The crossroads

It seems that the further we delve into the dealings of Akkon the worse it gets. My doubts do nothing but deepen. It no seems that that the Kingdom has been keeping infiltrators in demon worshiping cults. The need to acquire information is obvious, but that has to be balanced with the need for safety. Having found that they worship demons, the groups destruction should have been arranged. It is like with the chest we found in the Gloomlight forest. Dangerous, but kept close instead of destroyed.
 
Speaking of that cursed chest. Jacqualine had another of her dreams last night. In it the Karapenate urged the King to and watched while he opened the chest. In it was a book that the King apparently has become obsessed with, reading it without stop and leaving the kingdom without a leader. There where other things about a planet with black stars and Akk-Ur being transported there if the King continues reading. Her dreams haven’t been wrong yet and if this holds true for this dream as well the consequences are dire. I don’t want to show the group my worry, but I am truly afraid of what this means. The world I know, my mother, threatened. She must leave and soon!
 
This obsession of the King would explain why he’s been absent for so long and why the council seems to have taken the reins of rulership. Maybe this absolves the king of some blame concerning recent events, but it’s not certain. It changes little of the effects though. The council seems to try and regain lost power and command of the armed forces. The only possible reason must be to wage war against Kaedra. An endeavour doomed from the onset. Thousands upon thousands will die.
 
The plans in the west continue and I have been asked by mother to once more aid the regime increase the likelihood of success. Yet, what they ask is not a trivial matter. I’m to break into the palace and retrieve certain items in order to destabilize the kingdom. They haven’t told me what items they want, however I’m certain I will regret accepting the task.
 
What makes the situation more complicated is that our dear Kadaron Hoymat has implored us to locate and ensure the safe return of the crown Princess Roxana to stabilize the Kingdom. He fears that the Princesses older brothers accension, if the King remains unfit to rule would spell disaster.
 
It seems that my many loyalties are beginning to show. To summarize. The council requires my service and would have me kill without trial. They are also selfishly grabbing power and preparing the realm for a disastrous war, in addition to all things mentioned in the previous entry. The ever loyal (?) Hoymat wants me to help increase royal power and ensure the status que and the stability that brings. Lastly my mother requires that I break oath in a move aimed directly at the crown else the western plan and in extension she will be in danger. Isn’t this a lovely pile of dung to sit in?
 
Several disasters teetering on the edge and me in the middle. My actions could tip the balance in one way or the other. I could help the council and thus break the iron grip of the King on the realm, yet this will lead to war. I could aid in Hoymats plan, possibly strengthening the crown. Yet does my service to said crown hinder or hurry on the disasters? I could aid mother in her endeavour to destabilize the central authority of both the crown and the council. Although doing so leaves the kingdom in chaos, leaving it worse off in the coming conflict with Kaedra.
 
I took my chance to get of the dodgy path and serve the King to be rid of these sorts of dilemmas. The moral certainty that what I did was the right thing. There are things in my past that need atonement. The good deeds in the name of the crown were supposed to be the new dirt with which I could begin filling the hole dug by my sins. What I have realized though is that the actions of state are much the same as what I had to do in the Regime. It’s all lies and knives in the dark veiled in authority and legitimacy by the ruthless word of the law. Nothing has changed but the scope of those affected by my actions. I fear that the effect has been the same as before. Poverty, slavery and death.
 
Who am I to serve? Where can I find salvation? Perhaps there is no one able to grant me a clear cut path. Perhaps I need to pave it myself. I am of half a mind to join mother and start again. Begin a new road in a new land. We will see.
 
PS: I have also gained a true enemy. Someone with wealth enough to hire the red mantis assassins to end my life. So perhaps my problems will simply solve themselves if I fail to be vigilant.