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I don't think I am cut out to be an investigator.

I think investigators are supposed to be impartial. I am supposed to be impartial. Instead I found myself trying to fit things to the circumstantial evidence from an unreputable source we had, to prove the guilt of Darmond because I thought he was guilty. We happened to be right in this case but what if Darmond had been innocent?
 
When he attacked Rolanda, my decision was to try to electrocute him with nanites...I reasoned the best way to defend her was incapacitating him...but in other situations a force shield was my first instinct. I even had thoughts of outright killing Darmond myself. If he was guilty and didn't confess we would have had to risk everyone's life by going to old Fastur or I could just risk mine and be done with it. I would have been able to spare everyone that perilous journey but who am I to play judge, jury and executioner? What gives me the right to make those kinds of decisions?
 
I didn't even offer to tend to Darmond's wounds after the fight like I did with the bandits that set up a bomb in the Coops truck weeks before. Once the combat had stopped, I am supposed to help the injured, that is my job. I don't get to decide who lives and who dies, I just try my best to save who I can.
 
I think these nanomachines I have acquired may be more intelligent than I had initially thought. I wonder if they purposely did not respond to my call because they knew I was not thinking clearly. Could my clouded judgement impact my ability to control them? I seem to be able to control them when I am not in a stressful situation and can clearly think about what I am trying to do but during the fighting I cannot control them.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty.

Above all, I must not play at God.