Anyone better than him

Cassus played by CC

In his hive, Cassus sat. All alone. Hurt. His vision was becoming blurry with all the noise. All the screaming. Where was it coming from? Was it in his head? He desperately tried to look around for a way to stop it, but it just got louder. Cerulean blood and tears dripping down, staining his floor. He tried getting up from the heap of helplessness he had collapsed in. His head spun and forced him to sit back down. His likely concussed head held in his hands. Earlier, his lusus was demanding food once again. He made the mistake of targeting the wrong troll. They fought back and injured Cassus. That's all he can remember. The trail of his blood to the spot he's in and the gold-colored blood on his hands makes him think that he escaped. The absence of screeching from his lusus makes him believe the victim eventually died.
The screaming. It grows louder. It hurt. He pathetically cried harder, hating himself all the more. The screaming. The killing. He didn't want this. His sobs became more shaky and more shallow until the tears stopped coming down. The noise stopped. His head was still pounding. The blood was still dripping. His guilt kept growing. His emotions kept fading.
The last thing he remembers is messaging someone on trollian before his mind blanked out. He woke up with a friend at his side, an indigoblood, checking the damage he sustained. The feeling of defeat rung in his bones. All he wanted was to forget. Forget about his life and become someone else. Someone without the burdens he carries. Anyone who doesn't feel like this.
Anyone better than him.