Wormholes and Regrets

The Rock of Bral seems to never be short on quests or tasks for people willing to help. We decided to prioritize some of the work offered and set out to bring a very nice man afflicted with lycanthropy to the Moon of Lunaria. It wasn't long after taking to the astral sea that we were unlucky enough to be dragged through a wormhole and crash landed on an unfamiliar planet. It is difficult for me to describe the way I felt when I stepped out of the crashed ship and onto the earth. The air was crisp, the ground itself felt unbothered and still. It felt like home. I knew that there was a high probability of this planet not being part of the AUC and thus finding a way to repair out ship would be difficult. Nevertheless our crew explored the area and quickly realized we were close to Phandalin, which did allow us to breathe a bit of a sigh of relief. We also discovered that we had accidentally taken out a group of people who were meant to deliver supplies to Phandalin and decided to finish their mission for them. We found Phandalin to be a mostly friendly little town, though not without their fair share of troubles. We found out that a "gang" for lack of a better word, settled into the town and were causing a lot of trouble. We quickly dispatched them, allowing the town to settle back into life as normal. There were a few other missions we went on while we were there and ultimately it did cause a moment in the group where a few members were upset with decisions made by the Captain.
 
I am a young gnome, I came from a very priviledged background and I'm not ashamed of that. While I did strive to separate myself from the jovial "non-caring" nature of my family, I am proud to be a part of them. I hope I can see them or at least talk to them all again one day. However, this naivety and inexperience has made it harder on my mental health. The Captain asked me more than once about the validity of his decisions and how I felt about using my magic to kill creatures. Making decisions that you think are for the betterment of those you love or for the survival of local villages isn't bad. In a land where there are such a wide variety of humanoids, monsters, and beasts it is difficult to make decisions to benefit one group without hurting another and any solutions that may benefit both sides may be more time consuming and harder to accomplish. While I have read many books on many subjects and I think have a good moral compass, I am no leader and often defer to the judgement of others. I am ill equiped to help the Captain with his questions on morality and was relieved when Punkin expressed her displeasure on the way he handled a particular situation. The situation in question came after we cleared out a castle of gnolls and goblins in order to rescue someone. After the battle we decided to rest in the castle but there was a hunting party of hobgoblins and goblins who came back to all their comrades' dead bodies around the castle grounds. They approached the doors and entered unthreateningly, after the Captain and the leader of the gnolls spoke (with some input from Helion and some non-commital reactions from others) the Captain made them leave their weapons and armor and leave the castle. At the time it seemed....unnecessary, but I didn't understand the cruelty of it until after the ship was repaired and Punkin appeared after being absent for days. She had saved the hobgoblins and goblins from hunters and got them settled into a new home with a new area to hunt from. I quite admire the insight she had to realize this was necessary. I hope that by observing and listening to her ideals and thought processes behind treatment of others that, not only I, but also the rest of the crew will realize that fighting or violence is not always the best solution.
 
When I was home I never thought that my magic would be used in an actual battle. I started by using them in order to read quietly without disruption from the rest of my family. The family wasn't exactly thrilled when I mentioned leaving the kingdom to go to a mage's college, but they were ultimately supportive seeing how passionate I was about learning. I didn't even know a damage dealing spell until after I found a scroll when traveling with the Captain for a couple weeks. I left my planet to learn and absorb knowledge out of the reach of my people and to grow to be.....something. I don't know what the goal was exactly, what I'd want to become. When I picture my future I usually just see myself reading in front of a fireplace, though lately there has been the addition of someone else in the room in my future. While I greatly wish for that to happen, I still feel as though I'm missing something of myself. General knowledge will only motivate me for so long, I hope that by keeping these journals and writing my thoughts and feelings along with our missions will help me realize what I want to accomplish in life.
 
Our new found group conscience was tested after we departed from Toril. A large demon appeared in space in front of our ship asking if we had seen someone by the name of Maddox, he even provided a picture and a wanted poster. No one in our group responded that we had seen him, and most of us were telling the truth. In a moment of what I believe to be genius, I offered to cast reduce on the demon so that he could enter our ship and look for Maddox himself, he was convinced he was on board because he could smell him. In order to accomplish this the demon grabbed me and teleported me around the ship as I maintained casting reduce on him to prevent him from exploding the ship upon growing to his regular size. Laylen nearly distracted him too long and I had to snap them out of their moment of lust in order to continue the search. In the end he left, convinced that Maddox had somehow made it off of our ship. After he left we were discussing Maddox and wondering who he was and why he had jumped onto our ship to begin with. We were just considering me casting detect thoughts and wandering the ship the next day when it occured to someone to simply call out to Maddox to see if he was indeed on board. Apparently he had been shacking up with Rai and had threaterned her to keep his presence a secret. Upon hearing his story we descovered he was on his way to Bral to speak to Mister Strickland. It took me a bit of work to keep my face from exposing my familiarity with his name, but I managed not to tip anyone off. The next day I made sure I was out of earshot of anyone and sent Mister Strickland a message asking what his thoughts were, he asked we bring Maddox back to him. I am glad that his opinion aligned with mine and can only imagine how much more convoluted and difficult that situation may have been if Mister Strickland thought Maddox shouldn't make it to Bral.
 
Maddox seemed content to stay with Rai on the remaining trip back to the rock, despite a couple of crew members flirting with him incessantly. While he is an attractive man, I just don't see the point in throwing myself at someone unless they show at least a little interest first. Maybe that's just insecurity, maybe it's politeness that has been ingrained in me since birth, but I find respecting people's boundaries and only engaging in flirting when it's clear both parties are interested. Laylen is a constant wonder to me concerning this thought. Me and her have fun because I like her, not because I can't resist her body, but because she's funny and a good friend. It would be difficult to go months at a time without relieving myself and we have a good capatibility personality wise and sexually. I am often in awe at how she will flirt with seemingly everyong regardless or not having any commonalities, simply hoping they could sate her carnal desires. Though, I would be remiss to not admit that some of her conquests make me a bit...curious. I hesitate to say "jealous" because I don't think I have a negative emotion about it, but she is very boldly fullfilling many fantasies that i've come to have after years of reading some very sexy tomes.
 
After leaving our lycanthrope friend at Lunaria and making our way back to Bral, Maddox, Rai, and myself went to visit Mister Strickland immediately. I was happy to see how happy Rei appeared even though it's sometimes hard to tell what emotions she's hiding behind her beard. It was relief when Maddox asked Mister Strickland to assist him with getting a pardon from the bounty so he wouldn't have to go back to hell after being accused of stealing souls that he did not steal. Though of course he did take some souls...just not those ones. I decided to relax in the familiar location and ingest some of his spirits. I should have known better than to leave after drinking, especially knowing Mister Strickland's tastes, but my inhabitions got the best of me and I chose to celebrate with Rai. I am very grateful that Mister Ultram found me at the guild hall and allowed me to have my fun while keeping an eye on me. I am however, still very embarrased that so many people got to see such a side of myself. I hope I didn't let anyone down with my behavior and that I can make it up to everyone in time. I'm still too scared to ask Mister Strickland if I sent him any letters or magical messages while I was drunk, not because I think he would be angry, but simply because of the sheer embarrasment I would feel from his jokes. After recovering from my massive hangover at The Happy Beholder and having a small chat with Mister Ultrum at the guild hall, i decided to take a walk through the park only to be immediately kidnapped.
 
Now, this is not the first time I have been stolen away against my will, I dare to say it won't be the last though I hope all kidnappings are as civilized as this one. The mutated etin took me into the sewers were I was placed in front of the Unknowable One. He spoke to me about his desire to rid Bral of the current leadership and take over the role for himself. Naturally I was very hesitant to respond out of fear of his reaction, but as I opened up and asked more questions he was actually very forthcomeing with information about corruption in the city. I do not yet know what his end goal is, but it seems like for now his goals would benefit the citizens more than not. He let me go and gave me and my crew a month to decide if we would allow him to work to overthrow the governing forces, or if we'd work against him at which point we would have to be prepared for a very difficult battle. He did not let me go before admiting that he thought my brain would be especially delicious and that it reminded him of veal. Now....if there's one thing I take pride in, it is my intelligence and my learned knowledge, so I would be lying if that didn't make me blush just a bit. While I realize it was a thinly vieled threat, a declaration of what was to happen if he had the opportunity, it was also quite flattering. The etin (#8) also admited that if i had tried to fight him, he was given permission to eat my brain when kidnapping me, I thanked him for escorting me and for refraining from biting when we were alone. I do believe that the rest of the crew is in agreeance that while our goals align, we should work with the Unknowable One. Some of the corruption he described was truly horrible and graphic.
 
During my work the next day I did my best to do the work of 2 or 3 people. Restocking supplies while escorting guests and being a perfect greeter. I hope I have earned back a little trust and respect from my coworkers. After work I talked Rai and Rhui into going to Maddox's new host club to show our support. Rai was a bit put off thinking that Maddox was entertaining others, but I assured her that the owner of the club would not need to do such. I was pleasantly surprised to see such a variety of gentlemen in the building and upon requesting for some tea and stimulating conversation was directed toward Jenkins, the mindflayer. After my interaction with the Unknowable One I was very curious about the conversation we could have and was very pleased with our talk of arcane and language knowledge. I think this may be a safe place I can relax after missions and not have to worry about embarrassing myself again in such a way. We have just a couple days left in town and I am a bit sad to be going again so soon, I hope next time we can stay a little longer, there's still so much i'd like to explore and people i'd like to interact with. I hope my next entry will be laden with successes and not so much regret.