A Flottenheim Sunrise

Life, Identity

Natalya wakes up and watches the sunrise in Fenneck's arms the day after the Winter's Eve festival. They discuss their situation and decide to enjoy their time together and wait till the winter is over to make any decisions. Natalya spends the next few weeks enjoying Flottenheim and dreading her call to Lenisily to face her mistakes.

Natalya felt a gentle nudge and opened her eyes to see a purple glow over the mountains as the sun started to rise. She felt Fenneck's arms wrapped around her and slowly her memories of the night before came back to her. She could still feel magic hanging in the air. The beauty of the rising sun combined with the warm, radiant feelings of being so close to Fenneck sent a wave of peace over her. She felt her heart shouting at her that this was where she belonged as she looked out over Flottenheim and felt herself falling in love with the city. She let herself relax into Fenneck's chest and enjoy the weird feelings she felt for him. Fenneck caressed her hands and nuzzled his face into her neck and he gently kissed her cold skin.   Natalya found herself praying that this moment would last forever. That she could bury herself in Fenneck's arms and disappear but the sun crept higher bringing with it thoughts of home. Thoughts of the fact that she was still technically a prisoner. Thoughts of the mess she had left behind. Thoughts of Pufuktin and all his grotesques hate. Thoughts of Dimitri and the hurt she must have caused him. The thought of Dimitri made Natalya feel guilty for the joy she was experiencing being with Fenneck. As much as she loved Dimitri, it wasn't the same. This thiramin connection was intoxicating. It was still weird and frustrating to Natalya but the more she let herself trust it the more at ease she felt.    Fenneck's embrace tightened as these thoughts crept into her mind and she squeezed his hand, prompting him to pull her around to where he could see her face. As there eyes met she felt a wave of calm come over her. He had such radiant, sweet eyes. "Good morning." His Elvish greeting was more beautiful than the sound of a bubbling brook. "Good morning," she said as she caressed his flushed cheek. A cold, sharp breeze hit them as the sun broke over the mountains and Fenneck pulled Natalya tighter into his warm embrace.    "Fenneck Finnegan Frostears?!" They quickly turned and looked inside Fenneck's room and saw Baegla floating toward them and they both quickly got to their feet. "I'm so sorry!" Fenneck apologized quickly, realizing their mistake. "I told you not to be alone!" she exclaimed, casting a distrustful look at Natalya. "I know," Fenneck tried to calm her in Natalya's defense. "I brought her here and forgot. We were a bit... caught up," he explained. "Clearly!" she said in annoyance. She glared at Fenneck and Natalya suddenly felt like they were talking about her behind her back. Baegla finally turned to Natalya. "I'm very sorry to have to interrupt but I need to ask you to go back into the prison," she told her. "Why?!" Fenneck asked Baegla in annoyance, getting him a stern look from the halfling. "Because I have yet to make a decision!" Baegla told him. "It's is a tricky subject!"    "Do you want information?" Natalya asked her calmly. Baegla turned to her and squinted. "Do you have any to give? I thought you didn't want to spill the KAV's secrets?" "I didn't want to be tortured," Natalya clarified. "I've since come to the conclusion that I would much rather support your cause and country than Lenisily's. I killed Staladin because he was killing my people. From what Fenneck showed me yesterday it's clear that you put the needs of your people first. I'm not against you." She turned to Fenneck. "Let me go and speak with her," she told him steadily. He relaxed at this and nodded for Natalya to go. Baegla smiled at her and waved her out of the room. "Thank you," Natalya told Fenneck. "I had a wonderful time yesterday." Fenneck smiled at her and nodded sweetly. "Thank you. I did too."   Baegla led Natalya out of Fenneck's room and down to the lifts. "I'm sorry to interrupt you," Baegla told her sincerely. "I truly am. I know he's been waiting to meet you for many, many years but I really do have to think about my country first." "It understand," Natalya told her. "I know you're trying to protect him." Baegla smiled at her understanding. "So you found Flottenheim to your liking so far?" Baegla asked her as they descended down into the depths of the mountain. "I did. It's... quite something. I've never seen a more prosperous community." Baegla smiled proudly. "We have worked very hard to make it that way. I'm sure Fenneck told you about the Revolution?" she asked. Natalya nodded. "He did. Though I think his goal was to impress me rather than teach me about the event," she said, smiling at Fenneck's adorable behavior. Baegla chuckled. "He's probably a bit intimidated," she said affectionately. "You must understand that killing Emperor Staladin was no small thing. You did Flottenheim a great service that day," she said as they exited the lift. Baegla led her back toward her cell. "Not to mention Lord Arrallath," she said as she waved Natalya into her room. Feliks was there at the table and he smiled mischievously at Natalya when she entered. "I heard you and Fenneck snuck off together," he teased her. She smiled politely and nodded as she sat down across from him. Baegla hopped up in the other chair and pulled out her notepad.   "So," she said, turning Natalya. "What can you tell us?" she asked her. "We have had KAV soldier pass through before. Feliks here is a great example, but we have others who are currently living in the country under different names, just trying to live better lives than the ones they had in Lenisily. It has been quite a while though since the last one came through so updating our records is probably well overdo." "Over a century," Feliks told her. Baegla shook her head in surprise. "Well, I guess it has been a while," she commented. "So?" she looked at Natalya expectantly. Natalya shrugged. "What do you want to know?" she asked them. Feliks leaned forward. "I am dying to know how the fuck you did it, frankly," he said bluntly. "Perhaps starting there is a good point? Krasnoye Fortress is sealed tight. If there's a secret way in, it'd be good to know about."   "Well," Natalya said. "Not to my knowledge. I was there accompanying General Pufuktin and a few other Lieutenants and Marshals. I was essentially there because Pufuktin wanted me there. When we arrived we entered a dining room and Emperor Staladin accused Pufuktin of insulting him by allowing me to sit at the table. He decided to make me wait in Pufuktin's room for him so I waited till he came in and he... well. He raped me and then sent me off to my own room-" "Why did Staladin think Pufuktin was insulting him?" Feliks asked curiously. Natalya pursed her lips. "Well, he first said it was because I was a wood-elf and then he told Pufuktin that his whore - referring to me - could wait in his room," she explained. "Pufuktin actually stood up to him and said that I was one of his best Lieutenants and there was a bit of tension before he eventually conceded and let me leave." "Absolute monsters," Baegla commented. "So," Natalya said, getting back to her story. "After what happened with Pufuktin I went back to my room and decided I'd had enough. That I was sick of living like this. That it needed to end. There was a concubine, a high-elf woman named Sigrid who I knew from my days at Voyennyy, who came to prepare me for my evening with Staladin and I asked her all the questions I needed to know before going in. When I had a moment alone, I strapped a dagger to my thigh and waited for Staladin to send for me. So I went in and seduced him the best I could and managed to convince him to let me tie him to the end of the bed posts and blindfold him. From what I gathered his usual whores weren't that creative with him so he seemed a bit eager. It was honestly kinda pathetic how easy it was. Once he was blindfolded I... convinced him he could trust me as it were before plunging the dagger through his neck, almost decapitating him and making it so that he didn't make any noise. I threw up and took my dress off and threw on some of his clothes and I stole a bow and arrow and sword that he had in his room before climbing down the balcony into a dead garden. From there I climbed over the wall and disappeared into the streets. When I made it into the villages outside of Leniscow I stole a horse and headed south to the southern outpost in the forest of Vladigrad where I knew Dimitri was posted. I just wanted to try and tell him goodbye..." she trailed off as she thought about last time she saw him and she felt guilt rise up inside her for spending the evening with Fenneck. "I... we loved each other," she admitted. "We had been having an affair for years that we had to hide. I thought I would die. That I would get caught and killed before I made it to him but I didn't. I told him what happened and we heard the call for my arrest on his voicestone so he told me to escape into the mountains. I didn't plan on making it out of Krasnoye that night. I just did."   Baegla cocked her head at Natalya sadly. "You miss him," she said empathetically. Natalya nodded. "He's part of why I need to go back," she explained. Baegla shared a conflicted look with Feliks. "What exactly do you plan on doing if we decide to pardon you for Erikur's death?" she asked Natalya. Natalya thought for a moment before shaking her head. "I still want to try and fix what I've done," she said. "I know I probably seem crazy to you, but... I need to see if Dimitri is okay. I need to help my country. This world you've created here is wonderful but my people are still suffering. I don't think I can rest until they have all the things you have here."   Baegla sat pensively for a long while, rubbing her chin, occasionally sharing a glance with Feliks before finally turning to Natalya. "You have a good heart and a fiery spirit about you," Baegla observed. "Can I ask if you plan on pursuing your thiramin connection to Fenneck?" Natalya sighed guiltily. "He's wonderful... truly..." Natalya told her. "I just don't really trust this, if I'm being completely honest. I've never really lived my life for a relationship and I don't really think I can afford such a luxury. My heart decided long ago to put the needs of my country and my people above anything else." Baegla sighed in a melancholy way. "It's quite a shame then," she said. "You both would have gotten along quite well." She frowned thoughtfully for a moment. Feliks cleared his throat. "If I may interject," he said. "As someone who has experienced thiramin and walked away from Lenisily before, you've more than served your country quite well. I understand the guilt," he told her with an empathetic look. "But at the end of the day, you might find more ways to help your people here than trying to sneak back into Lenisily. As far as thiramin goes it shouldn't be rushed. I understand how jolting it is but you should take your time with it like you would any relationship. Convincing Fenneck of that might be a harder thing to accomplish, but I don't think you should just write him off." Natalya shrugged. "Look. It's sweet that you both care. Really. I'm just not... I tried to kill myself when I met him to avoid being captured yesterday. I don't exactly care about falling in love right now. I have a lot of ghosts from my past that I need to deal with and I'm not really sure how this helps anything. What other information can I give you?" she asked them, not wanting to think about Fenneck anymore. "I know the layouts and general locations of outposts I can give you as well as some muses about Pufuktin and his motivations but I really don't see how this soulmate business is important." Baegla and Feliks shared a look and nodded understandingly. "Very well," Baegla said. "Please mark what you know on this map here and then I'll write up a pardon for you. I would suggest that you stay here for the time being and wait for the worst of the winter to be over before going back into the mountains. I'll have a room for you arranged in the palace. There will be guards at your door and I will have to ask that you refrain from using or obtaining weapons at the moment."   Natalya marked what she could and gave them the intel they desired before following Baegla back up into the palace, carrying Fenneck's cloak and her scrappy backpack. They kept a very formal air between them and she didn't bring up Fenneck again. She walked Natalya down the hall of bedrooms and Natalya passed the door again that looked familiar to her somehow. "What's in here?" she asked Baegla, motioning to the door. Baegla stopped and faced her. "Excuse me?" she asked, seeming confused. "What is this room?" she asked Baegla. Baegla squinted at her before shrugging. "It's just a bedroom dear," she said. "No one stays there at the moment." Natalya shook her head in confusion, trying to understand what was so alluring about this particular place. "Come this way," Baegla told her, waving her forward. Natalya followed and Baegla led her into one of the other bedrooms.   As Natalya entered she looked around in confusion and wondered if maybe she had been there before as she seemed to recognize the elaborate designs in the wallpaper and marble. Baegla noticed her strange behavior. "Are you alright, my dear?" she asked Natalya. Natalya nodded. "Yeah, just... deja vu... I think," she told her. Baegla nodded slowly. "I see," she said. "Well I'll send for some clothes for you and a fresh meal. If you need anything, do let me or Fenneck or anyone know. How about tonight you join un in the dining hall and you can meet more of our friends?" she suggested. "Okay, sure," Natalya told her. "Wonderful," Baegla said. "I'll let you settle in," she said before leaving and closing the door behind her.    Natalya wondered around the room and set her things down on the bed at the base of the giant queen size bed. She walked over to the fireplace and started a fire and heard a knock on the door. She walked over and opened the door to see Fenneck. Of course. He had to be the most impatient elf she'd ever met. "Hi," he said. "I just wanted to check on you," he explained. She nodded and shrugged. "I'm fine," she told him. He gave her a conflicted look and she knew she should probably be up front with him. "Come on in," she told him, gesturing inside the room. He gave her a grateful smile and walked in and she closed the door behind him. "Look," she said, turning to face him. "I wanna be up front with you. I... don't really plan on staying here. I gave Baegla the info she wanted and she's going to pardon me," she explained. "She told me to wait till the winter is over but I have to go back to Lenisily and finish what I started." Fenneck considered this for a long moment before sitting down on the edge of her bed. "So... you're here for, what, a couple months?" he asked her, clearly disappointed. She gave him a frown. "I'm sorry. You're really sweet and last night was wonderful but-" "But you don't want this," he said, looking down to avoid her eyes.   She walked over and sat down next to him. "I'm sorry," she told him. "If I could undo this and set you free from this curse I would," she told him. He shook his head at her. "It's not a curse, Natalya," he told her, trying to hide his pain. "It's... I don't quite know how thiramin works but I can bet your my only shot at it," he said morbidly. "You know it makes sense considering how the rest of my life has gone. Of course this would happen," he said sadly. Natalya sighed guiltily. "Look," Fenneck said, sighing uncomfortably. "- regardless of what happens, you are going to be here for a couple months. I propose that we make the most of this situation and get to know each other while you're here. If after that you decide you still want to run off to Lenisily then I will not stop you," he told her. "My uncle told me that I needed to be more patient with thiramin and trust that Corellon knows what he's doing." Natalya thought for a moment. "If I leave, will this... connection... go away?" she asked him. Fenneck looked down solemnly. "No. Well. Perhaps. It technically is possible but rare for thiramin to end. My parents loved each other to the very end. They died together, so I'm not sure what it is like to lose one's thiramin. I can't imagine it being anything less than heart wrenching." Natalya sighed seeing his heartbreak. He seemed so genuinely enamored by this soulmate business.    "Well... we can get to know each other then," she suggested. "Even if just for these couple of months."  He glanced over and nodded thoughtfully. "I'd like that," he told her. "I do want to set some boundaries though," he said, nervously rubbing his hands together. "It is traditional for couples who experience thiramin to court each other and take their time getting to know each other before... getting married. Just like any relationship." He paused and Natalya saw the tips of his ears start to turn red. "It is also customary to... wait... until... marriage," he said, giving her a nervous look. "To have... sex... that is. To um... heighten the uh experience of it." Natalya frowned. "I hate to disappoint you, but I've... I've had sex before," she said cautiously. Fenneck looked confused for a moment before realization came over him. "I have too!" he quickly reassured her. "That's quite common actually, encouraged even. For thiramin though it is meant to build the moment and heighten the pleasure of it. Because the feelings and emotions of it are so... complex. Some elves wait decades or centuries even." Natalya raised her brow. "A century sounds a bit extreme," she said, trying to gauge his reaction. Fenneck gave her a bashful smile as his pale skin started to turn pink. "I quite agree," he told her. "My parents dated each other for almost ten years before they married. They both said it was worth it. It also depends on the couple though. My uncle waited forty years with his partner. For some, a century might make sense." "So no sex," she clarified. "Anything else?" Fenneck thought for a moment as he nervously fidgeted with his hands. "I don't want to kiss you yet," he told her. "I want the moment to be right and I don't want to rush it." Natalya found his prudish inclinations charming. He was quite the romantic. Very much the opposite of Dimitri. "I think that's a good idea," she said letting herself play along and feeling slightly relieved at not completely feeling like she was betraying Dimitri. Fenneck smiled gratefully at her. "Do you have any thoughts or ideas?" he asked her. "Maybe we should be less physical in general," she suggested. "At least, for a little while. I think it would help make this less confusing. I enjoyed last night but, I... I want to stay in control of my thoughts and just touching you is... intoxicating." He smiled and his bright eyes twinkled back at her. "I agree. I didn't want to suggest it and risk disappointing you," he told her. "I have to admit, I am also trying to work though some things and it does tend to blur the lines," he told her. "I am glad last night went the way it did though." He blushed at her. "Me too," she told him sweetly.    He nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps I should let you settle in," he said, standing up. "I hope you'll join us for dinner?" he asked her. She nodded and stood with him. "Yeah. Do you want this dress back?" she asked him. Fenneck shrugged awkwardly. "It was my mothers," he explained. "You may hold on to it as long as you're here though. It looks better on you than it would on me." She laughed softly at him. "Thank you. May I ask, what happened to your parents?" she asked him. Fenneck sighed and she saw a cloud come over his normally bright eyes. "They were sentenced to death for treason shortly before the revolution," he explained. "Staladin himself signed the order. They were instrumental in building the revolution and were close friends of Baegla's actually." "I'm so sorry," she told him. Fenneck nodded gratefully to her. "What were their names?" she asked him. He smiled sweetly at her interest. "My mother's name was Faina and my father's name was Leonid," he explained as he started walking toward the door. "I won't bother you any longer," he said. "I'll see you in the dining hall later this evening," he told her.   The next few weeks were some of the best in Natalya's life. She met the rest of the palace and found herself enjoying this new family growing around her. Most nights were spent in the dining hall sharing war stories and drinking while watching fun performances. Fenneck frequently took Natalya to the theatre where they saw plays or watched concerts. They even found themselves dancing together one night after a few bottles of mead. Every night, Fenneck would accompany her to her room and kiss her hand goodnight before leaving her. Some nights they lingered a little two long, staring into each others eyes and Natalya would wonder if he'd finally get up the nerve to kiss her lips. But he never did. When the door closed behind him, thoughts of home and Dimitri would creep up on Natalya and haunt her through the night. During her meditations, visions of Dimitri being abused, Erikur's dying moment and look of betrayal as he fell to the ground below her and Fenneck's screams of fear and pain for his lover, Pufuktin's groping hands coming for her, Arrallath rising from the grave to hunt her down, and occasionally the dark, disgusting monster she had faced in the Abyss would plague her mind and force her awake and restless. She never told Fenneck, even though she thought he knew something was wrong. As close as they seemed to be growing they never talked about Erikur, Dimitri or really anything of deep importance. Every time Natalya almost did he seemed to steer the conversation away, not trying to make either of them upset. He was clinging to this fantasy of who he wanted her to be and Natalya knew it was hard for him. Sometimes after a particularly intimate moment he would have to leave her as tears spilled from his eyes as they balanced on a precipitous tightrope of trying to experience their connection without opening themselves up to too much pain and suffering. The harsh winter finally let up and brought with it fear. Fear of a decision Natalya knew Fenneck expected her to make. One she dreaded with every inch of her body.