Peter's Log: Eleasis

I present to you friends, as a foreword, the log of Peter Shovelslinger as recorded in the in the month of Eleasis. This is what will help you understand the humble beginnings of Tell No Tales.

Day 1 (Eleasis 1st, 1492) It was overcast today. Mild enough. I met some new friends on a job. They didn’t talk much, which is fine by me. We set out from Neverwinter in the mid afternoon. We were all set to deliver a shipment of booze to Phandalin. A few of us went hunting and caught a boar while the rest were setting up camp. I’m curing the meat right now, so we’ll have some delicious boar bacon in the morning! Having myself a drink right now… this is good stuff. I may have been born in Neverwinter, but Phandalin is me home now. I miss me family, but if I’m gonna be adventurin’ now, I’d better get used to it. Once I do enough jobs to pay off the mortgage, the farm is ours and I can spend me days workin’ the earth as I see fit, just as Chauntae intended! Not much else happened today. I’m taking the second watch in the morning, so gonna hit the sack early. Day 2 I woke up early to make some coffee and help break camp. Some of the other folks must have had one-too-many last night, ‘cause the coffee sure was popular. Boar bacon is pretty tasty, which is good because we’ve got enough boar meat left to last us the rest of the trip. Suh Har rode with me up ahead today. He helped me keep an eye out for edible eggs. He’s a Monk. I never met a Monk before. Nice guy, doesn’t weigh much. Was nice to have him along. While hunting for eggs, we found some bandits pretending to have a busted wagon. They fooled us, so we tried to help them. One of them tried to shoot me, so we beat them up. A couple of them died (the rest of the party I’m with are really… intense), but that happens sometimes when you go around robbing decent folk. Lee Ray and I managed to tie a few of them up before they got themselves killed. Gonna need to wash the blood out of my net tonight. Oh yeah, Rojerio? He turned out to be with the bandits. I’m gonna have to ask Lukas to vet his people a little better! Some folks in our party wanted to kill the surviving bandits. They seem like a lot of bad things happened to them. Maybe some of Golda’s pie will cheer them up. At least Lee Ray, Ethel, and I were able to outvote the others. I may not want them bandits dead, but I’ll feel better when they’re behind bars. Gonna take ‘em along to Phandalin so they can get locked away. I wonder if Harbin will pay out a bounty? I hope these bandits learn their lesson and find a better line of work. Maybe I should set them up with a job on the farm once they serve their time. They seem a little on the weak side, but I’m sure Golda can whip them into shape! Day 3 Goblins and a Bugbear coming up on the Triboar Trail I halted They attacked We engaged I failed… I didn’t land a single hit… I broke me shovel, and the bugbear nearly killed me… My shovel… it broke… I disengaged. The rest of the party put a swift end to the Bugbear while I cowered in the wagon, uselessly attempting to shoot the beast with my longbow. That Bugbear had a shield though… made him real hard to hit. Maybe I should look into gettin’ one of those meself… just in case. It took me two hours for Day Bed and I to dig graves for two goblins, a bugbear, and a horse with one of my extra shovels. I need to get my main shovel fixed. “Main shovel”. Maybe I need to give it a name? I’ve been away from home too long. I’m starting to make real dumb mistakes. One more day until I’m back in Phandalin, playing with the kids, eating Golda’s cooking… the stuff that makes all this “adventuring” worth it. Gonna take my shovel to get fixed first thing in the morning. Day 4 I woke up early to help break camp again. It only took us half the day to get to Phandalin. It’s good to be home. Took my shovel to get fixed, spent some time with the kids, had a few drinks at the pub, and headed home. Day 5 Woke up early to cook breakfast for the family and have some coffee. It was a good morning, then I headed out to Barthen’s to get paid. We stopped on the way to Gnomengaurde to ask Adabra Gwynn to head to Phandalin for her own safety, and to use her skills to help out around town. There was a hungry… thing at her door. His name turned out to be Vazazl and he was just hungry. We helped him out with some food and he went home. He agreed to leave folks alone in exchange for a little meat each week. Seems fair to me. Upon approaching Gnomengaurd, those jerks attacked us! Sah Har and Tiv Ran knocked out our attacker and her crossbow platform. We proceeded inside more carefully… or so we thought. Sah Har and Day Bed decided to help themselves to some of the wine in the storehouse, but one of the barrels turned out to be a mimic. He wasn’t too tough to shovel, and he slung rather well. I think we learned a lot from the whole thing. I feel a little stronger tonight. The gnomes were pretty grateful to us for killing the mimic. They’re letting us stay in the storeroom. It turns out, this wine is made from mushrooms. Ain’t that somethin’? They also gave us some magic tools to help us in our fight with the dragon. I got myself a “Pole of Collapsing”. It changes size, and I think I can fit a toolhead on it. Maybe a custom shovel? I’ll have to pay Morrisey a visit when we get back to Phandalin. Day 6 I guess mushroom wine can give you one hell of a hangover… it was a rough morning. I guess we’re off to the Dwarven Excavation. We met Dazz Lynn and North Bus there. The excavation site turned out to be this old temple to some evil Dwarven god, A Bath Sore. I could use a bath, and I sure am sore. I need a shield, a good helmet, and some chain mail. I’ll have to talk it over with Golda when I get home. Inside the shrine, these… jellies attacked us? I didn’t know jelly could attack anyone. I came to blows with one. Tough son of a bitch, mean uppercut. The other one was sitting on this altar. Wasn’t much to look at, Tiv Ran says it was for sacrifices to A Bath Sore. Those old dwarves were into some weird stuff, I tell you. There were more down a hidden hallway Lee Ray found, and one of them smacked me around pretty good. After beating up all the jellies,. We went to head back to Phandalin when some roaming Orcs ambushed us. We drove them back, but I got hit pretty good again. Everything is starting to taste purple... so we decided to rest here for the night before heading back home. Day 7 I woke today feeling a lot stronger. I think I might be getting pretty good at this fighting thing. We got back to Phandalin and got paid before lunch. Harbin didn’t leave the house, slid me the gold under the door one coin at a time. Whadda putz. I decided to buy meself some new armor and went by the Lionshield. I decided to head to the forge and have the smithy stud my leather armor instead. Golda was upset that I didn’t bring home more gold. I’d better help around the farm tomorrow. Day 8 The whole party decided to help around the farm today. It sure made Golda and the kids happy to have them around. Sah Har and Han seemed to get on real well. We’ll head out first thing tomorrow. Hope the folks at Butter Skull are alright. Day 9 We saw the dragon fly off toward Gnome-In-Gaurd today. They should be prepared by now, but I can’t help but worry. Other than that, it was a peaceful day on the road. It sure was a nice change of pace from fighting jelly and getting scolded by Golda. Day 10 Second day on the road today. We saw that dragon over by the Dwarvern excavation today. I really hope it isn’t following us… I don’t want it to stop in Phandalin. We ran into a group of undead after that. I got banged up pretty badly again. Tiv Ran helped patch me up, and we called it a night. Day 11 We saw some horses and cows in a field today with the brand “BAK” on them. We herded them up and decided to take them back to the ranch. When we showed up, there wasn't much of a ranch left. We got to work right away trying to salvage what was left, and build a fence for the livestock. There were still a few orcs in the house we had to deal with. I almost died again. Tiv Ran saved me again. I’m not dead yet again. I really need to be more careful, and see if Golda can bake Tiv Ran some bread. The orcs were part of this group called the “The Vin Data of Rejects”. I wonder what a “Vin Data” is? I went on upstairs with Lee Ray and Say Har and we ran into more orcs. There were a lot of orcs. We had to run out the window (and through a couple walls) to get back to the barn and take a short rest. We regrouped, and snuck back in. Found Big All tied up in the basement. We sent him on his way to the barn, went on inside, and took care of a few of the orcs, then decided to head out. There’s not much more we can do here. Day 12 Big Al thought it would be best to head to Phandalin for a while. We waited for him to pack up his things and saw him off. We’re gonna take some time off before heading to the Mountain’s Toe. Sounds smelly. We saw that dragon again out over Conyberry. Sure it is unsettling seeing that… thing up there. Are we gonna have to fight that thing? I hope not… We’re gonna take some time off when we get back to town. Gonna get paid and head back to the farm for a while. Day 22 10 days passed… Say Har decided to come hunting with me and help around the farm for a few days. It sure was nice to have some extra help, and that guy’s tough for his size (even if he is a little lazy…). I paid him a fair wage, but Say Har gave his pay to the kids. Whadda guy. Don-Jon Raskin is in town looking for Harbin Westir. That can’t be good. The Sword Coast Miners Consortium wants to know why productivity is down at the Mountain’s Toe Gold Mine. A job’s a job, Harbin’ll pay 100 gold if we go back with Don-Jon and help out. So we’re gonna get the party together and head to the mine in the morning. That Don-Jon seems nice enough, but might be a bit of a bully on the job. I’ll make sure he understands HIS place, and we understand ours. Day 23 Saw some dead Orcs on the way to the mine. Looks like the white dragon got ‘em 3 days ago. I decided to stick closer to the wagon. We got Don-Jon the mine safely. It seemed like this was a pretty easy job. We were just about to head back to town when we noticed these two tall… skinny… things. Kinda like a man rat? I think I heard about these things. Wererats. Say Har kind of… hit one and we got into a scrap. Only magic weapons really seemed to do much of anything to them. We killed one, retreated, and the other ran off into the mine. After a short rest, I decided that maybe we could talk things out with the wererats? I couldn’t think of much else to do, so I knocked on the door, and went on in to talk to their leader, Zel Lee Na Var Naster. No one had any better ideas, I guess… There were a lot of wererats in there… it was spooky. Zel Lee Na said that half the mining work could continue, and they would leave the mine all together if we drove the orcs from their shrine south of Conyberry. I think I’ve heard legends of a gold stash there… it’s worth checking out. Day 24 After uhh… much deliberation, we decided to head off to the shrine. We travelled at a steady pace all day with no real trouble. Day 25 Today started out quiet enough, I suppose. There was a bit of tension in the air, but I think that’s normal when you’re on your way to confront an army of orcs. I’ve learned that you can’t usually talk to orcs. They like to rip off limbs and scream about glorious death and evil and all that. Being an orc must be tough. Sure would be nice if more of them put all that spirit into honest work. I wonder if they could make shovels? Say Har was able to ride Terry and ride up alongside me today. It was nice to have some company, but the ride didn’t stay peaceful for too long. As we approached a fork in the road, we noticed a horde of zombies to the south. Must have been two dozen of them. So Day Bed decided to shoot one for some reason. Everyone in the party seems to like to throw the first punch. I guess they were zombies, and they do need to be put down… but I would have liked to had a plan first. I decided to not rush in to defend everyone this time. Instead, I played it real defensive like. Lee Ray managed to pray or something and it spooked a few of them off. We managed to take one down as it turned and ran away, but still had plenty more to deal with. It’s not really too hard to hit a zombie. They’re as slow and dumb as they are smelly and wierd. I hear folks actually make these things, on purpose! I wonder what kind of person would do such a thing? My guess is… not a friendly one. Day Bed hit me in the back with a damn arrow in the middle of the fight. It seemed vaguely familiar… from an old job I did. This adventurer, think his name was Hugh Jazz, hit and killed one of our oxen with a bit of magic. I learned not to trust magic. I suppose I should learn not to trust arrows either. Tiv Ran sure took one hell of a beating this time. Busted ribs and throat. His… tray key ahh? I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know for sure. I didn’t get off easy either. One of them… he hit me in… my peter! In the dick! My johnson! My one eyed wonder weasel! I couldn’t move for half a minute. Good thing good ol’ Say Har and Ethal there to help me out. They finished off the zombies while I… recovered. I’m gonna sleep well tonight. Day 26 We arrived at the Shrine of Salve Wrist today. I hope they still have some of that wrist salve inside, mine are killing me with all the shovel slingin’ and what not. There was an Orc sentry atop the highest tower, who I could clearly see was an Orc without Lee Ray’s help. Once it got dark, Lee Ray, Day Bed, and Ethel decided to sneak into the shrine. I decided to find a good spot for a trench in case we needed a place to retreat to or take cover. The others don’t seem to understand the usefulness of some well shaped dirt. Once Lee Ray came back from scouting, I decided to try and talk to the Orcs. The Orcs did not want to talk. We probably could have taken them, but there turned out to be a couple of Ogres with them. They came out to say hello and we got roughed up pretty good, I was fully spent… but then, something real weird happened. Ham Sandwich, this spooky wizard who makes zombies outta dead folk, began to approach on the horizon. We decided to get on the other side of the Orcs so we don’t get caught in the middle, so we retreated into the shrine and held our own. I got a chance to drink a potion, knocked one of the Ogres real good, then decided to give this longbow a try. It was … err… very effective. I hung back with the other archers while Lee Ray and Say Har talked to Ham Sandwich. No way I’m talking to that guy… I’ve heard stories of the kinda things them spooky wizards do. I don’t wanna know what kind of deal they worked out, but Ham Sandwich left without a fuss. Lee Ray told me the gold we heard about was buried outside, so I started digging. Then Ethel came and grabbed be because I guess the gold was in the bell all along? It’s late… we need some sleep. Day 27 We went back to the mine to tell the rat folk they could go home. They hissed at us and left. Don Jon was happy with us, so we’re gonna head back to back to Phandalin tomorrow to get paid and sell this golden bell. Golda will be glad this job took less than a tenday! Day 28 Wowza! That bell was worth 2500 gold! My share was over 400 gold! We still have a chest full of loot to sell off as well, so we took it to Barthen’s to get an appraisal from Tingle. He said it would take him a few days, so I headed back home to spend some time with my family and share the good news. Day 29 One of the neat things was this real tough looking belt with a giant’s face on it! I took it home to get “a tuned” to it. I spent a lot of time thinking about the last few battles while I was chorin’. I think I’ve learned a lot, like it’s okay to hang back and use a bow and arrows sometimes. I went home to grab me wife and kids so we could go out and celebrate. Say Har had a bit too many, but the rest of us decided we would investigate this lighthouse to the east before heading to the lodge up north. Day Bed thinks there might be something useful for us there. She also thinks we’re gonna have to fight that dragon someday. I hope we make a few more friends first, ‘cause we’re gonna need all the help we can get! Day 30 I spent the day digging a whole for an outhouse. Day Bed and Say Har helped out, so we were able to finish in no time. Lots of people have been coming around here, so I think it’s about time we got a proper place to do “the business”.