PM1 pt.01} David Blows
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT'S BULLSHIT?
CG: AND I MEAN WHAT'S REALLY, GENUINELY CONSTRUCTED OF THE MIASMIC FAECES OF A TESTOSTERONE-ADDLED HOOFBEAST?
CG: THE FUCKING *MERGE*.
CG: AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT BE THINKING. "DUHHH, BUT KARKAT, DUHHH, NOW THAT ALTERNIA IS OUT OF THE PICTURE AND SOCIETY IS LESS VIOLENT, THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WANT TO KILL YOU ANY MORE, DUHHH". (THE "DUHHH"S ARE TO REPRESENT YOUR STUPIDITY. OBVIOUSLY.)
CG: YES. I KNOW. THAT'S TRUE, AND IT'S PRETTY FUCKING GREAT.
CG: BUT WANNA KNOW WHAT'S *NOT* PRETTY FUCKING GREAT?
CG: KANKRI. FUCKING. VANTAS.
CG: WHY IN THE BOUNDLESS, NOOK-RAPTURING *FUCK* WAS I CURSED INTO BEING INTERDIMENSIONALLY BOUND TO THAT PIECE OF SHIT?
CG: I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. I WOULD TAKE ANYONE ELSE. I'D TAKE FUCKING *VRISKA'S* DANCESTOR. AND SHE NEVER SHUTS UP EITHER.
CG: BUT NO. I GOT THIS SELF-RIGHTEOUS, WHINY, UNAWARE, SCATHING, INCONSEQUENTIAL, ASININE, OVERZEALOUS, PICAYUNE WAD OF RAMBLING ASS BUTTER.
CG: AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE TYPE OF ASS BUTTER THAT AN ANAL FETISHIST WOULD ENJOY.
CG: NO. IT'S THE TYPE OF BUTTER SO SICKENINGLY THICK THAT IT SERVES NO PURPOSE OTHER THAN TO STOP YOUR BLOODPUSHER FROM THUMPING.
CG: IF I WANTED A MENTOR, I'D GO TO SCHOOL. FUCK, IF I WANTED A MENTOR, I'D GO *OUTSIDE*.
CG: BUT I DON'T WANT A MENTOR. I WANT THIS ASSHOLE TO STOP NAGGING ME TO "GET MYSELF TOGETHER".
CG: OH, WHO AM I KIDDING.
CG: I'M JUST YELLING INTO THE VOID AT THIS POINT. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
CG: FUCK, DOES ANYONE EVEN *USE* THIS MEMO? PROBABLY NOT, RIGHT?
CG: I MEAN, IT WAS AT THE TOP OF THE "PUBLIC MEMOS" LIST, FOR SOME REASON. MAYBE MY TROLLIAN IS BUGGED OR SOME SHIT. I DON'T KNOW.
CG: WHATEVER. I JUST HAD TO GET THAT SHIT OFF MY CHEST. I'M IN KIND OF A PISSY MOOD RIGHT NOW.
CG: IT FELT GOOD TO GET IT OUT. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH OF THAT I ACTUALLY *MEANT*, BUT IT WAS STILL NICE TO SAY.
CG: SO, THANKS FOR LISTENING.
CG: WAIT, THERE'S NO ONE HERE.
CG: FORGET I SAID THAT.
CG: WAIT, THERE'S NO ONE HERE TO FORGET I SAID THAT. FUCK.
CG: OKAY, YOU'RE JUST TALKING TO YOURSELF AT THIS POINT.
CG: I MEAN, *I'M* JUST TALKING TO MYSELF. GOD DAMN IT. YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.
CG: AND I MEAN WHAT'S REALLY, GENUINELY CONSTRUCTED OF THE MIASMIC FAECES OF A TESTOSTERONE-ADDLED HOOFBEAST?
CG: THE FUCKING *MERGE*.
CG: AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT BE THINKING. "DUHHH, BUT KARKAT, DUHHH, NOW THAT ALTERNIA IS OUT OF THE PICTURE AND SOCIETY IS LESS VIOLENT, THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WANT TO KILL YOU ANY MORE, DUHHH". (THE "DUHHH"S ARE TO REPRESENT YOUR STUPIDITY. OBVIOUSLY.)
CG: YES. I KNOW. THAT'S TRUE, AND IT'S PRETTY FUCKING GREAT.
CG: BUT WANNA KNOW WHAT'S *NOT* PRETTY FUCKING GREAT?
CG: KANKRI. FUCKING. VANTAS.
CG: WHY IN THE BOUNDLESS, NOOK-RAPTURING *FUCK* WAS I CURSED INTO BEING INTERDIMENSIONALLY BOUND TO THAT PIECE OF SHIT?
CG: I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. I WOULD TAKE ANYONE ELSE. I'D TAKE FUCKING *VRISKA'S* DANCESTOR. AND SHE NEVER SHUTS UP EITHER.
CG: BUT NO. I GOT THIS SELF-RIGHTEOUS, WHINY, UNAWARE, SCATHING, INCONSEQUENTIAL, ASININE, OVERZEALOUS, PICAYUNE WAD OF RAMBLING ASS BUTTER.
CG: AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE TYPE OF ASS BUTTER THAT AN ANAL FETISHIST WOULD ENJOY.
CG: NO. IT'S THE TYPE OF BUTTER SO SICKENINGLY THICK THAT IT SERVES NO PURPOSE OTHER THAN TO STOP YOUR BLOODPUSHER FROM THUMPING.
CG: IF I WANTED A MENTOR, I'D GO TO SCHOOL. FUCK, IF I WANTED A MENTOR, I'D GO *OUTSIDE*.
CG: BUT I DON'T WANT A MENTOR. I WANT THIS ASSHOLE TO STOP NAGGING ME TO "GET MYSELF TOGETHER".
CG: OH, WHO AM I KIDDING.
CG: I'M JUST YELLING INTO THE VOID AT THIS POINT. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
CG: FUCK, DOES ANYONE EVEN *USE* THIS MEMO? PROBABLY NOT, RIGHT?
CG: I MEAN, IT WAS AT THE TOP OF THE "PUBLIC MEMOS" LIST, FOR SOME REASON. MAYBE MY TROLLIAN IS BUGGED OR SOME SHIT. I DON'T KNOW.
CG: WHATEVER. I JUST HAD TO GET THAT SHIT OFF MY CHEST. I'M IN KIND OF A PISSY MOOD RIGHT NOW.
CG: IT FELT GOOD TO GET IT OUT. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH OF THAT I ACTUALLY *MEANT*, BUT IT WAS STILL NICE TO SAY.
CG: SO, THANKS FOR LISTENING.
CG: WAIT, THERE'S NO ONE HERE.
CG: FORGET I SAID THAT.
CG: WAIT, THERE'S NO ONE HERE TO FORGET I SAID THAT. FUCK.
CG: OKAY, YOU'RE JUST TALKING TO YOURSELF AT THIS POINT.
CG: I MEAN, *I'M* JUST TALKING TO MYSELF. GOD DAMN IT. YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.
GC: 4R3 YOU OK4Y K4RK4T
CG: AM I OKAY? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
CG: OKAY, NO, THAT WAS A PRETTY REASONABLE QUESTION IN RETROSPECT.
CG: I GUESS I'M OKAY. AS OKAY AS I CAN BE AFTER CONSECUTIVELY BLOWING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CASKETS.
CG: IS A BURNT-OUT CANDLE "OKAY"?
CG: OR IS IT JUST A BLOB OF SPENT WAX?
CG: I DEFINITELY FEEL LIKE A BLOB OF SPENT WAX. BUT I'M STILL BUBBLING, MOTHERFUCKER.
CG: I'M A MELTED POOL OF THAT SHIT. I'M BRIGHT AND ENTICING, THE KIND OF WAX POOL THAT MAKES YOU WANNA STICK YOUR FINGERS IN IT TO GET THEM ALL WAXY.
CG: THEN YOU CAN BREAK OFF THE WAX AND PLAY WITH IT.
CG: FUCK, I JUST REALISED HOW OBVIOUSLY SEXUAL THAT SOUNDED.
CG: THAT WASN'T AN INNUENDO. I WAS JUST REFLECTING ON THE GOOD TIMES I'VE HAD PLAYING WITH CANDLE WAX.
CG: I MEAN, UNLESS.
CG: FUCK, NO, NOT UNLESS.
CG: I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT CANDLES. PERIOD.
CG: FUCK, *WAS* I? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE.
CG: WHAT IF I MEANT SOMETHING ELSE? WHAT IF I *KNEW* THAT I MEANT SOMETHING ELSE, BUT THE ESSENCE OF MY VERY BEING WITHDRAWS THAT INFORMATION FROM ME TO FUCK WITH ME OR SOMETHING?
CG: MAYBE I'M AFRAID OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I *DID* MEAN SOMETHING ELSE. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?
GC: J3GUS CHR1ST C4LM DOWN
CG: WHY?
CG: I MEAN, I *AM* CALM. I'M CALM AS A SERENE COAST ON A TRANQUIL SUMMER AFTERNOON.
CG: AM I OKAY? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
CG: OKAY, NO, THAT WAS A PRETTY REASONABLE QUESTION IN RETROSPECT.
CG: I GUESS I'M OKAY. AS OKAY AS I CAN BE AFTER CONSECUTIVELY BLOWING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CASKETS.
CG: IS A BURNT-OUT CANDLE "OKAY"?
CG: OR IS IT JUST A BLOB OF SPENT WAX?
CG: I DEFINITELY FEEL LIKE A BLOB OF SPENT WAX. BUT I'M STILL BUBBLING, MOTHERFUCKER.
CG: I'M A MELTED POOL OF THAT SHIT. I'M BRIGHT AND ENTICING, THE KIND OF WAX POOL THAT MAKES YOU WANNA STICK YOUR FINGERS IN IT TO GET THEM ALL WAXY.
CG: THEN YOU CAN BREAK OFF THE WAX AND PLAY WITH IT.
CG: FUCK, I JUST REALISED HOW OBVIOUSLY SEXUAL THAT SOUNDED.
CG: THAT WASN'T AN INNUENDO. I WAS JUST REFLECTING ON THE GOOD TIMES I'VE HAD PLAYING WITH CANDLE WAX.
CG: I MEAN, UNLESS.
CG: FUCK, NO, NOT UNLESS.
CG: I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT CANDLES. PERIOD.
CG: FUCK, *WAS* I? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE.
CG: WHAT IF I MEANT SOMETHING ELSE? WHAT IF I *KNEW* THAT I MEANT SOMETHING ELSE, BUT THE ESSENCE OF MY VERY BEING WITHDRAWS THAT INFORMATION FROM ME TO FUCK WITH ME OR SOMETHING?
CG: MAYBE I'M AFRAID OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I *DID* MEAN SOMETHING ELSE. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?
GC: J3GUS CHR1ST C4LM DOWN
CG: WHY?
CG: I MEAN, I *AM* CALM. I'M CALM AS A SERENE COAST ON A TRANQUIL SUMMER AFTERNOON.
CG: NEVER MIND. *THIS* MOTHER FUCKER JUST SHOWED UP.
CG: A TSUNAMI DECIDED TO ROLL IN AND FUCKING OBLITERATED THE BEAUTIFUL PICNIC I HAD LAID OUT.
GC: SUP STR1D3R >:]
CG: MY SANWICHES ARE SOGGY. AND MY DAY IS RUINED.
TG: oh god Karkat you've really done it this time
CG: DONE WHAT, ASSHOLE?
TG: hey tz dealing with his current hissy fit I see
GC: Y34H
TG: just blew another eight gaskets is all
TG: least thats what it looks like to me
CG: YEAH. I'VE RUPTURED EVERY ONE OF MY CONJOINING SEALS. MY GASKETS HAVE BEEN BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS.
CG: I BLEW THEM SO HARD, YOU MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN JEALOUS. IF YOU DIDN'T ALREADY BLOW HARDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
GC: S1GH
TG: Dude first off you might wanna get this gaskets fixed because that could turn out to be a serious problem
TG: second off for the amount of times you blow a gasket a day I'd say you blow harder than everyone else
CG: YOU'D THINK THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?
CG: BUT NO. YOU *SOMEHOW* MANAGE TO BLOW HARDER.
CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT. REALLY, IT'S IMPRESSIVE.
TG: and how would you know that
CG: EVERY SINGLE TIME I SPEAK TO YOU I ASK MYSELF, "FUCK, HAS HE BEEN PRACTICING HIS BLOWING SKILLS? I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE BLOW THIS HARD BEFORE."
GC: H3H3H3H
CG: BUT NO, IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE JUST NATURALLY GREAT AT BLOWING.
CG: AND YOU JUST *LOVE* TO SHOW IT OFF.
GC: H4H4H4H
CG: EVERY TIME WE MEET, YOU BLOW.
CG: WITHOUT FAIL.
TG: KK dude
TG: stop
CG: WHAT? DON'T YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW HARD YOU BLOW WHEN YOU'RE AROUND ME?
GC: H3H3H3H3H4H4H44444
TG: Karkat oh my god
CG: ARE YOU SCARED THEY'RE GOING TO GET JEALOUS OF HOW MUCH OF DAVE STRIDER'S BLOWING I GET TO EXPERIENCE?
TG: dude just read what your saying
GC: OH MY GOG 1 C4NT BR34TH3
TG: for the love of fuck
CG: I AM READING IT, FUCKASS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CG: OH NO, I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. YOU'RE BLOWING ME.
CG: OR, BLOWING IN MY PRESENCE.
TG: Karkat dude come on
CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PHRASE IT, FUCK YOU.
GC: H3H3H3H
TG: you seriously don't know how that sounds
TG: read it out loud
TG: or I guess scream
TG: since you yell all the time
CG: TEREZI, CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK THIS CLOWN IS TALKING ABOUT?
GC: OH MY GOG YOUR3 4N 1D1OT
GC: HUM4N R3PRODUCT1ON OR SOM3 SH1T. 1 DONT R34LLY UND34ST4ND 1T BUT H4H4H4H J3GUS CHR1ST
CG: YOU'RE FUCKING ME.
CG: I MEAN, FUCKING *WITH* ME. TYPO.
GC: H4H4H444
CG: HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE MISCONSTRUED AS SOMETHING SEXUAL? IT MAKES NO SENSE.
TG: Dude blowing means sucking someone's dick
CG: BUT
TG: dude no it literally means that
TG: straight up
CG: FUCK.
CG: I TROLLGLED IT.
CG: GOD DAMN IT, WHY THE FUCK
CG: WHY DO THEY CALL IT THAT?
CG: YOU'RE NOT EVEN *BLOWING*, YOU'RE *SUCKING*.
TG: I don't know
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 W3R1D, DUD3
TG: do we really want to talk about sex while we're on a public chatroom though
TG: like dude you're grossing me out here
CG: A TSUNAMI DECIDED TO ROLL IN AND FUCKING OBLITERATED THE BEAUTIFUL PICNIC I HAD LAID OUT.
GC: SUP STR1D3R >:]
CG: MY SANWICHES ARE SOGGY. AND MY DAY IS RUINED.
TG: oh god Karkat you've really done it this time
CG: DONE WHAT, ASSHOLE?
TG: hey tz dealing with his current hissy fit I see
GC: Y34H
TG: just blew another eight gaskets is all
TG: least thats what it looks like to me
CG: YEAH. I'VE RUPTURED EVERY ONE OF MY CONJOINING SEALS. MY GASKETS HAVE BEEN BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS.
CG: I BLEW THEM SO HARD, YOU MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN JEALOUS. IF YOU DIDN'T ALREADY BLOW HARDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
GC: S1GH
TG: Dude first off you might wanna get this gaskets fixed because that could turn out to be a serious problem
TG: second off for the amount of times you blow a gasket a day I'd say you blow harder than everyone else
CG: YOU'D THINK THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?
CG: BUT NO. YOU *SOMEHOW* MANAGE TO BLOW HARDER.
CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT. REALLY, IT'S IMPRESSIVE.
TG: and how would you know that
CG: EVERY SINGLE TIME I SPEAK TO YOU I ASK MYSELF, "FUCK, HAS HE BEEN PRACTICING HIS BLOWING SKILLS? I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE BLOW THIS HARD BEFORE."
GC: H3H3H3H
CG: BUT NO, IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE JUST NATURALLY GREAT AT BLOWING.
CG: AND YOU JUST *LOVE* TO SHOW IT OFF.
GC: H4H4H4H
CG: EVERY TIME WE MEET, YOU BLOW.
CG: WITHOUT FAIL.
TG: KK dude
TG: stop
CG: WHAT? DON'T YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW HARD YOU BLOW WHEN YOU'RE AROUND ME?
GC: H3H3H3H3H4H4H44444
TG: Karkat oh my god
CG: ARE YOU SCARED THEY'RE GOING TO GET JEALOUS OF HOW MUCH OF DAVE STRIDER'S BLOWING I GET TO EXPERIENCE?
TG: dude just read what your saying
GC: OH MY GOG 1 C4NT BR34TH3
TG: for the love of fuck
CG: I AM READING IT, FUCKASS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CG: OH NO, I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. YOU'RE BLOWING ME.
CG: OR, BLOWING IN MY PRESENCE.
TG: Karkat dude come on
CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PHRASE IT, FUCK YOU.
GC: H3H3H3H
TG: you seriously don't know how that sounds
TG: read it out loud
TG: or I guess scream
TG: since you yell all the time
CG: TEREZI, CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK THIS CLOWN IS TALKING ABOUT?
GC: OH MY GOG YOUR3 4N 1D1OT
GC: HUM4N R3PRODUCT1ON OR SOM3 SH1T. 1 DONT R34LLY UND34ST4ND 1T BUT H4H4H4H J3GUS CHR1ST
CG: YOU'RE FUCKING ME.
CG: I MEAN, FUCKING *WITH* ME. TYPO.
GC: H4H4H444
CG: HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE MISCONSTRUED AS SOMETHING SEXUAL? IT MAKES NO SENSE.
TG: Dude blowing means sucking someone's dick
CG: BUT
TG: dude no it literally means that
TG: straight up
CG: FUCK.
CG: I TROLLGLED IT.
CG: GOD DAMN IT, WHY THE FUCK
CG: WHY DO THEY CALL IT THAT?
CG: YOU'RE NOT EVEN *BLOWING*, YOU'RE *SUCKING*.
TG: I don't know
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 W3R1D, DUD3
TG: do we really want to talk about sex while we're on a public chatroom though
TG: like dude you're grossing me out here
CG: APPARENTLY, I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. EVERYTHING I SAY IS INADVERTENTLY SEXUAL. IT SUCKS.
CG: WAIT, NO
CG: DON'T TELL ME THAT "SUCKS" IS ALSO SEXUAL.
TG: you make it so easy Karkat
GC: H4H4H4H4
TG: like are you doing this on purpose
CG: NO, FUCK YOU.
TG: no you've got to be
CG: JUST LIKE YOU DON'T CHOOSE TO SUCK EVERY TIME YOU SEE ME. OR MAYBE YOU DO.
CG: GOD DAMN IT, NO, PRETEND I DIDN'T SAY SUCK.
GC: OH MY
TG: dude oh my god
GC: J3GUS CHR1ST 1 C4NT 4NYMOR3
TG: Karkat take a minute before you let out another 70 sex joke messages
TG: set like a cool down timer
CS: Are we dalkinj aboud dhe hman reborducdive zyzdem in a medical zenze, or zimbly innuendo?
TG: just innuendos
CS: I zee, dhank you. I zhall leave ou do dhad I zubbzoe
CG: WAIT, NO
CG: DON'T TELL ME THAT "SUCKS" IS ALSO SEXUAL.
TG: you make it so easy Karkat
GC: H4H4H4H4
TG: like are you doing this on purpose
CG: NO, FUCK YOU.
TG: no you've got to be
CG: JUST LIKE YOU DON'T CHOOSE TO SUCK EVERY TIME YOU SEE ME. OR MAYBE YOU DO.
CG: GOD DAMN IT, NO, PRETEND I DIDN'T SAY SUCK.
GC: OH MY
TG: dude oh my god
GC: J3GUS CHR1ST 1 C4NT 4NYMOR3
TG: Karkat take a minute before you let out another 70 sex joke messages
TG: set like a cool down timer
CS: Are we dalkinj aboud dhe hman reborducdive zyzdem in a medical zenze, or zimbly innuendo?
TG: just innuendos
CS: I zee, dhank you. I zhall leave ou do dhad I zubbzoe
CG: APPARENTLY I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING FUCKED. YOUR STUPID HUMAN TERMINOLOGY JUST LOVES RAILING ME.
TG: aw what dude karkat this is all your fault
TG: you're sex crazed
GC: HDJDHJDDLH4GDKSYZ1
TG: gonna go on a horny rampage and kick everyone out of the memo
CG: SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, IT'S GOING TO COME. IT'S GOING TO COME UP TO ME, AND FUCK ME OVER. OVER AND FUCKING OVER.
TG: dude you are somehow getting worse
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? UGH
CG: JUST, SHUT UP.
TG: tone it down, im sure someone out there with ya know but like do you have to do it in public
GC: K4RKL3S JUST. C34S3 SP34CH 4BOUT TH3 SUBJ3CT
GC: YOU TOO D4V3 >:[
CG: I'LL STOP ONCE HE STOPS.
TG: like dude seriously, hey im just trying to get him to chill
CG: I'M TIRED OF FINISHING FIRST.
TG: practice
GC: S1GH
CG: PRACTICE WHAT
TG: on not finishing first
CG: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO.
GC: BOTH OF YOU SHOOOOOOOOSH!!!!
TG: dude not here
CG: I'M SLAMMING MY FISTS AGAINST MY KEYBOARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL *YOU* SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: MY MOUTH WON'T STOP UNTIL *YOU* FINISH.
TG: jesus dude
GC: UGHHH TH1S 1S WORST TH4N TWO K4RK4TS
GC: NOT THAT 1V3 3XP3R13NC3D TH4T B3FOR3
GC: WONK
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO BACK DOWN TO YOU, STRIDER.
CG: TEREZI, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO EVEN MEAN?
TG: tz you okay
GC: H3H3H3H
TG: karkat i think your pheromones are messing with her
TG: gonna tone that troll smell down a little
CG: DUDE. GROSS.
CG: IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?
GC: WONK!!!!!!!!
TG: look dude i get it if you want some you want some
CG: WHAT ARE YOU WONKING AT TEREZI
TG: but at least take the lady out to dinner
TG: commen curdosy
CG: SCREW YOU.
GC: H4H4 DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T K4RKL3S
TG: dude see
TG: you have to take me out on a date first
TG: well ask
TG: not saying id say yes im to busy for dates
TG: being a cool guy takes time and effort
CG: WHAT ARE YOU
CG: WHAT?
GC: Y34H 1T DO3S
CG: DATES WEREN'T EVEN REMOTELY PART OF THE PICTURE.
CG: I MEAN, LIKE, SORT OF, BUT NO.
CG: I DIDN'T MENTION DATING ANYONE.
TG: you mentioned doing the dirty with the both of us i'm just saying it's not polite to just go out of nowhere
TG: gotta treat a partner right
CG: OH MY GOG.
GC: HMMM,, C4NT T3LL 1F 1 SM3LL <3< OR <3 HMMMM,,
GC: BUT 1TS ON3 OF TH3 TWO
TG: alright tz you aint smelling either
TG: unless its between you and karkat
CG: IS IT?
CG: OH GOD, WHY DID I SAY THAT.
GC: 1 SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG D4V1D
GC: 4ND 1LL N3V3R T3LL.
GC: WONK >;]
TG: alright terezi my names not david
TG: its dave
GC: SUR3, D4V1D
TG: dude no
TG: im not a david
GC: H3H3H3H
TG: davids like the guy with four kids and a shitty office job
TG: i got sick beats and fucking no kids
TG: im a dave not a david
GC: BLUHH
GC: OK4Y D4V1D
GC: WONK
TG: come on terezi
TG: you are being so uncool right now
TG: come on you know david is stupid as fuck
CG: YES, YOU *ARE* STUPID AS FUCK. DAVID.
TG: alright fine nubby horns
TG: you wanna play this game
TG: ill play and win
GC: OOOOHHH!!!!!!!!
TG: karkat i gotta say you will lose
TG: you and me both know im the coolest dude you've ever met
TG: you've got no chance
CG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT, STRIDER?
CG: ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME TO SOME BULLSHIT COMPETITION OR SOMETHING?
TG: aw see dude
TG: you arent even cool enough to know
TG: man thats just disappointing
GC: 1 ST1LL DONT KNOW WH4T 1 SM3LL3D!!!!!!!!
TG: you smelled apple juice
TG: cuz ive got a lot of apple juice
CG: I SMELL BULLSHIT.
CG: A LOT OF BULLSHIT.
GC: S1GH
GC: YOU TWO 4R3 NO H3LP
GC: SHOULD 1 JUST LOG OFF NOW OR W1LL Y4 N33D M3 L4T3R
TG: aw tz don't go
CG: IF YOU GO, I'LL BE STUCK WALLOWING IN MISERY WITH ONLY THIS NOOKWIPE TO KEEP ME COMPANY.
GC: BLUUUHHH F1N3
TG: damn dude and i thought we were friends
TG: tz how do you deal with him
GC: 1 DONT
TG: i guess ill have to find a strider like way to handle this
TG: shouldnt be hard
CG: YOU STRIDERS MAKE EVERYTHING HARD.
TG: yeah we know
TG: its the strider charm
GC: K4RK4T, DO YOU KNOW 1F 1 SM3LL3D <3< OR <3
GC: >:?
CG: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
CG: YOU CAN'T *SMELL* QUADRANTS. SO NEITHER.
CG: I MEAN. IF YOU'RE SPEAKING FIGURATIVELY YOU MAY HAVE CAUGHT A SCENT OF ONE. BUT NO.
GC: Y3S 1 C4N K4RK4T 1 SM3LL 1T 1N YOUR MYST3R1OUS GR3Y T3XT
TG: scent of one
TG: dude wait
TG: were you flirting with me or something
CG: WHAT? NO. OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT.
TG: alright i still dont fully understand this troll romance thing
TG: its kinda weird
TG: so i was worried there for a sec
TG: that you were making a pass
TG: and it just flew right past me
CG: I MEAN. I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
CG: I'VE BEEN KIND OF "OFF" LATELY, YOU KNOW?
CG: MAYBE SUBCONSCIOUSLY THERE *WAS* SOMETHING GOING ON.
CG: BUT PROBABLY NOT.
TG: dude you okay
TG: everything alright over there in karkat land
CG: NO.
CG: I MEAN YES.
CG: THINGS ARE FINE. SHUT UP.
TG: dude if you need someone to talk to
TG: i dont know if you think of me as a friend because your kind of a lose cannon
TG: but i can be there if you need one
CG: OH, FUCK YOU.
CG: WAIT.
CG: THAT WAS ACTUALLY NICE.
CG: I JUST, WASN'T EXPECTING THAT.
CG: I'LL CONSIDER IT. I DON'T REALLY TALK TO PEOPLE.
TG: alright, well dude i hope you figure out why your not your usual karkat self
TG: i gotta go
TG: important strider business
TG: see ya karkat
CG: ALRIGHT. YEAH.
CG: LATER, DAVE.
TG: aw what dude karkat this is all your fault
TG: you're sex crazed
GC: HDJDHJDDLH4GDKSYZ1
TG: gonna go on a horny rampage and kick everyone out of the memo
CG: SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, IT'S GOING TO COME. IT'S GOING TO COME UP TO ME, AND FUCK ME OVER. OVER AND FUCKING OVER.
TG: dude you are somehow getting worse
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? UGH
CG: JUST, SHUT UP.
TG: tone it down, im sure someone out there with ya know but like do you have to do it in public
GC: K4RKL3S JUST. C34S3 SP34CH 4BOUT TH3 SUBJ3CT
GC: YOU TOO D4V3 >:[
CG: I'LL STOP ONCE HE STOPS.
TG: like dude seriously, hey im just trying to get him to chill
CG: I'M TIRED OF FINISHING FIRST.
TG: practice
GC: S1GH
CG: PRACTICE WHAT
TG: on not finishing first
CG: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO.
GC: BOTH OF YOU SHOOOOOOOOSH!!!!
TG: dude not here
CG: I'M SLAMMING MY FISTS AGAINST MY KEYBOARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL *YOU* SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: MY MOUTH WON'T STOP UNTIL *YOU* FINISH.
TG: jesus dude
GC: UGHHH TH1S 1S WORST TH4N TWO K4RK4TS
GC: NOT THAT 1V3 3XP3R13NC3D TH4T B3FOR3
GC: WONK
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO BACK DOWN TO YOU, STRIDER.
CG: TEREZI, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO EVEN MEAN?
TG: tz you okay
GC: H3H3H3H
TG: karkat i think your pheromones are messing with her
TG: gonna tone that troll smell down a little
CG: DUDE. GROSS.
CG: IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?
GC: WONK!!!!!!!!
TG: look dude i get it if you want some you want some
CG: WHAT ARE YOU WONKING AT TEREZI
TG: but at least take the lady out to dinner
TG: commen curdosy
CG: SCREW YOU.
GC: H4H4 DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T K4RKL3S
TG: dude see
TG: you have to take me out on a date first
TG: well ask
TG: not saying id say yes im to busy for dates
TG: being a cool guy takes time and effort
CG: WHAT ARE YOU
CG: WHAT?
GC: Y34H 1T DO3S
CG: DATES WEREN'T EVEN REMOTELY PART OF THE PICTURE.
CG: I MEAN, LIKE, SORT OF, BUT NO.
CG: I DIDN'T MENTION DATING ANYONE.
TG: you mentioned doing the dirty with the both of us i'm just saying it's not polite to just go out of nowhere
TG: gotta treat a partner right
CG: OH MY GOG.
GC: HMMM,, C4NT T3LL 1F 1 SM3LL <3< OR <3 HMMMM,,
GC: BUT 1TS ON3 OF TH3 TWO
TG: alright tz you aint smelling either
TG: unless its between you and karkat
CG: IS IT?
CG: OH GOD, WHY DID I SAY THAT.
GC: 1 SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG D4V1D
GC: 4ND 1LL N3V3R T3LL.
GC: WONK >;]
TG: alright terezi my names not david
TG: its dave
GC: SUR3, D4V1D
TG: dude no
TG: im not a david
GC: H3H3H3H
TG: davids like the guy with four kids and a shitty office job
TG: i got sick beats and fucking no kids
TG: im a dave not a david
GC: BLUHH
GC: OK4Y D4V1D
GC: WONK
TG: come on terezi
TG: you are being so uncool right now
TG: come on you know david is stupid as fuck
CG: YES, YOU *ARE* STUPID AS FUCK. DAVID.
TG: alright fine nubby horns
TG: you wanna play this game
TG: ill play and win
GC: OOOOHHH!!!!!!!!
TG: karkat i gotta say you will lose
TG: you and me both know im the coolest dude you've ever met
TG: you've got no chance
CG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT, STRIDER?
CG: ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME TO SOME BULLSHIT COMPETITION OR SOMETHING?
TG: aw see dude
TG: you arent even cool enough to know
TG: man thats just disappointing
GC: 1 ST1LL DONT KNOW WH4T 1 SM3LL3D!!!!!!!!
TG: you smelled apple juice
TG: cuz ive got a lot of apple juice
CG: I SMELL BULLSHIT.
CG: A LOT OF BULLSHIT.
GC: S1GH
GC: YOU TWO 4R3 NO H3LP
GC: SHOULD 1 JUST LOG OFF NOW OR W1LL Y4 N33D M3 L4T3R
TG: aw tz don't go
CG: IF YOU GO, I'LL BE STUCK WALLOWING IN MISERY WITH ONLY THIS NOOKWIPE TO KEEP ME COMPANY.
GC: BLUUUHHH F1N3
TG: damn dude and i thought we were friends
TG: tz how do you deal with him
GC: 1 DONT
TG: i guess ill have to find a strider like way to handle this
TG: shouldnt be hard
CG: YOU STRIDERS MAKE EVERYTHING HARD.
TG: yeah we know
TG: its the strider charm
GC: K4RK4T, DO YOU KNOW 1F 1 SM3LL3D <3< OR <3
GC: >:?
CG: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
CG: YOU CAN'T *SMELL* QUADRANTS. SO NEITHER.
CG: I MEAN. IF YOU'RE SPEAKING FIGURATIVELY YOU MAY HAVE CAUGHT A SCENT OF ONE. BUT NO.
GC: Y3S 1 C4N K4RK4T 1 SM3LL 1T 1N YOUR MYST3R1OUS GR3Y T3XT
TG: scent of one
TG: dude wait
TG: were you flirting with me or something
CG: WHAT? NO. OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT.
TG: alright i still dont fully understand this troll romance thing
TG: its kinda weird
TG: so i was worried there for a sec
TG: that you were making a pass
TG: and it just flew right past me
CG: I MEAN. I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
CG: I'VE BEEN KIND OF "OFF" LATELY, YOU KNOW?
CG: MAYBE SUBCONSCIOUSLY THERE *WAS* SOMETHING GOING ON.
CG: BUT PROBABLY NOT.
TG: dude you okay
TG: everything alright over there in karkat land
CG: NO.
CG: I MEAN YES.
CG: THINGS ARE FINE. SHUT UP.
TG: dude if you need someone to talk to
TG: i dont know if you think of me as a friend because your kind of a lose cannon
TG: but i can be there if you need one
CG: OH, FUCK YOU.
CG: WAIT.
CG: THAT WAS ACTUALLY NICE.
CG: I JUST, WASN'T EXPECTING THAT.
CG: I'LL CONSIDER IT. I DON'T REALLY TALK TO PEOPLE.
TG: alright, well dude i hope you figure out why your not your usual karkat self
TG: i gotta go
TG: important strider business
TG: see ya karkat
CG: ALRIGHT. YEAH.
CG: LATER, DAVE.
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