GB Chapter 38/39: Upstanding Citizens/Debaucherous Directions

General Summary

GB Chapter 38: Upstanding Citizens

General Events

• Finishing up their poker games with the Dealer at The Horny Ghost tavern, the Gaiobros decide on their next move. Many things are discussed, including Dr. Plaezus' failure to take Fraesokovia with his zombie army & his subsequent defeat/undead capture at the hands of Darkjaw. Master Obu somehow convinces them that their next move should be to return their stolen Thought Crystals to the Opulent Conservatory, referencing the one-day rental arranged by the Death Minister on their behalf. The Gaiobois head over to take care of this business, unaware of what they had in store. Balcazar, not wanting to do this, heads to an undead spa for a well-deserved treatment.
• Meanwhile, Drunkle Fork wakes up in the Bonemobile after another cart/beast of burden brushes past the cart. After almost losing the kids he was supposed to be watching, Fork finds them hanging out with a zombie couple down the street. After an unexpected conversation (not appreciated by the mildly hungover Fork), they reveal that they were about to be parents before their tragic death; being Soul Touched Zombies, they can no longer achieve that dream naturally. After talking some shit under his breath, Fork takes the kids to the front gate of Necropolis to try and get out of the Initiate Program. However, he unwittingly tips off the guards that there is no record of him being here, so they lure him to the Daidless Ward (the hood) and trick him into getting jumped by the ravenous zombie residents (driven to this point through starvation/lack of dark energy & Daidcoins). Instead of getting jumped, Fork punches both guards in the face with Stunning Strikes, then runs away while kiting the zombies COD-style. Upon escape, the guards patrolling the black iron gate to the Daidless Ward let him out and close the gate behind him, prodding the persistent zombies with their weapons to quell their assault. Frazzled, but not beaten, Fork heads back to the bar and eventually traces the Gaiobros steps to their next destination
• The boys went to the library and communicated with the Death Tyrant librarian, mostly disguised as Master Obu. While Obu gladly returned the Thought Crystal that discussed the cosmology of the multiverse, Moanius & MB decided to go the deceptive route and held onto the Thought Crystal discussing Cyrofel's rise & fall. As the jig slowly unraveled, they noticed Stonius frozen in thought at the entrance, later revelaing that this Death Tyrant (an undead version of a beholder) was the same beholder that killed his previous adventuring party, including his lover Zora (Storm Dragonborn). After attacked the librarian because she killed Stonius' lover
• Master Obu is approached by a vision of Lady Gaelica, who offers him the contract to take over his body after 24 hours. Obu recognizes that these aren't the terms he agreed to and refuses. Lady Gaelica threatens to take Rexy instead, as her sword is already within him. Reluctantly, Master Obu gives up Rexy's life in exchange for his own; Gaelica admires his ferocity and transfers her essence to Rexy, which will fully take over the T-Rex in a day's time. Master Obu mourns and spends time with Rexy as Fork & the kids arrive, sharing a drink with the tortle.

Combat: Stonius' Revenge

Initiative

• Stonius: 4, 34/100
• Death Tyrant: 21, 4/187 HP
• MB: 6
• Moanius: 12

Surprise Round

• Stonius Acid Breaths the Death Tyrant for 21 acid damage.

Round 1

• Death Tyrant: Frightens Stonius, slows Stonius, and deals 19 necrotic damage to Stonius
• Moanius: Asks Stonius if he wants help; he's scared, so he does. Moanius casts Hypnotic Pattern to distract her, but she sees right through it
• MB: Turns into what Stonius' lover, Zora, looks like in MB's head, then starts running over.
• Stonius: Unleashes Heat Wave (3rd level) for 31 fire damage. Then Action Surges and Ass Pounds for 41 damage/13 fire. No longer afraid, but slowed.

GB Chapter 39: Debaucherous Directions

Combat: Stonius' Revenge

Round 2 (beginning of GB Chapter 39)

• Death Tyrant: Fails to break free of grapple
• Moanius: Casts Magic Missile (2nd level) for 16 force damage at the Death Tyrant, shaped liked Zora
• MB: Finds a hole, tries to do some shit, then tongue whips a hole on the beholder. Afterwards, the Death Tyrant deals 55 necrotic to Stonius (Death Ray) & Telekinetic Ray on MB
• Stonius: 32 bludgeoning/9 acid/14 fire damage/13 radiant (68 damage).
• Fork & Obu: Fork flash runs in and punches for 9 damage (failed Stunning Strike), then punches again to knock her out.

Round 3

• Death Tyrant: Fails the Death Save
• Moanius: Steps back after seeing a seething Stonius, then asks MB to hold off
• MB: Prepares to fuck the Death Tyrant
• Stonius: Kills the Death Tyrant without regard for MB, smashing it to dust while the Ass Pounder evolves into the Blood Mallet (through Thalonius' influence).

Balcazar's Day

• Balcazar checks out an undead spa referred to him by several citizens of Necropolis. After paying 1 Daidcoin for a sample, Balcazar learns that the undead spa would be incredibly painful (potentially deadly) to a living person with an active nervous system. As such, he backs out of the "hot tub" experience in the back. The massage receptionist points out several other places he could spend his time, including the various taverns (The Dead's End, The Rowdy Wight & The Horny Ghost), Argatha's Garden (potion & dark energy herb shop), Mellok's Meats (stand selling exotic meats hunted by Mellok the Dead Yeti), & the End Games (competitive arena that serves as the main form of gambling & entertainment for the citizens of Necropolis).
• Balcazar heads to Mellok's Meats and pays 12 Daidcoin for a pound of polar bear meat & some reindeer jerky. He then heads to the End Games, while calling the Gaiobros on his transponder/Sending Stone.

Rexy Sperm Farming

• After Stonius kills the Death Tyrant, MB attempts to make him feel better (?) by dancing as an MS Paint version of Zora (they don't know what Zora looked like) and telling him to "take out all your aggression on me". After Moanius (now and forever disguised as Draconius Moanius once again) Polymorph's MB into a lizard using his new arcane focus (Thalonius Medallion), Stonius rips Lizard MB in half with his bare hands and double-fist pounds them into the ground. Stonius prepares to impale MB with his Black-Ice Blade, but is mildly calmed down by Master Obu. Instead, Stonius threatens to kill MB if he ever "mocks her memory again", stating that MB only transforms into others because they don't know who they are on the inside. Stonius then emotionally shuts down and hangs out with Draconius for the rest of the day.
• Master Obu tells the Gaiobros about Rexy's predicament and Lady Gaelica's growing influence inside him, stating that they need to kill Rexy before Gaelica takes over and becomes a major problem. Around this time, Balcazar calls them and tells them about the End Games, which includes a Beast Fighting challenge. They get the idea to enter Rexy into the End Games, which will either kill him or earn them money. The idea to milk Rexy for sperm and become T-Rex breeders is also floated around, especially if Rexy becomes a champion/high value bull.
• Once they arrive at the End Games, MB tries to jack off Rexy, but is hindered by the combined efforts of Master Obu's staff & Draconius' boomerang hat. At some point between this point and the night before they entered Necropolis, MB managed to obtain a single drop of Rexy's sperm in the Iron Flask (can hold anything), though how exactly they pulled this off is a mystery to us all. Master Obu takes Rexy to registration while Fork finds some seats for the gang, while MB is confronted by Count Volugard, who has been following them since the library. Draconius & Balcazar watch as Count Volugard attempts to collect his debt for the magic items MB stole from his shop. MB tries to refuse and walks away, but Volugard traps them within a Wall of Force spell, surrounded by several members of the Necropolis Guard. At some point during this interaction, Balcazar & Draconius leave to find their seats, leaving MB to deal with this threat alone.
• Count Volugard generously offers for MB to return all the stolen items (minus the sex items, as he feels MB more than paid for those with their outstanding sexual performance) or have them sign his Debt Repayment Contract, but MB proves difficult. As retaliation, Count Volugard casts several damaging spells (Bloodboil & Shadow Scorch) to torture MB and bring them to 1 HP. While MB tries to negotiate into keeping some of the items while returning the rest/paying the premium on the kept items later, Volugard refuses to do this unless MB signs the contract. Eventually, MB gives in and sacrifices the stolen items (they might have convinced Volugard to let them keep the Iron Flask, but I honestly can't remember). MB then heads into the stadium and offers to suck dick for 100 Daidcoin a pop, which 10 wealthy zombies & wights agree to for the novelty of it.

The End Games

• Once settled in, the games are set up by the MC, a male banshee that flies around the colliseum and announces various things. Master Obu & the Twins sit ringside to support Rexy, while Fork lays out over several seats to save them for the Gaiobros; before they get there, Fork makes eye contact with the zombie couple that he insulted earlier. While in the stands, the boys notice The Dealer situated with seedy folks & making bets, then notice Count Volugard doing the same in box seats.
• As Rexy is brought into the arena nd announced by the MC, a shadowy cloud emanates from the dark sun above, unleashing a bolt of Dark Lightning on the other side of the arena. In its place stands Darkjaw, who gives an empassioned speech about how the Gaiobros betrayed him and how he will have his revenge today. Master Obu gives a similar speech in an attempt to humiliate Darkjaw and sway the crowd, who all the Gaiobros notice has a reluctant acceptanc of Darkjaw's presence. This doesn't stop Darkjaw from Primeval Polymorphing (Gaioforce Ranger ability) into a Young Frost Dragon with Lamarva's skintone, therefore taking on a "beastial form".
• The pre-fight shittalk is interrupted by the sourceless voice of the Shadow King, who establishes that Darkjaw did indeed fight the Gaiobros in the Battle of the Holiday March, but fell to their might (this raises questions on how Darkjaw was able to reform afterwords). This humbles Darkjaw, but the Shadow King continues on to humble Lady Gaelica as well for her defeat at the Siege of Santa's Workshop. He announces that this fight will determine which of these failed generals will serve the Shadow King as the military head of the Roving Shadows, then sends a pulse of dark energy at Rexy. The pulse seems to temporarily boost Gaelica's presence within Rexy long enough for her to control the T-Rex during the fight, leading the MC to delcare the fight begun with the crowd on the edge of their seats: Darkjaw (Lamarvagon form) & Lady Rexyca (Gaelica in Rexy form).
• Balcazar's bet: 50 gp against Rexy & 420 gp on Rexy.
• Draconius' bet: 50 gp against Rexy & 500 gp on Rexy
• MB's bet (dick sucking revenue): 1,000 gp for Rexy from MB
• Fork & Obu don't bet; Obu doesn't want to bet on his pet, while Fork values alcohol over any bet (he also learned earleir that they only have 4 kegs of alcohol left on the Bonemobile).
• During the dick-sucking and the pre-fight shenanigans, MB heals 24 HP with Cure Wounds (4th level) & 65 HP (Lay on Hands) for 89 HP total.

Report Date

28 Jun 2023

Primary Location

Necropolis

Secondary Location

Cyregnor

Related Plots

• The Daidrin Expedition