Session 28: The Only Thing That is Getting Nailed Is Your Mother
General Summary
The party began with their descent into the well in the Nwyfre Coven within the Ancient Forest of Apuln in the Fisk Empire at dusk on BriskWind 13, 2597. Kale gave all members of the party the ability to breathe underwater for 24 hours (minus Cameel who stayed at the surface). After descending over 300 feet into the water column, they found the bottom of the well. Atticus pulled a hidden lever in the seam of the floor and wall stones that opened up a section of the gray-brown stone to a submerged passage.
After traveling through the passage's twists and turns the party came upon a massive 15' circular door covered with a large collection of thick roots. Wren turned water into ice along one side of the door slowly forcing it open until it was 12" wide. At that point Kale turned into a goldfish and then became a giant ape on the other side. Kale then wrenched the door open with his massive strength, tearing a 5' chunk from the door so the rest of the party would be able to pass.
Within the room they entered were four pedestals. At 12 o'clock was a stone relief of a tree, at 3 o'clock was a stone relief of a waterfall, at 6 o'clock was a stone relief of a sun and moon circling each other, and at 9 o'clock was a stone relief of the sun. The party also noticed two doors, one to their left and one to their right, as well as a pile of green colored metal pipes on the ground. The party investigated and discovered that there were holes through the pedestals, and each pedestal had several holes that went straight through to holes on other pedestals. After discovering that sticking a pole into a single pedestal shocked the person who inserted it, the party decided to connect together the pedestals. They started with the tree to the waterfall and then the tree to the sun. The party tried connecting the sun and moon to the waterfall but received a shock at which point they connected the sun and moon to the tree as well. With this, a door opened to a room lit by phosphorescent lichen and Kale took a small irregular chunk of gray rock from within the moon's symbol on the pedestal.
In the following room the door closed behind the party and they noticed it beginning to heat up. Tork admitted to briefly peeing, but the real culprit was discovered to be the ceiling which was heating up at an exceptional pace. Pacing increasing water temperatures, the party headed into a complicated submerged maze. After going into a dead end, Wren got Kale to notice a small symbol of a tree carved into the wall of what appeared to be some correct choices at intersections. With this the party continued onwards through the maze. When coming to open bridges in wide open spaces, Wren froze water near them to make a cooler tunnel than the scalding water to the sides normally allowed. Following the path, as the temperature increased, touching the wall began to burn people as they followed Rodan's Right Hand Rule (RRHR). Eventually they found their room to a cooler room where Atticus noticed a magical field on one side of the room. Kale touched it and the party was transported to another side of the maze where they were closer to their goal. After nearly going the wrong way across the bridge, Archie (the voice in Atticus' head) told them to turn around and not cross another chasm, so they continued back and eventually found the entrance and cooler water. An exhausting experience, Alena Birch took a level of exhaustion while Tork took two. With this complete, they made their way up from the well and broke the surface of the water.
Rodan Spice climbed up first, setting his pitons into the rock wall sides of the well. Once the entire party had ascended, they snuck their way through the HeartGrove towards Uncle Barkly. When they arrived, the scarred and burnt old tree was sleeping. Kale awoke him at which point he told Kale about how Kale had been right about the stars and about the doom they spelled out. He told Kale how he had information about Kale's birth parents and where Kale could find them. He was willing to explain they could be found in the ruins of Silan in exchange for an assurance that Athelas would be dealt with so that he could not harm Barkly. Barkly also disclosed that Kale was supposed to be told about his parents so he could learn who he was and who he was to become when he came of age, but Athelas buried the journal. When Barkly grew a root through it, somehow the journal changed his mind to be more mindful of what was forgotten.
During this conversation, Barkly also revealed to the party (via Atticus' questioning) some information about the moon and the history of the world. He talked about how he had been awoken as were others (trees and some peoples to their magic abilities) by a now forgotten deity. He said others gained their powers or magical ability to talk around the time of the Departure from the same deity which was also around the time the moon disappeared from the sky. With their conversation complete, and the plan to talk with Dewlily and deal with Athelas in the following day or days, the session ended after midnight in the very beginning hours of BriskWind 14, 2597.I Did See Your Leopard, I Wanted to Pet It
We Don't Let Her Near Men
Clean Out the Eyeballs
Fuck Here We Go
They're Chipped
What Comes Around Goes Around
Still High When Trying to Go
Felt Like My Head Was Going to Implode
Head Going to Concave on Itself
Let's Go Become Nobles
I'd Drink a Tea Out of Your Chalice
It's Not the Blood of Christ Until...
Breathing Double Water
I Can't Breathe Air Anymore And I'm A Fish
Big Sleep
Wouldn't It Be Cool to Ride Cameel Under Water?
I Can't See Shit
Kale Eyes
gOoD wOrK aTtIcUs
I Know You Can Do Internal Dialogue
I Tea
Everything Is Fucking Odd in This World
He Hates Willows
I Think It's Just a Racial Thing
How Do We Get Through Here
Tuna?
Goldfish
Too Bad No One Can Use Fireball Down Here
I'm Thinking... I'm Thinking... I'm Thinking...
Whack 'Em
I Can Create More Roots...
I Can Take a Look Deeper
Fish Woodpeckers
Kale is a Beast
What Animals Have You Seen?
At Least 7
Her Voice Is Higher, But She Basically Talks Like Tork
If You've Seen an Ape, You've Probably Seen All the Apes
We Should Go Swimming More
I'd Rather Speed Things Up Instead of Slow Them Down
I Could Have Been a Sperm Whale Instead
Sperm Whales Have Teeth
Giant Ape Kale
I Wave
Thumbs Up
Get Back
I'll Take It Back Since It Doesn't Fit Properly
What Is the Radius of the Hole?
Pulse
Do You Know What an Eel Is?
Slugs... Snails!
Are Eels Immune to All Electricity
To Your Shock
So About That Eel Situation
The Loved Trees to a Concerning Degree
Putting a Rod in a Tree
I Don't Really Know Because I Failed My Religion Check
I'm Going to Slide my Rod In Here Because I'm a Gluten for Punishment
Wow, It's Almost Like Atticus Does Puzzles, Like Atticus Went to Lorehold College, Fuck
I Assume That Physics Is Here
We Need to Measure the Force of Gravity After We Get Out of Here
Physics and Gravity, Are Those A Type of Magic?
Maybe the Sun and the Moon is a Red Herring
Trees are Thirsty
You Slide Your Pole Slowly In
The Tides
We're In A Whole Tree Storyline
Yep, Tides and Waterfall
I'm Always in a Hurry
Getting closer to the Center of the Earth
Tork with the small bladder
Move on without me
Time limit until we're burnt to death
I promised my 2nd lover I wouldn't Die Underwater
Mother Lover
Atticus thinks to boil to death
Roll20 Ate Shit
I'm Not Certain I Can Die
Rodan's Right Hand Rule
Melodramatic Atticus
Just My Gut
Looks Like a Swastika
3rd Reich
RRHR
ChatGPT Rolled for Me
Obese Neckbeard
Elon Can Suck It
Kale, Come Touch This
Ice Caps Melting
I Feel Like We've Crossed This One Before
Good Looking Tree
Where Are All the Bodies
Humans are great fertilizer
Stay away from my body Kale
Stick your hand right down in it and you pull
Swimming Up That Bitch
Pitons, Pitons, Pitons
I've Gotten to Steal a Ship and Use Piton's, This is Basically as Good as it Gets for Rodan
Is He the One We're Supposed to Nail
I Wanted to Nail Your Father Instead
And Your Mother
I Better Get to Kill a Tree
Someone's Chopping Wood
Gosh Rodan
Pollen, It Gets You
One Down
My God, She Learned How to Walk
Kale, Are You Adopted?
Not Your Mother, Respectfully, Still Would
Is The Moon Just Invisible?
Shoot Something At It?
Craggy, Irregular Shaped Rock
I'm A Little Above Average
Your Canopy Is Wide, Just Like My Ex's
I Would Never, *I Would*
We Should Stare at the Sun More
Well Fuck Them
They Were Supposed to Tell Them About
Spill It Out
I'm A Terrifying Force When I'm Fucked With
Ask a Guy Named Kwort, I'll Explain It Later Everyone, Kale Already Knows
Leased Him
The Son of the Stars
Take It In Quickly Kale
I Understand You Could Be Sentimental About Killing Your Adoptive Father
So I'll Do It For You
You've Grown Quite On Me
We Can Take Him Somewhere Else
On Top of the Gnome World
We Took Down a Fucking Dragon
I'm Afraid of Your Eyes, But That is Different
Back to You Kale
Get the Tree Some Wine
You Poured One Out for Barkly
A Voice In My Head Said...
I Went that Root
Your Adoptive Mother is Very Hot and Wrong
Ruins in Silan
Waiting For Him There
I Like You Nonetheless
There's Doom Coming and I Think We Need You For It
Dragons Be Here
Tork Peed Here
The Hallucinations Started Here
Rodan Committed Manslaughter Here
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
A rabid halfling taught us the meaning of life here
Maybe here?
Fuck
Exit Here?
This was my favorite part.
We Lost All Hope Around Here?
After traveling through the passage's twists and turns the party came upon a massive 15' circular door covered with a large collection of thick roots. Wren turned water into ice along one side of the door slowly forcing it open until it was 12" wide. At that point Kale turned into a goldfish and then became a giant ape on the other side. Kale then wrenched the door open with his massive strength, tearing a 5' chunk from the door so the rest of the party would be able to pass.
Within the room they entered were four pedestals. At 12 o'clock was a stone relief of a tree, at 3 o'clock was a stone relief of a waterfall, at 6 o'clock was a stone relief of a sun and moon circling each other, and at 9 o'clock was a stone relief of the sun. The party also noticed two doors, one to their left and one to their right, as well as a pile of green colored metal pipes on the ground. The party investigated and discovered that there were holes through the pedestals, and each pedestal had several holes that went straight through to holes on other pedestals. After discovering that sticking a pole into a single pedestal shocked the person who inserted it, the party decided to connect together the pedestals. They started with the tree to the waterfall and then the tree to the sun. The party tried connecting the sun and moon to the waterfall but received a shock at which point they connected the sun and moon to the tree as well. With this, a door opened to a room lit by phosphorescent lichen and Kale took a small irregular chunk of gray rock from within the moon's symbol on the pedestal.
In the following room the door closed behind the party and they noticed it beginning to heat up. Tork admitted to briefly peeing, but the real culprit was discovered to be the ceiling which was heating up at an exceptional pace. Pacing increasing water temperatures, the party headed into a complicated submerged maze. After going into a dead end, Wren got Kale to notice a small symbol of a tree carved into the wall of what appeared to be some correct choices at intersections. With this the party continued onwards through the maze. When coming to open bridges in wide open spaces, Wren froze water near them to make a cooler tunnel than the scalding water to the sides normally allowed. Following the path, as the temperature increased, touching the wall began to burn people as they followed Rodan's Right Hand Rule (RRHR). Eventually they found their room to a cooler room where Atticus noticed a magical field on one side of the room. Kale touched it and the party was transported to another side of the maze where they were closer to their goal. After nearly going the wrong way across the bridge, Archie (the voice in Atticus' head) told them to turn around and not cross another chasm, so they continued back and eventually found the entrance and cooler water. An exhausting experience, Alena Birch took a level of exhaustion while Tork took two. With this complete, they made their way up from the well and broke the surface of the water.
Rodan Spice climbed up first, setting his pitons into the rock wall sides of the well. Once the entire party had ascended, they snuck their way through the HeartGrove towards Uncle Barkly. When they arrived, the scarred and burnt old tree was sleeping. Kale awoke him at which point he told Kale about how Kale had been right about the stars and about the doom they spelled out. He told Kale how he had information about Kale's birth parents and where Kale could find them. He was willing to explain they could be found in the ruins of Silan in exchange for an assurance that Athelas would be dealt with so that he could not harm Barkly. Barkly also disclosed that Kale was supposed to be told about his parents so he could learn who he was and who he was to become when he came of age, but Athelas buried the journal. When Barkly grew a root through it, somehow the journal changed his mind to be more mindful of what was forgotten.
During this conversation, Barkly also revealed to the party (via Atticus' questioning) some information about the moon and the history of the world. He talked about how he had been awoken as were others (trees and some peoples to their magic abilities) by a now forgotten deity. He said others gained their powers or magical ability to talk around the time of the Departure from the same deity which was also around the time the moon disappeared from the sky. With their conversation complete, and the plan to talk with Dewlily and deal with Athelas in the following day or days, the session ended after midnight in the very beginning hours of BriskWind 14, 2597.
Rejected Session Names
Maze Notes
Report Date
03 Aug 2023
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