Toppling a God

Dear Phoebe,
 
Well, I just received the unpleasant and unwelcome reminder of how utterly fucked I am. I suppose at least the wanted posters spared mother and father the indignity of having their name directly associated with a dangerous, irredeemable criminal, but I'm not particularly pleased to have my given name so front and center. Or to have such a poster at all, honestly.
 
If I sound salty it's because I am. Your salary isn't much better than mine used to be. Why am I worth more to the Aether Council as a criminal than I was as an educated and productive member of their precious society?
 
That's a rhetorical question, obviously.
 
I'm not writing entirely to whine - I want to set the record straight about Aposa, on Doth. I will feel a little better knowing that you, at least, know the truth despite the endless churn of the Council's propaganda machine. There were no riots in Aposa, and no deposing of a lawful and benevolent leader. My fellow criminals and I unseated a despot, who is now facing judgment from the people she oppressed. The majority of that populace follow Torm, so I expect she'll receive a kinder judgment there than she would elsewhere. Certainly she'll fare better than she would at the hands of the Authority. *I* was only accused and convicted of practicing necromancy, which is a drop in the bucket compared to her crimes, and yet I was imprisoned in Event Horizons.
 
…I swear I'm not writing to you just to complain, but it feels as if that's all I'm doing. I'm sorry.
 
The despot I mentioned is a woman named Zasliara. She used to belong to an order of Paladins based in Aposa, known as The Light of Ages. Years ago, she left Doth to travel the stars searching for Torm, following what she believed to be his call. It wasn't Torm calling at all, however, but Cyric. Deceived into believing him to be Torm, she swore a brutal oath to follow him, and return to her home in the name of Torm. All this time, she's been duping the people of the city and channeling their faith in Torm to fatten Cyric, instead.
 
This is where it gets truly unbelievable: My three companions and I confronted her in Torm's desecrated cathedral. In the midst of the fight, I called on Kelemvor's aid, as I have very often since escaping prison. Eo goaded Zasliara into reciting the oath she made to Cyric, the Oath of Conquest. I countered her with Torm's Oath of Devotion while channeling divinity to bolster the attacks of my companions. My hope in doing that was to create enough cognitive dissonance to snap her out of Cyric's hold on her, and, well. It sort of worked. Not only did Kelemvor heed my call for aid, Torm showed up as well. I had no idea what to do with so much divine power, so I left the matter to Kelemvor. He revealed a parasitic shade, an aspect of Cyric that had blinded Zasliara and been guiding her actions, likely from the moment she swore her oath.
 
The illusion on the cathedral shattered like glass, and the desecration was laid bare. It appeared as though the place had not hosted a single soul for many, many years, although I know from firsthand experience that the foot traffic of Torm's followers and devotees through there had been prodigious up until that point. The Shade of Cyric was, you can probably imagine, enraged, and wasted no time in attacking me directly. In any other instance I may very well have died of fright on the spot, but bolstered as I was with Kelemvor's presence, I was more angry at the thing than anything else. It poured so much hatred and vitriol into my mind in those few brief moments, even now the memory takes my breath away. But Kelemvor had not abandoned me, and with his help I smote the thing where it stood.
 
I've been having trouble sleeping, since then. Kelemvor's domain is death, not dreams, and I've been having more of the latter than I would prefer. One thing the shade said to me in particular stands out - it said, "they're gone, and we can do whatever we want!"
 
Given my experiences up until that point, I can only assume "they" refers to the lawful gods. Kelemvor has always felt distant, but I had always figured that was normal. In the course of uncovering Zasliara's desecration, I encountered a man named Darius, a paladin of Torm. I have never met someone so welcoming and warm in my entire life. His experience with his god's distance seems far starker than mine. In hindsight the disparity is clearly to do with Cyric's blasphemous presence in Torm's holy place. This entire experience has been frightening and unpleasant, but it has confirmed to me a new purpose. I have access to a ship, three capable companions I don't hate, and more free time than I've ever had before in my life. I will use this opportunity to search for my god. I have been thinking for a while now that I need to find Kelemvor - literally, physically find him, and the events in Aposa have convinced me I'm on the correct course. I am determined, however, to pursue my search with logic and reason. I will not fall prey to the blind devotion that allowed Zasliara to be deceived.
 
We've left Doth as I write this - someone tipped off the Authority to our location, so we got out of there before they could arrive. I'll write again once we run away from our next destination, I suppose. For better or for worse, it looks like this is my life, now.
 
I love you,
Finch