A Court Really is Missing Its Fool After All

In the end, I have always been a stupid, reckless person. One whose mouth runs faster than their brain. One who is far too careless, far too trusting.
 
Far too compassionate. Far too easily swayed by a sob story told by someone I mistake to be honest. Far too naive to think that they can outwit and outmaneuver the veritable titans and lords of outwitting and outmaneuvering themselves. It takes geniuses to trick gods and legends to trick fae. I am neither.
 
Everything was going so well. Everything was going fantastic, even! The night was wonderful, sensual. It was everything I loved about Dark Court revels. And then it all came crashing down. Mother and apparently her rival--which is a thing now, apparently--were in attendance. And all this time, I took Leah at her word. I assumed the best in her. But no. No, she's a bloody fae duchess just like mother. Both of them after me for different reasons. I never realized I was so gods-damned popular...
 
So everything is rightly fucked now. I must be on my absolute guard at all times, Maelie is probably furious with me because she warned me and I insisted I had everything under control. I hope she can forgive me in time. I know I won't be able to forgive me for a long, long time. And all the bluster, all the confidence, all the sass and attitude and boldness means absolutely nothing in the face of this impending, looming doom that I have woven for myself.
 
Manny will probably be angry with me, too. He's always told me more than anyone else to be careful in dealings with fae beings, certainly even more so fae lords and ladies. I bought into my own lie, my own persona of who I think I am versus who I really am. I think myself clever; I am an imbecile. I think myself witty; I am a dullard. I think myself cunning; I am anything but.
 
Is there hope? Sure, probably. I will likely need help from others. But I am almost certain that I have upset damned near everyone in my life. Upset with worry, upset with anger or frustration; it matters little, for the pain of knowing that I have erred and caused others pain and worry is enough to keep me awake at night. Perhaps amends can be made--gods, how I hope amends can be made. But is there a way out from this conflict between Courts? If it comes down to it where I am well and truly doomed to be a slave of either duchess, I only hope that I will still have the free will to choose to put an end to my own torment. I hope it does not come down to it.
 
Being unmade and stripped of agency is a fate worse than death.