Fighting Fate

Life, Identity

Natalya decides to go to Lenisily. She tells Fenneck about Dimitri. Fenneck and Natalya spend the evening together and he walks her to the mountains the next morning. He hides his heart break and refuses to kiss her, claiming their paths would cross again. He gives her an enchanted ring with two engraved foxes curled up together where a gem would be.

Natalya felt the cold wind bite her face as she looked out over Flottenheim. She was on the large balcony outside of the Revolutionary Hall, alone. She knew she had to leave. She had to find Dimitri and make sure he was okay. She had to fix the mess she had made. These last few months in Glitterfjell had been blissful but she felt haunted. She wondered if Fenneck would keep his word and allow her to leave. She didn't want to hurt him. She could feel her heart crying out to her to stop this nonsense and accept that this was her new life. Her brain fought back harder. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve Fenneck. She didn't deserve the new friends she'd made. She didn't deserve to live in this palace. She had made things worse for her country and then ran away instead of facing what she'd done. Of course you don't deserve love and happiness, you deserve to die. Just like Staladin and all the other lives you took from this world. She felt a few tears fall down her cheek and start to freeze. Suddenly she felt something grab her from behind and she jumped and almost decked Fenneck across the face. He laughed and dodged her blow, "Woah! Woah! Hey, it's just me!" He continued hugging her and laughing until her looked at her face and saw her frozen tears. He stopped laughing, "What's wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were upset." She started crying fiercely as she saw him and felt her heart start to break at the thought of leaving. He held her tightly and she buried her head into his chest. After a few moments he started caressing her face and she felt the warm unnatural tingle of magic and her tears melted and slid down her face. She looked into Fenneck's eyes. Natalya loved their strength and intensity. "I have to go." She painfully whispered. She saw his body flinch in pain and her heart broke. "I know." He said softly. "I've known for weeks." He paused and his voiced cracked a bit, "Will you at least tell me why?" She heard the pain in his voice but found herself in awe of his confident composure. "I keep having these...nightmares. Visions during my meditations. I feel guilty Fenneck. I don't deserve all this. I messed up and all I've done is run away." She said through her sobs. He nodded, "I understand. I think you are far to hard on yourself, but I understand." He caressed her face, "I know you aren't telling me everything. That's fine, you are allowed to have secrets, I just want you to know that I know." Natalya lowered her gaze, "I left someone...I just have to make sure he's okay. That they didn't...kill him or something." "Who is he?" Fenneck asked, genuinely interested, not a hint of jealousy, just pain. "His name is Dimitri. He's another soldier. He trained me and we ended up...we...it's complicated. We weren't allowed to be together but we...found comfort in each other despite the awful lives we had. I don't think they ever found out but I don't know if he's okay. He helped me escape that night. I'm worried about him." Fenneck thought for a moment, "When do you wish to leave?" Natalya hesitated, "I...I don't know. Soon. I haven't rested in weeks." Fenneck's gaze moved to the mountains. "It should be safe enough for you now. Especially considering your experience up there. I'll help you pack and get you some fresh supplies." "I'm so sorry." She said as her eyes welled up with tears. He looked at her and wiped a tear away, ever so gently. "If this is something you must do then you must do it. I'd rather you leave with a purpose than stay and become miserable with guilt and grief. I do not want to be the reason your life does not fulfill it's proper purpose. Let us go pack your things." Natalya followed him inside and they went to her room. After they finished packing her things for the mountains Natalya opened her wardrobe, now full of clothes she no longer had a purpose for. On one end she saw Fiana's dress that Fenneck had let her borrow. He came up behind her, "I'll have these things stored away." She took a couple of the comfortable icy blue and white pants and tunics that were small enough to pack and warm enough for the mountains. She closed the wardrobe and looked around. Fenneck came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, surprisingly sensually. "Thank you for everything." He said into her ear. Natalya felt her heart beat intensely. She would miss this intimacy. She leaned into him and felt his strong body press into her own. "Come. Be with me tonight." He whispered beautiful Elvish into her ear, gently kissing it. She felt Fenneck push her gently toward the bed and she wondered if he was about to throw his no sex rule out the door. As she fell onto the bed she looked up at him. She had never wanted anything more than her body wanted Fenneck in that moment. She waited for him to make the first move though. He seemed to freeze and regret this decision. She saw fear and panic start to creep into his eyes. "Fenneck...I..." Natalya didn't know what to say. This is all my fault. She kept thinking. Fenneck stopped and set down on the bed next to her. Natalya realized he was struggling to breath and she sat up and she pulled him into her chest. He started crying very intensely. Natalya felt tears start streaming down her face as well. After a while Fenneck finally stood up and took his tunic and his pants off. Wearing his linen undershirt and braise he started helping Natalya out of her dress. "Fenneck, I don't think we should do this." Fenneck kept working at her corset sniffling the whole time. "Fenneck." He didn't answer and he started getting frustrated with her lace back. "Damn dress" he muttered and he stood up and grabbed a knife from Natalya's packed bags. "Fenneck, what are you doing?" She asked, feeling the all too familiar feeling of fear of a determined man come over her. He moved to cut her dress off of her. "Fenneck!" She said pulling away from him. "Stop. This isn't what you want." She begged, tears in her eyes. "No it's fucking not!" He suddenly yelled. Natalya's heart froze as Fenneck leapt off the bed. "Of course this is not what I want." He was shouting at her now. "Fenneck-" She started but he didn't stop. "Trust me, I don't want this any more than you do. I didn't ask for you. I didn't ask to have you come in and make me fall in love with you just to have my heart ripped out." His words stung Natalya's heart. "I didn't want you! I dreamed about meeting my theramin, my wife, my person, my entire life and you are the farthest thing from what that should have been!" Fenneck had tears streaming down his face and his ears were bright red with anger. "But gods be damned if I have to watch you walk away from me without experiencing this!" Natalya felt fear well up inside her, she didn't want to fear Fenneck. He was supposed to be so pure and perfect. He wasn't supposed to be another angry, hateful man in her life. Her heart broke and she wished she could sneak down to Dimitri's room and cry next to him in bed like she had so many times before. Fear and guilt flooded Fenneck's eyes as he realized what he was saying and he stumbled to the ground, dropping the knife. He started weeping more intensely than before. "I'm so sorry." He muttered, horrified. "I'm so so so sorry." He looks up at Natalya, his eyes full of dread. "I'm so sorry. I...I..." Natalya knew he wanted to say he didn't mean it, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. She knew he was hurt though and she felt responsible for ruining his perfect fairytale. She slowly kneeled down next to him and hesitantly reached out her hand to touch his shoulder. He looked her in the eyes, they were full of regret and fear, "I didn't mean that, about forcing you to do this. I...I'm sorry. I'm scared Natalya. I'm angry," He looked away, "but not with you. This isn't fair for you either. It just wasn't supposed to be like this." Natalya took his hand. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I wish I could give you what you wanted." He squeezed her hand, "You shouldn't have had to see me like this. I don't want this to be how you remember me." He started crying again. Natalya pulled him to his feet and set him on the edge of the bed. She poured him a glass of water and he started sipping it as she undid the rest of her dress. She slipped it off and walked back to Fenneck in her smock. It was a light, white linen and she knew he could very clearly see her body through it. She noticed Fenneck's ears flush red as he studied her body. "We shouldn't do this." He said. "I'm not." Natalya said climbing into the bed and under the covers. She sat against the pillows and patted the spot next to her beckoning Fenneck. She knew they were both hurt and she didn't want the night to be completely ruined. He stood and walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. Natalya laid down across from him. He sighed heavily, "How can you even look at me after that?" She could tell he was ashamed. "Trust me, I've seen worse." She said caressing his face. "I'd hate to see what worse is." He said looking into her eyes. They laid there for a while allowing their emotions to settle. "Do you trust the gods? That they know what they're doing?" Natalya finally asked him. Fenneck looked at her thoughtfully, they had never discussed religion. "I'd like to. I'm afraid I don't in practice. I am grateful for so much in my life, but I just wonder if the path to the right things always needs to be so hard. Maybe the sacrifices are the only true way to pave the way for good." He frowned looking down at the blanket he was rubbing between his fingers aimlessly. "I feel like the gods are unnecessarily cruel." Natalya looked up at the beautiful, ornate palace ceiling. "We had to go into the Abyss to hunt Arrallath down. While we were there, we saw this horrid abomination...I've never felt so much evil. Even in Lenisily. It hurt to be in it's presence." She hesitated. "I see it sometimes. During meditation...it's awful." She felt a single tear run down her face as she remembered the horror of the Demogorgon. "Why does it have to exist? Why is evil and pain lurking in every corner of this world?" Fenneck scooted closer to her and she laid her head on his smooth, pale chest. Like most elves he didn't have any chest hair, unlike Dimitri. He was smaller than Dimitri too but he still had muscle on him. She especially liked his strong shoulders. She felt his heart softly beating noticing a sense of peace had washed over him. "I wish I knew." Fenneck said as he caressed her hair. "Gods you're beautiful." He said as he admired her. Natalya kept her legs together to hide the wetness building between them. She could tell Fenneck was also positioning himself so that she wouldn't touch his groin. It was hard to fight the desire to be with him. "You really think you could wait ten years to have sex with your soulmate?" She asked him. He smiled confidently, "I do." "Will you at least kiss me before I run off to my death?" She asked smiling up at him. He looked her in the eyes for a long time. Natalya started to think he didn't hear her when he finally responded, "No." "No?" She asked sitting up, annoyed. "No? Ten minutes ago you were ready to fuck my brains out and now, just no." He cocks his head and smiles to himself, "No." "You will never see me again. There is a ninety-nine percent chance that I will die out there, if not from the mountains then definitely by Pufuktin. You're really not going to kiss me goodbye?" She asked in disbelief. "No." He seemed resolute and calm causing Natalya to become more annoyed. She lightly started play-punching him in the chest. "Hey!" He said smiling and batting her away until they start tickling each other. He pushed her into the pillows and leaned his face close to hers. Natalya felt his sweet breath and felt her lips getting excited as he slowly inched toward her until his lips we a few centimeters away from her own. She could taste apples on his breath and she felt a pang of sadness at the thought of leaving him and his beautiful, pure self. She started leaning up to meet his lips and he jumped back and started laughing. She glared at him. "Prude." He smiled at her. "I will kiss you when the time is right." He said, a little too confidently. "Well you only have a few hours, so choose wisely." She said crossing her arms. He smiled at her and leaned toward her, this time kissing her forehead before getting back under the covers. "We'll see." He said, his eyes full of wisdom and peace. He laid his head down on the pillows, "Would you like to try and sleep like humans do? It's quite fascinating. I do see the appeal. Passing out for eight hours everyday sounds heavenly." "It's impossible." Natalya said, joining him under the covers, "I've tried it before. Dimitri tried to show me how and it doesn't work." Fenneck looked confused, "Dimitri is a human?" He asked sounding only slightly racist and judgmental. "He's a half-elf. Does that bother you?" She asked defensively. "No, I just assumed he was a high elf considering he's in the KAV. How does a half-elf become a KAV soldier?" "I think one of his parents was an important person in the government or something. He has a half brother who is a full high elf who is also in the KAV. He's a dick though." "What does he look like?" Fenneck asked. "Who? His brother?" Natalya joked. "No." Fenneck laughed, "Dimitri. I want to know if I'm more handsome than he is." He smiled jokingly. Natalya smiled and thought to herself, "He has shaggy dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. He's big, very strong. He has smaller ears and his face is rough. He has a dark demeanor and his eyes are always a little sad. His torso is scared from a century of abuse." She said dramatically and looked at Fenneck, "Jealous?" she teased. Fenneck smiled at her, "He sounds quite sexy actually." "Maybe I can convince him to have a threesome with us." She teased. "No I was thinking about running off into the sunset with him when you break both of our hearts by getting yourself killed." He teased back. Natalya looked up at the ceiling and saw the magical balls of light Fenneck had created earlier bobbing up and down. "Come here." He said in elvish, sitting up against the headboard. He pulled her up next to him and she leaned against him like they had that first night together after the festival. "Goodnight Natalya." He whispered in her ear. "Goodnight Fenneck." She said as they drifted off into their meditative states. The next morning Natalya awoke feeling more rested than she had in weeks. Fenneck kissed her forehead as he stood up and put his tunic on. "I'm going to go change and then I'll meet you at the entrance by the throne room. You should say goodbye to Baegla before you leave." "Yeah, of course." She said. Fenneck left and Natalya braided her hair and put her winter gear on. She headed to the throne room. When she got there it was just Fenneck and Baegla. Baegla pulled Natalya down into a hug, "Thank you love, for everything. We have loved getting to know you. Our doors are always open to you." "Thank you, I wish there were more leaders like you in our world. I can't thank you enough for sharing this beautiful place with me." Baegla smiled, "Of course my dear." Fenneck led her out and down the mountain of Flottenheim. He took her to the pass they had entered through on the edge of the forest. He stopped. They stood there in silence, looking out into the mountains for what felt like eternity. Natalya finally reached out and took Fenneck's hand and looked at his face. He seemed calm. He broke the silence, "I have something for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box and handed it to Natalya. She opened it and pulled out a hand carved wooden ring. It was lined with fur and where a gem would have set sat a two carved snow white foxes curled into each other. She felt a warm glow coming from it. "It should keep you warm in the mountains, I enchanted it and carved it myself." He said. Natalya felt tears fill her eyes. She had never received a gift like this before. "I don't have anything for you." She said sadly. "You have given me more than you know." He said taking her hands. "Thank you for some of the most wonderful memories. Thank you for such an exhilarating romance. Please be safe. Like Baegla said, you are always welcome here." He slipped the ring onto her finger and Natalya felt the familiar touch of his magic on her skin. She suddenly felt as if she was curled up in Fenneck's arms in his room next to the fireplace. "You're really not going to kiss me?" She asked one more time as sadness started to fill her heart. Fenneck looked her in the eyes, "No. It's not the right moment." She thought she saw a flicker of doubt cross Fenneck's eyes. "Very well." She said, "Thank you for everything Fenneck." He nodded at her. She waited a couple moments more, hoping he'd grab her and kiss her...or hug her...or something, before turning toward the mountains. She kept expecting him to come and grab her in his arms. He didn't though and she didn't look back. She feared that if she did she wouldn't be able to move forward. She headed north toward her home. Toward Pufuktin. Toward Dimitri. Toward Lenisily.