A New Day

Life, Relationship change

Fenneck talks to Natalya about how to move forward with their relationship.

Fenneck opened his eyes and saw the purple light of the sun rising start to crest the mountains in front of them. He looked down and saw Natalya still meditating in his arms. She was so beautiful. Fenneck smiled and gently nudged her awake from her meditation. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, remembering everything that had happened the night before. Fenneck nodded her attention to the sunrise. He pulled her in close and gently kissed her neck again. She breathed deeply and Fenneck could feel the desire in her sighs to make love. But he restrained himself. He knew there was a specific order to things. It was one of the reasons he'd refused Erikur's advances since Evelyn had died. His father had pressed the importance of waiting till you were married to your thiramin before you both made love to each other to make the experience enlightening. Fenneck suddenly realized how difficult that would be. His mother and father had waited ten years to marry after they felt thiramin. Supposedly some elves waited even longer. Fenneck felt a little grateful for the time, though. It had been over a hundred years since he had been with someone. He was probably rusty. But Natalya seemed to be enjoying herself, which put him at ease, at least for now. He tried to refrain from kissing her any further and decided to hold her close until they could talk about how to move forward. As the sun rose he started to feel stressed. What if she still wanted to leave? What if he lost her like he had lost Erikur and Evelyn? He wasn't sure if he could handle more heartbreak. Especially from his thiramin. He held her close, desperate to cling on to every moment he had with her. He was well aware that their time together was not guaranteed. He remembered watching the sunrise with Erikur the morning he died and Fenneck squeezed Natalya's hand in fear. She squeezed it back and he sighed. He shoved his painful thoughts away and tried to just exist with her for a few moments longer. Fenneck nuzzled Natalya's head against his own. He could feel her growing apprehensive and he decided to break the beautiful spell of their silence. "Good morning," he gently greeted her in Elvish. "Good morning," she said, reaching up and caressing his flushed cheek. A cold, sharp breeze hit them as the sun broke over the mountains. Fenneck pulled Natalya close to him to warm her. "It's getting cold, let's head in. I'll start a fire," he said in Elvish. He embraced her one more time before standing up and helping Natalya to her feet. They walked inside and Fenneck walked over to the fireplace. "This is pretty elaborate for a ranger," Natalya said, looking around his room. Fenneck continued building the fire as he answered. "What are you accusing me of? I'm not a prince if that's what you're hoping for," he teased her. He could see she still looked suspicious so he continued. "As I said before, I am an archer. After we took the palace in the revolution we were constantly fearful of an attack. Myself and my..." he hesitated and stood as the fire started to dance. He was too afraid to bring up Erikur yet. He decided not to ruin their beautiful morning. "...another archer from the revolution shared this room to keep watch over the city at night." He walked to the balcony and grabbed the furs and blankets from the ground as he continued. "Now it's just me. While the balcony is lovely there are downsides to this room. It's hard to regulate the temperature and I am directly above Jasna who practices ten different instruments each day and ten different sex positions each night. So it's not as glamorous as it might seem," he said, trying to lighten the mood and avoid any sensitive topics just yet. He walked over to his wardrobe and removed his dress tunic from the night before. He decided to leave his undershirt on, finding it comfortable, if not a bit too sensual. He moved over to his resting mat and sat down on the blankets. "Will you come join me?" he asked her in elvish, softly patting the spot next to him. She hesitantly walked over to join him. She sat down a few inches away from him and he scooted back and turned to her. He caught her eyes glancing down at his crotch which was sporting his morning wood rather boastfully and he didn't bother to hide it. He tried to ignore her curiosity. "Before we go any further, I want to discuss a few things," he started nervously. "First, I want to thank you for yesterday. I know it's probably been an overwhelming few days for you. Last night was one of the most... beautiful experiences I've ever had and I am eternally grateful for that," he told her sweetly before continuing. "However, I understand that we have some things to figure out. Can I ask how you are feeling?" Natalya looked away and pondered this for a moment. "I'm not sure. It all feels so surreal. These emotions are... hard to navigate," she said cautiously. Fenneck nodded and frowned. "Indeed. I hope you found the magic enlightening. The last thing I want is to deceive you or make the situation more confusing." Natalya shook her head and smiled slightly. "I didn't find it unsettling. I'm glad I let myself enjoy it," she said, blushing a little. Fenneck sighed with relief and continued. "Look, regardless of what happens, you are probably going to be here for a couple months, at least, until the worst of the winter hits the mountains. It's too dangerous to make the trek into Lenisily right now. I propose that we make the most of this situation and get to know each other while you're here. If after that you decide you still want to go face Pufuktin then I will not stop you," Fenneck said, hoping with every fiber of his being that she wouldn't do such a thing. "If I leave, will this... connection... go away?" she asked him innocently. Fenneck looked down to avoid her eyes. "No. Well, perhaps. It technically is possible but rare for thiramin to end in such a way. The only first hand account I have of thiramin was my parents, and they loved each other to the very end." He played with a fraying end of his bed mat as he spoke of them. "They died together, so I'm not sure what it's like to lose one's thiramin. I can't imagine it being anything less than heart-wrenching," Fenneck voiced his darkest fears and noticed pain in Natalya's eyes. He swallowed and continued. "Look, we still have a lot to figure out. Please don't worry just yet. I... I quite enjoyed yesterday and would love to continue getting to know you. I do want to set some boundaries, though," Fenneck said cautiously. Natalya nodded and looked to him to continue. Fenneck tried to hide his nerves with his request. He began slowly, struggling to find the best way to put it. "It is traditional... for couples who experience thiramin to court each other and... um... take their time with each other before getting married. Just like any relationship." He paused and felt his ears growing red. He tried to gauge her reaction but she was very difficult to read. He continued hesitantly. "It is also customary to... wait... until... marriage," he said awkwardly. "To have... sex... that is. To um... heighten the, uh, experience of it." He studied Natalya's face to judge her reaction. She looked away from him after a moment, her face full of pain and fear. Finally she spoke. "I hate to disappoint you, but I've... I've had sex before," she said cautiously. It took Fenneck a moment to process what she meant. "I have too!" he tried to reassure her. "That's quite common actually. Encouraged even among young elves. For thiramin, though, it's meant to build the moment and heighten the pleasure of it. Because the feelings and emotions of it are so... complex. Some elves wait decades or even centuries," he tried to explain, stumbling over himself. Natalya seemed disappointed. "A century sounds a bit extreme," she said, raising her eyebrows. Fenneck smiled and blushed, excited to know she wanted him as bad as he wanted her. "I quite agree. My parents were together for almost ten years before they married. They both said it was worth it. It also depends on the couple, though. For some, a century might make sense," Fenneck explained. She pondered all this for a moment before looking back up at Fenneck. "So no sex. Anything else?" Fenneck thought for a moment and thought about their situation. He worried that if he kissed her he would lose himself completely. Their rocky start was making him nervous and he wanted the moment to be absolutely perfect with her. "I don't want to kiss you yet. I want the moment to be right and I don't want to rush it." Natalya smiled softly at his request. "I think that's a good idea," she said gently. Fenneck smiled with relief. "Do you have any thoughts or ideas?" he asked her, wanting her to be involved. She thought for a moment. "Maybe we should be less physical in general. At least for a little while. I think it would help make this less confusing. I enjoyed last night but, I... I want to stay in control of my thoughts and just touching you is... intoxicating," she said shyly. He smiled and felt relief flood his body. "I agree. I didn't want to suggest it and risk disappointing you." He was glad to have some time to sort out their feelings for each other. "I have to admit, I'm also trying to work through some things and it does seem to blur the lines. I am glad last night went the way it did though." He blushed at her and smiled softly. "I'll stay in my room for the evenings," she said in agreeance. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea." He nodded back to her. "Less temptation that way. Perhaps I should let you go change and then meet you in the dining hall for breakfast? Or I can leave you alone if you'd like. I'm sure Jasna would love to take you into the shopping district and you can pick out some more things to wear that you might be more comfortable in. You'll be here for a while," he suggested. "Breakfast sounds wonderful," Natalya said, smiling as she stood. "Does this dress belong to you?" she asked, admiring the beautiful gown. Fenneck stood with her and smiled nervously. "It was my mother's. You may hold on to it as long as you're here, though. It looks better on you than it would on me." She laughed softly at his joke. "Thank you." She began to leave before stalling at the door. After a moment she turned back to him and said hesitantly. "May I ask... what... happened, to your parents?" She seemed curious but cautious. Fenneck sighed. "They were sentenced to death for treason shortly before the revolution. Staladin himself signed the order. They were instrumental in building the revolution and were close friends of Baegla's actually," he said, trying to hide the pain from his voice. Natalya reached out and took Fenneck's hand and rubbed it softly. "I'm so sorry," she said sincerely. Fenneck smiled at her empathetic touch. "Like I said, you killed my greatest enemy. " He took her face in his other hand. "And for that I owe you everything." He rested his forehead against her own. He sighed with relief and appreciation. Erikur and Evelyn were right. Perhaps he was being too judgmental. "What were their names?" she asked him. He smiled and walked her over to their portrait on the wall. "My mother's name was Faina and my father's name was Leonid." He rested his hand on Natalya's waist as he proudly showed off his loving parents. "I wish you could have met them. They would have liked you," he told her. After a few moments he heard her stomach rumble. "I won't keep you any longer," he said turning toward her. "I'll meet you in the dining hall. You can find your way to your room okay?" he asked. "Yes," Natalya responded. He led her to the door and kissed her hand as she left. When she was gone he sighed a deep sigh of relief. He smiled as he felt her warm thiramin presence around his heart start to glow. He turned and saw Erikur smirking at him as he leaned against the wall. "Are you here to tell me you told me so?" Fenneck asked him. Erikur shrugged and started to make his way toward Fenneck. "I just want to know what you think about her." He stopped at the table and picked up one of the dragonchess pieces and studied it. "She's... she's something," Fenneck said walking toward him. "She still might leave," Fenneck pointed out. "True. Could you handle that?" Erikur asked him, looking up from the pawn in his hand. Fenneck walked over to his wardrobe and pulled out a clean tunic. "I honestly don't know," he admitted. "I guess we can hope it doesn't come to that. You two seemed to be getting along last night," Erikur teased him. "A little too well I'd say," Evelyn said joining Erikur's banter, appearing on his bed mat swaddling the baby. Fenneck sighed and got dressed and tried to ignore the ghosts in his mind. He wanted this to work. He had to make this work. He had a couple months. Surely by then he could win Natalya's heart and convince her to stay. He had to. She was his thiramin. She was everything. If he failed to win her, what was the point?