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Chad Malakis
ChadLife

Chaotic Neutral? Tiefling (Entertainer (Jester))
Artificer 3
25 / 25 HP
STR
12
DEX
12
CON
13
INT
16
WIS
10
CHA
12

A rookie armorer from a long family history of artificers breaking out of his mould to become famous and loved by many fans through his "enigmatic" and "authentic" personality. He hopes to document his travels so that the masses can realise his "swag".


Played by
Murtaza
 
Wed 18th Oct 2023 08:41

Chad & Friends Vlog #1 (12/10/23)

by Chad Malakis

YOOOO CHADDERS WHAT'S GOING ON WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER BLOG ON MY NEW SERIES: CHAD GOES GLOBAL #CHADgoesglobal
 
This adventure started on the 16th of April and kicks off with an absolute banger of a cast

  • Joseph Christ, the super chill , super humble , nature boy

  • Mary the sheeeeep , keeps it real fr

  • Seren Nade, Satyr Made , music hater , magic nerd who will kill to #savethetrees

  • Detlet, outcast from society FOR BEING TOO SWAG , bald , prosthetic master with a pro-aesthetic


  • We start by heading north west

  • As we skedaddle, the forest gets kinda lame and weak , and all the animals just dip #yikes

  • WE HOPE TO NAME THE FOREST "THE FOREST OF CHRIST"

  • We find a deer torn to the bone by some kind of tool

  • Find a totem rock with weird symbols on it ? #cultshit #creeeeepy


  • THEN WE GOT HIGHHHHHHH ON 4/20

  • Mid weed but it's Coolio coolio we moovio moovio

  • Set up camp like the goats we are

  • All of a sudden BOOM

  • I wake up to hear super loud footsteps outside camp

  • Wake the CHADDERS up with some prime MOTIVATION

  • Joseph The Goatseph sees a BIG ASS CYCLOPS making its way downtown, walking slow

  • It's got some funky looking arcane runes and jewels on its arms #ICEDOUTBOY #WIZARDBLING

  • Joseph hides Mary to protect the cyclops

  • I use THAUMATURGY to make sheep noises like a goat like a sheep goat #shoat

  • Bro is still on our path tho, so Seren hides in the bushes like a LOSER

  • I USE MY AWESOME ARCANE ARMOR READY TO FIGHT THIS DEADLY CREATURE OF THE NIGHT

  • THEN all three of us standing around wave at the cyclops, cuz we #DIPLOMATIC fr

  • Bro is polite so he waves back like a real G #realG #polite


  • My boy's name is Bront

  • Bro is looking for sheep

  • Sheep discussion time

  • He kinda friendly tho fr fr

  • Bront wants sheep really badly, so I point in a random direction we do a little trolling

  • Turns out, that direction is where SILLY SEREN is hiding

  • Bront finds Seren and is mad no sheep are found #sadmoments #cry4ever

  • Joseph and yours truly make a MASTER ILLUSION to make Loser Bront to leave us alone

  • Bro starts chasing then sounds a loud ass horn and he got BIG WOLVES on his team so we skedaddle


  • On our path, we come across a buncha (10) burnt magical items THAT ARE COMPLETELY UNUSABLE

  • Except for some tinkering research

  • Some notable stuffs:

  • 1) Elemental gems

  • 2)Wand of webs

  • 3) Ring of X-ray vision

  • 4) Wand of Magic Missiles


  • The three genius, wise people, examine the items and Detlet finds out the insignia on the items is of MANSHOON

  • LORE TIME

  • Super historical mf

  • Hot tall half-elf man with long black hair

  • Has a badass mask

  • Super duper trooper Cooper EVIL

  • Bro cloned himself a million billion times

  • Think of how much content I could make with TWO of me so swag

  • As all super nerds do, took it toooo far

  • Buddy died in an anti magic field (imagine dying from mfs hating your magic LOOOOOL)

  • Kinda fucked his soul, tore it to many pieces

  • Lots of Cloneshoons being activated at once XDDD

  • Clones kinda went wack always on sight with each other

  • Multiplicity Paradox as Seren suggested, perhaps?

  • Uh I mean, SHITS CWAZY CRACKERS YO

  • OP Wizards fight = huge deaths, havoc #prayforwaterdeep

  • Clones made clones

  • Mutually assured DESTRUCTION

  • Assumed they all went bye bye years ago

  • I guess not yo


  • #Premiumcontent

  • MAKING INCREDIBLE DISCOVERIES HERE IN THE CHAD ADVENTURE

  • KEEP READING BELOW FOR MORE EPIC STUFF


  • We keep moving forward and I find a DEAD MANSHOON on the ground

  • Three weeks at least, according to Joseph Christ

  • There's a broken mask on his face

  • I'm out here breaking the mould, destroying the competition

  • So I WEAR THE MASK

  • SICK DRIP


  • I get a heads-up display showing the exact locations of MANSHOON clones

  • Colour Coded

  • Red is inert

  • Blue living

  • The mask is broken so it recognizes me as Manshoon Tee Hee

  • Chadshoon

  • Find the exact location of 1 inert clone

  • It's time to liberate [steal] a baby wizard and make him a good guy


  • DETLET the G finds a super OP scroll of SUNBURST

  • He also put Deadshoon (dead Manshoon) in his bag of holding


  • On our way over to the adoption centre, we find another dead Manshoon encased in ice



  • Coldshoon

  • Another addition to Detlet's collection

  • Find another one torn to shreds, not picked up cuz ew we got food in our BOHs brah


  • We come across Bront's LAME CAMP

  • It's also the location of the entrance of the SHOONCAVE

  • DEEP cavern with a circular entrance with his insignia on it

  • I chuck a glowing rock down there and HEADSHOT a ZOMBIE!?

  • Very cool!!!

  • The Chad community do not discriminate fr


  • Detlet and I come up with a MASTER PLAN

  • Detlet takes out one of the dead Manshoons from the BOH and holds it up to the zombies

  • I use THAUMATURGY to make a BOOMING voice and do my best MANSHOON voice (I'm like, a super good actor frrr)

  • I tell the zombies that "I, Manshoon, have some friends over, so be cool, yo"

  • Chadrizz never fails


  • I get angelically repelled down by an invisible rope

  • I DON'T fall the last five feet down

  • Zombros are cool, they got the place tidy and they like us

  • My first zombie Chadders

  • Detlet was gonna make em all prosthetic limbs

  • The cave lights up after realising Chadshoon is in the house


  • The SHOONCAVE

  • --70ft wide hexagonal room
  • Continual flames everywhere

  • Raised platform with bronze statue of MANSHOON (hot girl summer Manshoon )

  • STATUE OFFICIALLY CLAIMED BY THE ARTIFICER COUNCIL

  • Three Iron golems blocking bottom three doors

  • One broken golem on top left door

  • No golem on top right door


  •  
     
  • Don't know where to go

  • Mary the sheep aka the goat decides for us

  • Try too left door but the golem starts glitching and speak, which scares everyone else but not me, but still we go to the right door

  • Door is trapped but we're wicked smart so no challenge

  • What the fuck can I say about this next room, Chadders


  •  
  • Spiral staircase going up

  • A rough looking Manshoon clone staggers from a door at the top and FALLS DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAIRCASE and dies #ripbro

  • "Woah woah WOAH" he says as he's about to fall

  • "Not another one" he says when he says me with my sexy mask

  • When he dies, he poofs away

  • We're confused until another Manshoon pops up and DOES THE SAME THING

  • Meet Loopshoom

  • Current theory:

  • Failed Contingency spell keeps him eternally stuck in a "time loop" according to Seren

  • Makes sense, that's why clocks are round after all

  • Bro keeps falling XD

  • Tried talking to him but he's rude and kept dying mid convo


  • Initiate epic plan

  • Detlet casts snare to catch him and keep him hanging so that if he falls, he lands on his neck

  • I cast FEATHER FALL #likeaboss

  • I impersonate Manshoon again, but a better, more successful version

  • Makes sense, Chadshoon is the best Manshoon iteration after all

  • PLAN INITIATED

  • Bro is confused and gives us no info

  • Before he goes super arch mage destruction on us, we kill him again (L BOZO NERD )

  • Loopshoom stay looping


  • Joseph, the nicest and kindest person everrr, casts spike growth under him to impale him EVERYTIME he falls

  • Content is content.

  • LOOPSHOOM IS INFINITE CONTENT

  • Before we continue, I leave a recorded message on a trinket saying "You got fucked by Chad" so EVERYTIME he falls, he hears that message

  • He's evil, it's okay

  • We move past the loop onto


  • The LIVING SPELL Room

  • Inside was a bunch of live spells, the last line of defence between us and super wizard baby

  • Spells we remember

  • Bigby's Hand

  • Magic Missile

  • Summon Beast

  • Some lightning spell

  • The summon Beast turns from a crow to a GIANT GORILLA and punches both Seren Nade and Joseph

  • Seren Nade gets instantly KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT

  • Joseph gets his head pulverised

  • He is dead. My friend is dead.

  • Detlet gets slammed by the magic missiles but survives

  • I don't get hit by anything! #swag #goat #swagoat

  • Detlet heals Seren and drags her away

  • I drag what remains of Joseph and book it to the next room

  • I put what's left of him into my bag of holding and wear his necklace on my neck


  • We reach the clone room

  • Find a clay pot

  • Inside is a little half-elf baby that kept saying evil monosyllables, but I'm sure we can fix that!!!

  • We take it and dip #newbaby

  • Is it time to become a family blogger?


  • As we're leaving, my mask was off so the zombies use their 1 brain cell and begin being hostile

  • Detlet uses that sunburst scroll and RIP ZOMBROS #REALONES #INMYHEART

  • I leave another recording trinket that says "Chad was here, yo"

  • Mary the sheep stays not sure why but I trust her


  • We leave the cavern JUST as Bront and his wolves come back

  • I make sheep noises down the cavern and he DIVES IN THERE LIKE HE'S GONE SWIMMING #GOATBEHAVIOUR

  • His pack of wolves follow him

  • What an alpha

  • Nice to gift a man a new home

  • We make our way back to the outpost

  • Me, Detlet, and Seren are officially co-parenting the baby

  • We named him Joseph Shoon

  • RIP JOSEPH CHRIST, THE BEST OF US, A TRUE CHADDER, HE WILL BE MISSED

  • #rip #death #died #joseph


  • Thanks for reading CHADDERS! Make sure to stay tuned for more exciting adventures from your local taverns or parchment store!!!
     
    CHAD OUT
     
    {This journal without the emojis is hollow and unholy, sorry if it looks a bit questionable because of that lol }

    The major events and journals in Chad's history, from the beginning to today.

    Session III: Love in Barovia

    01:45 pm - 02.11.2023

    Session III: Love in Barovia

    01:45 pm - 02.11.2023

    Yo CHADDERS it's ya boy CHAD here for a not so funky reason... As we all know, my DEAR FRIEND Joseph Christ was BRUTALLY and VICIOUSLY MURDERED :o in a HEROIC SACRIFICE to save MY life against the EVIL SUPER WIZARD MANSHOON :( That's not cool, yo. Joseph was like the goat brah. He was sooooooo funny (me when Joseph: xd xd xd xd), and he loved being apart of my daily parchments (make sure to keep track of my publications btw ). He LOVED his sheep Mary, who was so brave and kawaii <3. I would say I was like a father figure to Joseph, and he saw Mary as some sort of holy spirit in his life. I will wear his necklace until the end of time. Until next time, CHADDERS. I can't even think about my work or growing the blog right now... (THIS post was sponsored by Chalice and Co, the finest ornate crockery makers in the realm!!! Use the phrase "Chad is glad" next time you're in the store for a 15% discount on your next purchase!!)

    09:42 pm - 18.10.2023

    Chad & Friends Vlog #1 (12/10/23)

    Begin writing your story here......

    09:20 pm - 18.10.2023

    Session I: Chad & Friends Vlog #1

    08:36 pm - 18.10.2023

    Session I: Chad & Friends Vlog #1

    08:36 pm - 18.10.2023

    [aloud] [i]Chad, sensing that things might get tense soon, places his palm onto the stone wall beside him. His palm slowly begins to match the colour of the stone, then his hand, then his arm. Slowly, his entire body becomes the colour of the walls surrounding him, including his face, hair, and horns. (Think Kevin Levin from Ben 10) [/i] [/aloud]

    08:22 am - 17.10.2023

    who up polishing their staff rn

    08:10 pm - 07.10.2023

    OOC post: MAGIC ITEMS WISHLIST If any DMs would like to indulge the delusions of Chad and his fantasies of being a content creator, having some way of bypassing the time consuming process of transcribing words, or even, somehow, in due time, allowing him to find/make a fantasy camera/video recorder, would be hilarious. There's also the process of sharing that to a lot of ppl but that is definitely a future thing lol. Then again, it might just be funnier to let him be delusional. I'm not too interested right now in having specific items for combat or anything past that, I'm happy with anything tbh.

    12:38 pm - 07.10.2023

    WHAT'S UP CHADDERS, super pumped to arrive in this great land! Make sure to HIT ALL THOSE BUTTONS DOWN THERE for a CHANCE TO WIN... a CROWBAR... signed by YOURS TRULY!

    04:38 pm - 06.10.2023
    Played by
    Murtaza