Age is Fickle

Life, Identity

Natalya meets Dimitri at the border. He tells Natalya they shouldn't meet as frequently and he starts to pull away from her due to his old age and desire for her to be happy without him once he's gone. Natalya fights this and eventually leaves and goes back to the bumblebear cave where she tells Fenneck what happened. He consoles her and explains that that is what happened between Jasna and Baegla. Natalya fears her relationship with Dimitri is expiring.

Natalya's heart leapt when she saw Dimitri's familiar frame at the bottom of the pass. It had been a few months since he'd risked seeing her. Natalya ran impatiently down the mountain and flung her self into his warm embrace. Dimitri pulled her in for a disappointingly quick kiss. "How are you? How's Fenneck?" he asked her anxiously. "I'm good. He's good. I've missed you!" she said hurriedly before playfully kissing his neck and enjoying his new beard tickling her face. "Nat, hold on. I want to talk," Dimitri said pulling away from her. She stopped kissing him but kept her arms around his waist. "Okay, what?" she said impatiently. "Are you good for a family in about three days? There are two small kids. Half-elves." Natalya nodded. "Yeah of course," she said as she began to embrace him again. She was frustrated. They had started meeting less and less these last few months and Natalya was a bit desperate. She realized that being with Dimitri significantly diffused any sexual tension she felt with Fenneck and not being with him for a while was making things weird. "Make love to me!" she begged him, pushing him up against the rocks. "Nat, hold on." He was getting annoyed. "There's something else, well, a few things." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe I'll behave if you punish me first," she teased up at him. He looked uncomfortable and forced her off of him and walked a few paces away. Natalya felt dejected. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Look, things... things are getting worse here, Nat. I'm worried that us meeting up like this puts the whole operation at risk," he said, avoiding her eyes. She felt confused and hurt. "Are... are you breaking up with me?" she asked in confusion. Dimitri turned to her with a sad, almost pitying look in his eyes. "No... not really. No. It's just..." He seemed confused about what he wanted. "This is dangerous, Nat. I don't like putting you, or Fenneck, or these refugees in danger." "Well, things have been fine so far. We can be quick Dimitri, come on, I just need ten minutes," she begged him, a bit too desperately as she fell back into his arms. Dimitri shook his head at her. "Stop, Nat. Just... Maybe we should break up. I don't like calling it that but, I'm not sure what else it would be." Natalya felt her head start to spin and she look at him in disbelief. "What the hell, Dimitri?" Dimitri sighed at her and pulled away, holding his arms out in defeat. "Nat. Look at me," he said as he gestured to himself. "What are you talking about?" she said as if she didn't know what he meant, not wanting it to be true. "Nat, I'm old! Look at me!" he cried to her desperately. Fear stung Natalya's heart. No no no! Don't do this. Please don't do this. "I don't care!" she said decisively. "I love you, Dimitri. You know that I don't care if... if..." She couldn't bring herself to say it and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "This isn't fair!" she almost yelled. "Keep you're voice down, Nat!" Dimitri scolded her harshly. "Nat, we knew this was coming, that there was an expiration date to this," he said, trying to reason with her. "No, no! We don't need to do this Dimitri. I love you! For gods sakes I'm older than you!" She felt her tears burn in the cold wind as they slipped down her face. Dimitri moved to her and she buried her head in his warm, comforting chest. He caressed her hair as she cried. "You should be with, Fenneck," he said after a few moments. She pulled away angrily. "No Dimitri! I chose you! Nothing is happening between Fenneck and I! I promise!" she exclaimed. "I know, Nat. I know. Keep your voice down," he said sternly. "I trust you. And Fenneck. But come on, Nat. He's your soulmate. He's your thiramin. Your gift from the gods. Be with him. Grow old with him. Have his children. Live in a palace. Be happy. Please," he begged her with tears in his eyes. "I don't want Fenneck, Dimitri! I want you!" she said as she angrily wiped tears from her face. "Please don't do this..." She looked longingly into his eyes. "Not yet..." she begged him in a quiet whisper. Dimitri looked at her sadly. "Then when, Nat?" he asked her, sounding defeated. "It's going to happen." He walked toward her and took her hands. "This is hard for me too," he said looking down into her eyes. She reached up and kissed him. Hard. He kissed her back and eventually Natalya found herself pressed against the rocks as Dimitri made love to her. It was hard, rough, and passionate. Natalya wanted it to last forever. She had a new fear in her life that she didn't want to realize. That her time with Dimitri was limited. When they finished he kissed her softly and then disappeared silently, leaving her against the rocks panting. She pulled her pants up and made her way back to the igloo where Fenneck was waiting. When she got there Fenneck was playing himself at dragonchess. "Who's winning?" she asked as she walked in. Fenneck smiled. "This bastard keeps beating me. I owe him like, five hundred gold at this point." Natalya laughed softly before she started sobbing. "Hey, what's wrong?" Fenneck stood and came over to her and almost hugged her before he realized she was covered in snow. He removed her cloak as she cried. "Hey, Nat. It's okay." He took her head in his hands and looked her deep in the eyes. "It's okay darling, we live here rent free, we aren't going to lose our home to my gambling habits. I promise," he joked and smiled sweetly at her. She couldn't keep herself from giggling at his adorableness. As she looked up into Fenneck's bright green eyes every part of herself wanted Dimitri to be wrong. She wanted to not have feelings for Fenneck, at least not like that. Her body betrayed her though as her heart fluttered at his touch. "What's wrong? Is Dimitri okay?" he asked her, growing serious. She pulled away and took her boots off. "He's... he's..." She didn't want to say it. That's why he didn't tell her bye and why she had let him leave in silence. She continued to change into more comfortable clothes as she continued. "He's just stressed. Say's things are getting worse." Fenneck nodded. "I wish we could get him out of there," he said sadly. "He won't leave. Especially now with the refugees. If he leaves we won't be able to get them out like we have," Natalya said as she settled onto her bedroll and buried herself under her furs and turning away from Fenneck. He dimmed the magical blue lights dancing on the icy ceiling before he started getting settled as well. "What happened with Jasna and Baegla?" Natalya's voice cracked a bit but she had to know if anyone else had dealt with this. "She told me they were together during the revolution." Fenneck looked over at Natalya who was staring up at the icy ceiling. "About forty years ago now, Baegla started to pull away from Jasna. They stopped being exclusive and Jasna started to see other people. I thought initially that it had to do with Baegla's growing responsibilities with Glitterfjell but..." He stopped and walked over to Natalya and sat down next to her on her pile of furs. "I'm so, so sorry," he said woefully as he found her hand and squeezed it understandingly. "Baegla pulled away from Jasna because she didn't want Jasna to watch her age and die. She wanted her to move on and find happiness in someone else." Fenneck's fingers rubbed Natalya's hand. "Jasna took it hard and is still struggling with it. I found out recently that Baegla told Jasna she didn't want to... be together anymore, at all." Natalya felt angry tears burn her eyes. It's not fair. She kept thinking. "How... old is Dimitri?" he asked. "A hundred and twelve," she told him, still avoiding his eyes. Fenneck squeezed her hand when she said this. "It's not fair," she finally said aloud. Fenneck shook his head. "No, it's not is it?" he said in agreeance. "How is he doing? Does... does he look a lot older yet?" Natalya shrugged. "He has a beard now, some grey hairs, his eyes are tired and his skin is paler." Fenneck thought for a moment. "I'm sure it's hard for him, too. To see yourself grow older, and tired but the one you love stay young, fresh and radiant..." Fenneck hesitated for a moment. "Did he want to break up?" he asked her cautiously. Natalya felt her tears start to fall again. "I don't know," she croaked as she started sobbing. Fenneck gently pulled her into his arms and he comforted her as she wept. His perfect affection caused Natalya to sob even harder. She wanted Dimitri to be wrong. To be wrong about them. To be wrong about Fenneck. To be wrong about his decaying body. To be wrong about them needing to not be together. Natalya hated how grateful she was for Fenneck. He rested next to her that night, like they had a few months earlier, softly leaning against each other. Natalya wanted to scoot away but her broken heart needed him too much to refuse his comforting touch.