A Question of One's Relations

Ah, where to start?
 
Back to neutral Strathclyde. Fiona pinpointed-ish the location of the stolen weaponry. It was in or around the southern town of Southport. So off we went—Sage, Theo, Blake and myself—to that hamlet. Like most of the towns in Strathclyde, this one was full of pirates. Also, like most of the towns there, not so fond of Amber.
 
I feel a theme emerging. #sarcasm.
 
Before we left, though, Blake wanted assurance that if things went pear-shaped, Amber would have his back. I easily gave it, as of course we would, but the stipulation gave me pause. Under what circumstance would Blake feel he needed blanket indemnity? The answer that popped to mind was unwelcome, but possibly valid: if the BTA were involved. Another answer is more benign, but would reveal a distinct and real distrust of The Family—basically he thinks he’d be thrown under a bus if something happened.
 
Either way, it caused me to take an emotional step back. I can’t combat distrust when the counter is to have the family to be different than it is, and refuses to understand that change is almost entirely generational due to the Pattern, as well as the abandonment and abuse most of the generation before mine grew up in. Family who have been steeping in the Pattern for hundreds or thousands of years can’t take a hard left because there are no lefts or rights available. They’re driving in a tunnel, and until someone can literally breakthrough the wall—as in, of late, Fiona’s case—they are as inflexible as the sigil burned into their mind and body. Does abuse and imprint excuse their behavior? Sort of. People from Shadow have flexibility of mind and spirit that the Elders literally do not have. Can they change eventually? Yes. Do they first have to understand that change is necessary? Also, yes. Will they? Only time and circumstances will tell.
 
And what has Blake’s broken pattern imprint given him? Does he see it, or is he as blind to the effects of his upbringing intertwining with his ingrained broken pattern as my elders are to their tunneled ones.
 
I have no judgement against broken pattern use. Only, ouch. But every pattern reforms its user. We have to be aware of that, and rise above it, if we can. Our Pattern imprints are the template for who we are or become as surely as our upbringings. It takes mental and emotional fortitude to move beyond those lines. And, maybe, a lot of therapy.
 
Does any of this make our actions morally or ethically right? No. But there are so few denizens of our universe who are always morally and ethically right. I know I’m not. Is Blake always morally or ethically right? Given his job description, I’d say no.
 
And that’s what I wish he would understand. None of us are perfect, and all of us can only do the best we can with what we have. Even him.
 
Blake is stranded, a long way from all that he knew, and mostly alone. I have no doubt that the Family and the Monarchy have been painted in an unflattering light by his friends in Begma. He needs more friends, even if he doesn’t realize it. I wonder if he can be a friend in return.
 
I guess I needed to get that off my chest. It’s been weighing heavy.
 
 
 
Back to Strathclyde. A very long story short, after the pirates, missile launchers, explosions, failed interrogation attempts (for fuck’s sake Sage!), and negotiations, the guns were found, retrieved and locked up once more. Oh, and I guess Theo took out Lady Brine with a crossbow bolt to the chest.
 
Yay.
 
Why do I feel the reclamation was a hollow victory? It’s not, if we look at it from a security perspective. But I feel we’re no closer to finding our proof.
 
One positive (besides retrieving the guns and surviving the explosion) is that Dworkin told Blake and me that the magical effect we sensed was “Dream Inclusion.” His capitalization. When I asked her later, Fiona had no recollections of any power with that name or supposed effect, but that may only mean it is not modern. But inclusion, such as sand within an oyster’s flesh, or the surrounding of a person by their friends (or tormentors) makes sense to me. It’s an insertion, and possibly a retraction. But what is “dream”? Is it part of the power reflected in Tir? Is it a metaphor? Research is in order.
 
Ty, Sage and I had a long talk with Random after the reclaiming of the guns. We brought him up to speed. He still doesn’t think he’s getting information from us quickly enough, but I don’t know how we could do it faster. We were a little busy in the moment. I tried to impress upon Random that in the public relation department, we are our own worst enemies, and how events are being spun to our detriment. This was specifically about the recent attacks, but also about Blake. Regarding Blake, Random gets it, but lays the blame at both Bleys and Blake’s feet in different ways. And Martin’s. Going back to my earlier diatribe, it’s all about people, and people are messy. We can forgive their frailties, or avoid them.
 
 
 
A side note from yesterday’s excursion re following Dalt. Delwin was there. That was a plot twist. What is Delwin’s game? He let drop that he is working for a group called Agent of Change. Cain said that they are a conservative faction who doesn’t approve of Random’s governance. But WHO are they? Also, Delwin? He hasn’t been seen by anyone in … forever. Why crawl out of the woodwork now? The fact that he is able to use the slip-slide power has me wondering if he recruited the Cat Girls™ and taught the power to them. And now he is trying recruit Dalt. I feel Delwin is playing at “Join me, oh enemies of mine enemy!” Certainly, he was treating Dalt’s recruitment as a game. Smarmy. But with Amber-thick arrogance. His presence in all this makes everything worse.
 
Ty and mom visited Harla to see if they could contact Delwin through her. Harla claimed no knowledge of either Agent of Change or her son’s involvement, and she didn’t know where he was, but she’d take a message. Mmmph.
 
 
What is next, then? A long lie in with breakfast in bed would be nice. But even I wouldn’t take that bet.