Fuck

We summoned the djinn. Got the wish. Fuck Vitrosi.
We fought the dragon blooded crazed man from Wu Jeing, as well as the demon thing that attacked Rowan. Banished and killed respectively.
Hasim got to kill the main perpetrator of his families betrayal and demise.
Ended up in Arlen.
Inara and Secilia went off somewhere, no idea where, was slightly preoccupied with talking with Hasim, Rowan, and our new ally Alucard.
Hasim and Alucard don’t particularly care about my plans for the throne and expressed no intent in stopping me, which is good. I would hate to have to fight the entire party. Rowan didn’t seem to understand but expressed enthusiasm for my plan and her support of me.
She is so…wholesome.
I whiled away the hours with my friends until night fell and then…
It was…an ordeal. I hadn’t realized fully what I had become, hadn’t had time to process.
I always felt distanced from my humanity until recently, until accepting myself as I was.
Now I don’t even have that.
I couldn’t even sleep to escape.
I sat, in Alucard’s fancy mansion banquet hall, watching the dust motes pass by my face and contemplating the meaning of my existence.
Everything feels the same and yet nothing at the same time.
I still have the same goals, the same journey ahead of me, yet everything feels…hollow now. Empty. Cold.
Ice is in my veins and I half expect to breathe frost into the air at any time.
My bones snap and shift and creak and crack and -
I need to get a coffin.
And a jar of dirt.
In the morning I ask Alucard if he can take me to Latria. Take me home.
Grimaldus accompanies us.
I see my parents graves. My older sister and brother’s. I take the dirt from beside their grave, more mud than anything else.
I bury my locket beside them, the only remains of their long-lost daughter that will ever be beside them.
I walk away.
I ask Grimaldus his plans for the throne and share mine.
I had expected more support or gruff dismissal.
I had not expected Grimaldus to be batshit crazy.
He wants to do something that before my adventures, before my knowledge of the world, I would have welcomed. Breaking the wheel or to use his terminology – breaking the whole cart.
However, I have a better idea of how the world works now. To do such a thing would put women and children at risk, would put magic itself at risk. Would put all of the systems that protect people at risk, limited as they currently are.
I wonder now whether it would just be better for me to turn into mist and creep towards the throne on my own.
The dragon still presents an issue.
I didn’t want to fight Secilia to begin with. Now I might possibly have to fight both Secilia and Grimaldus.
Fuck.
Then we get back to Latria and Inara has a coffin. A very obviously tailored for her coffin. That she then gives to me.
At the time I didn’t feel I had energy for questions, as I hadn’t rested in over twenty-four hours.
But when I awoke…
It was the coffin her father – a master woodcarver – had made for her when he thought she had died in the war.
I…I don’t like that thought. That she could have died. She’s mine – she shouldn’t have –
I tell her that I still care for her.
And in my head I meant it.
But the moment the words left my lips I realized it was a lie.
My heart is dead. It can’t love anymore.
But I will lie and believe this lie myself as much as I can. Until I can’t anymore.
Inara won’t get in my way anyways. To be honest I don’t even know why she is still with us. Grimaldus’ love isn’t enough to keep her when her homeland is in shambles.
Dekar and I are dead. Hasim and Rowan are fairly new and Alucard most definitely is new. And honestly I think Secilia annoys Inara.
She has no reason to stay.
Yet she does.
I don’t know why.
I tried to tell her of Grimaldus’ plan without out and out telling her. But I think I ended up telling her anyway.
I honestly didn’t know what else to do.
We are going to probably have to kill Secilia if we can’t convince her to stop. She is playing into that dark power’s hands with this foolishness, but she is so selfish and single-minded I doubt we could get her to stop without violence. I’d already attempted to reason with her.
I doubt it will work better now that I am a vampire.
At least I was rested enough to help try and rescue Hasim’s baby.
It was good to see Kent again.
Megasushi was an annoyance.
I enjoyed attacking those that insulted Inara. Darkstar was a pleasure to wield. I wanted to make them pay for hurting her in that way. No one-
The snake squeezed me until I turned into mist. I did not enjoy this.
It was frustrating not being able to do anything but float as mist back to Inara to disappear into my coffin.
I wasn’t even able to see…
Hasim is dead.
He said some things before he died apparently.
We saved his baby though, small consolation that it is.
Kent left.
We went back to the Axiomite only to find him brutally murdered.
Well fuck.