An Audit of the Last 11 Months

I don't normally have the time keep a journal, nor do I see the need, but lately I feel like I need to put my thoughts down on paper f̶o̶r̶ ̶s̶a̶n̶i̶t̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶s̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ to keep tabs on current events. In fact, I consider this more of an audit of what I've accomplished over the last few months rather than a journal, I don't want to be sentimental.
 
The voice in my head has grown louder and louder since the battle with Jan, and I feel myself giving into his whims more and more whenever I find myself in combat. I still don't know what he is, but I am sure he is responsible for my situation. When he aids me, I can feel a dé̵͘e̵͏̡p̡ ̡͠ha͢t̡͜r̵ę͝d͏ b͝o̶̶ìl͏̴íng̛̛ ͟i͘͘ns҉͞͞i̶d̛e ͟͜m̴̢̛e̕͝, perhaps that's the source of this power. During the siege on Northal Castle, I think I scared a few people with my power,̶i̶n̶c̶l̶u̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶e̶s̶t̶. Wren and Celrin were impressed, but I only felt shame. I̶'̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶e̶r̶c̶h̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶g̶o̶d̶ ̶s̶a̶k̶e̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶a̶g̶i̶c̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶a̶s̶s̶i̶n̶!̶ I won't lose myself like that again. With that in mind, I'd like to avoid unnecessary fighting in future, I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶N̶O̶T̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶v̶o̶l̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶-̶d̶r̶u̶n̶k̶ ̶l̶u̶n̶a̶t̶i̶c̶. Ideally, I'd like to never kill again, but with the situation I'm in now, that seems rather unlikely.
 
I am living away from mother, we didn't necessarily leave on good speaking terms and I'm sure this is reminding her of W̶a̶n̶d̶a̶'̶s̶ "her" departure. I do not intend to runaway from mother, I will instead confront her and prove I can make some coin, and so far my plan has been going well. The entrepreneur inside me compelled me to open a new business to directly compete with mother's, albeit with a slightly different target market. I aim to supply the Institute with suitable conduits and other baubles requiring gem-cutting. For bigger commissions, I can also target the upper class living near the castle. Renovations have been going very well in the manor to fit the storefront and workshop. I have also hired someone to assist me with forging in the workshop, she seems eager to work and was fresh off the boat from Secrix no less, I could tell she was speaking Eriosan. I've also been getting some help from Wren with the marketing aspect and she has agreed to help me advertise to the Institute. I̶'̶m̶ ̶q̶u̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶f̶o̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶p̶e̶n̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶I̶n̶s̶t̶i̶t̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶l̶a̶t̶e̶l̶y̶.̶.̶.̶ She seems to be making progress in her studies. I hope this will be a fruitful venture.
 
I have also begun learning how to play the piano, with the help of Lord Jhin no less. Mother always loathed musical instruments, perhaps this can be seen as some form of petty rebellion, but my reason for learning it merely stems from the fact that the piano looked quite l̶o̶n̶e̶l̶y̶ useless in the main room with no one playing it. I̶r̶o̶n̶i̶c̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶,̶ ̶W̶a̶n̶d̶a̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶f̶i̶c̶i̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶i̶a̶n̶o̶.̶ I hope this won't be a waste of my time, I have enough distractions in my life right now.
 
This Concludes the Audit,
Eleonora Addleman
 
P.S: This was absolutely pointless. This is completely illegible. I must improve my handwriting and think before I write.