Journal Entry #1

Dear diary,
 
Madam Pomfrey recommended that I start writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper. She said I was probably traumatized after what we all experienced in the Chamber of Secrets. To be fair, it was pretty terrifying and, sure, I do have recurring nightmares about the big snake bird and about Voldemort coming back and killing everyone I love to torture me. But, I really don't see what writing about it is going to do. If anything, having it down on paper is just going to make me relive it all when I go back and read past entries. I honestly wasn't going to do it, but mum bought me the journal and I guess I should try for them. Honestly, my poor parents have been through it. I don't know what they expected sending me to Hogwarts, but it definitely wasn't this. Sure, I've always been a troublemaker. Dad says I get it from my vampire side, and I'm inclined to agree. Apparently, when they found out about everything that happened dad turned into a bat and tried to fly all the way to Scotland to get me. Mum had to grab one of our brooms and fly after him. He got quite far, but bats aren't really meant to fly super long distances. There's a reason wizards use owls and not bats... I know I'm causing them pain. I know that I'm not an easy child to raise. I really don't mean to hurt them. Mum was all weepy when I got back home. Just kept hugging me and mumbling things about not letting me go back to school. I know she didn't mean it. Despite the trouble I've gotten in, they know I'm happy at school.
 
I always wanted a baby sibling. When I was a kid every birthday I would blow out my candles and wish for a little brother or sister. But now, I'm filled with dread. This poor baby is going to be born with a target on its back. Regardless of what Liam says, I know that I am going to be targeted in the future either by Voldemort or one of his followers. I hope that I am not important enough that my family would be targeted. I hope that when he comes for me he just kills me. Quick and clean. No one I love needs to get hurt. It's not just my family that I'm worried about either. I'm worried for Graham and Archer and all of my friends. Graham has never done anything to harm anyone. He's sweet and brilliant and one of the most incredible people I have ever met. He doesn't deserve to be harmed just because he decided to date me. If I wasn't so selfish I would break up with him. For his safety. But I love him, and I'm a terrible person but I want to be with him. He is so constant in my life. He's always there for me, unfailingly. I don't know how I got so lucky to be with him.
 
And then there's Archer. The most frustrating and annoying person I know, and inexplicably my best friend in the whole world. He's a bit of a mess right now. His girlfriend is a rat, his family are assholes, and I don't think he knows what he's doing with his life. I've been asked so many times why I'm still friends with him, By Evelynn or Ellie or that random Hufflepuff girl in the bathroom that one time, and I really can't explain why. This sounds so silly but I wonder if there is such a thing as platonic soulmates. Like I'm NOT romantically interested in Archer. like AT ALL. But, sometimes it feels like Archer and I are two sides of the same coin, you can't really have one without the other. I don't know, I have a lot of really confusing thoughts about Archer. I just don't understand him sometimes. I wish he would just MAKE SENSE. I still kind of want to hunt him...
 
Honestly, writing down my feelings did make me feel better. Maybe I'll keep doing this.