Distractions

It's been four years since I last saw you, M. You'd probably frown at the thought of me writing in a journal, but I'm not sure what else to do.
 
I'm lost, M. I don't know what to do, I don't know who I can trust. There is so much noise. I used to push everyone out like you told me. It was hard but you were there every step of the way. Where are you? Are you coming back for me? Are you dead?
 
Now what?
 
I'm so grateful for E., maybe you knew all along we'd be a great pair. It took convincing, but she sees my potential, right? She cares about me like you did, right? Is she going to leave me too?
 
"Masters of void magic become the catalyst, the vessel, and the navigator of magic. To be everything is to feel nothing". I remember every word you said and read every page of every book you gave me. I've tried, I can’t tune it all out anymore.
 
What happened to me?
 
I made friends at the Academy – Athalor, Alyxander, and Arianna. Athalor and I went to the Gala and he has kept watch over me. Alyxander is an inspiring leader and has taught me so much. Arianna was the first person to show me kindness when I arrived and I was able to open up because of her.
 
N. constantly reminds me of their faults – they never stop talking. Athalor kissed Arianna in front of me. Did she kiss back? I swear Alyx hit me with a spell once, did he mean it? Can I really trust them? I already know what you would say.
 
I need to focus.
 
E. just said I was being an emotional teenager, something about hormones. How irritating. Would you agree with her? You wouldn't have let it get to this point. "The ends justify the means". I didn’t think I would survive your training but no one can argue with the results. But E. doesn't push me the way you did. I know what I must do now.
 
No more distractions.
 
I have a plan.