Sovereign Folly: Part 4
With the real Desmond in a jail cell below the castle and his lie maintained through an insane amount of bullshit--er, luck, Gilford stepped into his room with the regal aura befitting of a true prince. A regal aura he immediately shed once the door closed, falling to his knees and clutching his head.
“That...that was too close…” Prince Douchebag thought. “I didn’t think the actual prince would be home this soon…” He looked to his bag and scattered his belongings about. “Come on, Gilford, think! There’s gotta be some kind of magical item we found that can get us outta here! They’ll find out the truth eventually and the entire guild will be thrown in prison! It will be my fault! And worst of all, Leon will never let me hear the end of it! I don’t wanna die in prison!”
Just then, three knocks hit the door. “Desmond, are you there? It’s your father, I wish to speak with you before the call.”
“I-er, yes, one moment!” Gilford quickly threw all of his items back into his bag. Being a Dark Elf satchel, he was able to quickly store his belongings back without worrying about a disorganized sense of space. He then ran to the door and was greeted by the sight of the king holding a small sack of coins.
“I heard about what happened downstairs, Desmond. How brave of you to take on an imposter face to face!” the king smiled. “I was thinking your friends could go to town and see the sights while you’re at the video meeting with the queen. This isn’t much, but it should be enough for a fancy dinner and some great souvenirs!”
Gilford took the sack of coins and peeked at its contents. He could hardly believe his eyes! “This isn’t much” was clearly a lie to him! There were at least enough lunes in the bag to buy two houses in the most expensive district in Crystal Bay! Gilford’s eyes shined with glee, but the glow was immediately restrained by the thought of his party members. What would they think? Leon and Natalie especially, they would surely chew him out for extorting this much money from a nice king like this! He still wanted the money, of course, but there was no way he could take so much…
“Father, this is a very thoughtful gift, but this is much more than my friends and I can take…”
“It’s fine, Desmond, there is no need to be so mode-”
“We’ll be just fine with seventy percent of this, thank you!” Gilford poured some of the coins into the king’s hand and with one last word of thanks, he closed the door on him.
The king knocked once more. “Actually, Desmond, there is something I’ve been wanting to discuss with you since you came back home…”
“...Yes, father?” he said sheepishly, slowly opening the door.
“You see, it’s about the Princess of Lunaria.”
“Of course...what of her?”
“Well, I just wanted to congratulate you two on getting together!”
“...Say what.”
“I never thought you would bag the princess of all people as your lover! Hell, I could say the same for her!”
“Haha...I’d rather you not tell her that last bit to her face, though, father…”
“But this is such splendid news! I shall arrange for your wedding immediately!” the king exclaimed. Overjoyed, he grabbed a notepad from one of the passing servants. “It’s your wedding, so how exactly do you two want it to go? Have you decided? I already contacted the queen myself some time after you arrived, so perhaps you can also ask her for some pointers?”
Gilford, who has just been smacked with the right hook that is the misunderstanding that Cassandra would ever fall for, and even marry, someone like him, began to panic. He had to think fast. Say anything to get this excited king off his back.
“I-I-I dunno, I say we make it as extravagant as possible! What better way is there to profess our love!? Fireworks! The biggest, most explosive kind, the kinds that draw my soon-to-be-wife’s face in the sky, whatever it takes, of course! Adorn the chapel with all sorts of flowers and luxurious decor! She loves that stuff, I’m sure you can handle the rest, yes?”
“Yes! Yes, Desmond! This may hurt our treasury a bit, but anything for a proper wedding day, I say! Oh this is such a joyous moment-”
“Okay, thanks father, bye, I got a meeting!” Gilford muttered quickly, disengaging from the conversation and jolting to a meeting room as fast as a lizard’s tongue would shoot after a bug.
“Alright, Desmond…!” the king shouted weakly. “I’ll...prepare for the wedding!” He clicked his tongue. "Oh, young love..."
Gilford dashed to the meeting room as fast as any man can run in awkwardly fitting shoes that aren’t even his. On the way, he ran into Cassandra, who sported a very curious expression by the meeting room’s doorway.
“There you are! Hey, do you mind if I join you in there? I mean, it is my mom you’re gonna talk to-”
“Whatever you do,” Gilford said breathlessly. “Do not call your mom right now.”
“But-”
“Please.”
Without saying another word, he stepped into the meeting room and shut the doors.
The video meeting began soon after Gilford entered the room. He was right on time, but many of the servants commented that it was not exactly like him to be no less than thirty minutes ahead of schedule. After explaining that the king tried to ask about a potential wedding, the servants simply congratulated him and went on their way. Once they all left, the expensive looking screen hanging on one of the room’s walls began to turn on. A moment of static later, the ruler of Lunaria, Queen Victoria, appeared on the display, wearing a white dress. Gilford has never seen the ruler in person, and while he still technically hasn’t, given this is still just a video call, this is the first time he’s ever gotten to speak to a Lunarian official of any sort.
“Greetings, Prince Desmond.” The queen was rather displeased before anything even began.
“Good day, your highness. Might I say, you look lovely, and very well dressed for such a humble call-”
“Let’s not tip-toe around the elephant in this room, shall we?”
“O-of course, your highness.” Gilford muttered sheepishly. “Now, please remind me, what is it, exactly, that you required from me…?”
“How long have you been seeing my daughter?”
Another right hook to Gilford’s cool. It would seem as though the king really did tell the queen about the supposed wedding.
“I...believe we are getting off much more important subject matters that require focus, y-your highness! Surely we can-”
“Please answer the question, Prince Desmond.”
“...Has Princess Cassandra mentioned anything about this, perhaps?”
The queen began to lose patience. “Is the prince of Carus not aware that it is rather rude to answer a question with another question? Is this ‘wedding plan’ true or not?”
“I apologize, your highness! Yes! Yes it is true!” Gilford began to write down a will within his mind, for he knew what awaited him if Cassandra were to receive word without a proper explanation.
“Hmm.” The queen placed one hand on her chin. “Prince Desmond. I’m sure you’re not aware of this, but the Lunarian royalty has been rather...against...political marriages for the past few generations now. Normally, my daughter would notify me if her lover was a political figure, of all things...in fact, she has mentioned quite a few times that with her recent responsibilities and current quest to aid a friend in the middle of a war, she simply has no time for such a thing. Now, why would she go back on that? Unless, of course…”
“Well...ah…” Gilford gulped whatever solution he was going to say.”
“...You forced her into this?”
“N-no! Your highness! I-it was all mutual, you have my word!”
The queen was clearly in disbelief. “I will contact her later about this matter. If anything she says contradicts your claim, I will have you arrested!”
“Yes your highness! But...please!” he stammered, thinking of something to divert the conversation. “I believe we have something else to discuss that is much more important than my personal affairs, y-yes?”
“Hm? Well, of course, but the other nations’ leaders are still not here yet.”
“Other...nations…?”
“Why yes.” The queen raised an eyebrow at the apparent confusion. “You were the one to suggest Lunaria, the Sunstone Empire, Ljosalfheim and Ralaneas would contact you for this matter.”
Just then, three other ringers sounded off, and the other nation leaders appeared on the screen.
“Speak of the devil.” Gilford whispered to himself.
“My, this is rather simple technology, Prince Desmond.” the Sunstone emperor stated. “For a meeting such as this, are you sure it’s fine to use a commoner’s means of video communication? It’s rather unsafe, you know. What if someone taps into this?”
“Now now, emperor,” the Ralanean leader spoke. “Carus is rather behind in this sort of tech. Now, Prince...Desmond, was it? I believe you contacted us regarding protection?
“...Protection amidst the war!” Gilford raised his voice. He finally found something to properly divert to. “Yes, yes I did!”
“Well, we in the Lunar Alliance are able to offer protection to a city state such as Carus, but what exactly can you offer us in return?”
Gilford, not being a politician in any sense, could hardly answer such a question. Especially on behalf of a kingdom he hardly knows about. Without thinking, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“W-well, I can offer troops to your kingdoms, of course!”
“Troops?” Queen Victoria questioned incredulously. “But the Carus military is much too small to provide adequate support…”“Oh yes! True! But...we, uh, have been training a special force here in the kingdom!” Gilford said, faking a proud grin. “We believe in quality over quantity here in Carus!”
The Light Elf representative, who had been quiet until now, suddenly spoke up. “Interesting. But how are we to trust a baseless claim such as this? ‘Quality over quantity’...I hope you plan to show us the extent of its...quality.”
The Ralanean leader suddenly grew furious at his words. “Oh, again with this, Mr. Spiros!? Every discussion I’m in with you, I find you making derogatory remarks at other politicians. Gah, no wonder your approval rate is so low.”
“Now listen here,” the Light Elf’s voice began to raise. “I’m simply stating the facts-”
“Facts!? You wanna talk facts after the amount of allegations against your assistants you’ve swept under the rug!?”
Gilford decided to take advantage of the tension, but only because he had no idea how to stop politicians from arguing. “Our special forces have enough quality, I can assure you, and I’ll prove it by sending them to Ljosalfheim, Mr. Representative!”
The Light Elf, along with the other politicians, were appalled. “Are you planning to occupy our nation with your soldiers!?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna have them occupy every city!” A gasp was expelled from the queen. “And I’m gonna make sure the citizens see their skills up close! I’ll make sure you regret ever doubting the great kingdom of Carus!”
“Do you realize what you are doing, Prince Desmond!?” the queen shouted. “First a marriage scandal and now a declaration of war!?”
It was then Gilford knew: he did not actually understand the meaning of “occupying” a city with soldiers nor the implications behind his accidental euphemism towards citizens. “Ah,” Gilford thought, “Well I don’t think I should open my mouth any further, or I’m gonna make things worse.”
“It has been a lovely chat, have a good day!” Gilford quickly stated before turning off the call. He sat in silence for a good minute before leaving the room. Upon leaving, he noticed Cassandra still waiting by the entrance.
“Oh, that was fast. I expected it to go longer.” said Cassandra. “I heard you spoke with more than just my mother. How was it?” she took a quick glance at Gilford. “Hey...are you okay? You seem...pale.”
“...Cassandra?”
“Yeah, Gil? It’s just us, what’s wrong?”
“...Sending troops to occupy a city means to add protection with no ill intent, right…?”
Cassandra remained quiet.
“...I need to go.” Gilford said quietly, making a sudden dash towards the exit of the castle.
“Wait! Where are you going, the rest of the guild went sightseeing!”
“We’re gonna need money and fast!” he yelled with his voice echoing from outside.
Just then, a servant walked by and noticed Cassandra. “Oh! Princess! Congratulations on your wedding! Did you see the flyers the king made for you two?” she said, handing her a flyer.
“My what?” Cassandra said, baffled by the claim. She swiped the flyer from the servant’s hands. On it was “The royal wedding between Princess Cassandra of Lunaria and Prince Desmond of Carus!” printed in large, bold letters. A listed date was signed at the bottom, below a personal message from the king himself. “Four days from now...what the hell has he gotten us into!?”
There was no way the rest of the guild would like this sort of omen. All they could do was hope it didn’t get any worse.
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Author's Notes
A story based on my Etrian Odyssey party that I wrote to vent out steam. Not much framework was used here, I just decided to flow with whatever I thought of first. I hope you enjoy the stupidity as much as I had fun writing it!