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Logbook of Soras Valcoran

The Logbook of Soras Valcoran is a personal travel journal kept by the first Cadmeian, Soras Valcoran . It details and describes the expedition to the northern Milky Way Galaxy that would eventually discover and colonize the planet of Cadmeia. The original copy was kept in the Hall of Heroes in the Cadmeian city of Kiruna until the fall of Cadmeia, until the fall of Cadmeia, when the city, along with the hall of heroes, were destroyed.

Purpose

The document was written by Soras Valcoran, the greatest explorer to have ever lived in the history of the federation and also the first person to set foot on Cadmeia, to record the details of the expedition and the various planets and celestial bodies they visited in detail.

Document Structure

Clauses

The document is roughly divided into 5 years with many Divisions, each division telling their own part about the journey. Each yearly entry sums up all the events that happened in that year of the voyage. Some tell about a number of planets discovered during a certain period of time and the stages of their colonisation. Others detail the discovery of a particular planet or a space time anomaly. The divisions themselves are arranged into chapters that go deeper into detail about the topic of a specific division.

Historical Details

Background

The Logbook was written to provide a detailed description of one of the first and largest interstellar expeditions undertaken by mankind and to provide an account of such an expedition for the travellers in the future. In the years and decades following the publication of this logbook, many other expeditions would look to it for first hand guidance on venturing across the reaches of the Milky Way Galaxy.

History

The discovery

  In the late 22nd century, mankind had discovered the existence of FTL travel with the help of the Aenarri race and had managed to invent a fully functioning void engine of their own. The sigma -Ludwig void Drive that first propelled mankind to the stars would serve for many more centuries, albeit with much modifications and modernizations. Within a few years of the discovery of the void engine, many expeditions were prepared to venture out into the unexplored parts of the Milky Way and colonize the planets there. Amongst these expeditions however, expedition FENRIS was the largest. And the logbook would preserve its legacy for centuries more.  

Venture to the stars

  The FENRIS expedition had left the planet of Bellerophon, a medium sized colony orbiting Alpha Centauri A in 2280. Over the next five years, the logbook would serve to detail the various planets , moons, rogue planets and other celestial objects the expedition came through.

Legacy

The legacy of the logbook is one of reverence and Respect. After the expedition was complete, Soras was widely hailed as the greatest explorer mankind had ever seen and the pioneer of building the gigantic Interstellar Civilization of mankind, going so far as to call him the Pathfinder of the stars.
 

Legal status

The document is completely valid under Imperial law and is even promoted and taught in most educational institutes as part of the curriculum  

Publication status

Copies of the document are publicly availiable to almost everyone in the Imperial federation.
Type
Journal, Scientific
Medium
Digital Recording, Text
Authors
Signatories (Characters)
Signatories (Organizations)

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Comments

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May 21, 2019 04:15 by TheirGraceGrace

Friendly feedback wizard here! First off, I love the header and font choices. It just screams SPACE! (need to get myself a guild membership so I can do that…) At the same time, I feel like there’s something odd with a digital recording that can be easily destroyed. Feel free to disagree. Also, and I do it too so I’m a bit of a hypocrite, but feel free to use a lot of punctuation. For example, “Purpose” could read : “The document was written by Soras Valcoran, the greatest explorer in the history of the Federation. He is also the first person to set foot on Cadmeia, setting out to record the details of the expedition and the various planets and celestial bodies they visited.” It’s the same information but packaged in a way that’s easier to read. This one’s more of a confession, I’ve got a weak spot for maps. I know space maps are hard, and hopefully you get a good sleep before trying to handle 3D mapping, but I love where this is going and I hope to find out more about Cadmeia in the future!

May 28, 2019 21:40 by Elias Redclaw

Thank you for the very detailed comment! I have updated the article by now so it’s a bit better to look at. I still appreciated your feedback quite a bit!

May 22, 2019 17:03 by Stormbril

Ah the formatting of your articles are always excellent! I'm always a big fan of the font and layout. This article really sets up the log book of Soras Valcoran; I really want to read the entire log book. Theres so many possibilities with it! I'd love to read some small sections from it.   One small thing, on some of the linked articles, it might be nice to have some some excerpts/tool tips/mouse overs on them! I always like the little tidbits of info you get from descriptions of names and places.   Overall great job so far!

May 28, 2019 21:42 by Elias Redclaw

Well why thank you for the greatly detailed comment storm! I’ve improved the article quite a bit after your feedback so it’s far better now! Thanks for the feedback!

May 24, 2019 01:25 by Doug Marshall

One thing I'd recommend right off the bat is to capitalize more things: "Milky Way", "Hall of Heroes", "Federation" - it distinguishes them as Proper Nouns. Make sure that capitalization is consistent too; you've written "logbook" at the start and "Logbook" at the end. That's just a nitpicky thing, though. If you can, too, throw in some more links! Embed the article into your world by networking it thoroughly, even if some of those links are just drafts right now! As for the content of your article, it seems very interesting but you tend to repeat yourself a lot. Think about omitting some overlapping fields (Background versus Purpose) and instead devoting more words to examining the details of why and how these aspects of the logbook are the way they are. don't feel obligated to fill out every field, but where you do fill out a field, make it count!

ASP | AV | OE | SPH | TMS | CDL | LOR | PR | HTH
May 28, 2019 21:42 by Elias Redclaw

Thank you for the detailed comment Doug! Based on your feedback and those of the other wonderful worldbuilders, I have improved my article quite a bit! Thank you for the feedback!

May 24, 2019 17:52

Such good work Bloodclaw! I'd love to give you some feedback ^^   The CSS is, as always, very aesthetically pleasing! The intro to the article is short & comprehensive, I know exactly what this document is and who logged it. I would say that there is slight over repetition of "Cadmeia" in the intro. This could be solved by restructuring the sentences to be more direct. eg. "the Cadmeian city of Kiruna" to "the city of Kiruna.   In regard to the document itself, it's overall good! Only minor typo errors and such. One being some years being in numeric form while others in alphabetic, eg. "year 1" vs "year three". I would recommend on trying to try and delve deeper into the emotional reactions of Soras. His horror, dread, excitement, bewilderment, etc. You have strong foundations to expand on all these avenues. I can't wait to see the final product you create!! I'm extremely excited!

May 28, 2019 21:43 by Elias Redclaw

Thank you! I didn’t want to detail Soras emotions too much since I feel like it would bloat the article. But I’ve rectified some of the issues you pointed out! Thank you!

May 25, 2019 11:56

Really liked it.
Year three sounded really interesting, a bit of horror in space is always welcome in my book.
My only problem would be the contrast between the gray text of the logs and white background, they are a little too close to themselves and in certain lights (right now the sun is shining a little at my monitor) might be hard to read.

May 28, 2019 21:44 by Elias Redclaw

Hmm I think that might be the default CSS. At this rate, I’m just afraid of touching it due to fear of breaking it. But still thank you for the comment!

May 25, 2019 21:49 by Mihkel Rand

Since the other wonderful people before me gave a lot of great feedback already, I'm just going to do a lot of nitpicking over minor problems.   There are a few times when the article has an unnecessary space next to periods and commas. For example, the first sentence of the article has an unnecessary space between "Valcoran" and "."

...Cadmeian city of Kiruna until the fall of Cadmeia, where the city was destroyed and so was the Hall of heroes

Now I'm no expert, but shouldn't it be "when the city was destroyed" instead of "where"

The text under "Purpose" is all in one long sentence. Consider chopping it up into multiple sentences instead. Maybe have the first sentence be about the author and then the second one can say what its purpose was.
There's a tiny spelling mistake (fitst) in the first sentence under "Background". In the log itself, you left the word "I" uncapitalised a few times.

The background of the logbook is very bright. If you could make it darker then that would be nice. Contact me on Discord if you need help with the CSS. The image under the "Read the Document" isn't the best. Try finding an image that doesn't have a big "shutterstock" on and under the image or just remove it. It doesn't leave a good impression :P   And again as I said at the start, these are just tiny minor nitpicks so don't worry too much about them. Good luck and keep up the good work! (Hopefully I didn't horribly mess up the comment's bbcode)

Creator of Lethea and Pekkola

Maker of Maps
May 28, 2019 21:46 by Elias Redclaw

Thank you so much for the incredibly detailed comment dhel! I’ve rectified some of the problems you highlighted and fixed the grammar issues as well as gotten a new image. At this rate, I’m just afraid of breaking the CSS whilst trying to fiddle with it so I might not do that but I took some of your other points into mind and rectified the mistakes! Thank you again for your comment!

May 25, 2019 22:12 by Jaime Buckley

Formatting and font choice is perfect, as always. Your writing is fun, engaging...but I had a struggle this time, with ONLY one thing: When I try to read the document, I can't actually see the main type. The color makes my eyes strain so badly, I can't see the words to read them. They're to grey.   I figure I'm probably the exception to the rule, so don't change anything on my account...just wanted to let you know.   Great job!!

JAIME BUCKLEY
Storyteller, Cartoonist,..pretty awesome friend =)
Subscribe to Life of Fiction to see the live results of all this worldbuilding.
May 28, 2019 21:47 by Elias Redclaw

Oh why thank you Jaime! The CSS might be like that by original so I sadly am afraid I can’t fix that ( I’m also too afraid to fiddle with it ) but thank you for the comment

May 26, 2019 15:09 by Wendy Vlemings (Rynn19)

I am very impressed by your entry. Aesthetically it is beautiful. I must learn more about CSS myself. I also enjoyed reading about the discovery of Cadmeia. One can only wonder what it would be like to make such a journey.

Author of Ealdwyll, a fantasy world full of mystery.
May 28, 2019 21:48 by Elias Redclaw

Hehe thank you for the comment Rynn! I’m glad that I could deliver content like this to you!

May 26, 2019 17:24 by R. Dylon Elder

"...until the fall of Cadmeia, when the city was destroyed and so was the Hall of heroes" right here, i feel like you could rephrase to give it more punch, you want to make sure to clarify the hall of heroes was destroyed but it is phrased in a way that makes it seem a tad bit of an afterthought. Something like,     "until the fall of Cadmeia, when the city, along with the hall of heroes, were destroyed.   "until the fall of Cadmeia, when the city was destroyed, and the Hall of heroes with it"   Either would work and more!   "the greatest explorer to have ever lived in the history of the federation" Here i would remove "to have ever lived." if he is the greatest in the history of the federation, he is obviously the greatest to have lived, unless there was an undead explorer out there, lol.     "yearly entry sums up all the events that had happened in that year of the voyage." you have a little passive voicing here. no big deal mind you, butttt you can remove "Had" and it would have more action and more punch.   The document itself is very well done. didn't find much wrong with it.   I do have a couple notes on formatting. The image on the top right of the article in the sidebar kind of does a disservice to it since it has a watermark. i actually found several space images in creative commons that could work that do not have that water mark. you could even remove that image, and break off the text that overhangs your sidebar and put that text in the FULL FOOTER section in the design tab or your edit screen. neat little trick that can make the text wrap the sidebar instead of the empty space. in fact I also think you could replace that image and take the legacy section, put it in the full footer, and expand a little bit on it. I still want to know why he has the respect and reverence he has. if he is the greatest ever, why? was there some particular elements of his journey that no mere man could pull thru? regardless it was a nice read. i enjoyed the way to bring him to like in the document. it felt like a real person talking. very good job!

May 28, 2019 21:48 by Elias Redclaw

Wow now that is one big arse comment Dylon! I took some of your points into consideration and rectified them. Thank you for the amazingly detailed comment!

May 28, 2019 22:44 by R. Dylon Elder

Ooooo my friend, the image is perfect. I'll need to get on computer to really see. but I shall soon.

May 28, 2019 21:50

I really liked the excitement that comes across reading the logbook by Soras. There are a few nitpickings to be made:   In some places you have empty lines before a new headline and in some places you don't. I'd try to be consistent there. There are a few typos, like under background you have "fitst" instead of "first" in one spot and maybe I have overlooked some as well. I would do one more quick reread if I were you.   In Year 2 you have the phrase "quite a bit of planets" - I think a better way to say this would be "quite a few planets"   Again, these are nitpicks, overall I really enjoyed the article!: Thanks! :D

May 28, 2019 21:52 by Elias Redclaw

And here I thought my article was devoid of imperfections. Those shall be rectified as soon as my laptop is charged . Thank youuui

Jun 7, 2019 01:02 by Barron

=Fantastic job with this one Blood. I really enjoyed following along the adventures of Soras in this five year venture. Your writing is improving very well! However I still think there is some BB Codes tricks that you have to master! Rows and Cols are your friends and don't feel beholden to only using the prebuilt titles.   Great job Blood :D