesn't mean he won't make mistakes, but... he's trying. I have to respect that, or I'm a bloody hypocrite. Honestly, he reminds me of Dalovum. There's a conviction there, a strength of his beliefs, even when the world seems determined to challenge him. A steel lining of character mixed with solemn purpose and a wry core of kindness that is masked by all of the other shit.
God this journal is rambling on. I've never been much of a writer. That was more Thendrem's thing. I used to hate how he'd ramble on about magic this, runes that, the Age of Arcanum blah blah blah... funny, now I'm starting to understand why he found it all so fascinating. I wonder if he ever made it to the Soltryce Academy. He was so disappointed after those first two rejections...
I've been thinking about them a lot lately. All of them. A lot more than I have in years. It's like finding out Vam was alive tore out scars I'd forgotten about and now I'm bleeding out inside, bit by bit. I miss having a family, even if I always felt like a worthless member of mine. Tali and "Story Time" made it worse. I just keep thinking about... everything.
I made so many mistakes. I thought I did the best I could. Did I though?
I...
It...
Just...
Fuck. I'm not even drunk and I'm a babbling mess.
*There are a few wavy ripples in the texture of the parchment, as if some sections ended up wet.*
Virdan's Question
2nd of Sydenstar, 185
Virdan asked me what it was like to kill that bandit.
He was supportive enough. He wasn't accusatory. He said he likes to think he would have done the same thing. He thanked me for doing that to help protect his family, and he asked me what it felt like. I told him I didn't have time to feel much of anything. That was true. I moved, I reacted, I don't regret it.
I am so thankful he didn't ask me about my other kill.
How could I explain the strange mix of joy, exhilaration, agony, and rage that flooded my tired body when I pushed Vamwaeline off of that Tower? How could I explain that the thing I felt guiltiest for was that I felt no guilt about what I did to my own flesh and blood. The satisfaction that left me feeling sick to my stomach later as I saw her body broken against the ground from my view on high?
The bandit was a threat. The bandit created that situation. I went after Vamwaeline. That situation was my own creation. I'm not foolish enough to think my sister was planning to let me live and risk my revealing the truth, but, I pursued her. I didn't let her come to me. I came to her. Not to capture her, not for the sake of justice, not for the good of the people or the good of my family.
I still set out to kill her. Not just confront her. Kill her.
It made me happy.
I have to live with that.
Even now, part of me wants to turn around, go back to the capital, find my sister, and, to reference a famous bard, eat her heart in the marketplace.
Moradin's beard, I've made such a mess of things, haven't I?
New Ally (?) and Annoying Bandits: A Poem
2nd of Sydenstar, 185
There once was a dwarf from HUPPERDOOK,
Who saved an ambassador on a fluke,
She travelled with strangers and faced many dangers,
Until this morning she had quite a spook,
The group met a strange drow named Gael
Whose name is too similar to Ael's
The drow had some pictures that caused quite a stir
Until Bandits attacked and spells sailed,
Ael melted a brain with her magic
An act that some would declare tragic,
She felt it was needed and soon they defeated
The bandits and took their crazy pipe and went on with their day, even though Ael is still trying to figure Gael out.
Look, I couldn't come up with a third rhyme. Poems are hard, and I'm in a strange mood. Not bad, just... strange.
Is it weird that I'm bothered that I wasn't bothered by killing that bandit?
Or... maybe it isn't that I'm bothered, it is that part of me feels I should be.
I Have No Ale, so I Must Rage
1st of Sydenstar 185
So... I'm not dead.
Also, it turns out blowing things up with magic is... cathartic.
We got out of town with relative ease. It took a lot of planning for something that took about ten minutes to execute, but that's how it goes sometimes. Then we went and bought some donkeys and some feed, and we hit the road until daylight, at which point... well...
I slept.
Then I woke up, and I made the mistake of asking Viertree about my sister. She... recognized me. So I put all my cards on the table and admitted I was exactly who Viertree thought I was to try to find out how Vamwaeline isn't dead.
She's supposed to be dead.
I keep saying that, but I can't get it out of my head. I thought I made my peace with everything that happened. I enjoyed who I was... am. Who I am now.
But she's alive. She's supposed to be dead, and she's alive, and I have to figure out what to DO with that information.
Unfortunately, Viertree knew very little beyond 'she's not dead'. And worse... I didn't realize Tali was awake and heard everything.
Fuck.
Tali, as it turns out, is very... persistent when they decide they know what is best, and they backed me into a pretty airtight corner... something that I'm really miffed about, to be honest. Who are they to decide that I have to do that? They aren't my parent. I'm fucking older than them, and they treated me like a naughty lass trying to get out of going to school. Fuck that. Nobody was entitled to know about that. If it weren't for the assassination attempt I'd have done the right thing and left them all behind anyway, but it doesn't matter because Vamwaeline is small potatoes compared to the Volstrucker being on our tails. Do they not get that?
Do none of them get that?
So yeah, I told everyone about things. Not... quite everything. Everything up until my leaving. Going into the fact that Vamwaeline is alive was... more than I was ready to talk about. It was hard enough telling that shit to Levin, who at least earned that trust, and...
And Levin is gone.
I don't... know how they all actually took that in. It was hard to read how people felt, and I didn't stick around very long after. Then we got attacked by death dogs, and that was... helpful. I'm getting the hang of the magic. I made a shield... thing.
I didn't know I could do that.
After that Virdan, Thistle, and Loc were at risk of disease, so we had to find these flowers, and we thought this shadow ghost... thing, and that nearly killed Charlotte, and then I took that out too... which admittedly was kind of cool...
So there wasn't time to judge how they all feel. I wouldn't be at all surprised to wake up tomorrow and find they all left me here. I don't know if I'd trust me if I were in their place.
We'll have to see come morning, I suppose.
I... think I'd miss Virdan, I suppose. He's a really sweet kid. Tried to help me wiggle out of things. I think he poisoned his water? Alas... dwarven biology kept me hearty. The same thing that helps me pretend to be more drunk than I am screwed me there, but then he...
The poor kid apparently thought that trying to rob Charlotte when he and his family were desperate was some dark secret that would make us hate him. Here I was, hiding Sororicide. Fucking hell.
The others are harder to just... Panlo seems surprisingly capable, and fucking fast. Thistle... I can't read. Though she keeps giving me these odd looks. Thistle's quick thinking was the reason Charlotte is still alive though. Charlotte is sweet, and subtly strategic. She was a huge help against the death dogs, and the shadow... thing... yeah, that...
I'm glad she isn't dead.
Well, I need to try to sleep. Without a bedroll. Again. No regrets, those kids need to sleep well, but I miss having a bit of coziness, so hopefully we can get more soon. Again, assuming I don't wake up to find myself alone.
Damn it... she's supposed to be dead.
That was the only reason any of this was okay.
Session 1: What the F%@!?
30th of Brussendar 185
My sister is alive. Fuck.
I accidentally helped stop an assassination by a member of the Volstrucker. Fuck.
I have to flee and go to Xhorhas. Fuck.
All of us are in over our heads. At least we seem to be a competent bunch. Our competence was part of our problem though. There is no way the Volstruckers will just let our interference slide. Even if we all tried to go our separate ways and let Viertree and Loc fend for themselves, eventually one of their daggers would catch up with us. Leaving my homeland is the only way I can avoid a certain death, and that... sucks.
So is it strange I'm almost relieved to have something to focus on that is more important than Vamwaeline?
I don't know how to handle the fact that my sister is alive. I definitely don't know how to handle the fact that she's apparently the head of the family now, with all of the resources, prestige, and power that she craved... that she essentially got everything she wanted. She should be dead. I don't have a clue how she's not dead. Nobody could have survived a fall like that. I saw her impact, she shouldn't be alive.
The whole reason I felt able to run and hide for the last seven years was that I knew that the family would be in better hands than my own. Now I know that she is the one with the reigns, and I'm not going to lie.
Despite years of regretting my rash actions, despite lingering sibling attachment, when I heard the news... I really wanted to fucking kill her again.
I still do.
Funny how that works out.
Still... I don't have a chance in hell of getting anywhere near her right now. I need to find out what has been happening. I let myself go about with my head in the sand for too long. I need to reach out when I have the chance, but at the moment? My new allies and I need to run. Run and run and run some more.
Though I hope we can get out of the city without meeting that guard. I really don't want to have to...
This is a mess. Levin and I were just supposed to be stopping in for a drink before... something. Now Levin knows a lot more than I intended to tell him. I trust him, but I didn't want to drag him into my mess. Though truth be told, Levin seems quite happy to drag himself into messes of his own.
The others seem nice enough.
We'll see if I'm alive to write the next entry.
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