Better Days

To be swindled... it could be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. I couldn't even explain to the group afterward, It was just too stupid! I thought a disguise would help; but in truth, I panicked... I owe Blank, I just hope he stays quiet and spares me of any more humiliation. By the Watcher, the odor of that mask still lingers in my nose... I’m feeling nauseous again…
 
 
I’m not really sure what I expected, we arrived at the metal titan a day ago. So far it only seems to hold dangers and my companions aren't very cautious. I guess It's not as bad as being eaten in a horrid cave, but I’ve yet to find anything at all that could help me or even lead me in the right direction. When I left the Cathedral I was so confident I would be guided to something, but now, well... I don't really know what I'm doing, and I can only evade the covenant for so long.
 
I miss you Ockie, I miss our talks, but I hope you stay far away… You would know what to make of my dreams. In them, I had to make a choice; walk with the Hunter or return to the Sun. I’m worried I made the wrong one... I didn't pray today, Cornelia would have whipped us for skipping prayer, but today when I closed my eyes… I kept seeing the Sun... burning you alive. Still, I feel so guilty. I’m not confident I can trust the Hunter... and I'm not sure I have a choice anymore.
 
Levi was acting strange today. For Levi, that wouldn't be unusual, but he had a sudden interest in me, which is a concern. Perhaps his head is just still not clear, I’m not sure. I haven't done anything different today -besides that mask...- but then again his behavior constantly puzzles me... Besides that, the group is well. We defeated some metal monster within the titan, and while the methods used were… odd, they worked… I suppose. Though, I don't think I should ever trust Blank with my weapon again. Additionally, I talked with Helaina... actually I threatened Helaina. I really shouldn't think of it, It just upsets me. I will find out the truth eventually but the Covenant is more important.