Inira
Beautiful, poised, intelligent, and deadly Inira follows the Blood Lord and is a practitioner of Blood Magic and Necromancy. Her friends and beloved have led her east, but for how long can she resist the call of the Blood Lord?
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Children
Fuck
We summoned the djinn. Got the wish. Fuck Vitrosi.
We fought the dragon blooded crazed man from Wu Jeing, as well as the demon thing that attacked Rowan. Banished and killed respectively.
Hasim got to kill the main perpetrator of his families betrayal and demise.
Ended up in Arlen.
Inara and Secilia went off somewhere, no idea where, was slightly preoccupied with talking with Hasim, Rowan, and our new ally Alucard.
Hasim and Alucard don’t particularly care about my plans for the throne and expressed no intent in stopping me, which is good. I would hate to have to fight the entire party. Rowan didn’t seem to understand but expressed enthusiasm for my plan and her support of me.
She is so…wholesome.
I whiled away the hours with my friends until night fell and then…
It was…an ordeal. I hadn’t realized fully what I had become, hadn’t had time to process.
I always felt distanced from my humanity until recently, until accepting myself as I was.
Now I don’t even have that.
I couldn’t even sleep to escape.
I sat, in Alucard’s fancy mansion banquet hall, watching the dust motes pass by my face and contemplating the meaning of my existence.
Everything feels the same and yet nothing at the same time.
I still have the same goals, the same journey ahead of me, yet everything feels…hollow now. Empty. Cold.
Ice is in my veins and I half expect to breathe frost into the air at any time.
My bones snap and shift and creak and crack and -
I need to get a coffin.
And a jar of dirt.
In the morning I ask Alucard if he can take me to Latria. Take me home.
Grimaldus accompanies us.
I see my parents graves. My older sister and brother’s. I take the dirt from beside their grave, more mud than anything else.
I bury my locket beside them, the only remains of their long-lost daughter that will ever be beside them.
I walk away.
I ask Grimaldus his plans for the throne and share mine.
I had expected more support or gruff dismissal.
I had not expected Grimaldus to be batshit crazy.
He wants to do something that before my adventures, before my knowledge of the world, I would have welcomed. Breaking the wheel or to use his terminology – breaking the whole cart.
However, I have a better idea of how the world works now. To do such a thing would put women and children at risk, would put magic itself at risk. Would put all of the systems that protect people at risk, limited as they currently are.
I wonder now whether it would just be better for me to turn into mist and creep towards the throne on my own.
The dragon still presents an issue.
I didn’t want to fight Secilia to begin with. Now I might possibly have to fight both Secilia and Grimaldus.
Fuck.
Then we get back to Latria and Inara has a coffin. A very obviously tailored for her coffin. That she then gives to me.
At the time I didn’t feel I had energy for questions, as I hadn’t rested in over twenty-four hours.
But when I awoke…
It was the coffin her father – a master woodcarver – had made for her when he thought she had died in the war.
I…I don’t like that thought. That she could have died. She’s mine – she shouldn’t have –
I tell her that I still care for her.
And in my head I meant it.
But the moment the words left my lips I realized it was a lie.
My heart is dead. It can’t love anymore.
But I will lie and believe this lie myself as much as I can. Until I can’t anymore.
Inara won’t get in my way anyways. To be honest I don’t even know why she is still with us. Grimaldus’ love isn’t enough to keep her when her homeland is in shambles.
Dekar and I are dead. Hasim and Rowan are fairly new and Alucard most definitely is new. And honestly I think Secilia annoys Inara.
She has no reason to stay.
Yet she does.
I don’t know why.
I tried to tell her of Grimaldus’ plan without out and out telling her. But I think I ended up telling her anyway.
I honestly didn’t know what else to do.
We are going to probably have to kill Secilia if we can’t convince her to stop. She is playing into that dark power’s hands with this foolishness, but she is so selfish and single-minded I doubt we could get her to stop without violence. I’d already attempted to reason with her.
I doubt it will work better now that I am a vampire.
At least I was rested enough to help try and rescue Hasim’s baby.
It was good to see Kent again.
Megasushi was an annoyance.
I enjoyed attacking those that insulted Inara. Darkstar was a pleasure to wield. I wanted to make them pay for hurting her in that way. No one-
The snake squeezed me until I turned into mist. I did not enjoy this.
It was frustrating not being able to do anything but float as mist back to Inara to disappear into my coffin.
I wasn’t even able to see…
Hasim is dead.
He said some things before he died apparently.
We saved his baby though, small consolation that it is.
Kent left.
We went back to the Axiomite only to find him brutally murdered.
Well fuck.
The Dream Ends...
He left me.
He chose to stay dead, rather than come back to fight at my side once more.
I thought I knew him. I thought we had goals that aligned. Fixing the world.
I always knew there would be no easy answer, no simple solution. That it would take work and dedication and that maybe we would only do a few good things before our time ran out.
I honestly would have been content with dealing with the dragon and the throne as long as it meant having him at my side. Giving up power and glory and fame would have been worth it to try for something with him. Something different.
Frida might have stayed and I could have learned how to be a sister. I might have learned to be a wife and a mother.
But I was wrong.
I never knew him.
The first thing, the first person who I chose for myself, who I thought had chosen me back – didn’t.
He left me. All alone.
Needle pricks of ice embrace my flesh.
He was never strong enough, brave enough to stand by my side, to do what must be done.
It hurts to learn of it this way. To feel this betrayal.
I tore his necklace from my throat as I wish to tear the taste of his lips from my mind.
My purpose and goals tainted by his cowardice, his refusal to push through the hard truths and realities of this world. My family is trapped as shades of the dead in the ruin of my birthplace for fucks sake and he knew for a fact that I was dual souled, with one having cannibalistic urges that tried to overpower my consciousness at times.
You would think he wouldn’t balk at hearing that he wouldn’t instantly be able to fix any of these extremely difficult problems. But no.
I thought he understood. I was willing to become a monster for him. I instead became a person thanks to him.
And he left that person alone. He left me alone.
Secilia is selfish. Hasim doesn’t care about the bigger picture. Frida is an unknown. Grimaldus is practical but I am still alone with him. Doodles is far away. Damien is most likely lost to us.
All I have left is Inara. And she left me a long time ago, if I ever even had her friendship – true friendship – for any length of time. Ever since we’ve come to the East I feel that all she does is push me away.
I don’t want to be lonely when I’m with other people.
And Inara makes me feel more alone than I ever did before.
So. I am alone now.
I must learn to be lonely
I sat beside his corpse for a while. Long enough for my tears to come.
Long enough for the ice to root in my heart.
I kept some of his scales. I placed them with the pendant of Dekar’s likeness in my belongings. Maybe one day I will want to see them again.
For now I only feel despair.
Despair and determination.
Dekar couldn’t hear the truths in between what he didn’t want to hear.
I’ve spent the last year – longer it feels like – beginning to truly understand My Lord. I know what he might have said and why it might have ended the way it did.
Shard doesn’t lie without purpose. Meaning that what he said was a truth. Given what he said to me I can imagine it wasn’t anything easy to hear. Or say for that matter.
The wheel is broken.
To fix the wheel you must look at the bigger picture.
The bigger picture will take time. I don’t have time, I am mortal.
And so I sought out the one who killed Dekar. My Lord.
Shard has always been about freedom of choice. And it’s now time to make mine.
Domains must be filled. Judge of the Dead – the Death domain – must be filled in order for the wheel to turn once more. In order for the true enemy to be taken down.
And if I were to become Judge of the Dead allied and aligned with My Lord, the Domain of Challenge, we would create a new house in the pantheon of the gods. More potential to fix what is broken.
So I asked him to make me one of his envoys despite now knowing he believed the blood kiss to be an abomination, a mistake. I asked him to give me time so that I may work towards these goals.
It’s not like I have any loved ones left after all.
He told me he would make me an envoy if I killed Peter Plogojowitz. One of two envoys left. A betrayer, who was punished by Shard himself by being cursed…and having his arm ripped off. A vampire with a permanent anti-magic field around him. Difficult to kill, but not insurmountable.
He granted me the blood kiss in the mean time, although he warned me that it would be wild and uncontrolled.
Lady San Marie gave a dead line. Shard was willing to overcome it, but this too he gave warning about.
He told me Lady San Marie would scorn me. I don’t particularly give a shit about her good opinion. I’m not doing this for politics or clout, I am doing this to have the time and skills and strength needed to play the long game. To try and fix the world.
He told me Loec would hate me. Once again I don’t give a shit about their feelings on the matter.
I care not for if I gain followers, I care not for the religion, for now I see the true tenants and reason behind what Shard does.
He truly is trying to fix what is broken in this world, to protect the people from the world from the true enemy. Individualism matters not in the face of such goals.
So now I must either sit on the throne to gain the domain of Judge of the Dead or destroy it, collect the pieces – risking sanity along the way – to then gather the domains for ourselves at the Akashic library. Somehow I think that the throne is more palatable as I doubt any of us want to end up like Vignir.
The terrible calamity that would happen from the pieces being used is also a huge deterrent.
I’m just trying to fix what I can. Not make it worse.
And so I took his curse.
I offered up one last salute to him before I drank of his blood.
It was odd and unexpected. Both fire and ice brewed in my veins and in that moment, I felt more alive than I ever had before. Until I began to die.
The convulsions were…terrible…the earth breaking and shattering around me.
The dying itself is easier than one would think.
My Lord’s hand squeezing my last breaths from me.
In that moment I had never felt more alive, more human. And in that moment, I wanted to remind him that this choice was mine and mine alone.
So I held the hand that killed me as I died, to show that there was no ill will on my part.
In the end this is what I asked for.
In the end this is what would have always been.
Ice crept in and I knew no more.
Until I lived again.
But an unlife. A terrible life.
The ice is around me, the cold so bitter I feel as though I should have been able to see my breath.
Yet I do not, can not breath.
I awaken to this cursed existence from a dream. Innocuous at first before quickly becoming uncomfortable. Holding hands in a field until the field begins to burn. Being kissed by an older man – Eusif? Disjointed images of blood and memory. Fantasies about blood, tearing open Dekar’s corpse and devouring his flesh.
And then I open my slitted eyes, so much more powerful than they once were.
My flesh is no longer my flesh.
My bones crack all at once.
My skin feels unnatural, as though beneath it ice made flesh resides.
Yet I cannot melt.
I smell the most delicious smell and saliva pools in my mouth.
Careful, careful, I have trod this path before – so long ago now it seems – in my hometown in Latria. I cannot afford to alienate my current allies, cannot afford to give in.
A part of me cries out for Inara for Grimaldus, for Rowan to look at me the same. To care for me the same.
I expect their betrayal but fight against it all the same.
The ice takes hold and time passes but I feel it no more.
Ice
It has been a while. Again.
The cold returns. I freeze again.
But I digress.
The mission was successful but not nearly as satisfying as I wanted. We killed the commander Torgillius, but he tried to argue that they were merely trying to live and that even as undead creations they deserved that. He thought I did what I did because I was ordered to.
Fuck that.
I did what I did because they were poisoning a tree, a pillar of the world, because Rowan who is one of the purest beings I have ever met said that we needed to save the trees to save the world and I believe her over a crazed monstrosity any day.
Secilia got the first of her humiliations out of the way and somehow I gained a sister. Frida it would seem genuinely views me as a sister. Something I don’t know exactly what to do with since the last time I had a sister I was five, and I honestly don’t remember much about her.
Rowan became separated from us and had some interaction with a fey like creature that is a potential herald of the end of the world, we learned that things in Runestone are beginning to get dicey, and Vitrosi suggested that we have been cursed by the black wind. I find that I am not surprised.
Anyway. Grimaldus led us to a place of supposed safety. I say supposed since his grandmother had an assassination attempt that we barely thwarted. Hasim said that there must have been a hit out on him. There was much more that happened, but I find myself unable to write much more than the bare minimum. It all feels very distant.
San Marie came to me and demanded a life – since apparently the deal was much more binding than a simple promise of interest which is just my fucking luck – so I needed to step up the timeline of Frida's plan.
So we went to Ysgard.
I asked questions of Shard for my sister. We all asked questions.
Then Dekar decided he didn’t like being told there was no easy way to get what he wanted, no solution that wouldn’t repeat history unless we went outside the box, no path that would fix the brokenness of the world that would be easy to trod.
And he gave up.
He fought Shard knowing that Shard was more powerful than him.
Fought him with the intent of dying I now think.
The ice creeps in my veins once more.
I did not truly fear though, as our party is powerful enough to bring him back, at least not until I saw his grin upon drawing Shard’s blood. It was as if that was enough for him.
A few drops of blood were enough for him to leave us, leave me.
Shard left after ripping Dekar’s arm off and destroying his sword.
We began to revive Dekar but he did not respond at first.
I feel the frost once more, creeping to my heart, spiderwebs of ice trickling down my throat.
If I gain a sister but lose a lover, if he gives up now when I am here waiting, waiting for him. When he knows how much I have lost and how much I have gained through him alone…
I know what will happen.
I will become ice again, frost again, and seek out warmth no more.
A tool is just a tool and need not have comfort.
A tool knows what it must do.
What does it mean to be human?
Much has happened in the last two weeks. I’ve learned so much and yet have only more questions. Just two weeks ago we were in Wei Jang, staying in the House of Earthly Delights.
I finally learned the truth of the clockwork heart I received so long ago from the emissary at Runestone. It allows me to control an extension of myself – a shade – that can move on my orders separate of myself.
I earned money with Grimaldus fighting bandits and for once had the pleasure of an easy fight with no politics or waffling or worries involved. Just simple and straight forward. We make a good team I found.
I have only more questions about my origins however, as I discovered that the hunger that overtakes me and forces me to consume once living flesh – as fresh as possible – is possibly a second soul exerting control over my dominant self as apparently I am two souled. I always thought it strange that Eusif was able to pull me out of a pile of corpses, that I had somehow survived while still so young when so many older and wiser than I did not. Apparently this was well-reasoned since according to my new information I actually died and a second soul – the soul of a valkerie – was shoved into me to bring me back to life.
Whether my dominant personality is my own or the valkeries remains to be seen, although Dekar insists that it is me that is the dominant one and the valkerie attempting to gain control as my ‘darker’ self. Yes, I told him everything. I grow tired of secrets the older I get.
Ha. I am but 19 and yet feel so much older. Although to be fair I’ve seen more battles than many, faced more monsters and “world-enders” than most, and taken more shit than I ever would have wanted to before.
Sometimes I wonder whether I am meant to continue on like this forever or will their ever be an end in sight.
I dreamed once, so long ago it seems now, of becoming an advisor and confidant – a trusted sorceress – to Damian then Scroggin now Von Carstein. I wanted to have power and I wanted to be important. Working for Damian as he became the new Lord Carstein seemed the intelligent, common-sense option.
Then I chose something for myself. For the first time I could remember I did something that I wanted to do in that moment. Not for the long term, not for power, not for any sort of political gain, just for me.
I chose Dekar. And that has changed me.
Those dreams of being powerful and politically vital are now long gone. I don’t know if I will ever be able to return to them, particularly with what Inara has mentioned in passing. I don’t know if I want to.
I have been loved now. Not for my powers or my politics or my religion or my body, but for me.
And I am now cursed. For I love back.
I love my friends. My elf who despises my necromancy but tolerates it for my sake, my grumpy warrior priest, my goblin mad genius, my dearly departed dwarf, and my human friend now perhaps lost to us. And I care deeply for my new friends – the cursed one, the avenger, the chosen one.
And I love my beloved. My dragon blooded wild lover who is gentle and kind, yet so broken at times.
Like me.
It terrifies me sometimes. This love. It eats me up and burns me from the inside out until I think I could burn the world down around me for them and damn the consequences.
Love is terrifying in its power.
I am still not sure what I will do should it be taken from me.
Imagine if you will being frozen. Ice crusted your eyelashes and hair, the cold seeping into your very veins. In time you learn to live with it, to be numb. Then one day the ice begins to soften. First your hair and eyelashes and bits of your skin begin to warm, then your fingertips and nose, then your hands and toes and feet. Slowly but surely you begin to come back to life. But it burns as you do so.
I burn now, although my flesh is no longer frozen, and I wonder whether that is my magic reacting to danger or my own will at the thought of losing what I now have.
It strikes me still sometimes that my first loves – my parents and siblings – are trapped forever on Lathas. Latria is cursed. And it is not something my magic alone, my intellect alone, friends and lover helping alike be damned – it cannot be done! Not now at least. Not yet.
It writhes within me, like a nest of serpents, eating me up from the inside that I am not enough. Despite all that I have done and all I have seen, I am not yet strong enough.
The wheel is broken. And I am not yet strong enough to fix it.
I am soothed by my friends, my lover, by the lighthearted moments and little snatches of happiness I steal for myself.
But it always comes back.
Always.
I am not strong enough.
Not to save the souls of my people, not to save Henry who loved my beloved so well, not to end Secilia’s suffering at the hands of her patron, and not to fix what is broken.
How can the wheel turn while it is so broken?
It must be fixed.
I ponder my humanity.
Was I ever actually human?
I think whatever made me human died long ago in that pile of corpses. Along with my family.
I have been a tool, a machine, for so long that I forgot what it was to desire anything other than power. Until I met an elf, a dwarf, a dragon-blooded man, a goblin, and two human men.
Then I craved them. Their love, their presence, their joy.
I wanted to steal all the moments that they had and give them to them, piece by piece, reveling in their happiness and the knowledge that I gave it to them – protected them.
That covetousness, that desire to protect and possess at the same time, that burns me.
And it makes me feel human.
But I’d give it up in an instant if I thought it would give me even the slightest chance to save them.
I don’t really think I’ve ever been human. Maybe that’s what is confusing me so.
I am not learning how to be human. I’m learning how to be a person.
And what that – thing? Woman? Pretender? – said about me being called Hrist?
It doesn’t matter one damn bit what I once was. Honestly it doesn’t matter what I am now.
What matters is that I am a person.
I think that is why it is so easy for me to think about giving up my humanity then, since I never felt like much of a human to begin with.
Ah that’s right.
I forgot to mention that while in Wei Jang I was called into the presence of Lady Anna Bathory – the wife of my Lord – after a frankly annoying competition. She wished to offer me the blood kiss – becoming a vampire – and gave me a few days to think it over.
It wasn’t much of a choice although the honor and shock of the offer was very surprising. I never thought to be recognized by someone so high up in my order. That stopped being my plan months ago, although it feels much longer.
My plan is now to right as much of the world as I can and – as always – to do my best to end the curse upon my family. I want to fix the broken wheel as my Lord…as Shard once strove to do.
This world is broken and I want to fix it. Not for fame or glory but because it doesn’t seem like anyone else is going to.
And in order to do that I need power.
So to accept the blood kiss seems like no choice at all. I’ve never been overly attached to my humanity and I’ve learned recently that I’ve never actually been human to begin with. So to give up that humanity in exchange for power to help those I love and to affect real change is really more a blessing than a choice.
The only one I worried for was Dekar.
I didn’t want my beloved to be put off by me, but he didn’t express any concerns other than wanting me to wait before blood bonding him.
Which, if it would cause him to be trapped or harmed I do not want, despite the covetousness I sometimes feel for him.
Although my first instinct was to use it on him to protect him from the mind magics that these greater dragons seem to be able to exert over their younger kind. And we will most likely be facing that dragon some day soon.
If only for it to get it’s “mother” back. Which apparently is what Grimaldus’ mace is made of.
Hence our quick exit from Wei Jang. As to avoid Vignir’s horde’s of pigeons. And other people searching for us.
We fled to Loec using a teleportation circle. I agreed to accept the blood kiss and took on a carriage contract so that we may always have transportation in this area.
And I spent one last day in the sun.
Which apparently was an invitation for Hasim to teach us all how to get high. An experience I shall not soon forget I can assure you.
However, the pleasure of actual rest and relaxation was short lived as an actual envoy of Shard’s came to me. Lady San Marie. One of Shard’s chosen.
She came to me to offer HER blood kiss. A more potent one from an actual envoy and one that would allow me greater freedoms not constrained by the politics of Loec. In exchange for her blood kiss I had to kill Lord Commander Torgillius, a former paladin who fought against Shard and after losing was given the blood kiss as punishment. He now rules Rafulkarn and it’s hordes of undead. And now they threaten the living at the city of Dolenius and within its walls make dark mischief.
Inara’s friend Hatholdir the elf commander mentioned that the other planes sometimes felt like they were disturbing this one, like fingers dipping into a pool. And that whatever they are doing in Rafulkarn feels like another finger forming.
I don’t want that to happen.
So it serves both of our own interests’ for me to handle – along with my friends of course – what is at Rafulkarn. Perhaps it will change things for the better.
And I will receive the blood kiss from an unaffiliated and more powerful envoy.
This assignment hasn’t turned out how I thought it would however.
Secilia has become more and more desperate to gather powers against her patron and I can’t help but feel for her. Dekar has learned that Henry and all others who die are trapped in torment and hunted in some sort of fugue plane. Rowan is apparently the chosen one. Hasim learned that his wife is not in peaceful repose but also trapped in torment. And Inara learned that one of her friends Gerard fell from his Paladin oath and now serves the same patron as Secilia.
Which makes me highly suspicious of what this being’s next move is, as this seems to be a fairly recent development.
This Gerard led us back to his camp in between Rafulkarn and Dolenius, where Hatholdir – apparently another friend of Inara – is leader of his hell knights.
We are now on a mission within a mission – as it always seems to go – to retake and rebuild a bridge. Only now we are learning that there is politics involved in all of this and that Dolenius most likely doesn’t want us to succeed, as then they can get Loec involved who will “solve” all of their problems for them.
We had some undead – with some odd variants – fight us along the way but nothing of note until Dekar decided to go out into a snow storm. And apparently found a large woman. I am annoyed now that he did not think to bring me with him, although that is probably the lost opportunity talking as opposed to anything else.
It would have been nice to see a woman as tall or taller than him…
And learning it was Valeria…It was a bit jarring. Her story mirrors mine in some uncomfortable parallels. I feel for her. Maybe one day I will unfortunately mirror her more. And be alone.
The next day brought us to the bridge and our first encounter with the hordes of Rafulkarn. They were manageable but only due to our usage of tactics and management of resources. I did feel fairly useless overall as I didn’t get any sort of damage out with the crossbow. The only thing I can say is that I helped heal people afterwards and I didn’t get in the way during the fight.
Considering that the one who called me Hrist disappeared after I denied her, I think me remaining out of easy reach was perhaps the right call.
She tried to pretend to be San Marie and when she revealed herself had eyes that matched mine and claimed “sisterly love” before trying to shake me from our post. It was interesting to have it confirmed, in a different way of course, that the valkeries were trapped as punishment and were never to remember their original lives. Odd that she seems to have “remembered” hers though. Also odd that she called us Eusif’s “daughters.” He was our teacher not our father, so I assume she is referring to the fact of our “creation.” Seemingly Eusif “created” all of the two souled variants. An interesting idea to be sure.
Although in the end I don’t particularly give a fuck. It won’t change my goals or the person I have become.
I was annoyed that she brought up “destiny” though. I can’t stand that vulgar word. It ruins more people and lives than almost any other I’ve ever read about.
So. Fuck destiny.
She was quite pretentious too, asking if I thought I was special, trying to make it seem like I thought I “deserved” things or thought I could change things by being different. It made me laugh. I change things because I strive for it and work at it when no one else can be bothered. And me, a monster? I already am one. But I’m a person too and that’s the important thing.
After the fight though I’ve had some leisure to think. She was sad when I turned down her offer. Sad because I could not remember or sad because I wanted nothing to do with her, I don’t know. I doubt I ever will.
I also realized another thing after the fight: Gerard is very odd.
I took watch with him the night before the fight. I was worried about him being on watch by himself, of what trouble he might get into, or more accurately what his patron could do with unsupervised time with him. He said some odd things though.
The odd story of the moon goddess, it has stayed with me.
But my resolve that night when I talked to Gerard has stayed too. Every person should be able to make their own life, their own destiny, without being told it must be a certain way.
I am tired of being punished for things that I am not responsible for, of being told to be grateful for the plate of shit I’ve been handed, to go ahead and eat up and be happy with my lot in life – in what our world is like now.
He asked me if it’s worth it and I told him is anything worth it, but I used that to cover up my own vulnerability. My friends are worth it. People are worth it.
I look for no reprieves. I know I will not get them. My goals - to fix this broken wheel, to change this world for the better one piece at a time - they are not restful or easy goals. They may not even be possible in the end. There is always something more that needs doing, that must be done.
It will never end.
Gerard told me I could leave. It was kind of him in a way, if naïve. I will never have a normal life. But it was nice of him to say I could have one.
I haven’t been able to have a normal life sine Eusif pulled me from a pile of corpses and brought me back to life.
A quick note, more to come...
12th day of Solae 1485
Last night was quite enjoyable, although I must admit I was surprised that Dekar humored my baser instincts. I hadn’t expected him to be accepting of my desire for blood. Perhaps this warrants a re-evaluation of my stance on discussing my shadow with him…
We had time last night for once as well. It was good to revel in my first choice, my only choice. At least for now.
I am under no illusions that Dekar and I shall live forever or stay together for all of that time, but I find myself still longing for that certainty with him.
Perhaps that is why I found myself memorizing his appearance, his skin, his touch. For all that I desire him, love him, I know that one day we shall part. Whether that be through death – highly likely considering the dangerous situations we often find ourselves in – or -hopefully less likely – a divergence of paths, I know our time together is limited.
It is a joy to be together while it lasts.
Afterwards Dekar began teaching me some Draconic. It is definitely not an area of study for my order, at least not usually as far as I know, but I desire to learn. Not only for the knowledge but also for it’s own sake and the sake of my love’s enjoyment.
My dreams were dark, though I remember them not.
I shall cook breakfast I think. Perhaps that shall get out some of this restless energy.
So.
Fun story.
I had forgotten that while we were in dire straits I hadn’t actually cooked for any of my companions. Dekar at least seemed to remember my background and made the correct assumption that I could cook. But everyone else was quite shocked.
Grimaldus was near furious I would almost say at the thought of having had cooked meals instead of rations. I didn’t say it at the time but I wondered why we would have cooked in battle conditions.
Or more accurately: I didn’t know if they would have accepted my food.
But now I know them better.
And they know me better.
I shall write more later. We have plans to speak with the Axiomite today and I must find ways of acquiring money to purchase things.
What exactly I will purchase remains to be decided, but I am tired of not having money to get what I need.
Hopefully something proves profitable in this city of beauties.
A land of beauty and death
11th day of Solae 1485
I write this now in a wholly different place than I have ever experienced, to the point that it is as if I am living in a different world. But I begin at our current point not where I last wrote.
The Hafla was…interesting…to say the least.
Dekar got to have a drinking contest so he was quite pleased. To my surprise and somewhat entertainment, Rowan attempted to join in as well, although I am not at all surprised by her lack of success against my love. He is dragon blooded after all.
I was afraid for a few moments that Bakir the wine merchant would have died from his escapades but Grimmauldus was his dependable self and revived him.
After that Grimmauldus and his friend Yahiro set their plan into motion with compelling the local priests to stop them and turning it instead into a brawl.
I won’t lie I was a bit…distracted shall we say. Hasim had managed to convince Dekar to forgo a shirt and he had covered himself in oil.
That pleasantness was interrupted when a sorcerer attempted to cast a spell which Inara intercepted. The sorcerer than attempted to cast a spell while pointing at Inara, which was not going to happen on my watch.
What then happened was a magic duel that was basically Inara and I taking turns telling the sorcerer to “eat shit and die” as Dekar would put it. I’m fairly certain that at one point a time stop was counterspelled by Inara, which I will admit filled me with some vindictive glee.
The men were not so pleased. There normal methods of hit the thing until it dies would have excelled against such a being, if it were not for the fact that he was nearly 200 feet into the air by the time they reached us.
Unfortunately for the sorcerer, once he decided to retreat Euriel destroyed him. I saw Dekar sprint off and considering his later enthusiastic cries of “I got it!” I assume that the creature had one of the artifacts that the being told him of in his dream.
Oh joy.
But of course with our group things are never so simple. Hassim got to get his first kill to avenge the betrayal and murder of his wife, we got to destroy a sorcerer who was meddling, and then the hydra came battering on the gates a full day or so early.
It was all a bit of a blur after that. We fought our way to the tower to join Rowan, Yahiro, and Secilia – Hassim conspicuously absent. We were met by a group of priests who all appeared to have some sort of physical ailment or infirmity. It was implied by their remarks that this Kazan – the priest who Grimmauldus had challenged earlier today and was now dead at Hassim’s hand – had given them refuge and purpose in his service. It made me pity them all a bit, but in the end it did not deter me from my goal.
We needed to get as many of the people into the tower to save them from the hydra and no priests – sympathetic or no – would prevent me from my purpose.
I aimed hard and fast at the casters. Chain lightning is such a boon, though I wish I could cast it with less of a price. The fallen priests would be gratified to know I would hope that in their deaths they still served a purpose in aiding the people of this land.
I said a quiet word of thanks to the first round of priests who became mine and then fell, yet I was not hesitant in raising a second round of priests. Needs must and all that.
In the end those followers of Kazan were no match for us and about halfway through our fight the body of a snake woman plummeted from the top of the tower, nearly crushing the last spellcaster. I suppose we now know where Hassim had been.
At one point I was forced to sleep during the fight and was awoken by a vivid memory of my elderly grandmother, whose face until now I could not recall, bathing in the early morning hours. It was…vivid…
We triumphed – although I was nearly spell-less and severely wounded by this point – and then split our interests with Inara, Rowan and Hassim remaining at the tower to get answers from the one priest who escaped and myself, Grimmauldus, Dekar, Yahiro, and Secilia leaving to deal with the hydra.
As we approached we could see that the priests were goading the pitiful creature with jars of pitch. The hydra itself writhed with pain and moss and greenery appeared to pour from it’s wounds as well as ichor and blood. The caretaker appeared to have some sort of presence still within it and the creature looked all the worse for it. Its bones protruded and sores oozed vines.
Dekar, Grimauldus, Secilia, and Yahiro began to engage the creature while I began to evacuate the citizens. My guards were good deterrents for speedy movement. I did end up using some of the last dregs of my magic to cast one more chain lightning on the creature.
Dekar and Yahiro worked together to get inside? I think they were trying to get inside the hydra. Given Dekar’s new found knowledge about artifacts it wouldn’t surprise me if that was his first thought upon seeing the creature.
Surprisingly my first thought was to evacuate the civilians, with my second thought being to put the pitiful pained creature out of its misery.
Regardless, Dekar somehow got the grafted on rib of the hydra as everyone helped him, while I evacuated civilians. Then we were suddenly joined by Yahiro’s wife.
Between Yahiro and his wife they both managed to cast a series of illusions that caused the Hydra to be distracted. We took this as an opportunity to run.
We began heading back to the tower where Hasim, Inara, and Rowan still were. While we had been gone they had interrogated the remaining priest. In exchange for information he begged us to kill him. So Grimmauldus did so. Very matter of factly. I think he and I both are done with this day.
Some important information was gained from the priest before his passing though.
This tower that these charlatans were using to further their plans is built on a layline and this circle is trying to wake something, something deep beneath the earth…
Furthermore, this tower is one of a chain with the priest naming three others – one in the cursed city, one at the great pyramid, and one in the sands.
And just to top it off we had even more cryptic ramblings of mad men.
A great bridge maker in the mountains almost done. attempting to wake the children of the mother – the children of Murshock. Trying to make Murshock whole. Lots of other cryptic and disturbing ramblings. More pieces to a puzzle of which no end seems to be in sight.
At least we got the sequence of the teleportation circle.
We sent people through to the City of Wei Jang. We were the last to go through.
And as we stepped into the portal, Secilia’s amulet began to heat up and glow. Then the black dog – or rather the black dogs face on a persons body – came into sight.
We left near instantly after but even recalling that memory fills me with a sense of disgust and horror.
Wei Jang is unlike anywhere I’ve every been before.
Latria is where I was born and lived out my days. A land of forests and mountains, small villages and ports, with a few larger fortifications and cities. Nothing truly fancy.
Runestone was the largest place I had ever been besides Ironkeep. And it smelled. And was honestly more overwhelming than impressive.
This however is…different.
The air is still warm but not as arid as it was by the tower. Everything shimmers, not from heat but from the gilding of gold everywhere. Gold pillars, gold leaf, silver work, gems cover everything in sight. The air is thick with the scent of incense and spices and there is a musical quality to the air as though I’m hearing distant music.
It’s…ostentatious…
I’d even call it gaudy if it weren’t for the greenery and fountains and waterfalls everywhere.
And the magic! I’ve never been in a place so rich with it, that it sits on my tongue like a fine wine. The darkness inside me stirs slightly, but I ignore it too entranced with this new place different from any other I’ve seen. The glyphs! The knowledge that must be here! I am quite ravenous – in a different way than usual – to discover new types of learning and knowledge of power here.
What’s odder is the mummies – automatons I heard them called – walking back and forth giving the refugees fruit. I have never been in a place before now that accepted the undead so…neutrally. Apparently as long as my guards remain covered and perfumed they can remain with me. Odd.
A sphinx met with us and directed us to meet with Vignir – the gravekeeper in the grave court – who could help us. Which is not surprising somehow although not exactly what I wanted to hear. Vignir is unstable at best, insane at worst, and altogether too much for my patience in the end. He also seems to have an odd relation with death and undeath, especially odd given his status as a lich.
We were interrupted by a dragon blooded man named Carcadon who deeply unsettled Dekar. Given Dekar’s recent dream I am not inclined to let him go alone to meet with this man or any other dragon blooded person any time soon. Especially given Hassim and Grimmauldus telling us that this Carcadon is known as a great deceiver although not necessarily evil.
Regardless I have no intention of letting him have first crack at my beloved.
We are now staying in the quarter of opulence – of which it well deserves the name as it appears to be floating on the sea itself – specifically in the Palace of Earthly Delights. A very nice name for a beautiful brothel.
We ended up with three rooms – one for Dekar and myself, one for Grimmauldus and Inara, and one for Hassim and Secilia. At least I think she shared his room or perhaps she got her own and I was mistaken.
After bathing and rest – and taking advantage of an actual bed for once – Dekar began to read the book we got to me.
We have always been more action oriented together so it was nice – nice and different – to rest together. And as I cannot read draconic I am glad he could.
Loeic: City of Hope is an interesting read. It begins with an odd dedication. I feel it has greater meaning than I can understand.
There is information about the histories of the 3 gods and runestone and the Grievous Miracle but what intrigued me most was the timeline on the next page.
It showed the cycles between awakenings of those creatures beneath.
And it showed that the time between cycles is getting shorter.
This could explain much about our current situation…
I grow tired of these endless riddles and fights and trials.
My life has not exactly turned out as I expected – I am not after all the mistress of a powerful political figure who directs him from the shadows and encourages worship of the Blood Lord. Instead I am Inira, a worshipper of the Blood Lord who uses necromancy, healing, and lightning to aid others and make the world better. Beloved of a dragon-blooded warrior and friend of an elf, a worshipper of a dead god, a simulacrum lord, a gnome druid, a snake assassin, and a half-elf who hates her patron.
I can’t hate who I am, but I still wonder at what I will become next.
Never have I truly been a friend or a lover or a helper before all this.
Time will tell what will happen next although I fear that a deeper choice comes before me soon.
What will I learn from this book? What will I learn in this city?
Hafla
I was a bit confused as to what a Hafla was. From what Grimmauldus explained it was some sort of revel. I still am not entirely comfortable with these sorts of events.
I always feel on edge at them. Perhaps it has to do with my background of being raised as a shaper of politics. I was intended to be a temptress, a swayer of politics using my youth and beauty and power. To spread the influence of the blood lord to all.
Now that I don’t necessarily have that purpose I am more easily able to recognize my feelings of discomfort in crowds. I don’t like them. But my friends and love are here so I shall focus on them instead of my own unease.
I think some of my unease truly stems from my lack of purpose now. I don’t know what I truly want anymore apart from information. I know I still believe the tenets of the blood lords faith but do I follow him anymore? I wonder sometimes as I find myself wondering more and more often about the dreams Grimmauldus spoke of me and the discovered knowledge of something being put into me. I don’t really know where I stand anymore in terms of purpose, particularly now knowing for certain that Dekar plans to destroy the blood lord. Everything is confusing and nothing that used to make sense does anymore.
And I am hungry again….
Into the Swamp - Seventh day of Solea, 1485
Seventh day of Solea, 1485
Morning
Well. A lot apparently happened while Dekar and I slept. Fortunately that chicken blood yesterday seems to have done the trick otherwise I wouldn’t have had the patience for ANOTHER cursed land incident this early in the day.
I will finish the rest of this journal entry tomorrow :)
Revelations on First Watch - Casserdos - Sixth day of Solea, 1485
As if the night could not get odder Secilia is here! That she would be here from across the sea is shocking enough, but she brought a half naked man and a newborn babe with her.
Shockingly enough Secilia knows not only me but also Dekar. Well. That is good. If she traveled with him and dwarves well than there is no doubt that my judgment has not been blinded by my practicality.
I am a little concerned though. Dekar won’t say much about the dwarves he traveled with and I do remember how he flirted and carried on with them at Runestone…
He is his own person and it is his business but I can’t help but hope we don’t run into that particular group of dwarves on our travels.
It also worries me that Secilia never seems to truly convey her purposes of her travel. At first I thought it was an elf thing, considering Inara was very much a traveling chronicler to begin with, but I am not so sure now that I have seen Secilia interact with Inara.
Perhaps it is due to Secilia being a half-blood or having her family killed by the church?
It was a bit shocking to see the celestial creature – Secilia called him Euriel – come down with her and her new charges, but no more so than anything else I have seen.
Hassim – the man – was hung upon the tree barely visible on the hillside. It is apparently called the Tree of Woe, a fitting name to be sure, as he and his then pregnant wife were presumedly betrayed and hung there.
The babe is so small it brings back memories I thought long forgotten. Of my younger siblings of how small and delicate they were as newborns. I can’t help but want to hold the child, as lacking in maternal instincts as I seem.
When I touch his wee hands I can’t help but wonder whether I will ever have children of my own. It’s a thought I must admit hasn’t crossed my mind since me arrival at the temple when I was seven years old. I didn’t have time for…normalcy…
I wonder what it would be like…
Grimmauldus obviously recognizes something about the man, perhaps he is one of those snake like peoples? Regardless Grimmauldus lets him live, meaning I let him live.
He is useful for information at least.
We learn of a city – the name escapes me – that hunted dragons until a dragon hunted them. Now the city is cursed, so that anyone who enter can never leave for they will turn to dust should they cross the city threshold. Interesting.
The others return to rest, with Secilia being allowed in our circle and conversing quietly with Inara before both slip into meditation. The man leaves his son on furs between me and Grimmauldus and skulks to forage amongst the cobwebs of the granary.
I am left on watch once more, though Dekar quietly slips away.
His wordless departure and the direction he headed in gives me a clue as to what he is about.
I have been blessed.
My beloved is a good man. A better person than I could ever hope to be. It is as I thought: he went to bury the dead mans wife.
It is no funerary rights, but it will prevent her body from being savaged by wild animals.
He is a good man.
The rest of our watch passes peacefully. Apart from some revelations about Secilia and the fact that Garrick’s body is missing and our dear friend is most likely now a revenant.
A revenant for what is my question…
Boat - 25th of Arborus, 1485
We’ve been on this boat for too long. It is of a comfort to be with Grimmauldus and Inara again, not to mention Dekar, but I have never particularly liked travel by water.
I never let it on to the others – it is weakness – but the only reason I did as well as I did in our earlier ventures was due to worrying about other things. That and doodles. I miss Damien and Doodles though. But I understand, Damien has lands to run and should things sour I know I have a place with him. And Garrick.
I deeply miss Garrick. A part of me is glad that he never saw me with Dekar. He would laugh himself silly and make many ribald jokes at us I am sure.
I can’t help it though. Dekar makes me smile. Not one of my mask smiles either. Sometimes with him I feel so young and alive.
It doesn’t help that my beloved trains as much as he does. Even as I write this he practices with Meriwald on deck.
Perhaps I should stop staring. We’ve already broken the bed in our quarters and I dread asking Inara to help me magically repair anything from our…alone time.
Maybe I should remind Meriwald that I understand elvish? And that Dekar does too?
Nevermind, it is more amusing this way anyway.
Grimmauldus says that we will arrive near his homeland soon. Praise be to the Blood Lord, I am half starved. Rats don’t sustain one for long.
A part of me wonders if I should be worried that the hunger remains.
A part of me does not care. It is hard to combat over a decade of lassitude and numbness. Sometimes I care not to be alive at all. But then my friends – and Dekar – remind me that I am becoming something new something different.
I wonder what I will be when this journey ends?
A gnome is staring at us. There is an odd sort of movement in their clothes. Perhaps they have an animal companion. It is of no matter to me.
I keep watch.
Landed - Casserdos - 25th of Arborus, 1485
Well that was quite eventful. I am on watch for now, but my friends are nearby. Our ship captain dropped us off abruptly after stating that there was a bad storm coming, stating something about “bad wind.”
The man flatly refused to take us to a place called Alfarid – “a den of piracy” – he called it, stating that we didn’t pay him enough. Grimmauldus called him a coward and attempted to push the issue, but with no luck.
I’m not too surprised. Not everyone places honor and integrity above practicality after all. I honestly side with the captain in this.
The hunger writhes in me and for a moment I swear I see my shadow split into two. Best not worry the others. I will try and investigate when I can though. This hunger inside of me will eventually lead to unpleasantness I am sure.
The captain drops us off at Casserdos – a fishing village Grimmauldus says – only there were no people. No signs of a struggle either, just a few chickens.
I will be eating one of those later. Hopefully their blood will sate me enough for the time being.
The gnome got off with us surprisingly enough. The movement before was an animal companion – a little bird that the gnome seemed to refer to as…cheese? I am a little confused about the name but it is not my business after all. Why would a greyish bird be called cheese? It looks nothing like cheese.
Inara spoke to both and apparently all of the people have left – which was obvious but the way that the bird said it was obviously more impactful as both Inara and the gnome began searching more purposefully.
There were cobwebs and dust where people should have frequented. No one has been here in some time. The gnome spoke to the chickens, who apparently told her that all of the people ran into the swamp.
Grimmauldus is emphatic that the swamp is dangerous. Meaning that the people were either called there – enchantment perhaps? – or fled from something worse.
I honestly don’t know which option is better. But Dekar and I are on first watch now. And I am doing my best to stay on my guard but…
So. Apparently cheese is called that because the bird is yellow…and cheese is yellow…
Sometimes I really wish I wasn’t color blind. I didn’t even know I was until that disaster with the ribbons. At least Inara is kind enough to do the top ones for me still, even if I can’t help but insist to put all of them in my hair.
I can’t help it though! It was the first pretty thing I was given without expectation. My first gift.
Someone is coming…
Dekar's Dream
Placeholder for later - will finish tomorrow
The Tower, date
We’ve traveled on past those ruins.
It feels almost a mockery of everything that I’ve learned that so many Gods or demons or what have you keep popping up out of every magical site or ruin.
The church ruins, the ruins where we lost Tarq, the Sanitarium, the ruined tower of Mustafat, his ruins in Yaharghul, and now these.
Perhaps we should just start cleansing and burning these places as a rule?
I hope the tower we are now traveling to doesn’t have anymore of this nonsense. I’m getting quite tired of it even with my necromancy skills.
Some things are meant to stay dead.
Grimmauldus’ friend stayed with us for the night. An interesting fellow, not as skilled as Grimmauldus, nor obviously as beloved.
I don’t say anything but it’s obvious that Inara is nearly in the same boat as I am at this point.
I must say it is fascinating to see her interact with the man.
He is grim and serious, but a new side to him can be seen now in these Eastern lands. He has a more jovial side and a more welcoming side.
He still calls me witch though.
No matter. It’s almost an endearment at this point.
Secilia asked to take first watch with me. It looks like she has something to say…
…well…
That was a bit of a shock.
We have nearly atheist Inara, actual atheist Dekar – who I suspect is actively against the Blood Lord which I am unsure of how to deal with, Grimmauldus follower of Khorde, Hassim – no idea about him yet, me, and now…
She has a patron. A patron she detests. And with good reason.
I know many dislike the Blood Lord, but he at least wants the world to flourish – he just believes we have control over our own destiny and that Gods should be killed.
The Watchers on the other hand.
They terrify me.
If anything should die it should be them.
They just want everything to crumble and disappear, like crushed dirt beneath their feet.
And Secilia calls one of them her patron. I understand now one reason why she detests religion.
I worry for her though. They will always be able to find her. That symbol is a terrible omen for her.
Her reliquary is fascinating though. If she is not opposed I might try to study it again further another time.
During Hassim and Dekar’s watch a wine merchant drove by – Bakir. He is letting us ride in his cart to the tower, as an added protection.
We also get wine out of it, which I am not opposed to. Although I must be careful to not drink too much. I do not wish to slip up or lose my wits.
Apparently he also knows Grimmauldus.
It’s interesting to see who he knows from his travels here.
---
A few days have passed without much happening.
But Dekar asked Inara to help him get to the Dream.
He is telling me this now after the fact but I…
I will write of what he told me later.
---
After 5 days we can finally see the tower. It rises before us like a beacon. The crush of people around us is enormous.
I think that the last time I saw this many people was Runestone, although this seems more than that even. Perhaps it’s how they are packed in like so many grains of sand. Like their land.
There are breaking wheels and hanging people and stocks and piles of corpses unburied and unburned.
This is a pit of disease and smell of rotting flesh and blood and decay in the air should be disconcerting but instead…comforts me.
I don’t know what I am anymore.
It does upset me though that these people are starving and dying like this, breeding disease, while those in power do not help them.
Is this why Shard liked to cast down those who were on high?
Someone should have done something before us.
At least I know that we will do something.
Grimmauldus leads us to a hookah den. There are captured free people being used as slaves at the door. Slavery – just another tragedy here but one that disgusts me more for some reason.
Grimmauldus purchases then frees the female slaves, then threatens the door man. It is quite a sight to see. Inara’s face was quite entertaining as well.
It would seem that I am not the only one with a good man.
Halton the sly – Hassim’s front apparently – is in the back.
He gives us good information about the tower. There are only two ways in apparently: the bottom entrance and a teleportation circle.
Bottom entrance apparently has hundreds of guards between us and where we need to go. Teleportation circle we would need to learn the sequence to get in.
Also the guards use poison on everything and there are traps and wizards all throughout.
Delightful. Another challenge for us. Of course, we will overcome it as we always do.
So apparently we are going to lure a priest out of the tower, rough him up, then use his code to get into the tower.
Absolutely nothing can go wrong with this plan.
In exchange for storming the tower and getting Halton’s things back – amongst other goals – he will give us a map to a powerful djinn. Probably a bad idea, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
That being said we are now off in search of Yahiro – Grimmauldus’ pirate friend – to throw a huge party with alcohol to draw the priest out of the tower.
Since alcohol is now forbidden – poor Bakir – this should draw at least a few of them out of there.
Hopefully.
Out of the swamp, date
This is a placeholder - will finish journal tomorrow
