Interview with Axel Webb
Takes Place Before the Events of Case 327
Takes Place Before the Events of Case 327
ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON, OR MORE OF A NIGHT OWL?
I inherited something of a proclivity for the darkness from my fathe- uh, old man. He's a drow so... I don't do so well in the light. Not that Atramentum ever gets very bright even during the day but, well, I work the nightshift at the museum and that suits me just, um, swell. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT A PERSON WHEN YOU MEET THEM?
Oh, just normal things only... more intensely than most folks, I suppose. When I meet a person, I pick up on their, um, aura - you know, whether they're a straight player or more cosy with the devil, as Gray might put it. Or who they're loyal to - a gang or a god or something more eldritch. Sometimes I get an glimpse of their emotions, although that one can be... unsettling. YOU SEE A HUGE SPIDER IN YOUR ROOM, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Spiders and I have something of a... conflict of interest. If it's your regular garden variety that's just on the large side, I will escort it back outside where it belongs. More likely it's a messenger from the family. Probably another nudge for me to broker a parley with Miss Muriel - my, uh, boss. Those spiders I do try to, um, dispose of more permanently, although I am reminded of a few occasions in which those eight-legged envoys had more fight in them than I have in me. IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE ONE DECISION YOU MADE IN THE PAST, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Cutting gym class as a child has set me up for being less capable of taking, and for that matter throwing, a punch as an adult. Although, given my continued avoidance of practicing such, um, physical pugilisms where I can help it, it's possible that even if given a second chance at the past, younger me would most likely still play hookey. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS.
My first...? Oh, ah. Hmm. DO YOU GIVE PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES?
Huh, well... if you pardon an observation, I don't personally find that a helpful way to look at things. The character of another person, which I think is what your question is asking me to, well, judge, can only be gleaned from the impressions - physical or psychic or... otherwise - that the person leaves on their surroundings, if you will. And a set of, um, probabilities are established about what a person might do in the future. If a person performs any action - no judgement attached - then that's a piece of information that can be, uh, catalogued about them and even sometimes their personal or situational... circumstances. And a picture is built up over time about what that person may - or may not - choose to do. And if they surprise you, well, that means there was something not yet uncovered about the, uh, already existing portrait. New information may prompt me to alter my own actions around a person but... there really are no 'chances' as you put it. Do you follow? ARE YOU A CAT PERSON OR A DOG PERSON?
The only pets I've ever owned had twice as many legs as those, um, furry critters. I feel more affinity with cats, we both enjoy the dark and our own space and independence. But I respect dogs. Creatures that can sense the impressions an individual leaves behind as easily as breathing? Fascinating, but should be treated with... caution. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE?
Heh, I've never had trouble hailing a cab, much to the infuriation of my detective friend who seems to have quite the opposite experience. WHAT’S YOUR WORST HABIT?
Curiosity, I suppose. Sometimes even Miss Muriel has raised an eyebrow at some of my more, shall we say, unorthodox lines of enquiry. I keep having to remind myself that, outside the safety of the museum, we have to be careful what questions we ask, see? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I... don't really like to, uh... talk about that but, well... it was more recently than I'd care to admit and for reasons that aren't even worth mentioning. Just something in one of the messages from my folks got to me more strongly than I, uh... let's just say it was uncalled for. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR?
I must confess, my talents lie more in the realm of uncovering truths than shrouding them in falsehoods. When I attempt to weave a web of deceit, I tend to find myself ensnared in the sticky threads, so to speak. If I'm, shall we say, focused, I can use my occult abilities to supplement my natural openness but when my reserves are depleted my true, um, intentions tend to broadcast themselves more... plainly than I would like. WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?
There's a certain class of visitor who comes to the museum to tut at the exhibits and harass Miss Muriel about their... sinful nature. It's grating to have to suck it up and bear the moralising from narrow-minded detractors. I wish I had the guts to stand up to those bullies but I find my words tend to fail when accosted by such... ignorant virtuisms. Thank all the eldritch gods - that the critics so very much love to disapprove of - for our night watchman, Jimmy the Nose. He has ways of making them... remember their manners. It's gratifying when such, shall we say, effervescence is met with a firm hand - Jimmy's hand, not mine, of course. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?
Uh, not yet. ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO USE YOUR FISTS OR YOUR WORDS IN AN ARGUMENT?
Oh, I'd most certainly use words over, ah, fists. Although I would, under most circumstances, prefer not to get into arguments... I'm at least able to hold my own in a discussion and can request a parley in eighteen languages. Whereas, when it comes to fisticuffs, my physical prowess - if you can even call it that - is such that I might as well throw a towel at my opponent before we even start. WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU’RE NATURALLY GOOD AT?
Off the record, I've always had, shall we say, a knack with the occult. In fact, if we could keep this entire interview off the record that would be, uh, swell. WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU HAD TO WORK HARD TO BE GOOD AT?
Stayin' under the radar? When I was fourteen I got caught up in some nasty business with some of the nastiest folks. I'm drawn to the psychic resonances on things - see? It's like an itch that I gotta scratch. And it turns out I'm not the only one interested in items of such a... prohibited nature. Some wrong uns have all sorts of fixings on what such power could unleash. So when you nick a man's package, it's smart to check first what kind of man you're stealing from. CAN YOU TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS FLIRTING WITH YOU?
I... uh, suppose some of my occult sensitivities could be adjusted to... accommodate such investigations although, it would feel intrusive to, um, utilise them in such a... 'poisonal' manner. Without the aid of my... psychic talents, shall we say, I must admit I... uh... hmm. DO YOU THINK MONEY CAN BUY HAPPINESS?
I've never had enough of my own to find out. But I'd choose being broke over living in my fath- anyone's pocket. I'm one of the people in this town who it would be most difficult to buy off... with, uh, dough, anyway - if I was gonna sell my soul to the highest bidder, my old man has that spot covered. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY?
I think divination magic would work a lot less predictably if destiny weren't a thing. That doesn't mean you don't get choose, mind you - just that... when things line up in a certain way it's because that's how they were always going to line up given the, uh, starting conditions. Or so I understand. ARE YOU A GOOD COOK?
Who has the time? WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS AFTER YOU DIE?
As far as my research goes, I believe it is undisputable - although, by some, still heavily disputed - that the, um, soul - for want of a better word - continues on in some sense. Although the, uh, form of that continuation is as varied as it is mysterious. The afterlife and the undead have, of course, entered my sphere of academic interest, although I must confess I am more intrigued by the artifacts a person leaves behind after they succumb to the... the big sleep, as they call it. The psychic resonances that eminate from the physical possessions of such an, ah, deceased person have nearly unlimited exploratory potential. Particularly the items that the individual used frequently or held dear. DID YOU HAVE TO GROW UP FAST?
"Have to" is a loaded term, if you pardon my frankness. There hasn't been a time in my, admittedly short, life that I haven't desperately wished I were older or cleverer or stronger. Although I fear with the strength attribute I may, quite unfortunately, have reached my physical prime, more's the pity. WHO DO YOU LOOK UP TO?
Oh, Miss Muriel is a wonderful lady, uh, doll. She's really looked out for me since I moved out of my folks' house when I was fourteen. Gave me a job and keeps me out trouble. So does Gray, although, uh, he's too broke to pay me for my... services. WHEN YOU GO TO A SPEAKEASY, WHAT DO YOU ORDER?
Heh, the cheque? When I find myself in the rare and somewhat uncomfortable position of stepping into a speakeasy it's, ah, usually in the pursuit of collecting Detective Gray, who may have indulged a bit too fervently in the establishment's offerings. My personal forays into the world of, shall we say, prohibited spirits are more ectoplasmic than, um, alcoholic - if you catch my drift? WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
Ah, that's rather an intrusive question, if you don't mind my saying... but if I've got to pick something, I suppose it's my knack for diving into weird lore and, uh, eldritch curiosities. Getting my hands on ancient books and figuring out all those creepy symbols and languages nobody's supposed to know is, well, kind of my thing. And aside for personal interest, which don't get me wrong is the whole reason I do it, it's useful to Gray and Miss Muriel, which... uh... is fulfilling, I suppose. WHAT DO YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT YOURSELF?
I do wish I were better able to, uh, hold my own in a fight. Sometimes it's safer to take the punch than use my prohibited talents to get away and, well... DO YOU WANT KIDS SOMEDAY?
Some of the more eldritch artifacts in my collection, both personal and at work, would be dangerously irresponsible to raise a kid around. Most pressingly, one particular relic I found when I was about fifteen should not be exposed to someone whose brain is yet to, uh, fully develop. It's in the museum now... probably for the best. ARE YOU A PLANNER OR MORE SPONTANEOUS?
I'll go wherever the psychic resonances take me... Detective Gray doesn't approve but Miss Muriel tacitly encourages my curiosities, so... CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
I... think so. At least so long as no-one's pressin' me for it. I, uh, hear the fuzz have a particular tactic of shining light in your eyes to get you to talk. I might find that particularly difficult to resist on account of certain inheritances from my dad's side. Of course, I'd endeavour to, uh, 'keep mum' - I believe the phrase is - but I cannot be certain of my capabilities under such... duress. That's one mystery I'd prefer to leave unsolved. DO YOU LIKE BEING THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION?
Oh, certainly not! Miss Muriel once asked me to talk to some newshawks about one of our new exhibitions. I, uh, rather embarassingly nearly fainted. I think the fact that, um, that was a few years ago and she has not made any similar requests, well, somewhat speaks for itself. IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?
Oh, do I get to know how I'm knocked off or...? I suppose stalk up on laudanum, and donate the artifacts in my personal collection to the museum. If there's time I'll process and catalogue them before I pass - it'd be a shame to leave the legwork to the dayshift archivist. DO YOU ENJOY GETTING ALL DRESSED UP FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION?
I'm sure I would love it if I could afford a new suit. My current one fit me when I was fifteen and, well, I'm surrounded by beanpoles so you might not realise it but, I have actually grown since then. WHERE DO YOU FEEL SAFE?
Heh, somewhat ironically given the... unpredictable nature of some of our exhibits, I feel safest at the museum. I know Jimmy is more than capable of seeing off unwanted visitors from the city and I have... um, no doubt that Miss Muriel and myself together have a handle on the occasional unwelcome intrusions from realms beyond our own. DO YOU LOVE OR HATE BEING ALONE?
For the most part I love it. It's... freeing to be able to think aloud to myself without worrying about what others might be judging. But, well, you know, if I'm doing figure of eights and need someone to bat ideas against I know where I can find Miss Muriel or Jimmy. If it's daytime, I can always go chew the ear off Gray for a while and sometimes Sal even lets me stay and uh,... bite an egg. Not an actual egg, normally - it just means eat with them. WHAT’S THE LAST NIGHTMARE YOU REMEMBER HAVING?
Nightmares are part of the job... both jobs, for different reasons. The last one was a combination of the two. Gray's brother, Caravaggio, uh also Gray but I don't call him that - had given the shadow clink a clean sweep and got his paws on one of the museum artifacts. It sort of changed throughout the dream which of them he'd actually stolen but... none of them should be in the hands of the Velstrac, I'll tell you that much for a nickel. DO YOU ADMIT TO MISTAKES WHEN YOU MAKE THEM?
What are you? A cop? DO YOU WANT TO GROW UP TO BE LIKE YOUR PARENTS?
I'm trying very hard not to but, well, there's something about the murky web of family obligations that always keeps me, shall we say, dangling by a thread. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BEING SICK? ARE YOU STOIC OR SUPER WHINEY?
Since moving out of my folks' place, I've been ill more times than I'd like to admit. I think from the weather and perhaps exposure to certain, draining occult relics at the museum. 'Though, thankfully, I'm never sick enough to warrant a visit to the doctor... or um, sawbones, I believe is the preferred moniker. Whatever you call him, I can't afford it. WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS EXPECT FROM YOU WHEN YOU WERE BORN?
My mother liked to show me off to her, ah, girlfriends. More of a prop than a person, if you read me? My father had, shall we say, ambitions? Not for me, you understand, but for what I could, uh, bring to the family buisiness. DO YOU HAVE A STRONG SENSE OF STYLE?
Uh, well, between you and me, I wear my museum uniform on and off the clock. It is provided by Miss Muriel so is the only thing that still fits. The spider silk I wear underneath is stretchy enough to suit its purpose, but it ain't exactly what you'd call appropriate overgarments. WOULD YOU RATHER CAMP OUTDOORS OR STAY THE NIGHT IN AN INN?
Both risky. But if there's a reason my own digs are, as it were, out of action I'd have to foot for temporary lodgings. Ain't no way I'm sleeping on the streets. IS THERE A FOOD THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY HATE?
I can't afford to be picky these days but, well, there's a particular experimental dish that has become quite popular among the... socialites of the city. Pieces of fruit and vegetable suspended in gelatine like a, well... to be frank, particular oozing monster, for want of a better descriptor, that Gray and I have occassionally run into when investigations lead us downtown. While innovative culinary endeavours are something I find fascinating and laudible in theory, in practice snacking on, shall we say, reminders of such perilous encounters is not something my constitution can comfortably handle. ARE YOU MORE OF A HOARDER OR A MINIMALIST?
Hoarder... obviously. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS?
It, uh, doesn't do to... taunt the devil when you're sometimes called upon by scholarly curiosity to... prod or even, in one instance, dissect some of his arch-fiends. ARE YOU THE KIND OF PERSON WHO REMEMBERS PEOPLE’S BIRTHDAYS AND PET’S NAMES AND STUFF?
If it's important for a case, I at least try very hard to remember until I can scribble it down. Gray likes details and I like to accommodate. WHAT DO YOU DO TO FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU’RE SAD?
Uh, try to suck it up, like everyone in the city. My mother used to tell me to "save my tears for the pillow". Which never quite made sense to me - why would I want to sleep on a damp cushion? These days I do sometimes sleep on a damp cushion but that's only because the ceiling leaks and the landlord's too stingy to fix it. IS IT HARD FOR YOU TO TRUST SOMEONE?
That depends what I'm supposed to trust them to do. I trust people to not change their habits without extraordinary, uh, impetus. I trust the mobs will keep killing and the cops will keep extorting and the mayor will keep embezzling and my father will keep profiteering and Gray will keep investigating and Miss Muriel will keep asking dangerous questions. The predictability of people is somewhat comforting, if you think about it. Particularly given some of my eldritch research uncovers creatures and artifacts that are entirely... unpredictable. ARE YOU SUSCEPTIBLE TO PEER PRESSURE?
I'm susceptible to all pressure, truth be told, although given how difficult I have found it to fit in with my, ah, peers, I would suspect I am less at risk of being leaned on socially than I could be. I suppose I put enough pressure on myself that the expectations of society have a harder time breaking through. Or perhaps simply growing up with folks like mine has somewhat inoculated me against being coerced into things I didn't feel good about. If things get physical, well, that's, embarrassingly, a different story. IF YOU DECIDED TO STOP ADVENTURING AND SETTLE DOWN, WHAT KIND OF JOB WOULD YOU TAKE?
Not many of those going around these days, I'm led to understand. And most of what is available requires a certain, uh, physical prowess that I have no hope of attaining. As a shorterm solution, I have on occasion used my divination talents to make a quick buck at the racecourse but... well, the attendants tend to catch on pretty quick. Perhaps some kind of language tutor for night dwellers? Ideally, uh, one-to-one... I refer you to my previous answer about the pressures of, well, public speaking. AS A KID, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?
Ah, well, truth be told I never had any exact professional aspirations, although I knew from a young age that I very much did not want to work in my dad's silk factories. I don't think he'd have ever put me on the floor, as it were but, well... he's a drow and will be running that business long after I, um, die so... workin' my entire life for him would just be, shall we say, oppressive.
I inherited something of a proclivity for the darkness from my fathe- uh, old man. He's a drow so... I don't do so well in the light. Not that Atramentum ever gets very bright even during the day but, well, I work the nightshift at the museum and that suits me just, um, swell. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT A PERSON WHEN YOU MEET THEM?
Oh, just normal things only... more intensely than most folks, I suppose. When I meet a person, I pick up on their, um, aura - you know, whether they're a straight player or more cosy with the devil, as Gray might put it. Or who they're loyal to - a gang or a god or something more eldritch. Sometimes I get an glimpse of their emotions, although that one can be... unsettling. YOU SEE A HUGE SPIDER IN YOUR ROOM, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Spiders and I have something of a... conflict of interest. If it's your regular garden variety that's just on the large side, I will escort it back outside where it belongs. More likely it's a messenger from the family. Probably another nudge for me to broker a parley with Miss Muriel - my, uh, boss. Those spiders I do try to, um, dispose of more permanently, although I am reminded of a few occasions in which those eight-legged envoys had more fight in them than I have in me. IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE ONE DECISION YOU MADE IN THE PAST, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Cutting gym class as a child has set me up for being less capable of taking, and for that matter throwing, a punch as an adult. Although, given my continued avoidance of practicing such, um, physical pugilisms where I can help it, it's possible that even if given a second chance at the past, younger me would most likely still play hookey. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS.
My first...? Oh, ah. Hmm. DO YOU GIVE PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES?
Huh, well... if you pardon an observation, I don't personally find that a helpful way to look at things. The character of another person, which I think is what your question is asking me to, well, judge, can only be gleaned from the impressions - physical or psychic or... otherwise - that the person leaves on their surroundings, if you will. And a set of, um, probabilities are established about what a person might do in the future. If a person performs any action - no judgement attached - then that's a piece of information that can be, uh, catalogued about them and even sometimes their personal or situational... circumstances. And a picture is built up over time about what that person may - or may not - choose to do. And if they surprise you, well, that means there was something not yet uncovered about the, uh, already existing portrait. New information may prompt me to alter my own actions around a person but... there really are no 'chances' as you put it. Do you follow? ARE YOU A CAT PERSON OR A DOG PERSON?
The only pets I've ever owned had twice as many legs as those, um, furry critters. I feel more affinity with cats, we both enjoy the dark and our own space and independence. But I respect dogs. Creatures that can sense the impressions an individual leaves behind as easily as breathing? Fascinating, but should be treated with... caution. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE?
Heh, I've never had trouble hailing a cab, much to the infuriation of my detective friend who seems to have quite the opposite experience. WHAT’S YOUR WORST HABIT?
Curiosity, I suppose. Sometimes even Miss Muriel has raised an eyebrow at some of my more, shall we say, unorthodox lines of enquiry. I keep having to remind myself that, outside the safety of the museum, we have to be careful what questions we ask, see? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I... don't really like to, uh... talk about that but, well... it was more recently than I'd care to admit and for reasons that aren't even worth mentioning. Just something in one of the messages from my folks got to me more strongly than I, uh... let's just say it was uncalled for. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR?
I must confess, my talents lie more in the realm of uncovering truths than shrouding them in falsehoods. When I attempt to weave a web of deceit, I tend to find myself ensnared in the sticky threads, so to speak. If I'm, shall we say, focused, I can use my occult abilities to supplement my natural openness but when my reserves are depleted my true, um, intentions tend to broadcast themselves more... plainly than I would like. WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?
There's a certain class of visitor who comes to the museum to tut at the exhibits and harass Miss Muriel about their... sinful nature. It's grating to have to suck it up and bear the moralising from narrow-minded detractors. I wish I had the guts to stand up to those bullies but I find my words tend to fail when accosted by such... ignorant virtuisms. Thank all the eldritch gods - that the critics so very much love to disapprove of - for our night watchman, Jimmy the Nose. He has ways of making them... remember their manners. It's gratifying when such, shall we say, effervescence is met with a firm hand - Jimmy's hand, not mine, of course. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?
Uh, not yet. ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO USE YOUR FISTS OR YOUR WORDS IN AN ARGUMENT?
Oh, I'd most certainly use words over, ah, fists. Although I would, under most circumstances, prefer not to get into arguments... I'm at least able to hold my own in a discussion and can request a parley in eighteen languages. Whereas, when it comes to fisticuffs, my physical prowess - if you can even call it that - is such that I might as well throw a towel at my opponent before we even start. WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU’RE NATURALLY GOOD AT?
Off the record, I've always had, shall we say, a knack with the occult. In fact, if we could keep this entire interview off the record that would be, uh, swell. WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU HAD TO WORK HARD TO BE GOOD AT?
Stayin' under the radar? When I was fourteen I got caught up in some nasty business with some of the nastiest folks. I'm drawn to the psychic resonances on things - see? It's like an itch that I gotta scratch. And it turns out I'm not the only one interested in items of such a... prohibited nature. Some wrong uns have all sorts of fixings on what such power could unleash. So when you nick a man's package, it's smart to check first what kind of man you're stealing from. CAN YOU TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS FLIRTING WITH YOU?
I... uh, suppose some of my occult sensitivities could be adjusted to... accommodate such investigations although, it would feel intrusive to, um, utilise them in such a... 'poisonal' manner. Without the aid of my... psychic talents, shall we say, I must admit I... uh... hmm. DO YOU THINK MONEY CAN BUY HAPPINESS?
I've never had enough of my own to find out. But I'd choose being broke over living in my fath- anyone's pocket. I'm one of the people in this town who it would be most difficult to buy off... with, uh, dough, anyway - if I was gonna sell my soul to the highest bidder, my old man has that spot covered. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY?
I think divination magic would work a lot less predictably if destiny weren't a thing. That doesn't mean you don't get choose, mind you - just that... when things line up in a certain way it's because that's how they were always going to line up given the, uh, starting conditions. Or so I understand. ARE YOU A GOOD COOK?
Who has the time? WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS AFTER YOU DIE?
As far as my research goes, I believe it is undisputable - although, by some, still heavily disputed - that the, um, soul - for want of a better word - continues on in some sense. Although the, uh, form of that continuation is as varied as it is mysterious. The afterlife and the undead have, of course, entered my sphere of academic interest, although I must confess I am more intrigued by the artifacts a person leaves behind after they succumb to the... the big sleep, as they call it. The psychic resonances that eminate from the physical possessions of such an, ah, deceased person have nearly unlimited exploratory potential. Particularly the items that the individual used frequently or held dear. DID YOU HAVE TO GROW UP FAST?
"Have to" is a loaded term, if you pardon my frankness. There hasn't been a time in my, admittedly short, life that I haven't desperately wished I were older or cleverer or stronger. Although I fear with the strength attribute I may, quite unfortunately, have reached my physical prime, more's the pity. WHO DO YOU LOOK UP TO?
Oh, Miss Muriel is a wonderful lady, uh, doll. She's really looked out for me since I moved out of my folks' house when I was fourteen. Gave me a job and keeps me out trouble. So does Gray, although, uh, he's too broke to pay me for my... services. WHEN YOU GO TO A SPEAKEASY, WHAT DO YOU ORDER?
Heh, the cheque? When I find myself in the rare and somewhat uncomfortable position of stepping into a speakeasy it's, ah, usually in the pursuit of collecting Detective Gray, who may have indulged a bit too fervently in the establishment's offerings. My personal forays into the world of, shall we say, prohibited spirits are more ectoplasmic than, um, alcoholic - if you catch my drift? WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
Ah, that's rather an intrusive question, if you don't mind my saying... but if I've got to pick something, I suppose it's my knack for diving into weird lore and, uh, eldritch curiosities. Getting my hands on ancient books and figuring out all those creepy symbols and languages nobody's supposed to know is, well, kind of my thing. And aside for personal interest, which don't get me wrong is the whole reason I do it, it's useful to Gray and Miss Muriel, which... uh... is fulfilling, I suppose. WHAT DO YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT YOURSELF?
I do wish I were better able to, uh, hold my own in a fight. Sometimes it's safer to take the punch than use my prohibited talents to get away and, well... DO YOU WANT KIDS SOMEDAY?
Some of the more eldritch artifacts in my collection, both personal and at work, would be dangerously irresponsible to raise a kid around. Most pressingly, one particular relic I found when I was about fifteen should not be exposed to someone whose brain is yet to, uh, fully develop. It's in the museum now... probably for the best. ARE YOU A PLANNER OR MORE SPONTANEOUS?
I'll go wherever the psychic resonances take me... Detective Gray doesn't approve but Miss Muriel tacitly encourages my curiosities, so... CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
I... think so. At least so long as no-one's pressin' me for it. I, uh, hear the fuzz have a particular tactic of shining light in your eyes to get you to talk. I might find that particularly difficult to resist on account of certain inheritances from my dad's side. Of course, I'd endeavour to, uh, 'keep mum' - I believe the phrase is - but I cannot be certain of my capabilities under such... duress. That's one mystery I'd prefer to leave unsolved. DO YOU LIKE BEING THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION?
Oh, certainly not! Miss Muriel once asked me to talk to some newshawks about one of our new exhibitions. I, uh, rather embarassingly nearly fainted. I think the fact that, um, that was a few years ago and she has not made any similar requests, well, somewhat speaks for itself. IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?
Oh, do I get to know how I'm knocked off or...? I suppose stalk up on laudanum, and donate the artifacts in my personal collection to the museum. If there's time I'll process and catalogue them before I pass - it'd be a shame to leave the legwork to the dayshift archivist. DO YOU ENJOY GETTING ALL DRESSED UP FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION?
I'm sure I would love it if I could afford a new suit. My current one fit me when I was fifteen and, well, I'm surrounded by beanpoles so you might not realise it but, I have actually grown since then. WHERE DO YOU FEEL SAFE?
Heh, somewhat ironically given the... unpredictable nature of some of our exhibits, I feel safest at the museum. I know Jimmy is more than capable of seeing off unwanted visitors from the city and I have... um, no doubt that Miss Muriel and myself together have a handle on the occasional unwelcome intrusions from realms beyond our own. DO YOU LOVE OR HATE BEING ALONE?
For the most part I love it. It's... freeing to be able to think aloud to myself without worrying about what others might be judging. But, well, you know, if I'm doing figure of eights and need someone to bat ideas against I know where I can find Miss Muriel or Jimmy. If it's daytime, I can always go chew the ear off Gray for a while and sometimes Sal even lets me stay and uh,... bite an egg. Not an actual egg, normally - it just means eat with them. WHAT’S THE LAST NIGHTMARE YOU REMEMBER HAVING?
Nightmares are part of the job... both jobs, for different reasons. The last one was a combination of the two. Gray's brother, Caravaggio, uh also Gray but I don't call him that - had given the shadow clink a clean sweep and got his paws on one of the museum artifacts. It sort of changed throughout the dream which of them he'd actually stolen but... none of them should be in the hands of the Velstrac, I'll tell you that much for a nickel. DO YOU ADMIT TO MISTAKES WHEN YOU MAKE THEM?
What are you? A cop? DO YOU WANT TO GROW UP TO BE LIKE YOUR PARENTS?
I'm trying very hard not to but, well, there's something about the murky web of family obligations that always keeps me, shall we say, dangling by a thread. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BEING SICK? ARE YOU STOIC OR SUPER WHINEY?
Since moving out of my folks' place, I've been ill more times than I'd like to admit. I think from the weather and perhaps exposure to certain, draining occult relics at the museum. 'Though, thankfully, I'm never sick enough to warrant a visit to the doctor... or um, sawbones, I believe is the preferred moniker. Whatever you call him, I can't afford it. WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS EXPECT FROM YOU WHEN YOU WERE BORN?
My mother liked to show me off to her, ah, girlfriends. More of a prop than a person, if you read me? My father had, shall we say, ambitions? Not for me, you understand, but for what I could, uh, bring to the family buisiness. DO YOU HAVE A STRONG SENSE OF STYLE?
Uh, well, between you and me, I wear my museum uniform on and off the clock. It is provided by Miss Muriel so is the only thing that still fits. The spider silk I wear underneath is stretchy enough to suit its purpose, but it ain't exactly what you'd call appropriate overgarments. WOULD YOU RATHER CAMP OUTDOORS OR STAY THE NIGHT IN AN INN?
Both risky. But if there's a reason my own digs are, as it were, out of action I'd have to foot for temporary lodgings. Ain't no way I'm sleeping on the streets. IS THERE A FOOD THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY HATE?
I can't afford to be picky these days but, well, there's a particular experimental dish that has become quite popular among the... socialites of the city. Pieces of fruit and vegetable suspended in gelatine like a, well... to be frank, particular oozing monster, for want of a better descriptor, that Gray and I have occassionally run into when investigations lead us downtown. While innovative culinary endeavours are something I find fascinating and laudible in theory, in practice snacking on, shall we say, reminders of such perilous encounters is not something my constitution can comfortably handle. ARE YOU MORE OF A HOARDER OR A MINIMALIST?
Hoarder... obviously. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS?
It, uh, doesn't do to... taunt the devil when you're sometimes called upon by scholarly curiosity to... prod or even, in one instance, dissect some of his arch-fiends. ARE YOU THE KIND OF PERSON WHO REMEMBERS PEOPLE’S BIRTHDAYS AND PET’S NAMES AND STUFF?
If it's important for a case, I at least try very hard to remember until I can scribble it down. Gray likes details and I like to accommodate. WHAT DO YOU DO TO FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU’RE SAD?
Uh, try to suck it up, like everyone in the city. My mother used to tell me to "save my tears for the pillow". Which never quite made sense to me - why would I want to sleep on a damp cushion? These days I do sometimes sleep on a damp cushion but that's only because the ceiling leaks and the landlord's too stingy to fix it. IS IT HARD FOR YOU TO TRUST SOMEONE?
That depends what I'm supposed to trust them to do. I trust people to not change their habits without extraordinary, uh, impetus. I trust the mobs will keep killing and the cops will keep extorting and the mayor will keep embezzling and my father will keep profiteering and Gray will keep investigating and Miss Muriel will keep asking dangerous questions. The predictability of people is somewhat comforting, if you think about it. Particularly given some of my eldritch research uncovers creatures and artifacts that are entirely... unpredictable. ARE YOU SUSCEPTIBLE TO PEER PRESSURE?
I'm susceptible to all pressure, truth be told, although given how difficult I have found it to fit in with my, ah, peers, I would suspect I am less at risk of being leaned on socially than I could be. I suppose I put enough pressure on myself that the expectations of society have a harder time breaking through. Or perhaps simply growing up with folks like mine has somewhat inoculated me against being coerced into things I didn't feel good about. If things get physical, well, that's, embarrassingly, a different story. IF YOU DECIDED TO STOP ADVENTURING AND SETTLE DOWN, WHAT KIND OF JOB WOULD YOU TAKE?
Not many of those going around these days, I'm led to understand. And most of what is available requires a certain, uh, physical prowess that I have no hope of attaining. As a shorterm solution, I have on occasion used my divination talents to make a quick buck at the racecourse but... well, the attendants tend to catch on pretty quick. Perhaps some kind of language tutor for night dwellers? Ideally, uh, one-to-one... I refer you to my previous answer about the pressures of, well, public speaking. AS A KID, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?
Ah, well, truth be told I never had any exact professional aspirations, although I knew from a young age that I very much did not want to work in my dad's silk factories. I don't think he'd have ever put me on the floor, as it were but, well... he's a drow and will be running that business long after I, um, die so... workin' my entire life for him would just be, shall we say, oppressive.
Type
Report, Intelligence
Subject
Associate:
Muriel Caine
Associate:
Chiaroscuro Gray
Father:
Lukas Webb
Mother:
Carlotta Webb
