The Terrifying Truth Behind Zizzle Pops
These weren't just any cherry red popsicles. Each Zizzle Pop also had chocolate coated popping candies, that popped in your mouth when you bit into them. This confectionary creation by the megacorp NekoNice Organization captured the hearts and minds of children across the globe.
But why?
Sure, they sound cool. On the surface it sounds like any other typical early 90's snack, that takes something mundane like a popsicle and takes it to the Xtreme. But I'm here to tell you that this wasn't a case of NekoNice and their public relations taking advantage of a trend. No, the truth behind Zizzle Pops and how they captured the minds of a generation of you is much darker than that.
A Company Expanding
Before NekoNice became the guardian of water supplies across the planet, they were a mere humble conglomerate focused on the food processing industry, with a particular skill at inventing delicious snacks. Neko Kups, Nice Bars, NineBytes - all delicious confectionaries I grant you. But in the late 80's NekoNice had expanded to the freezer aisle with a line of cheap ice cream lines. By the 90's NekoNice's ice cream had developed a much poorer reputation than their other snacks.
But ther refused to give up on the line and attempted a bevy of experimental new treats to raise the bar. Desperate for success, NekoNice hired several new Confectioneers to design new and outrageous treats to tantalize the masses.
One of these new hires was a woman by the name of Lilly Peppone.
Zizzle Pops Are Born
For those who don't remember, Zizzle Pops are a combination of three components.
1. Cherry Flavored Popsicle. 2. Chocolate. 3. Popping Candy.
Chocolate and cherry have long been a winning combination, but the chocolate has a practical purpose as well. Because popping candy reacts to moisture, it needs to be coated in an oil based substance, in this case, milk chocolate. Once coated, it can be added to the cherry popsicle and frozen. It's not until the consumer eats the chocolate that the candy actually pops
This concept was utilized by Confectioneer Lilly Peppone to create the ultimate tasting experience, one that combined the decadence of chocolate and cherry with the kind of volatile gimmick that would appeal to younger kids of the 90's.
According to reports at the time, Zizzle Pops were universally beloved in the NekoNice research labs, and were given high priority for their release in the summer of 1993.
The Dark Arts of Marketing
What really set Zizzle Pops apart from other NekoNice confections was the lack of feline branding. While this is pretty common today, at the time NekoNice was still primarily a food company, and keeping their brand identity consistent was important to establishing themselves in the consumer's psyche.
The marketing for Zizzle Pops went in a seemingly darker direction. Darby the Devil was a skateboard riding, child-like fiend, who had an insatiable desire for extreme sports and Zizzle Pops. Darby and his Zizzle Pops were a hit over the Summer of '93, and NekoNice was reaping all the benefits. But as we'll soon discover that wasn't all they were reaping.
While the majority of parents found this mascot innocuous, those with discerning eye could see this was the start of something more sinister.
Lost In the Freezer Aisle
In the fall of 1993, Zizzle Pops had embedded themselves in the grocery lists of consumers across the country. The popcicles success also raised the sales of other NekoNice frozen treats. But not everything was what it seemed.
Several Usenet groups began receiving messages about missing children across the country, each under similar circumstances. In each case the child had left their parent to go get some Zizzle Pops from the freezer aisle. Several Usenet posters began to investigate the validity of these claims and found that there were indeed a rise in missing children that summer, more than in the previous 8 years.
Over the next several months, online sleuths sought the truth behind these disappearances. Few could find any evidence beyond conjecture, as the names of the "Freezer Aisle Kids" weren't made public. However, a bombshell hit this corner of the internet in the Winter of 1993 when a user named DaveyJuice61 posted the following.
I've been a member of this group for a while, and I've always found the story of the Freezer Aisle Kids to be pretty fascinating. But I honestly didn't put much faith in the stories. It was more entertaining than anything. But last week something happened to my son and I have to tell someone. We were at the grocery store and usually he hangs around the magazine stand reading comic books. But this time he specifically asked if he could go grab some Zizzle Pops. He'd never asked for them before, but I couldn't say no. He'd got a 100% on spelling test that week.
Anyway, I went on about my business thinking he'd probably take a detour to the magazine stand to see if they got any new comics in. As I made my way to the check out lanes I heard a commotion at the front of the store.
Some woman was holding my kid by the doors. I ran up to her as fast I could. He was pale and cold all over. Completely soaked with sweat or water - I don't know which. I was absolutely panicked, and all I could do was just scream his name hoping he'd come back to me. Suddenly my son's eyes locked with mine, and he said to me "He tried to take me, but God wouldn't let him." Then he passed out again.
I rushed my son over to the hospital and had him checked out, and they said all his vital checked out. And after a couple of hours he looked right as rain. When I took him home, I asked him if he remembered anything, and he described a dark man waiting for him in the freezer aisle. His eyes were pale green and he had a sickly smile. I asked my son if the man had said anything, and after a moment my boy started to cry. He said the man asked him one question: "Are you finally ready to zizzle?"
My son is quieter now. Sometimes on Saturday morning he'd run into my room in a panic, and I'd realize it's because they were showing a Zizzle Pops commercial. That Darby the Devil... I mean c'mon they're hiding it in plain sight. They're after the kids. After their souls.
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