Why have I been keeping my identity secret?

Yeah, this is a tough one, I don't really have one reason, but I kinda wanna work through it and figure it out, maybe then I can decide once and for all whether to open up a bit more. Glad this diary has a lock!
 
So.... Why keep it secret?
Guess the first reason is to protect my friends and parents. Yeah, they don't really have any powers so if I got on the bad side of someone and they were able to work out my real identity, then that's a hell of a trump card - really don't know what I would do, I think I would have to back down. Worse, if they were just pissed off and hurt them straight out to make a point...I just don't want that to happen
Secondly.... I dunno, force of habit? like, I've been keeping the fact that I have powers a secret from everyone my whole life. and I guess life was pretty simple until the Doll found out, now stuff is all over the place, so I dunno if I tell anyone more whether it'll get crazier. Then, when I opened up to my parents I got stuck with Buzzybody whose just making me more and more paranoid that someone's watching me and is very very good at winding me up. If that's what you get when you open up, then I'm not particularly impressed.
I guess it's fun? Feels like I have a secret, and especially with AJ i know he wants to know so I feel um... better? or just its kinda funny watching him ask all the time. Don't think the twins care at all, which I guess suits me... I think
Um... I guess I'm scared too, with how intense it's gotten so quickly. We've definitely got their attention all right, and they know who they're dealing with, since that plant thing was disguised as the Doll, and Mirage used AJ's dad... so they know about us, they fricking knew where our hideout was and now nothing feels safe. I'm alright with the group, but if they catch me alone ... I don't have super strength or any actual fighting experience to fall back on if they come in close, and although I guess my first instinct would be to teleport away if they are coming after me directly then they are going to know what I can do so I don't know if I can trust that.... and illusions suck if you know they are illusions. So yeah... I might be pretty awesome at some stuff, but I've not exactly kept what I can do secret. If they only know the Trickster, and I keep people from connecting the dots, then they are way less likely to catch me solo.
So, last thing.... I guess I don't know why anyone would care. they know Trickster, and she's the awesome one with the superpowers whose able to make shit happen, deal with obstacles and can be pretty damn effective when she needs to be. I'm ... just me. A sucky teenager who keeps making mistakes, keeps trusting the wrong people and couldn't even help Ami when she needed it. Trickster gets to be free, and I get to be locked up in my room on my own, going to school and effectively achieving nothing. Twins have it right really, I'm not worth knowing if I'm not actually helping everyone else, and by that trying to keep everyone free to do their own shit.
 
Ok, had to come back to this, that last bit sucked. Frick, I feel messed up in the head right now.
Right, so time to look at the other side of the coin I guess...
 
I guess the first reason is the same, to protect my family and friends. I'm not the only one with these powers, and it's not only us kids too, since apparently I'm the only one without superheroes for parents! I guess if I let them know and say that I'm actually worried about my parents, then they'll maybe keep an eye on them? Though they've probably got better things to do that parent-sit.
But... if something happened to me, like genuinely happened, I don't want them to think I just disappeared and never came back. The Doll could tell them, but if there's just a few more who know then I guess that's better, just in case. I mean, I do really trust the twins and AJ, though AJ is waaaay to trusting for his own good. They've proven themselves... I mean, Velocity saved my life when I was being strangled, and AJ ... well, he opened up to me about his own mum, and even when I slipped up about feeling a bit inadequate about my own powers he said he'd protect me, just like that. Him opening up did kinda seem to make him feel better though, guess I'm kinda jealous of that. Impulse is kinda like me but more ... bouncy... I guess... I know I've not really just talked to her as much, but I guess I feel a bit of that kindred spirit with her? Besides, she's ferocious and I kinda just know she's got my back.
Thinking about it, I guess even though the aftermath of the argument with mum happened, it was a bit of a relief not to have to hide it any more. I'm pretty sure they're not going to be cool with us going up against some stupid corporation but I mean I just asked and they ... well, weren't ok with it, but did let me go. And, I guess for those blissful two days between them suggesting they find me a tutor, and actually finding out who it is, I did kinda feel a bit better and a bit more supported, like they were going to respect my decisions.
Finally, just everyone seems to be telling me the same thing. AJ clearly wants to know, the Doll is the one who suggested that I talk to my parents even if that didnt turn out quite as I expected, and even StormRider gave me a dig about it and suggested it's better if you open up ... can see where AJ get's it from!
 
That's all I can think of.... Um.... maybe I just let one of them know as a starting point and see how things move on? But it would suck if the others felt bad if I didnt tell them at the same time I guess... Or maybe I just tell them at once and get it over with. But... does it even matter? The one who really matters is Trickster so I dunno if I'd push them away if I let them see the boring me. I dunno. If I had to pick one to tell, I guess it would be Velocity for now, especially after he came to me for help with Mumzilla, plus that way I dont have to stop teasing AJ about it. Hey, I even have some blackmail material on Velocity if I need it (though I don't think I will)