22. Faith and Vampyres
As seen in
Refine the info-dump about the past: Instead of a long explanation, consider weaving details about Albion's past into the present narrative through his thoughts or conversations.
Deepen Albion's emotional state: We see glimpses of Albion's loneliness and struggle, but delve deeper. Let the reader feel his internal conflict.
Explore Olivia's motivations: We know she cares for Albion, but why? Is it just because she knew him as a child?
Give the possessed more humanity: Right now they are faceless victims. Give them a glimpse of their inner lives to make Albion's choice to feed on them more complex.
Raise the stakes for Albion: Currently, the biggest danger seems to be the annoyance of the Bishop. Consider introducing a threat to Albion's secret or a more dangerous enemy.
Focus on the danger posed by the "possessed": We are told they are evil, but not why. Show the dangers they pose to heighten the tension around Albion's work.
Add conflict to the bar scene: The scene at the bar feels idyllic. Consider adding a complication to raise the stakes, perhaps someone suspicious of Albion or a potential problem with Gus.
Themes
- Internal Conflict
- Duty vs. Morality
- Isolation and Acceptance
- The passage of Time
- Trust and Blind Faith
Structure
Exposition
Albion Marrable emerges into the night on the hunt. He has a flashback to when he was turned into a Vampyre.
Rising Action
He smells a Gloombringers and tracks the smell to an older man with a young woman who are waiting to get into The Steele Dreame. Albion Marrable takes both in as his guests.
Climax
He buys the three of them drinks and catches up a bit with Olivia Steele.
Falling Action
After the person he's hunting is drugged, he takes the man to the Eternal Harmony and to James Burdon so he can be turned over to the Vatican.
Resolution
Albion Marrable returns home and feeds the six people he has chained in the basement.
Date:
16 Crimsnfall 2022 IE
16 Crimsnfall 2022 IE
Plot type
Chapter/Short Story
Parent Plot
Related Characters
Related Organizations
Related Locations
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