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Vito Delgado

Chaotic Neutral Elf, Eladrin (Former (Disgraced) Mad Doctor)
Artificer 2
15 / 15 HP
STR
12
DEX
12
CON
17
INT
17
WIS
16
CHA
11

Campaign & Party

Adventurers of Haikyo Ruins

Mara Vito Ashira Adanis
Run by Original_Sapish
Other characters
Tue 30th Aug 2022 04:17

Vito's Master List of Jokes

by Vito Delgado

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.
How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
 
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. You know why?
Inflation.
 
Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn't press your luck.
 
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
 
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
 
My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my pillow fort.
 
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
 
I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
 
What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
 
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
 
A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."
 
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
 
What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
 
What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
 
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
 
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
 
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
 
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
 
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
 
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
 
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!
 
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
 
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
 
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
 
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
 
What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
 
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it!
 
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it!
 
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, "Mark, my words!"
 
How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
 
I'm starting a new dating service in Prague. It's called Czech-Mate.
 
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
Good thymes.
 
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
 
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
 
I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
 
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
 
Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
 
We all know about Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
 
I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads.
 
What’s a vampire’s favorite ship? A blood vessel.

Vito's Journal Ordered oldest to newest

  1. Haha Character Sheet References
    12 Aug 2022 09:13:39
  2. Vito's Master List of Jokes
    30 Aug 2022 04:17:10

The major events and journals in Vito's history, from the beginning to today.

And they were gay

05:41 am - 03.09.2022

Session 2: Journey to Haikyo

05:41 am - 03.09.2022

EEEEEEOOOOOOOO

02:15 am - 03.09.2022

Session 2: Journey to Haikyo

02:14 am - 03.09.2022

Vito's Master List of Jokes

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line. How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five mov...

04:17 am - 30.08.2022

Session 1: And So It Begins.

07:27 pm - 27.08.2022

hi

02:25 am - 27.08.2022

Session 1: And So It Begins.

02:03 am - 27.08.2022

Haha Character Sheet References

https://www.skullsplitterdice.com/blogs/dnd/eladrin-5e#:~:text=Eladrin%20are%20elves%20with%20their,a%20bit%20of%20the%20spotlight. http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/spells:artificer http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/artificer ...

09:13 pm - 12.08.2022

Session 0: How do we work this?

04:50 am - 25.07.2022

Pretty neato

04:48 am - 25.07.2022

Mwehehe

04:47 am - 25.07.2022

Session 0: How do we work this?

04:19 am - 25.07.2022

The list of amazing people following the adventures of Vito.

Played by
GhostedGotLost

Other Characters by GhostedGotLost