Session 57: There's No Way Camel Meat Can Be Good

General Summary

 
Meta Recap: Joint Operations LLC finds themselves on a diplomatic mission for King Jorip, a king they heavily suspect for committing genocide against the Sand Druids in combination with the Oasis Society. At the same time, they are working to discern how to close to crack in the seal causing the blight in Wren's Homeland by making their way to the Ship of Secrets deep beneath the waves.
  The session began on DeepFrost 21, 2597 as the party entered the Captain's Suite aboard the Absolute Majesty III in the harbor in Foun following a rest in their private plane of existence. Tork and Atticus returning following a trip to the Foun Lorehold College Extension Office for library research. In doing so, they learned that before The Departure, Cybalnis is said to have killed another diety. The party filled them in on what had happened as well with the Everlasting Carnival in Foun and then had Advisor Sil'a deliver them their Trade Deals from Elder Je’Son.  

Trade Deals List

It's Getting Hot With These Deals
1. Stennis (115M) 2. Licensors of the Bureaucracy (90M) 3. Nine Quarries Mining Co. (105M) 4. Widening V Timber (120M) 5. Sparkling Rocks (Coast of Gems) (175M)
  The amounts they were supposed to use were written in a clear ink that was not visible until Kale used the heat of a flame later on.
  With this, Rodan Spice secured a new steed, a massive gray warhorse which he named Donkey. The ship then departed towards the Nine Quarries on the Western Coast of the Gu'us Empire to both appear to secure a trade deal (per their secret agreement with Elder Je’Son) and to search for the Ship of Secrets to assist Wren in closing the seal. Their Journey ended up taking 12 total days during which time Tork went overboard once, they had to struggle through two storms, Advisor Sil'a and Rodan Spice started a sexual relationship, Atticus learned how infernal contracts function, a huge party was thrown by Rodan Spice for the crew, and Kale awoke Donkey into the suave horse he is. Specifically Atticus learned that Infernal contracts can be made in rare occasions by grinding devilish items or devilish magic containing items into powder and turned into ink (though side effects can be unpredictable at times depending on the impurity). With all of these accomplishments and knowledge in their belts, they began passing barges carrying single massive stones as the Absolute Majesty III arrived at the Nine Quarries on SnowFurrow 2, 2597.
  Greeted by a representative of the Nine Quarries Mining Company, Joint Operations LLC found themselves in an empty room with blank parchment and writing utensils. With the addition of heat they were able to fine the outline of their faux contract which they completed with the information that the Fisk Empire would purchase 105M GP of stone and the Nine Quarries Mining Co. will produce it faster with additional labor provided by Fisk Empire prisoners.
  Having quickly dealt with this deal and giving the crew the night off, the next item on Joint Operation LLC's agenda was to determine where the Ship of Secrets was located and how they would (presumably) get down to it. Wren realized she knew a spell which would assist, and was able to summon a guiding hand to direct them towards the Ship (to the South and West). The party began following this guidance aboard the Absolute Majesty III. They were drawing near it (after a storm one day that ripped a main sail to shreds and had to cause them to lose a day of travel) when on their 16th day of travel South and West, 16 days since last seeing shore, their ship was attacked by a gargantuan dragon turtle. As Alena Birch was trying to determine its alignment, it broke the bottom of the boat in a 20' hole, bit Alena Birch and left her under the waves.
  The session ended on SnowFurrow, 19 2597 as Joint Operations LLC was aboard the Absolute Majesty III, somewhere in the open waters of the ocean West of the Gu'us Empire.  

Rejected Session Names

  • That Carnival Looks Okay
  • Cameel on the Walk
  • Teamed Up With the Poisoner
  • Rodan Did Get Fucking Wasted
  • Atticus Would Kill the Poisoner
  • Halflings Everywhere
  • You Can Call Me Mommy, See Where It Goes From There
  • You Do Have a Gag Reflex
  • Why Didn't Tork Get Cotton Candy?
  • We Assumed You Were Dead
  • I Have a History of Not Keeping People Dead
  • We Went to a Library and Studied How to Kill a God
  • Hey Day on Killing Gods
  • I'm Going to Be the Oprah of Deicide
  • Exotic Dancers
  • Ah, the Stennis, My Favorite... Rat Bastard
  • Talking to 5 Year Old Tork
  • Every time I See That Guy I Have to Take a Piss
  • Sacrifice a Virgin?
  • Rodan Likes His Women Like His Horses, Small
  • Got It, Spit on the Halfling
  • Don't Fucking Do it
  • Better Know How to Swim
  • Atticus Can Make Horse Come Really Fast
  • Bonding With my Horse
  • If Cameel Were to Bite Me, I'd Kill Him on the Spot
  • How Would You Feel About Going Back to Hell?
  • I Think Tork Would Make a Good Gnome
  • All the Same Rage in a Small Package
  • Frog People
  • What You Did To That Frog Person
  • Corkboard Needed
  • Met a Candle Once That Sounded Just Like That Castle
  • The Amount of Gold He's Spending on Just Pissing Me Off
  • Do Gold Pieces Grow on Trees?
  • Donkey Seems to Be Able to Speak Now
  • Yes Mommy
  • Quite Good On All Fronts
  • Women Don't Count
  • If You Turn Back Into a Woman, You're Welcome Back Into My Bed
  • I Slap The Bums Around Here
  • Fucking Corporations
  • 5 Minutes???
  • Cat Farts
  • I Only Do Puzzles When Drunk
  • How Much Could Stone Cost
  • 2 Billion Gold Pieces?
  • That's Kinda Racist Tork
  • Tork "Read a Book"
  • The Ship Has to Sail Back But We Have All That Time
  • Fuck, We Need a Submarine...
  • We've Been in a Spaceship
  • Depths Beyond the Limits That We Know...
  • Is There Anyway to Bring the Ship Higher
  • I Cannot Counterspell Pressure
  • Are We In Aladdin?
  • To the South West! Set Sail!
  • Rodan's Dollar?
  • Brothel Visits for Everyone!
  • You Up?
  • You're Time Paradox
  • Your Boyhood?
  • I'm Bending Him Over
  • Rodan Spice Fucks
  • Vaguely to the Southwest!
  • So Top Secret
  • Less Than 13 Days... Psych
  • Make A Magic Submarine
  • I Think Its Nessy
  • I Hope Someone Has a Spell to Help With a Hull Breach
  • 20 Foot Wide Hole
  • Every Time We Lose an Absolute Majesty, We Get a Bigger Ship
  • Report Date
    14 Mar 2024

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