Session 9: The Great Gnome Heist
General Summary
The scene is set. The firelight flickering off of tree canopies. The hissing and chanting of Vegepygmies waving spears as they call for war. Chomsky vomiting profusely in the background...
Chomsky returns to his normal tongue. The words of the vegepygmies stop making sense to him and he begins speaking common again. He relays the plan to the rest of the party: sneak in, take the Heart of the Metal God - The Vorn's control amulet - and help the vegepygmies take out the goblins who have dared desecrate their sacred shrine.
Except that was you. You did this. Well, Abarl, anyway...
Rahlg'n doesn't like it so much. Azaka thinks this is lunacy. She considers upping her fee. The tortle is probably rather pleased, and who knows what's going on in Douglass's head. Probably doesn't mind that his fire was still noticed despite his precautions now. Rahlg'n raises an important point: how are they going to organise and strategise? Everyone looks at Chomsky, then at the vegepygmies. Since no one else volunteers, Chomsky touches hands with the vegepygmies again, and this time it's significantly worse.
The nausea takes hold and his vision swims. Even so, he communicates their plans to the mould-folk. They tell him the goblin village is about two days away. They will meet them on the path there. The goblin village "moves", so take the most recently used one. The vegepygmies will find them, the gnomes will infiltrate, secure the heart, and then everyone will attack together.
Abarl is pleased... He continually mutters about ensuring that there will be no new gods.
The next day, the party set out. They look around the Vorn again. A more thorough inspection. They look over the half-buried ziggurat. No entrance, and rather a bit less ornamentation than to be expected according to Douglass and Azaka. Near a path they notice a heavily decayed series of threads hanging off a plant. This was once a scrap of cloth. Clearing away branches and leaves reveals a months old set of boot prints, barely noticeable. Searching along the path they find one of the boots that made them, chewed by scavengers and decayed by jungle rot. Then two of them. Then a cloak which matched the threads. A number of fresher footprints from humanoids are over this area. It seems that this is where the tattered journal was found. Numerous goblinoid footprints and signs of struggle indicate they may have been driven off.
You explore further. You find moth-eaten pants. Then underpants. Then finally, a mouldering skeleton picked mostly clean by scavengers, ants, and humid weather. It lies face down in a puddle, bears a significant fracture on the skull matching an imprint and old bloodstain on the rock next to it, and a broken tree branch lies near by. CSI: Chult determined that the man died of extreme bad luck - got a fever, took off all his clothes, climbed a tree, fell out of it, rolled down the hill, knocked himself unconscious on the rock and drowned in a puddle. Goblin tracks and graffiti nearby identified them to be the most likely beneficiaries of this man's untimely death. Looks like you found the Vorn's owner.
You follow the path northeast. It branches in a number of areas, and goblin graffiti and trail markings become common sights. The freshest footprints and the most worn path lead you onwards. Abarl plants stakes in all the side paths he follows to help with future navigation. The path goes through a small patch of swampy creekline, and it's unsure which way to go. It seems like the goblins use the creek to obfuscate interlopers.
Travelling upstream, the swamp gnats and smell presses in thick. Through the vines you see a statue of Ubtao, the god of mazes and the Omuan people. Clearing away the creepers, you see a maze running from its navel all over, and a small round orb in the centre of its forehead. Knowing the lore and history of this region, Rubi traces her finger from its navel, looking for a path. Eventually, she works her way up to its forehead (being picked up by Rahlg'n so she could reach) and feels a pulse of magical energy. She is able to cast Find the Path, and she uses it to reveal the way to the Goblin village.
Heading out of the swamp, it starts getting dark. You make camp and set a perimeter as per usual, but given the stresses of the last few days and that battle is near, Rubi decides to let loose a little. She cycles the alchemy jug to pour beer, and everyone enjoys a bit of stress relief. Everyone is amicable, chatting, and pounding away drinks. Except Chomsky, who is still feeling rather ill after the vegepygmie incident (and throwing up 3 times). He sits in his and Rubi's tent with a bucket after trying to make his poor, ravaged stomach keep some beer down.
The morning light greets Douglass and Rubi, who are wrapping up their watch. From the trees, eyes peer in at them. Rubi wakes everyone (who are mostly fine... mostly) just as a large number of vegepygmies arrive and arrange themselves as if in a procession. They stamp their spears on the ground as a very large, obese vegepygmie covered in large, wobbling growths rides a thorny between them. In a slow, rumbling, awkward common tongue it greets you. "Yyyyoooooouuuu. HHeeeelp fiind Heeearrrt." The vegepygmie chieftain has arrived, and plans are soon set.
The party move closer to the village and set their camp again. Just before nightfall, the gnomes set out in their Batiri disguises. Douglass comes along, wildshaped as a dog. When they get closer to the village, a sentry challenges them in the Goblin tongue. "WHO THERE?! What purpose have you?" Rubi and Chomsky try and tell them they're here to give the Chief of this village a pet, but the guard is still suspicious. A waft of smoke starts to drift over them, making the guard more alert and questioning them further. A number of other guards appear and escort them into the village as a scream echoes through the trees.
Meanwhile, Abarl gets impatient. Not disguising his footsteps or using any kind of stealth, the Tortle walks into the trees. The Chieftain looks at Rahlg'n. "Thiiisssss noooot plaaaaan."
Rahlg'n just puts his fingers to the bridge of his nose and sighs. "Just... Let him go. See what happens."
Out of sight of RAhlg'n, Azaka, and the Vegepygmie army, Abarl starts getting close to the village. Before he gets too close, however, he's set upon by 3 sentries throwing weighted nets over him. Struggling to get free as they pile on him and pin him down, he casts Burning Hands and screams, setting the jungle alight. The smoke wafts over the village and towards the gnomes, making an already suspicious guard very jumpy indeed...
Douglass is put in a bamboo cage while the gnomes are taken towards the Queen's hut. All the huts are nearly spherical, tied to another series of vines on the ground, with one door for entry. The gnomes (and Douglass) look up, and notice a huge series of vines trailing up to a single point above, the dappled dusklight sillouhetting a gigantic, bent rubber tree. Looking down, they see what looks like an enormous net trap. One designed to FLING THE ENTIRE VILLAGE through the jungle!
As the gnomes approach the Queens hut, you hear raised voices inside.
"YOU FAIL TO GET TREASURE! YOU MOCK ME! ARE YOU SURE IT WASN'T YOU WHO WROTE 'GRABSTAB IS A DOO-DOO-HEAD ON THAT CAVE WALL?"
"No great Queen Grabstab! Only loyal is I! I find treasure again! I not fail again!"
The guards seem hesitant to enter, but luckily for them the choice is made for them as the Queen bursts out. She is huge, for a Goblin. Her arm is spellscarred: a strange and rare magic curse that appeared during the Spellplague some 200 years ago. Often they give powers over arcane fire, which manifests in unique and unusual ways. And around her neck, an adamantine amulet. In the centre, one word: Vorn.
She snarls, her sharp teeth visible. Her quick, red eyes assess the gnomes from beneath a headdress of feathers and bone. She points to the new arrivals "WHAT IS THIS? Why we under attack? More traitors? Why is there noise? You do this?"
"No, not at all!" The disguised gnomes protest. "We were just here to give you a gift! We found you a pet!" they say, pointing to the cage.
Queen Grabstab isn't convinced. Both angry and on high alert as the village moves to defend themselves, she looks over them and reaches out to grab the Batiri mask off Chomsky! He dives back. "Rubi! We've been found out!" Chomsky attempts to grab the amulet off her. A backhand deflects his attempt just as Rahlg'n, Azaka, and the vegepygmies burst into the clearing. A loud rattle and the sounds of shrill horns can be heard all around the clearing from goblin signallers.
The battle is intense. The goblins immediately pick up burning torches and use them in conjuction with their spears. The vegepygmies riding thornies run them down. Those that go down are immediately set upon by other vegepygmies carrying small satchels of mould. They hastily stuff them in the mouths of dead or dying goblins and move onto the next. The Chieftain lumbers in, shaking spores over living and dead goblins, combatants and non-combatants alike. Goblin children hiding in a hollow log are showered with them, and their skin starts immediately rotting. A look of nausea, dread, and understanding passes over Azaka as she's set upon by goblins - which are swiftly dispatched at the end of her scimitars. Rahlg'n leaps past her, impaling goblins on his Yklwa. He runs into the centre of the camp to help the gnomes. Meanwhile, above the clatter and shouts of combat, can be heart a rhythmic, feverish chopping of wood...
Douglass sees that the jig is up, and wildshapes back into his normal dog-man form. He hefts his sledgehammer and busts open the bamboo cage. He steps out of the cage, and compared to everyone else, is doing just fine. So fine, that he drops a flaming sphere in the hut where several more goblins were arming up.
The vegepygmies slaughter the unprepared goblins quickly with the aid of the party, and the goblins seem to be fleeing. Grabstab snarls and gains some distance, turning around with her hand raised. The spellscar on her arm glows brightly, animating like fire. The air around you grows cold and floating crystals of ice form in the air. With a grunt and a gesture, Queen Grabstab hurls the ice down at you. She grips her arm, hissing in pain. The air around her arm shimmers and hisses with escaping heat. As she turns to flee, Douglass reaches out with his druid magic and entangles her. Seeing her restrained, Chomsky tries to grapple her but is wrestled to the ground. Douglass tries to "help" but ends up dropping his sledgehammer on Chosky instead. Seeing her brother hurt, Rubi fires her turkey baster in the air, covering Chomsky (and unfortunately Grabstab) in delicious, protective turkey baste.
Rahlg'n runs over to assist, sprinting over the mat of vines and branches under the village.
Abarl finally gets free of the net and enters to a scene of carnage. He's clearly missed most of it, but sees the two goblins chopping at the tree holding the release mechanism for the village. Thinking quickly he unleashes an eldritch blast on the central vine holding the village to the rubber tree. Not enough, but it frays...
With a final chop, the mechanism releases and the village flies skyward. With Rahlg'n being thrown into the centre. The central vine snaps, and it goes off course, not flying nearly as far as it may have otherwise. The village, Rahlg'n, the flaming sphere, goblins, vegepygmies, and Rahlg'n all fly of into the dim twilight sky.
The Goblin queen is finally subdued, and Chomsky grabs the amulet. The vegepygmie Chieftain reaches over her, motes of mould drifting down and spreading black rot where it touches the Goblin, her arm still radiating heat. "Wheeeerrrrre Heaaarrrrt?! Not Heeeeere!" The Chieftain looks up at you as you all look to each other. Chomsky jumps on Rubi's shoulders, the harness snapping into place as Rubi activates her boots of speed and casts expeditious retreat. Chomsky says "Oh, maybe it's over here, we'll just keep searching" and all credibility is lost when the two gnomes blast out of the clearing on tiny, blurred legs.
Report Date
15 Dec 2021
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