Gathering My Thoughts

Master Pickman recommended that I start writing to sort my thoughts. I’ve been troubled lately and he thought that it might help me resolve them. Opportunities keep coming and I’m unsure of where to go with them. First, the Wizard spoke to me after I helped save Adrianna. He invited me to come study under him. But there’s a lot of distrust lingering about the isle. If I go and learn there, wouldn’t that distrust cling to me? As it is, many will be suspicious of me if I use my new gifts. I want to build trust and help everyone come together. How can I do that when others think I’m just another mage? Of course, even if I don’t go there to train, others will still distrust me. I just don’t know the proper path. I’ll need to think more on it.
 
Recently I was convicted of breaking the Laws of Hospitality. My honor is stained and many will look down upon me. I can’t deny that it stings, however how can I feel bad when I know for certain I did what was good and righteous? The whole of the tournament would have been a lie with that armor being as strong as it was. He would have won the tournament and come back into the fold and it’s likely I never would have found Adrianna. It’s so different seeing her in a dress… So there’s no doubt that the right thing was done, though perhaps in the wrong way. I will just need to work harder to prove myself. I’m beginning to feel that the harder I work to prove that I’m worthy the more I prove that I’m not. Perhaps I should start focusing on a mission and let my deeds sing their own song?
 
That’s a great example! We just found several amazing and tragic happenings. Most seemed baffled by the existence of a Gnome mine underneath the Dwarven ones called the Whispering Mines. My theory is that the Gnomes were there previously, fell to this dark stone that they have uncovered from the depths, and left behind their ruins. The Dwarves came along later and began to dig down, before they breached into the caverns below. The same ones that contained the Gnome Mine and the evil stone. Even still, hopefully the spirits of the Gnomes as well as the Dwarves that were trapped there can now rest. I find myself eagerly telling the tale. Am I perhaps making a mockery of their suffering? Should it be simply recorded and then left alone? If I am to be a man, then I should probably start acting like it. Father isn’t one to brag, but I know from stories that he’d seen a number of victories. Glory and recognition seems an odd creature.
 
My studies have been fruitful at least. Master Ailmar swears this discipline is easy. There’s just so much to learn! With learning to be a Jeweler and a mage and keep up on my fighting skills, it’s a bit much. Still, I enjoy the challenge. Keeping my mind and body engaged has a certain thrill to it. Each new technique, bit of information, or way of looking at the world makes me feel like I’m that much closer to new horizons! Not to mention I’m learning a lot about our non-human neighbors. Their foods, their tongue, their habits are all fascinating. I hope to learn more about magic from the Elves. Eventually I might inquire about learning about their crafting techniques as well. If I can employ techniques from each of the great craftsmen in the Rift, imagine what would be possible!
 
I think I’ve also figured out a project to see about. Many mages have Staves. It seems to be a magical focus that allows for the channeling of magic. It needs a natural core of wood or bone to allow the mana to flow. I almost feel that the Elven ironwood spell that they used would do wonders on the haft of a mace. If I could get them to construct one and then convince a Dwarven smith to build flanges for it and then figure out how to have it enchanted… I’m uncertain if any of the mages from the island would be willing to do so. I could ask the Elves, but I’d already have asked them for two things. They don’t seem to care about coin, so I don’t want to ask too much of them. If I can find a good stone to place in the center of the mace flanges, it could even be made into a powerstone. The flanges would act as a protective cage! Of course, it’s also possible to magically reinforce such a stone and make it more resilient to damage. Shar would likely consider it foolish, but I think she’d appreciate the challenge nonetheless. Anyone smith can build a hitting stick, but if she has to work with a haft already made and work in the stone? Only a master would be able to do that, right?
 
Actually, a lot of groups would be involved in this, right? The Elves would be responsible for the haft and the Dwarves the flanges. If a human crafts the stone and a mage enchants it, then I suppose the Gnomes and Halfings are the only ones left out. Maybe see if my friend can craft the stone so a Gnome can be involved? That leaves Halflings… A fine leather grip maybe? But what hide would be fitting? It would need to be spectacular! After it’s done I could speak to the church about a blessing to help me do battle against evil! I’m getting antsy just writing about this! I haven’t read anything about a mage’s staff being a mace, but I also don’t hear much about mages being really tall and warriors, either. Either way, this project will likely have to wait. There are more pressing matters.
 
The Elven princess is still missing. Master Ailmar seems to be getting nervous. Sorin believes we should be looking for her. I think they might be right. We have a habit of finding trouble. If she’s in trouble, then we’ll likely find it. Unfortunately we also seem to have a habit of barely solving the problem and with no shortage of failures to go with our victories. The conviction, our broken word to the raider, the death of the child wererat. Perhaps there was no way around some of these, but they still come with their own sorts of pain even if they shouldn’t.
 
It feels like the use of magic… I think it could be used for the right reasons. I also feel like it’s right and necessary to use it even though my father disagrees. Still, the ice orb that Master Ailmar used felt… Wrong. Even though he had fallen to dark influences he still thought he was honorable. He tried to be. If I could have counteracted his magic with my own to fight him on an even footing… Maybe that’s something I should strive towards. Use my magic to even the score. Freely use it against the darkness that dwells around us, but against others who are misguided I face them? To kill a man with magic when they have none of their own feels… It feels wrong. Those slavers were confident, yes, but with a single word Master Ailmar stole a chance at an honorable fight from them. Perhaps it was the right decision, but it was hardly a fight after that. I just don’t know. I can understand the animosity that many warriors have when a word can undo your years of dedication and all the blood that has flowed from you and others…
 
I think it’s best to revisit this after I have some more time to think. Orcs, goblins, all of the evil beasts that seek to undo anything good… I would have no qualms slaughtering them with the use of magic. Everything we have should be brought to bear. But for now my studies have gone towards the transference of energy. I believe I’m close to learning how to give my own mana to Master Ailmar to help in the recovery of some of his spells. I think it could work to help Master Durbin after he exhausts himself as well, but I don’t believe it could power his prayers and blessings. Even still, this is an amazingly useful tool. After that I’m uncertain which route to pursue. Defensive magic? Perhaps this spell to channel one’s creativity would be useful? Even Apportation would be invaluable and could form the basis for a number of unique techniques. Much more study will be needed before I can use more complex magic, but I’m just looking forward to being able to add something new to the world, to be able to start making a difference with magic and show that it doesn’t need to be awful!