Session 75: Cause I'm the Fucking Messiah
General Summary
The session began in the morning as Joint Operations LLC left an inn in Foun on BranchForth 26, 2597 heading to the residence of one of the licensors of the bureaucracy in the Siphor Neighborhood while three of the party were disguised in the garb of the licensors (Rodan Spice, Alena Birch, Wren) while Kale wore a mask of his own face and Atticus remained unchanged. Jandar, Zirk, and Tork ran off on undisclosed business. The rest of the way to the licensors home, the party determines how to pass themselves off as checking up on trouble the higher ranked licensor is in. Kale suggested going through the sewers as a possibility for simply breaking into the headquarters. Atticus suggested showing up impersonating Yunil on a top secret mission. Rodan Spice pitched again the guy was in trouble and eventually they arrived at the house with Atticus knocking on the door.
Atticus barged in past the slightly portly man opening the doorway in a brown robe and the rest of the party followed him in. They showed themselves to the sitting room over the objections of the man and Rodan Spice went to fetch beverages. Rodan Spice found the man's name engraved on the tea kettle, 'Gasta' and passed the information along to Atticus. At first Atticus went fishing for information. When Atticus declined that they were military, Gasta began to suspect something was off. Atticus then changed tactics to intimidation of knowing what Gasta had been up to. When this too failed, Atticus said they simply were wanting to know about the headquarters and trying to save the world. While all this was happening, Alena Birch was using zone of truth and Atticus was reading the man's mind. Kale also noticed the man was using something in his pocket which evidently had summoned backup. As things began to boil over, Atticus cast Wall of Force to keep out the backup while Gasta tried to cast an impenetrable sphere (counterspelled by Atticus). As such, Rodan Spice attacked Gasta with the Majestic Absolute before the man struck Rodan Spice back with a series of punches and stunned him in the process. With this, Gasta revealed he was the chief investigator of the Bureaucracy and over a department of internal affairs investigating fraud. He also revealed his unbridled zealotry for bureaucracy as the main instrument that kept empires running. Reaching a stalemate, Gasta allowed the party a head start whereby they exited before his backup would follow. As soon as they were out of sight, the party all changed their appearances and went to Brown Barrell Tavern to wait to meetup with Tork. Alena Birch sent the following message:
With this the party waited until Jandar, Zirk, and Tork arrived 7.5 hours later at 5:30PM. When they arrived, the party told the trio what had occurred and the trio revealed they had been undercover as janitors at the headquarters of the bureaucracy. They had learned how to get into the building (by answering a random question about what section of records a document would be in), how to get to the lower levels where the Labyrinth of Records were kept in an employee only area (same as before), and that the worst bathroom from gnome vomit was the one right next to the front door. After a couple of plans, the group eventually settled upon using the extra-dimensional plane as a trojan horse the trio would bring in. With that, the party loaded into the doorway and the trio headed back for an evening shift at the headquarters.
Upon arriving, Tork had a conversation with the janitorial coordinator (a gnome hater) who directed his team to go to level 15 where they was quite a mess. Shit everywhere, literally. With this, Tork, Jandar, and Zirk headed with the painting/portal strapped to their janitor's cart into the employee only area.
What they found was an enormous shaft. 100 feet across and 500 feet deep, a spiraling ramp around its exterior (30' wide) led down in the employee area, making 50 levels. The first 10 levels contained offices for members of the bureaucracy, while the next 35 contained record rooms. Upon reaching the first level of records, Jandar picked a lock and the trio released the party from their equivalent of 83 days within the portal. Rodan Spice disguised his appearance and voice as Gasta while the rest of the party assumed disguises at well. As they continued downwards, they determined level 15 was in fact horrendous without stopping to investigate. At level 5, as the records gave way to vault doors ever 100 or so feet, two guards in brown robes waited. They were suprised to see 'Gasta' back and he told them it was because he made a real nasty shit that he needed a special team to clean up. Uncomfortable with the encounter, they allowed them through. This happened again at the base door at the bottom of the shaft, a wall of steel 10'x18' and guarded by 4 liscensors. After some conversation, they persuaded the guards to allow them in and Atticus even convinced one of the guards to ask out the cute girl from Level 26. With this, Rodan Spice barely managed to pick the difficult lock in front of the guards with their backs turned. Eventually the party made their way into the vault whose' first room appeared to be two long tables in a 100'x30' room stacked with money for counting (~180,000GP). After making sure there were no traps on it, the party left Zirk and Jandar to shovel the money into the portal. Heading through an archway in the back, another darkened cooridor contained doorways every 30 feet, 3 stacked on top of each other, labeled starting with AA001. Following footsteps Alena Birch had found, the party continued through intersections and eventually down a spiral stairway to the TT level. Finding it unnaturally cold, they eventually found their way to doorway TT008. Detecting no traps on it, they went inside the 2'0x20' room to find footprints disturbing a heavy level of dust and cobwebs. Chests, crates, fancy clothing, tarps, and more were arranged throughout the room. They zeroed in on an 8'x4'x4' crate at the base of a pile. Detecting a trap on it but being unsure of how to disarm it, eventaully Tork simply opened it. As he did so, a bright flash of light errupted giving Atticus temporary blindness. As his sight returned, he was alone in the 20'x20' room, which was now completely empty.
This concluded the session on BranchForth 26, 2597 around 11PM in the depths of the earth for Atticus while the rest of the party and contents of the room were nowhere to be seen.
Alena Fitzgerald
Rodan Spice-Fitzgerald
High Score on COD Zombies IRL
Fucking Santa
Santa Ruins the Economy
Stop with the Lists Newsweek
Harry Potter is Missing Full Frontal Nudity
Electric Blue Car Powered By Gas
Protesting Against People Who Protest
Tork, Zirk, and Jandar are Getting Married?
Jandar is a Third?
He's Legal If He's In the Room?
"Technically of Age"
Summer Is Not My Favorite
The Labyrinth of Records
This is an Inquisition!
A Planned Kidnap and Torture?
We Don't Want to Torture Him
I Don't Think I've Completely Done a Double Kill
I Thought They Deserved It At The Time
OOOOO, Maybe He Has a Family
Nice Place You Have Here
Rodan Is Atticus' Bitch
The Hettle
Kale the Body Guard
Fodan
Where Do You Think His Other Eye Is: Watching You!
I'm More Precise Than Kale
You're Not Going to Kill Me Very Fast Doing That
Taxes Have to be Enforced Somehow
Maybe We Should Pump The Brakes on Killing
The Mask of Kale's Face
Complimented His House, Didn't Stab Him
The Vaults Are At the Bottom of the Shaft
The First Coming
I Still Don't Understand This Plan
We've Got to Kill Him, He's Seen Our Faces
This Guy is a Zealot
At Least They Don't Know What Our Faces Look Like
For What It's Worth, It Was Nice Meeting You
Congrats on Being a Eunuch
Different Group of People with a Bird
We Learned a Lot...
Check the Genitalia
They Would Have to Literally Feel My Nuts
Doesn't Seem to Have Been a Planned Kidnap & Torturing
Gnomes Are Fucking Disgusting
The Stealtheliest
We Assaulted and Interrogated the Head of Internal Investigations
Tork's Plan Is Almost as Good as Atticus'
Sometime My Plans Have Plans
Find a Gnome in the Bathrooms
Tork is Established as a Janitor
Timing is Very Important Here
Gnomes Won't Just Slurp Vomit Off the Public Restroom Floor
Tork Doesn't Get Paid Enough For This
Trojan Horse It
I'm Going to Lick Your Lips
How Deep as a Janitor
I Feel I Could Talk Us Into This
You Could Say This Painting Was Confiscated
I Tried to Chop a Guy's Hands Off
Tork's Doing a Double
Tome of Understanding
Tome of Beefy Boy
Manual of Muscular Men
I Want to Learn Gnomish to Talk Down to Them in Their Own Language
Tree Uncle Child
Literally Carrying the Party On Your Back
Do Some Permanent Cleaning
First Guy You Talk to Is an Actual Nazi
I'm Going to Peg You So Hard Later
Makeup Sex
I Ran Out of Drugs Two Months Ago
Turn Into Jandar's Old Body
Multiple Crews for This
The Lowest Level Shitters
You Don't Know What This Parrot Can Do to a Bathroom
You're Doing a Good Job There
It Was Really Hard to Get a Crew with Floor 15
1 to a 32
Mothers Really Just Look Out for What's Best for Us
Doesn't Work on Straights
What's About to Come
When Have We Ever Had a Contingency Plan
AA001
Door TT008
Colder Than It Should Be
That'll Be a Zero For Me
Bye Kyle
Atticus barged in past the slightly portly man opening the doorway in a brown robe and the rest of the party followed him in. They showed themselves to the sitting room over the objections of the man and Rodan Spice went to fetch beverages. Rodan Spice found the man's name engraved on the tea kettle, 'Gasta' and passed the information along to Atticus. At first Atticus went fishing for information. When Atticus declined that they were military, Gasta began to suspect something was off. Atticus then changed tactics to intimidation of knowing what Gasta had been up to. When this too failed, Atticus said they simply were wanting to know about the headquarters and trying to save the world. While all this was happening, Alena Birch was using zone of truth and Atticus was reading the man's mind. Kale also noticed the man was using something in his pocket which evidently had summoned backup. As things began to boil over, Atticus cast Wall of Force to keep out the backup while Gasta tried to cast an impenetrable sphere (counterspelled by Atticus). As such, Rodan Spice attacked Gasta with the Majestic Absolute before the man struck Rodan Spice back with a series of punches and stunned him in the process. With this, Gasta revealed he was the chief investigator of the Bureaucracy and over a department of internal affairs investigating fraud. He also revealed his unbridled zealotry for bureaucracy as the main instrument that kept empires running. Reaching a stalemate, Gasta allowed the party a head start whereby they exited before his backup would follow. As soon as they were out of sight, the party all changed their appearances and went to Brown Barrell Tavern to wait to meetup with Tork. Alena Birch sent the following message:
Alena: Tork, we're going to the Brown Barrell Tavern. Meet us there.
Tork: After my shift.
With this the party waited until Jandar, Zirk, and Tork arrived 7.5 hours later at 5:30PM. When they arrived, the party told the trio what had occurred and the trio revealed they had been undercover as janitors at the headquarters of the bureaucracy. They had learned how to get into the building (by answering a random question about what section of records a document would be in), how to get to the lower levels where the Labyrinth of Records were kept in an employee only area (same as before), and that the worst bathroom from gnome vomit was the one right next to the front door. After a couple of plans, the group eventually settled upon using the extra-dimensional plane as a trojan horse the trio would bring in. With that, the party loaded into the doorway and the trio headed back for an evening shift at the headquarters.
Upon arriving, Tork had a conversation with the janitorial coordinator (a gnome hater) who directed his team to go to level 15 where they was quite a mess. Shit everywhere, literally. With this, Tork, Jandar, and Zirk headed with the painting/portal strapped to their janitor's cart into the employee only area.
What they found was an enormous shaft. 100 feet across and 500 feet deep, a spiraling ramp around its exterior (30' wide) led down in the employee area, making 50 levels. The first 10 levels contained offices for members of the bureaucracy, while the next 35 contained record rooms. Upon reaching the first level of records, Jandar picked a lock and the trio released the party from their equivalent of 83 days within the portal. Rodan Spice disguised his appearance and voice as Gasta while the rest of the party assumed disguises at well. As they continued downwards, they determined level 15 was in fact horrendous without stopping to investigate. At level 5, as the records gave way to vault doors ever 100 or so feet, two guards in brown robes waited. They were suprised to see 'Gasta' back and he told them it was because he made a real nasty shit that he needed a special team to clean up. Uncomfortable with the encounter, they allowed them through. This happened again at the base door at the bottom of the shaft, a wall of steel 10'x18' and guarded by 4 liscensors. After some conversation, they persuaded the guards to allow them in and Atticus even convinced one of the guards to ask out the cute girl from Level 26. With this, Rodan Spice barely managed to pick the difficult lock in front of the guards with their backs turned. Eventually the party made their way into the vault whose' first room appeared to be two long tables in a 100'x30' room stacked with money for counting (~180,000GP). After making sure there were no traps on it, the party left Zirk and Jandar to shovel the money into the portal. Heading through an archway in the back, another darkened cooridor contained doorways every 30 feet, 3 stacked on top of each other, labeled starting with AA001. Following footsteps Alena Birch had found, the party continued through intersections and eventually down a spiral stairway to the TT level. Finding it unnaturally cold, they eventually found their way to doorway TT008. Detecting no traps on it, they went inside the 2'0x20' room to find footprints disturbing a heavy level of dust and cobwebs. Chests, crates, fancy clothing, tarps, and more were arranged throughout the room. They zeroed in on an 8'x4'x4' crate at the base of a pile. Detecting a trap on it but being unsure of how to disarm it, eventaully Tork simply opened it. As he did so, a bright flash of light errupted giving Atticus temporary blindness. As his sight returned, he was alone in the 20'x20' room, which was now completely empty.
This concluded the session on BranchForth 26, 2597 around 11PM in the depths of the earth for Atticus while the rest of the party and contents of the room were nowhere to be seen.
Rejected Session Names
Report Date
08 Aug 2024
Comments