Tough Times Don't Last. Tough People Do.
General Summary
The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
Sybil,
The world you had so much faith in continues to suprise me, even at my age. After the catastrophe that tore our family apart, I see the glow of promise and conviction in men's eyes I thought died out long ago. There may be still hope in this ruin of a city. In our home of discarded dreams, I may have found a gem that shines brighter than the delirium that contaminates it.
These letters that I write to you bring me close to you, but ever since the meteor I feel like a failure as a man, a husband, a father, and even as a soldier. I couldn't protect you from what happened, and I will have to live with that for the rest of my days. But what I saw today during my mission was a stark contrast to everything I have bared witness to in my time after the cataclysm. Sybil, for the first time in a long time, I felt HOPE. Hope that this city has a future, and not just a bleak, dying flame that caves to the unerring wind of change, but one that festers and glows, against all odds, into something more. Something better.
Ansom was in trouble. He had been petrified on some mission weeks prior, and I felt the need to do something about it. I practically raised the boy and Petra, with Elias off marching along with his campaign against Mannfred. Elias meant well, but the man is so detached with what must be done that he can never see what should be done. Maybe that's my guilt for leaving Zarien with you, instead of being home and present for our son. Either way I was capable, so I set off to help him. I had gotten intel that there might be some vials of cure petrification at Mercy Hill Hospital, and I was determined to see my mission through. Don't worry though, I didn't go alone. I had the help of Vik'r, a beast of a man who barely speaks, and Agostinho, a reformed Caspian pirate looking for his long lost love. Three misfits, I know, but I've come to like Vik'r when he comes out hunting with me, and Agostinho looked like he could use a friend, so we brought him along. I know what it's like to lose an unbridled love, and I wasn't going to let him go through that alone.
So there we were, three men on the prowl for selfless reasons. We had the bright idea to visit a new chapel we had just helped build in our home base, and talk with the head priest, a boy who couldn't be over 30, Balthazar. I have to admit, Sybil, when I looked at this boy, I saw an innocent, care-free child at the whims of the universe. Young and naive, just like our Zarien used to be at his age.
Balthazar kept pestering me to take him with us. To be honest, I was worried for his safety. The boy was too... soft. He didn't wear armor, he had no weapons, and his care-free attitude struck me as reckless and dangerous. I didn't want him to come along because I didn't want to babysit him, but... his persistence, Sybil. You should have seen it, dear. It was like someone held up a mirror to Zarien after I told him that learning the sword was much harder than learning the bow. Do you remember? He would spend hours practicing outside against the old willow tree we planted when we got married. You used to get so mad when he'd scratch the bark up too badly... but that look he would get, when he mastered a maneuver or learned a new flourish. This boy, Balthazar, he had that same look to him. A determination to make a difference, maybe, but either way I let him convince me to bring him along. And I am so glad I did.
Vik'r, Agostinho, Balthazar and myself set off. We didn't find much on our way to the hospital, just a couple of delirium ciphers that may be useful in the future, but we pocketed those and kept moving forwards. It was the hospital we were after, and you know me, always sticking to the mission.
The hospital was how I would have imagined it. Groans of pain echoing through the area surrounding the landscape, dregs all over. It was a steep fall from grace from the hospital that brought our boy into this world, but one learns to manage expectations in times like these. I went in to my tactical mode, thinking of ways to surpass the dregs and get inside undetected. Agostinho was chomping at the bit to get in, to find his lost love, and Vik'r waited patiently, as he always does. It was Balthazar who suprised me, when he looked over and told me that he could get them to leave. For some reason, Sybil, I believed him. Not that I thought he had an inflated estimate of his own abilities, for some reason I believed him. More than that, I believed in him to do it. Without any hesitation or fear, Balthazar made himself known to the dregs, and shined his holy symbol of the Sacred Flame. Most of the dregs turned, but some didn't. Agostinho, Vik'r and I dispatched those that didn't, and we headed into the hospital.
Directly inside, we encountered a Haze Hulk in orderly garb. The fight was tough, but after blinding the behemoth with my arrows, Agostinho and Vik'r made short work of it and we pressed forwards. We found the horror of dregs surgically operating on other dregs for no reason, stuck in a cycle of violence and pain after the meteor. Like I said, one learns to manage expectations. We pressed forwards, fighting an experimented Howler and a few more dregs. We made quick work of them, and started rummaging through the supplies for the petrification cure. Agostinho found it, and offered for me to take it and leave, since I had gotten what I came here for. I told him that I didn't leave any man behind, and his response, while funny, was appropiate for his personality.
Agostinho is no man. He is a legend.
Jokes aside, we pushed furter into the hospital, only to stumble on Nurse Isadora's office with her inside of it. We knew we were in a sticky situation, so I locked her in her office as she rang her dreaded bell to summon orderlies. Two more haze hulks appeared, and my heart sank that I would never get out to see Ansom or Petra again. Vik'r turned into a giant bear and fought the haze hulks, keeping them occupied so Agostinho, Balthazar and I could make our way down into the basement to find Agostinho's lost love.
What we found in that basement will haunt me forever. A mass of flesh and limbs, all conjoined horrifically as if to spite the creator of life itself. Controlling the mass of horror was a centipede creature made of the Haze Hulks, that charged me instantly. It was so fast, and I wasn't quick enough. I went unconscious in the combat, but regained consciousness as I saw Nurse Isadora slit my throat with a scapel. Everything went black... and I thought I'd lost you and Zarien forever. I heard the Nurse call Balthazar Leonard, and prevented him from healing me as I bled out on the floor. I remember Balthazar's words so clearly in that moment, when everything faded.
Ma'am, I don't know who Leonard is, but I'm here to save my friend.
When I woke up, Balthazar was staring directly at me. I was confused, but his face showed nothing but resolve and confidence. Agostinho tells me that Balthazar carried me out of that hospital, all the way to the building we were laying in when he revived me using a piece of delirium. A massive Dreg Colossus rampaged throughout the nearby buildings, and I thought we were done for. Agostinho didn't find his love, and I had barely made it out with the potion, but I was ready to cut our losses and run. In that scary blackness of death, I felt my memories of you and our son fade, and I wasn't ready to part with them. I wanted to leave, so I could live and remember you and him. Agostinho was beside himself, looking to Vik'r (of all people) for insight if Katarina would forgive him for leaving her body behind. Vik'r, being Vik'r, responded adequately.
The dead don't forgive. The dead don't care.
Sybil, this 30 year old man, Balthazar, 250 years my junior, looked at me, Vik'r, and Agostinho, and told us he was going back into the hospital to get Agostinho's love. He went back, with the Dreg Colossus terrorizing the Spokes, and Vik'r and Agostinho followed. When I saw them next, Balthazar was riding Vik'r in Dire Wolf form who had finally found his 'pack' to run with, shouldering the corpse of a woman I had never seen before. Agostinho was fighting off mutants like a man possessed by the conviction of a thousand warriors to keep the dregs off of the young priest.
We were able to make our getaway. We secured a cart and made our way back to the Von Drakken Estate. The entire ride back, I kept thinking about Balthazar's innocent face. His care-free attitude. His young demeanor. His cheerful disposition.
Suddenly, Sybil, they weren't negative traits. A man whose innocence persisted through the meteor. A man who could relax care-free in the face of adversity and the end of the world. A man who retained his youthful demeanor in the face of absolute tragedy. A man, perhaps the ONLY man in Redgaard who could even fathom a cheerful disposition, after all that had happened. A man without fear. A leader. Sybil, a King. A man that even in that moment, on the reflective ride over to the Von Drakken Estate, I saw the makings of greatness in. The same greatness I saw in our boy, Zarien. My thoughts lingered on him, during that ride. When I saw Balthazar's face, I could only see our son. Somehow, Balthazar knew. He asked for my hand, and I instinctively gave it to him.
For a brief moment, dear. Seconds, maybe even less than that. I heard our boys voice. I felt him in the city. After everything, he had survived. He IS alive. So much hate in my life has corrupted parts of me I may not ever get back. Maybe I am just the killer from the shadows my old comrades think I am, but even if I have changed into something our son could never accept, I owe it to him to reach out. I will find him. Balthazar gave me words to live by in that cart ride, that made me understand the Sacred Flame more than I had ever believed I could.
There is no darkness the light cannot banish. The Sacred Flame is not an aspiration, but a promise. Not that the world can be better, but that it will be.
When I heard Zarien's voice, the only thing I could think of was about how many times I didn't tell him that I loved him, that I was proud of him. How many days did I spend out with the scouts and not at home with you and him? I was fighting for you, sure. But I was never fighting alongside you. That feeling swelled inside me. It made me think of Zarien and you, but it also made me think of Petra and Ansom. How long had they gone without having a proud figure to tell them they were doing a good job? That there was someone out there who genuinely loved them and cared for their wellbeing? I couldn't waste any more time. I was going to make sure they knew.
I took that cure to Ansom. Vik'r and Agostinho helped me sneak in, but Petra caught me. Her eyes were always superior, and she was trained well. She said she trusted me, and I gave Ansom the potion. He punched me, but quickly we reunited.
We hugged. For as long as I would let them, we embraced and had a moment I'm sure they hadn't had in 15 years. Hell, Sybil. Even since I've had in 15 years. I told them how proud I was of them. How much I loved them and wanted them to succeed. I fear our paths may come to a head, and we will find each other standing on opposite sides of a drawn line. But just like Zarien and you, they will always be my family. No matter the monster I become or embrace to survive, I do it for them, and I do it for you and Zarien.
You all are owed that much.
Yours,
Sarlen
Comments