A Respectable Woman

Life, Identity

Natalya comes home to the bumblebear cave to see Fenneck has returned from his winter in Flottenheim. Natalya finally opens up to him about her abusive past. Fenneck nearly gets himself killed by a herd of sabretooth tigers and Natalya rescues him.

Natalya saw light coming from the bumblebear cave as the sun started to set over the mountains. Fenneck was back. She climbed up to the cave and softly tapped the rocks. "Hey! You can come in." Fenneck called from behind the pelts. They had taken to doing this once after an unfortunate incident when Fenneck had accidently walked in on Natalya while she was reading a particularly saucy collection of short stories Jasna had snuck into Fenneck's books he had packed to take into the mountains. Luckily Natalya had been under some blankets but it still left them feeling awkward and embarrassed for a few weeks. Natalya walked in and saw Fenneck stirring a fresh pot of potato soup. She saw a basket of pastries and pies on the floor, no doubt sent by Baegla. Her stomach growled at the sight and smell of the delicious food. Fenneck smiled up at her as she came in. "Hey. How was your winter?" He asked. Natalya smiled as she removed her cloak. "Good, the weather was relatively calm." "I see you were with Dimitri?" He asked, he seemed to be in a good mood. "You shouldn't assume things." She said teasingly. "You always seem a bit happier after your with him and your skin tends to glow..." He stopped himself realizing how weird it might sound to compliment her post orgasmic state. She laughed and smiled to herself. "Where you as lucky as I was this winter then?" She asked, "How's Alexei?" She teased. He smiled, "He's good, but we just had a drink or two occasionally. We decided we're better off as friends." "You're so boring." She teased. "You know what isn't boring?" He asked, changing the subject, "There's an interesting rumor going around that Pufuktin has an heir." Natalya looked at him quizzically, "Really?" Fenneck continued, "Yeah, well, a bastard of course. He knocked some whore up. Can you imagine? What kind of self-respecting woman allows such a disgusting monster to bed her?" He said as he continued stirring the pot. Natalya felt her heart drop and her brain started to panic. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. She looked away from Fenneck as tears rose up in her eyes. Everything started to feel fuzzy and she felt herself struggling to breath. "Did you hear me?" Fenneck asked not getting a response. I have to get out of here. Natalya put her cloak back on and avoided Fenneck's eyes as she left hurriedly out of the cave. Where do I go? She heard Fenneck call for her from the cave as she stumbled forward into the cold. It was hard to see. It had started snowing and Natalya was quickly becoming disoriented as the pain welled up inside her. Suddenly the ground disappeared, or rather she accidently stepped off of a ledge. She felt herself slide down a jagged cliff and land in a thick pile of snow. She started crying. Partially from the cold and snow but mostly because Fenneck's words had cut deep into her heart. She felt all her old insecurities start to attack her. She could tell she was bleeding from somewhere on her body as she saw the snow around her start to turn red. She started panicking and struggled to take in air. Suddenly she heard Fenneck scramble down some rocks and call out her name. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want his pure, perfect eyes to see her at all. He'll think I'm just some dirty whore. He'll be glad we're not together. That he won't ever have to love Pufuktin's filthy slut. He knelt down next to her, "Nat, you're bleeding!" She started crying harder as he lifted her head out of the snow. She saw blood covering his right hand and realized the blood was coming from her head. He closed his eyes and she felt the warm glow of his magic against her head. She suddenly felt her head clear and her tears stopped flowing from his touch. He opened his eyes and looked into her eyes, "Nat, are you okay? Did I say something?" He was upset and confused. She felt a shiver run through her body from the snow. Fenneck carefully scooped her out of the snow and carried her back up into the cave. She felt herself go numb as she allowed Fenneck to care for her. When they entered the cave he sat her down near the entrance and took off her cloak to let the snow melt off of it near the entrance. Natalya sat there in shock and pain as Fenneck carefully removed her boots. Fenneck moved to take off her snow covered tunic, "May I? You need to get warm." Natalya finally looked up at him. She knew she should tell him. That he didn't know and it wasn't his fault. "I..." She started, shivering from the cold and her nerves, "I...Pufuktin..." She swallowed, "Pufuktin raped me. When I was in the KAV. For years. Him and a bunch of other generals." She looked down and felt shame overwhelm her. Worried about what Fenneck would think of her. He sat in silence for a long time processing this. Natalya couldn't tell what he was thinking. Suddenly he stood and grabbed his bow and his swords and left the cave without looking at Natalya. Natalya wondered if she should go after him. She went to stand and realized she had twisted her ankle during her fall. She sat there scared. What if he doesn't come back. She laid her hand on her ankle and tried to summon magic like she had in the forest that day with Dimitri but nothing happened. "Damn it." She said. She forced herself to stand and she grabbed a walking stick laying against the cave wall that Fenneck sometimes took on their walks. She hobbled to the entrance to the cave and looked out. Fenneck was no where in sight. He didn't go to Flottenheim. He would have taken his things. She stumbled back inside and over to the supply kit to try and tried to set her leg. She noticed the stew pot start to boil over and she pulled it from the heat. After a few more moments she got worried about Fenneck. She grabbed a health potion and drank it and threw her winter cloak and boots back on. She tried to find Fenneck's trail. It was hard with the snow but she was able to make out his light foot prints. He was moving quickly. Her ankle still hurt but she pushed through the pain. Suddenly she heard the sound of a growl and screech of a large cat. She moved quickly and eventually crested a ledge to see the bodies of three large sabretooth tigers covered in blood and scars. She recognized Fenneck's arrows in some of their pelts. She also noticed an elvish blade sticking up through the neck of one facing downward in the snow. Natalya walked over cautiously and saw Fenneck's motionless body lying beneath it. Panic swelled inside her and she struggled to shove the sabretooth off of Fenneck. She managed to push it off enough to pull Fenneck out from under it. She could feel him breathing but just barely. He was covered in horrid bites and huge gashes. His beautiful blue tunic and snow white hair were caked with his blood. "Fenneck!" She cried as she pulled him out from under the beast. "Fen! Fenneck! Please...please wake up!" She felt tears streaming down her face. The thought of losing Fenneck sent horror and fear throughout her entire body. This was all her fault. She sat over him and laid her hands on his chest. "Please don't die..." She begged as she laid her hands on his chest and started praying to every god she could think of to summon enough magic to heal him like she had in the forest that day with Dimitri. She sat there for what felt like hours crying onto his chest praying for magic. Praying for Fenneck. Slowly she felt the tingle of magic on her fingers and saw his chest start to glow. After a few moments his wounds started to close. She sighed with relief and rested her head against his chest. She felt a hand caress her head and she looked up and saw Fenneck's green eyes looking into her own. He laid his hand on his chest next to Natalya's and she saw him summon magic to help heal himself as well. She found the magic from herself start to flow easier with his magic so close to her. Soon his wounds closed and he sighed as his magic was drained. His wounds were closed but he still had pain in his eyes. They had to get out of this snow. Natalya stood and noticed her ankle was feeling better from the potion and the healing magic that had engulfed them both. She helped Fenneck stand. He pulled his swords from the pelt of the tiger and they walked in silence back to the cave. When they got finally made it inside they took off their snow and blood covered clothes. Natalya grabbed a bucket and filled it with snow and threw a heating stone in it to wash Fenneck's blood stained hair. He laid down while she gently washed the blood off of his hair and face. Occasionally a few of her tears would land in his face. She was so grateful she hadn't lost him. His chest and back were still scared in places and Natalya hated how much it reminded her of Dimitri's own. Fenneck noticed her concerned look. "Don't worry. It will be very sexy...one day." He smiled up at her. She felt ashamed though. When his hair was clean and freshly braided she found Fenneck a clean tunic. He winced in pain as he put the new tunic on. "You need to rest." She told him. "You're probably right." She helped him lie down in his corner and she fixed him a bowl of soup. "I'm sorry." He finally said. "I...That was really stupid of me." "What were you doing?" She asked, genuinely concerned. "I was upset." He said. "I needed to...I didn't want you to see me angry...I'm sorry for offending you." He looked down, "I had no idea. I should have put it together though. I just..." He had tears in his eyes. "I...I'm so sorry." He took her hand and squeezed it. "For everything. I've been a complete ass." Natalya squeezed his hand back. "Thank you." Their foreheads rested against each other for a brief moment. Natalya felt a wave of relief knowing Fenneck was remorseful. "I want to kill him." He said sadly. "I've never wanted to kill someone before...not really. I hate the idea of taking a life...but by gods he deserves to rot in hell." She could feel his strong passion and was sad that this beautiful being had to experience such hate. He looked up at her and caressed her face. "Thank you for telling me. I understand why you haven't. I wouldn't have told me either if I were you." He dropped his hand and looked down defeated and disappointed in himself. "You didn't know." Natalya said, "I just...I don't want you to think I'm some dirty whore, and maybe I am, but...but..." She trails off. "Of course I don't think that." As she looked into his eyes she saw so much pain and regret in them for things he had said and done in the past. She squeezed his hand again and their foreheads met. They sat like that for a while. Eventually she fixed a bowl of soup and curled up under the furs next to Fenneck. He leaned against her like they had years ago. Natalya leaned back and they spent the evening comforting each other through the pain and anger they felt toward the world.