Sitting in the Fog
Here I am world. Yup, just me standing here looking into the the fog. There is no one else here. Not even sure why I'm writing this, but my mother told me all goblinkin should be able to express themselves in writing. So here I am sitting on a rock in the fog writing in a small book. What am I supposed to express though? Do I complain about my brothers and sisters? I feel like I express that a lot already...in words more than writing. Do I talk about my future and what I want to do? I'm not even sure I know what that is yet. Being 7 cycles is tough and I don't know what they expect from me at this point in my life. Itirati went and became a blacksmith and Phiniph wants to be a tailor...what do I want? Mostly for people to leave me alone most of the time. Now I'm just being childish....I'm growing up...supposedly. Why am I growing so fast? Why can't I just continue to play games and have fun? Why does the world make us work?
I already know the answer obviously, but that doesn't mean I like it. We have to learn a skill to make money and to bring prosperity to the family...even if I don't like most of them. Okay...so what to do. I don't want to be a blacksmith...too dirty....or a tailor....those needles are sharp. The army is too serious and I could never stand the strict schedule. Geez this is tough. I could explore and go down to the jungles for farming stuff....that would require leaving the Palm...which I have never done before. The rocks and spiny plants I look at right now are my home...can I just leave it? To do another dirty job? By Korath....why do I sound so prissy? Okay...I don't like getting dirty, but I really should be realistic. Most jobs on the palm will be dirty...I mean just walking around I am covered in dust.
Then there is the option of just finding a kin and get married; to be the good wife and create a bunch of babies. He can do all the dirty work...except being a mother is dirty too....okay...I need to stop obsessing over dirt...what is wrong with me. Mother said not to erase anything....so I guess all that nonsense stays.
Anyway, do I want that? Do I want to be my mother and not work and just take care of the house? I will share that with others and I do enjoy the conversations during chores. My mother has shown me how to...almost enjoy cleaning. Maybe I should blame her for my obsession with cleanliness. She would laugh at that one. I don't know, I feel like I should be doing something different something unique. Something that my warms me inside...those are the words of my father...funny how he doesn't think I listen to him and here I am quoting parts of his long speeches.
So I took a short break and laid on my back just looking up into the fog trying to work out some thoughts. The fog is strange to watch for a long period of time. It dances about with the barest of winds, but will hardly move if a massive gust tries to yank it away. The wind can coax it with song, but can't force it with power...such a strange quality. It has gotten thick now and I can barely see the rock that I'm sitting on. There is nothing but fog now and I can imagine myself simply floating through it and letting all those worries disappear. It swirls in front of my eyes as I breath and twists around my arms as I write...which is now much closer to my face. Our world named for the fog that holds it together and hides the secrets beyond. The old tales say that Korath breaths the fog into the world and when visiting from the sky, walking among us and blessing all the Goblinkin whom it touches. Sometimes I find it funny, but times like now it seems like it could be true. Is god walking by me right now watching me write in this journal? I'm sure there would be a great laughter if that were to happen.....waiting for that laughter now....no...nothing...not even a small gust like a chuckle? Guess even Korath doesn't find it funny....oh....there is the breeze....maybe not Korath laughing, but it felt good and the fog got to dance again.
I still got time to figure things out...at least another cycle before I need to take up an artisan trade or start looking to wed or whatever happens. I know I shouldn't wait too long, but I still want to enjoy these days of doing nothing but sitting in the fog.
This is from a collection of journal entries written by the Lady Nuiun before she became the High Priestess of Korath. The early works are usually required reading for young Golbinkin and her later entries are required reading for anyone entering the church. This particular entry is the first page and is considered the most popular or at least the most well known. This entry is also published alone or grouped with other works. Her life has also been written in plays and books, despite her still being alive. Lady Nuiun has said she does not mind, but has no interest in watching any of them. She has said she will not discourage any artistic expression of her life.
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