Following Spalsis
Following Spalsis is a biography of sorts written of Spalsis along with his Philosophy and his Followers. It is from the perspective of someone that has decided to follow in their way of life for a brief period of time and chronical what is experienced and learned in doing so.
It is unclear what the author of this book was or where they came from. They could be an "outsider" or from anywhere in The Gates, it is unclear. The only hint provided is the name (or perhaps pen name) seen on the cover, spine and first couple pages: Walker. The name could be of human origin and connected perhaps to an archaic practice of textile crafting, or it could be a pen name referring to the large amount of walking involved in the journey to write the book, or it could be a variation on a Goblin name...the possibilities are endless.
I had firsT heard of this "Spalsis" while enjoying a stiff drink in a Dorchar bar. My brain was wandering, my eyes enjoying the slow drip of condensation down the side of my glass, and my ears picking up the distant words of the fellow sitting next to me. He was having an actual conversation with the bartender, more than just an order placed or an attempt at small talk, and certainly more than my own conversation with the parts of me that wanted to order anotHer drink.
His voice seemed slow, or maybe fast, and it stretched around and around the conversation making me initially feel as though I were far more intoxicated than initially estimated. I looked up for a moment and saw my neighbor for the first time that evening. He had a layer of slime on his otherwise human-looking form that collected and dripped down the side of his face much like the cold moisture that now pooled beneath my beverage. I was finally able to actually tune in to their conversation after straightening my back a bit, audible cracks from a hunchEd spine filled my ears. Though the noise was distracting, it proved to also clear my mind enough to actually understand my soon-to-be friend.
He seemed to notice me in my despair, and his neck and upper body moved as if lacking any bones. He looked towards me expectantly before finally speaking once more in that strangely slow, fast, all-surrounding way that almost made me dizzier than the fumes filling this dive bar. His first words to me were "and you'll want to heaR this too..." as he explained the way one can find Spalsis.
"Imagine a chain.
Each link is capable of being broken,
But, as it breaks, the next link replaces it.
And as we destroy each link we find ourselves closer to freedom,
Despite being dragged closer to the ground." My new friEnd, who eventually introduced himself as Passash (pron. Puh-sash), provided this poem to me. The bartender was there too, but I could tell he was speaking only to me when he said it. He explained that the links in the chain are desires, and that so long as we have some earthly desire we will be chained down. The more we eliminate from our lives, the closer we get to freedom, but at the same time we feel ourselves becoming more and more constrained. It is contradictory, but it also made sense, and I listened intently as he spoke. Questions were asked, the answers were often convoluted, and it led in so many directions I sometimes found it difficult to keep up. Spirals were a focal point throughout, and eventually the topic landed on what was apparently some god of a man named "Spalsis". Though, perhaps god was not the correct word as when I referred to him as such it caused some discomfort in Passash. He insisted that Spalsis is simply wise, respected, and long-lived...though he is mortal just like anyone else, and it is for that reason that they folloW him to such a degree. Overcoming the burden that he bears while being just like anyone else is inspiring, and I began to understand him a bit better. Suffice to say, I have burdens of my own; I have a reason for basically living in this bar for the past week. While this book is less about me and my own struggles, I do find it important to mention that I had a reason for wanting to go down this path. Spalsis has a story that is incredibly enticing to those cast aside, those with nothing left to really lose, or perhaps those that want nothing more than to free themselves from these societal pressures.
Passash stood. He was taller than I expected...everyone is kInda the same height when you're hunched over a bar divulging life stories. He offered to take me on a journey to find Spalsis, and I eagerly agreed. We started walking and my head began to clear. I feLt as though I were crawling out of a dark pit, and each step with Passash would clear my mind more and more. The fumes that filled my head with foggy thoughts and provided an endless spiral to slip down were releasing their grasp on my addled mind. Passash continued talking the whole way, explaining bits and pieces about Spalsis and that, much like the chain, we would feel like we are getting farther from our goal while trying to find him. Seeking him out would prove futile, desiring to find him is pointless, and only in that understanding can we ever hope to find him. Story of Spalsis
This is something that all Weresnails know, according to Passash, and it was with this story that I finally reaLized why my companion was so ...unusual. He further elaborated that when Spalsis "saw what the rage was" it had something to do with losing control, spiraling, losing a grasp on who you were or who you could be. So stuck in the past that you begin to lose any potential, and he did not want this life for himself or any that he may have accidentally cursed.
Perhaps as I understand Spalsis I get closer to him, both metaphorically and literally? Is that what Passash is hoping will happen? Is being aware of this going to prevent us from getting there? Do corrupted morals really matter to mystical snails wandering in a forest? I had more questions about who Spalsis was, and Passash was eager to answer. In particular I was most interested in his feelings of spiraling. I could definitely relate to such a thing...I had aBsolutely found myself in such a spiral back in Dorchar. Though where I was experiencing my depressed thoughts constantly spiraling in on themselves and making each one worse than the last...it sounded like Spalsis was experiencing anxiety in the beginning and that spiraled into rage and blind hatred.
Where would my depression have taken me? Or...whEre did it start?
There is a certain contradiction, again, with the whole thing. I'm starting to notice a pattern with this wretched topic. Are we supposed to fight against the Spiral? Or perhaps do we let it drown us? Or is it somehow both and even more convoluted? I feel like every answer just makes more questions, though Passash tried to explain it to me thusly:
"There are maNy spirals. They're everywhere. Within us and spread out in the world...are they all the same thing? Or are there spirals within spirals? I like to think that each is something that must be detached...that we are in one big spiral that is our life, and it pulls us deeper and deeper in, never really ending, never really beginning, and drawing us to where we need to go. Along that spiral there are more and more spirals that form, and it is these that make up our chains...or perhaps the links in our chain. We must break free of each so that we can get deeper into the spiral. It's not really up or down, though the ones that want to pull us away from our true path can go in any direction. The rage and sadness that you and spalsis have felt are mere distractions, and the great spiral we all reside on must be returned to. At the center is enlightenment, a Spiral City with infinitely coiling columns, structures of unknown origin, and a lack of any desires, wants or needs. Is it actually a place, or a state of mind? Is it only in death that we can reach it? I don't know these answers...but if my ramblings have helped you, then they will have helped."
He had no answer when I asked him if Spalsis resides at the center, though he did smile in that way that a caring friend might when you've guessed a secret or said something really dumb.
The nights that Passash transformed during our journey were motionless. Indeed, even the days were much the same as he insisted that it was a religious/philosophical choice to remain motionless during the full moon portion of the cycle. Because of this we had a lot more time to talk, though I grew impatient as the lack of progress felt like...well, a lack of prOgress. With his help I began to understand the benefits of sitting still though, and after a couple of nights I was beginning to enjoy the meditation. We even cooked up some delicious cinnamon rolls. Passash laughed off my comments about the spirals, insisting it is only a coincidence that they are his favorite, and that the cinnamon flavor needs to be just right. He had a recipe and everything, quite marvelous. Included is a Cinnamon Roll Recipe, it looks rather simple though there are some unusual ingredients. All the ingredients, however, seemed to come from the material plane rather than any fancy spirit world ingredients. The cinnamon paste is what makes it special though as it has chai tea ingredients like star anise, cloves, ginger, cardamom and, of course, cinnamon along with some tea. One night, while I was particularly engrossed in my new hobby, he didn't transform...and it was with that that I begrudgingly agreed to move along with our quest. Passash seemed amused by this. I felt no need to trace where we went, though the path seemed unusual. I trusted Passash and his methods, and our philosophical conversations kept my mind busy and open. I felt as though I was learning much and the pit I had crawled out from felt like another life entirely. And, almost on cue with my realizations, a small village surrounded with a simple wooden wall appEared on the path ahead. Passash was no where to be seen though I swore he was standing next to me only moments before, and I slowly made my way into the strange civilization I had suddenly found myself in.
They were all like Passash. Slimy, oily, whatever it was it coated their flesh and provided a slight glossy texture. They were all outsiders of one variety or another: humans, devil folk, elves, and even some shorter ones. I knew them to be called certain words thanks to Passash's words involving the place, and for the first time in years my first thought in a new area was not to seek out the closest tavern.
I felt my deSires to find the one called Spalsis were renewed, though, and while trying to find a place to sleep and meditate I brazenly asked of him to anyone I encountered. They provided much the same information as my traveling companion had, which was unfortunate as I had hoped to learn something new, but they did at least divulge his location in town and a more solid description. They described him as a monstrous fellow, at least 11 feet tall with a shell covered in different spirals and plant life. He is apparently always in his weresnail form and they directed me towards the back of town to find his home.
The community was happy to help, eager to give away what they could, and I enjoyed all they had to offer. DeliCious food and drink, warm comfy beds, and isolated gardens perfect for meditation. What was unusual was that it was a community at all. Their tennants involve isolation, nature and just generally being hermits, yet there was an entire village. Perhaps this wasn't really all that unusual considering the contradictory nature of everything else involving this whole adventure.
While doing some research for this book, I did discover that snails are social creatures, they get lonely and it can effect their health if they aren't with a large enough group. PerhAps they are instinctually drawn to each other despite simultaneously craving isolation? Maybe that is just another layer of the curse placed upon Spalsis and his descendents. Or maybe one can be "isolated" while still being social in a small community. Indeed, the village itself is incredibly isolated as I seem to be the first non-weresnail visitor in, well, forever. Despite this, the people are not xenoPhobic in any way. Is the purpose of their isolation above such mentalities?
They all believed in a twisted version of The Circle, it seems, along with worship of a deity called Mutsonomes. They didn't have a day of the week that they meet up and pray together, rather, they just carried the religion and philosophy with them each day. They had certain times of the day that they clean, meditate, eat, and even soialize. Some meals were intended to be consumed in isolation, while others were had on the floor with a group outside or in a large circular room. I lived as they did, and after enough time had passed it began to feel more as though I were part of the community myself. Thinking back to my old life, I had no real intent of returning home. There wasn't really anything for me there, anyways, and this community was treating me so well. The routine, community, alone time, and the entire living situation did wondErs for my mental health. While learning about them I felt like I was learning about myself... Meals were twice a day. If you wanted to eat anything prepared by the community you had to be ready at those times. It felt like I was constantly fasting and just looking forward to that next meal, but as I grew used to it the next meal time began to just be part of a routiNe, and I felt an understanding begin to develop. These limitations on meals seemed to create a desire which was eventually broken... the comfort of convenience seen in a daily life in the city means that food is readily available. Indeed, it is available here as well, it just requires one to grow, harvest and cook it, but to live in a way that is limiting eventually breaks the desire...making me closer to "freedom" while also making me farther away from it as well. No longer was I looking forward to a new meal, instead I found peace in meditation and other activities. Personal Meditation and Prayer occurred whenever the individual wished to. I had my own room where I could find peace and meditate, study the prayers, poetry, and prOse of Mutsonomes, or just rest. That being said, each person still had their own chores to keep the community running and Personal Time should not detract from that. Chores were carried out either at scheduled times or at the individuals convenience depending on the activity. Each chore was intended to be a type of meditation in its own right as many of the tasks were repetitive and capable of inducing trance. I would often find myself sWeeping or tending to a garden, and over time I would find ways to incorporate prayer, meditation and the like into each activity, each spiraling motion. Group Prayer and Meditation occurred once a day and would feature music along with a group chant. This was usually very brief and took place either at the start of the day or just before the last meal. Participation is, of course, optional, but also encouraged to help with community building and experience. I tended to just watch most of the time, observing for the book, but some nights I would join in and it truly cAn be a magical experience.
It was a day like any other that I felt the need to ask Spalsis a question regarding some of what I had seen here. It felt like innocent clarification on a matter that most of the other Weresnails seemed to have little to know awareness or knowledge of. The customs they performed each day were just things they did, part of their religion, part of their philosophy in life. The dailY tasks were relaxing, meditative, and I understood the purpose for them, but perhaps not their origin? How was it that this religion came to be? Who was this Mutsonomes? And I also realized: Why had I not asked Spalsis these questions until just then? Had I completely forgotten about part of why I had originally come here for? Had I lost interest and in that moment had my mind been open and unchained enough to really be able to find him at all? I didn't know, still don't really understand it either. I went to where the weresnails had directed me so many months ago. There was a hill, a small fence that borders most of the village had a portion missing here where this hill provided some amount of natural boundary and defense. The hill itself had a peach tree growing at a delightful angle along with some shruBs, moss, and dirt that made it seem like an idyllic painting. Within the dirt were what appeared to be carvings of spirals going in different directions, it looked like at least five spirals were visible from where I stood and marveled at the complete absense of any sort of spiritual leader. Where was Spalsis?
The hill shifted, dirt sliding and crumbling to the ground as a small gap appeared. More of the spirals were revealed and I could see that as this hill moved the spirAl carvings were also moving as if separate from this hill. They moved along themselves, as if each spiral carving were a path and the material that they were made of were just sliding along into nothingness and regenerating at the start of the spiral. All five were moving in their own unique way, and I swear they glowed a variety of colors like each one must represent some element or force of nature.
The hill continued rising, and a puddle of slime that was resting beneath it could be seen stretching between the ground below and the bottom of this hill. More dirt and moss slid free, but just enough stayed behind to maintain the small mound that the peach tree and shrubs needed. From the slime I could see massive limbs making themselves known. They bent and a soft though deafening and earth shaking groan was released from whatever was dwelling within. Could this be Spalsis? Was the hill his shell? If that is the case, the desCriptions that Passash provided were inaccurate at best, definitely underselling just how massive this man was!
What I thought were limbs quickly revealed itself to actually be the body and foot of a snail...perhaps Spalsis in his full snail form? His head turned to look at me as it was now fully visible, long eye stalks that easily reached up to 11 feet already, and if he is anything like the other weresnails then his humanoid form would be even taller! Though he never assumed a humanoid form, at least not at this time, we still spoke and it was...something incredible.
His shell glowed softly a muted, pale blue color while each spiral was its own unique color as well. He had five on one side, the side initially facing me, and five on the other. All ten were unique, pointing in different directions, and shining bright as his eyes slowly blinKed at me. He must have known how incredibly nervous or excited I was to finally see him face-to-face as, in my mind, I heard him speak for the first time. "Relax, clean one. You are here to know my story, yes? Then you will know me and all that I have done. Before I begin, is there anything you would ask of me in particular?" My first thoughts were of Passash, the long journey we took was still at the forefront of my mind after all this time, and I very much did want to know what had happened to him. Perhaps there was some reason he could not come near the village? Spalsis laughed...but he didn't laugh. It was like I felt the sense of humor that he had regarding the topic and it made me laugh instead. He explained in the same voice that seemed so deep I wouldn't be able to hear it with my ears were he to speak out loud. It shook my psyche, it pulled me deeper to even be able to hear it, and I drowNed in the slime-drenched words as he continued speaking. Apparently Passash was a projection, an illusion created by Spalsis to guide me...but why me? How did he even know that I existed? "I am very attuned to the energies of this world. When you meditate as long as I have, clean one, then maybe you will know what lies beneath the ground, what runs between the roots and mycelium, what cOnnects the birds with the whales, and the layers between each layer. Though, in all honesty, I just happened to be in the area." Again, I could tell he thought his own joke was increDibly funny.
He confirmed that a great deal of what the weresnails say is true: he was an outsider, he did upset a spirit that cursed him, and he did spiral into a fit of rage that nearly cost him his mind forever. He explained the first night that he saw the rage for what it was and how he felt like an outside observer of his own body. He saw himself, he understood what was happening and rather than continue lashing out he just stopped. He claims to have been motionless and in a dEep state of meditation for a solid month before his mind reconnected to his body, and when he returned he was so emaciated that he had to seek out food immediately. Though he understood too well now the life that is within the animals he had been hurting, and in the end he developed the vegetarian diet that him and his followers now stick with. He spent the next "long while" writing down everything that he had thought of during his month of dissociation and meditation. The thoughts that he wrote down would become key tenets in the lives of any weresnAil that wished to not cause harm to other creatures, those that wished to avoid the madness and feralness of the other weresnails that had succumbed to such things. He spent many, many years wandering. He meditated near and in each gate that he could find, and with each gate he gained an understanding of its nature and a new spiral on his shell. Each spiral, therefore, is not just knowledge of a gate, but a spiritual understanding of what it means to be near it or on the layer of the spirit world it connects to. Some gates took longer than others to meditate on, but the first and largest spiral in his shell is owed to The Spiraling Gate. The mental state he was in while dissociating was the "gate" to this layer/Gate of the Spirit World, apparently, and for a moment that felt like a century is spent time exploring, considering, pondering, mediTating within as much of the layer itself as possible.
The Spiraling Gate, as he says, is a horrific though lovely place. There are corkscrew spires everywhere that stick up and into the sky, pits with stone spiral staircases that go infinitely deep into the ground, hills and mountains with tips that spiral around into themselves or up into the air. Each plant, down to every blade of grass, is a spiral. EacH rock is slowly spiraling away from itself either into the air or off in some random direction. Creatures that are constantly shifting between different layers of the Spirit World as their bodies spiral in and out of existence. There is the constant sound of c̸̥̟̘̲̥͈͇͌́͐͗͛͂͜͝i̴̝̦̰̗͘ͅt̶̝̦͖͕͚̖̤̋̾e̵̹̠̮̖̻̪̎͌̑͘n̴̨̢̻͉̗͚̄r̶͎̖̩̿̃̎̕͠t̶͓͓̠́̉̈́i̷̬̺̰͖̇́̽͊̈́̈͆͋͠ͅg̴̡͈̪͔̩͚̖͗͋͒̈́̋̓̕͝h̷̢͎͖͓͓͙̬̍̃̂̈́̾̌̒͌̑̚͝ͅ that fills the ears and minds of any mortals or spirits that wander there. The horizon, at times, will sometimes slowly turn into a spiral throughout the day or just rotate as if trying desparately to make you even dizzier. Hags with frightening faces that look detached and floating somewhere near where they should be, vortex elementals, and more. The unusual environment and noises is only the beginning of the "beauty" and "horror" of this Gate. Leaving is ... almost an impossibility. There is no escape, no return to your original life, and even if you do find a way out, well, you'll never be the same way again. What prevents escape isn't a threat to the body through poisons, toxiNs, or even a frightening animal of some variety. No, the Spiraling Gate traps people within itself with the simple truth that "things can only get worse here." He described his mental state constantly in a state of deterioration or elation. On any given day he could be experiencing an anxiety spiral that prevented him from moving lest he cause himself or something else harm through some domino effect of disaster, or perhaps depression that cycled back on itself to create a worse and worse feeling that made any action impossible. Then, conversely, days where the euphoria caused by some random event led to sheer heights of optimism that only made any other day all the worse. These moments of bliss were not a normal mental state, they were not pleasant either, they were a forced mental state that the body and mind are accutely aware of despite not being able to act against their wishes...it was almost mind control. While spiraling in these ways, he found the likelihood of leaving this place to be less and less...even the act of meditation was sometimes beyond him, but he eventually began to understand it better, began to see the spirals again for the rage he had experienced before: as links in a chain that must be broken. Each negative or positive thought he felt was something to be meditated on. Each coil in an anxiety spiral that told him anything he did would lead to his own death or the death of the world, each depressing layer that made him think nothing was worth dOing or even bothering to move for. They were all just distractions on the greater spiral he was on, they were all just links that, when broken, brought him closer to the spiral he would eventually escape. He grounded himself and found ways to make the spirals far less intense... Within all the madness, all the rotation and convolution, there were also plants and stones that providEd stability. He would pray while seated on Stable Stone which seemed to exist within the mountains and below the ground. They were the only thing keeping them from detaching from this realm and fully spiraling into the sky. He would also find Lattice Berries and Stone-bound Ginseng. The berries apparently helped one find their mental sanctuary for self discovery while reversing mild spiraling moods. The ginseng helped prevent spiraling, provided stability and acceptance in every cup. With the newly discovered materials to help him find peace, Spalsis was beginning to have hope that he could escape this place.
With his meditation and his newfound aids, Spalsis was stable. He felt as though he could leave at any time, but, rather than do so, he instead decided to stay a bit longer. As he felt his stability become more cemented within him, he also discovered a new Spirit that was haNging around the spots that he most frequently meditated. This spirit, this Stability, was something Spalsis had not ever seen during his many, many decades within this gate. He found that being near it helped him resist the effects of the Spiral even more, though there was something off about it... While Spalsis normally felt himself pulling free of a spiral to continue his normal path as if breaking the link in a chain, he did not feel this way when meditating near the spirit. It did, indeed, help him feel more stable, but it did so more as a boulder in a river than the true stability Spalsis was looking for. It diverted the path away from a spiral, rather than resolving it naturally, and it felt like it was splitting his path into a new spiral rather than helping him find it himself. It effected his emotions in a way that was similar to the euphoria and depression he was feeling thrust upon him in this Gate. Its offers were lies...though perhaps some other traveler could find use for it in a pinch to escape truly spiraling out of control. Though, with this in mind, Spalsis found himself having to meditate in other places to avoid this spirit, and the more he meDitated and found his own stability, the more this spirit would appear. He left when he felt he truly new and could understand the realm wholly, though, in his own words,
"Could anYone really understand something so ... intentionally impossible to understand? I feel I know it as a brother, I feel it is within me always and flows through me, but this understanding is different than reading a book and understanding its contents. No, this Gate is not something to be understood in the traditional sense, and not many would have the lifespan to "understand" it in the way that I have. Its existence is unavoidable to most, we all suffer by the Spiral, and I hope to be able to pull who I can from the negative -or the positive- that might affect them in ways they cannot control. Like other Gates, the force of nature that the Spiral is can be used against it. ThOugh, unlike other gates, the Spiral is inside, outside, and is everything. From what I have come to understand, the other Gates are but a symptom of the Spiral, each is corrupted by it or is designed purely as a preventative measure or cure against it. The Dying Gate? Reincarnation? Merely a misunderstanding of a Spiral that existed long ago. Greed? An obsession, one that very likely was born from madness involving the Spiral. Rot? A part of death, a piece of the cycle that simply profits more off the dead than others, corruption, and a fear of what death might bring. Snow? Inner Peace? Merely a rock in the river, a divulsion, tearing one from their original path to make an easier -straighter- path. Better to embrace the Spiral and find your "inner peace" by truly understanding yourself, not by avoiding it. Resonance? Harmony amongst all things? Do you think they know themselves? Are they not jUst distracting each other from their own twisted path? Torrential? The Flow of Thoughts? The fast moving water of theirs has led many a Psychic and Prophet to madness. Indeed, they used their own madness to tell great prophecies, hiding their visions within maddening dialogue that only the most persistent could deCipher. Freedom? The Wind and its Drifters? Those that find enlightenment here are detached, or perhaps their chains are just longer than others. Their philosophy on removing desires is much like my own, straightforward, though they sometimes abandon the things that might be causing them to lose their path, and I find this to be foolish. It goes on and on. The Spiral is never ending...though I feel those that created this land, if it were created, did so with an intent to end it. From what I have witnessed in my travels, in my isolation and meditation, the Gates themselves are pieces of someone. They were creAted as part of a longing, and I think that that longing was to Die. Not to die and be reborn from the Spiral or the less pure Circle, but to Die and for it all to end. A lot of what they built was either encouraged greatly by some Spiral that they were in or being chased by, or perhaps as a means to stabilize their own eratic emotional state. What already existed was Death. A cycle that took what someoNe, perhaps the creator of these gates, had and cycled them back through. I think this creator was responsible for these deaths, and I think that their guilt gave birth to the Spiral as we know it now...or, at the very least, the maNifestation of it that we can see and experience in this realm. As he tried to forget his guilt and hide from the responsibility, he built more and more Gates to hide or distract himself. He couldn't face his guilt, his spiraling emotions, on his own and suffered for it greatly. I think something was keeping him alive too, he was mortal once like those that diEd around him, and the land he came to with whatever spared him was a blank slate for him to run through. That's why the Spiral is in everything, he carried it with him through everything he built... I'm sorry to have rambled so long friend, but I would leaVe you with this one last pondering: The Manufactured Gate. This one is... a place I did not enjoy as much. Eerything is in time, everything is ticking away like a clock, and evErything there is created in one way or another...very industrialized. I earned a spiral from my meditations on this Gate, and I must say that it is truly bizarre. It is both the newest and the oldest Gate. TheRe is evidence that it was crafted last. The citizens of the city found within its walls tell me of the time that they buiLt it, and the great mechanical dragon that sits within the clock tower will confirm that it was built like any other machine but also that it has outlived and rebuilt the universe many times. This Gate is responsible for much confusion in my previous ramblings and in understanding the other Gates. The Circle and its philosophy that is known within the Dying Gate and the world existed as a result of something after the Spiral, but it then also existEd before as the world was rebuilt. The Dragon will tell you that The Gates were once built and then never built again, Ulunor came into existence but never had to make itself in subsequent renditions of this universe. What does thAt mean, I wonder? It means more than just the words I've said, clearly, and I haVe been seeking a nice place to meditate on these strange discoveries."
We spoke of life aftEr this. I felt the topic at hand was a bit too heavy after copying it all down, and he enjoyed just ...talking. I made him some cinnamon rolls hoping that he would show me another form, but he ate them as a snail. I felt his enjoyment of their flavor and was proud to have brought him such joy.
This is going to be the shortest section of the book, most likely, I think that I have learned all I can about these weresnails, their leader and their philosophies. To have learned about how the Spiral affects everything is truly enlightening, and I may not ever look at the world the same way again. Did my exposure to Spalsis cause me some sort of madness, or perhaps are these Spiraling leaves truly here right now?
I fasted for the next few days, meditated, thought about all the things that Spalsis had said to me and about the spirals on his back.
The world is much bigger than I am, and I would like to see it with Spalsis...perhaps find that meditation spot he spoke of. I feel so at peace with who I was, who I am, and who I will be...
I returned to Dorchar. Being away from the community and Spalsis is rather depressing. I used what I learned, however, to observe and reflect on these depressing thoughts and understand why I was feeling them. They didn't go away...but it may just take some time. It truly was a life changing journey, after all.
Lately I've been spending more time at the bar. The publicist rejected my manuscript, I might try just publishing it on my own, but I just won't be able to get as many people to read it. What's the point in writing all this if I can't get as many people as possible to read what happened? I miss them all so much...maybe I should go back after another drink.
My brain was wandering during one the nighTs at my new favorite bar. My eyes were enjoying the slow drip of condensation down the side of my glass, and my ears picking up the distant words of the fellow sitting next to me. He was having an actual conversation with the bartender, more than just an order placed or an attempt at small talk, and certainly more than my own conversation with the parts of me that wanted to order anotHer drink. His voice seemed slow, or maybe fast, and it stretched around and around the convErsation making me initially feel as though I weRe far more intoxicatEd than initIally estimated. I looked up for a moment and saw my neighbor for the firSt time that eveNing. He had a layer of slime on his otherwise human-loOking form that collectEd and dripped down the side of his face much like the cold moiSture that now pooled beneath my beverage. I was finally able to aCtually tune in to their conversAtion after straightening my back a bit, audible cracks from a hunched sPine filled my ears. Though the noise was distracting, it proved to also clEar my miNd enough to actually understand my soOn-to-be friend. He seEmed to notice me in my despair, and his neck and upper body moved as if lackiNg any bones. He looked towards me expectantly before finally speaking once more in that strangely slow, fast, all-surrounDing way that almost made me dizzier than the fumes filling this dive bar. His first words to me were "and you'll want to hear this too..." as he explained the way one can find Spalsis.
Introduction
Finding Spalsis
Each link is capable of being broken,
But, as it breaks, the next link replaces it.
And as we destroy each link we find ourselves closer to freedom,
Despite being dragged closer to the ground." My new friEnd, who eventually introduced himself as Passash (pron. Puh-sash), provided this poem to me. The bartender was there too, but I could tell he was speaking only to me when he said it. He explained that the links in the chain are desires, and that so long as we have some earthly desire we will be chained down. The more we eliminate from our lives, the closer we get to freedom, but at the same time we feel ourselves becoming more and more constrained. It is contradictory, but it also made sense, and I listened intently as he spoke. Questions were asked, the answers were often convoluted, and it led in so many directions I sometimes found it difficult to keep up. Spirals were a focal point throughout, and eventually the topic landed on what was apparently some god of a man named "Spalsis". Though, perhaps god was not the correct word as when I referred to him as such it caused some discomfort in Passash. He insisted that Spalsis is simply wise, respected, and long-lived...though he is mortal just like anyone else, and it is for that reason that they folloW him to such a degree. Overcoming the burden that he bears while being just like anyone else is inspiring, and I began to understand him a bit better. Suffice to say, I have burdens of my own; I have a reason for basically living in this bar for the past week. While this book is less about me and my own struggles, I do find it important to mention that I had a reason for wanting to go down this path. Spalsis has a story that is incredibly enticing to those cast aside, those with nothing left to really lose, or perhaps those that want nothing more than to free themselves from these societal pressures.
Passash stood. He was taller than I expected...everyone is kInda the same height when you're hunched over a bar divulging life stories. He offered to take me on a journey to find Spalsis, and I eagerly agreed. We started walking and my head began to clear. I feLt as though I were crawling out of a dark pit, and each step with Passash would clear my mind more and more. The fumes that filled my head with foggy thoughts and provided an endless spiral to slip down were releasing their grasp on my addled mind. Passash continued talking the whole way, explaining bits and pieces about Spalsis and that, much like the chain, we would feel like we are getting farther from our goal while trying to find him. Seeking him out would prove futile, desiring to find him is pointless, and only in that understanding can we ever hope to find him. Story of Spalsis
It is said, amongst Weresnails, that the first of their kind was a man cursed with Salinkanthropy by the Cozy Spirit of Cottage Living after he pestered her a bit too much. The dissonance between how he viewed himself and his new form was so great that he was driven to madness and began attacking everything he saw.
His rage grew and grew and he frequently took this rage out on the fae and spirits around him, but one day he began to recognize the rage for what it was and retreated into the life of a hermit. He swore never to harm another living creature, and he began to record his thoughts.
He used these texts to help guide some of the weresnails he had created over the years and to help them see a better path. Some of them listened and those that they created through procreation or the spread of their curse were capable of blending into society, controlling their curse, and easily walking amongst civilizations even in their weresnail hybrid form. Those that refused his doctrine walked a path of violence, chaos and rage. Their descendants were mostly feral, with some special cases capable of existing in society while outside their hybrid form, and any that were infected with their curse becoming just as enraged as they were.
The nights that Passash transformed during our journey were motionless. Indeed, even the days were much the same as he insisted that it was a religious/philosophical choice to remain motionless during the full moon portion of the cycle. Because of this we had a lot more time to talk, though I grew impatient as the lack of progress felt like...well, a lack of prOgress. With his help I began to understand the benefits of sitting still though, and after a couple of nights I was beginning to enjoy the meditation. We even cooked up some delicious cinnamon rolls. Passash laughed off my comments about the spirals, insisting it is only a coincidence that they are his favorite, and that the cinnamon flavor needs to be just right. He had a recipe and everything, quite marvelous. Included is a Cinnamon Roll Recipe, it looks rather simple though there are some unusual ingredients. All the ingredients, however, seemed to come from the material plane rather than any fancy spirit world ingredients. The cinnamon paste is what makes it special though as it has chai tea ingredients like star anise, cloves, ginger, cardamom and, of course, cinnamon along with some tea. One night, while I was particularly engrossed in my new hobby, he didn't transform...and it was with that that I begrudgingly agreed to move along with our quest. Passash seemed amused by this. I felt no need to trace where we went, though the path seemed unusual. I trusted Passash and his methods, and our philosophical conversations kept my mind busy and open. I felt as though I was learning much and the pit I had crawled out from felt like another life entirely. And, almost on cue with my realizations, a small village surrounded with a simple wooden wall appEared on the path ahead. Passash was no where to be seen though I swore he was standing next to me only moments before, and I slowly made my way into the strange civilization I had suddenly found myself in.
The Daily Life
They all believed in a twisted version of The Circle, it seems, along with worship of a deity called Mutsonomes. They didn't have a day of the week that they meet up and pray together, rather, they just carried the religion and philosophy with them each day. They had certain times of the day that they clean, meditate, eat, and even soialize. Some meals were intended to be consumed in isolation, while others were had on the floor with a group outside or in a large circular room. I lived as they did, and after enough time had passed it began to feel more as though I were part of the community myself. Thinking back to my old life, I had no real intent of returning home. There wasn't really anything for me there, anyways, and this community was treating me so well. The routine, community, alone time, and the entire living situation did wondErs for my mental health. While learning about them I felt like I was learning about myself... Meals were twice a day. If you wanted to eat anything prepared by the community you had to be ready at those times. It felt like I was constantly fasting and just looking forward to that next meal, but as I grew used to it the next meal time began to just be part of a routiNe, and I felt an understanding begin to develop. These limitations on meals seemed to create a desire which was eventually broken... the comfort of convenience seen in a daily life in the city means that food is readily available. Indeed, it is available here as well, it just requires one to grow, harvest and cook it, but to live in a way that is limiting eventually breaks the desire...making me closer to "freedom" while also making me farther away from it as well. No longer was I looking forward to a new meal, instead I found peace in meditation and other activities. Personal Meditation and Prayer occurred whenever the individual wished to. I had my own room where I could find peace and meditate, study the prayers, poetry, and prOse of Mutsonomes, or just rest. That being said, each person still had their own chores to keep the community running and Personal Time should not detract from that. Chores were carried out either at scheduled times or at the individuals convenience depending on the activity. Each chore was intended to be a type of meditation in its own right as many of the tasks were repetitive and capable of inducing trance. I would often find myself sWeeping or tending to a garden, and over time I would find ways to incorporate prayer, meditation and the like into each activity, each spiraling motion. Group Prayer and Meditation occurred once a day and would feature music along with a group chant. This was usually very brief and took place either at the start of the day or just before the last meal. Participation is, of course, optional, but also encouraged to help with community building and experience. I tended to just watch most of the time, observing for the book, but some nights I would join in and it truly cAn be a magical experience.
It was a day like any other that I felt the need to ask Spalsis a question regarding some of what I had seen here. It felt like innocent clarification on a matter that most of the other Weresnails seemed to have little to know awareness or knowledge of. The customs they performed each day were just things they did, part of their religion, part of their philosophy in life. The dailY tasks were relaxing, meditative, and I understood the purpose for them, but perhaps not their origin? How was it that this religion came to be? Who was this Mutsonomes? And I also realized: Why had I not asked Spalsis these questions until just then? Had I completely forgotten about part of why I had originally come here for? Had I lost interest and in that moment had my mind been open and unchained enough to really be able to find him at all? I didn't know, still don't really understand it either. I went to where the weresnails had directed me so many months ago. There was a hill, a small fence that borders most of the village had a portion missing here where this hill provided some amount of natural boundary and defense. The hill itself had a peach tree growing at a delightful angle along with some shruBs, moss, and dirt that made it seem like an idyllic painting. Within the dirt were what appeared to be carvings of spirals going in different directions, it looked like at least five spirals were visible from where I stood and marveled at the complete absense of any sort of spiritual leader. Where was Spalsis?
Spirals
His shell glowed softly a muted, pale blue color while each spiral was its own unique color as well. He had five on one side, the side initially facing me, and five on the other. All ten were unique, pointing in different directions, and shining bright as his eyes slowly blinKed at me. He must have known how incredibly nervous or excited I was to finally see him face-to-face as, in my mind, I heard him speak for the first time. "Relax, clean one. You are here to know my story, yes? Then you will know me and all that I have done. Before I begin, is there anything you would ask of me in particular?" My first thoughts were of Passash, the long journey we took was still at the forefront of my mind after all this time, and I very much did want to know what had happened to him. Perhaps there was some reason he could not come near the village? Spalsis laughed...but he didn't laugh. It was like I felt the sense of humor that he had regarding the topic and it made me laugh instead. He explained in the same voice that seemed so deep I wouldn't be able to hear it with my ears were he to speak out loud. It shook my psyche, it pulled me deeper to even be able to hear it, and I drowNed in the slime-drenched words as he continued speaking. Apparently Passash was a projection, an illusion created by Spalsis to guide me...but why me? How did he even know that I existed? "I am very attuned to the energies of this world. When you meditate as long as I have, clean one, then maybe you will know what lies beneath the ground, what runs between the roots and mycelium, what cOnnects the birds with the whales, and the layers between each layer. Though, in all honesty, I just happened to be in the area." Again, I could tell he thought his own joke was increDibly funny.
He confirmed that a great deal of what the weresnails say is true: he was an outsider, he did upset a spirit that cursed him, and he did spiral into a fit of rage that nearly cost him his mind forever. He explained the first night that he saw the rage for what it was and how he felt like an outside observer of his own body. He saw himself, he understood what was happening and rather than continue lashing out he just stopped. He claims to have been motionless and in a dEep state of meditation for a solid month before his mind reconnected to his body, and when he returned he was so emaciated that he had to seek out food immediately. Though he understood too well now the life that is within the animals he had been hurting, and in the end he developed the vegetarian diet that him and his followers now stick with. He spent the next "long while" writing down everything that he had thought of during his month of dissociation and meditation. The thoughts that he wrote down would become key tenets in the lives of any weresnAil that wished to not cause harm to other creatures, those that wished to avoid the madness and feralness of the other weresnails that had succumbed to such things. He spent many, many years wandering. He meditated near and in each gate that he could find, and with each gate he gained an understanding of its nature and a new spiral on his shell. Each spiral, therefore, is not just knowledge of a gate, but a spiritual understanding of what it means to be near it or on the layer of the spirit world it connects to. Some gates took longer than others to meditate on, but the first and largest spiral in his shell is owed to The Spiraling Gate. The mental state he was in while dissociating was the "gate" to this layer/Gate of the Spirit World, apparently, and for a moment that felt like a century is spent time exploring, considering, pondering, mediTating within as much of the layer itself as possible.
The Spiraling Gate, as he says, is a horrific though lovely place. There are corkscrew spires everywhere that stick up and into the sky, pits with stone spiral staircases that go infinitely deep into the ground, hills and mountains with tips that spiral around into themselves or up into the air. Each plant, down to every blade of grass, is a spiral. EacH rock is slowly spiraling away from itself either into the air or off in some random direction. Creatures that are constantly shifting between different layers of the Spirit World as their bodies spiral in and out of existence. There is the constant sound of c̸̥̟̘̲̥͈͇͌́͐͗͛͂͜͝i̴̝̦̰̗͘ͅt̶̝̦͖͕͚̖̤̋̾e̵̹̠̮̖̻̪̎͌̑͘n̴̨̢̻͉̗͚̄r̶͎̖̩̿̃̎̕͠t̶͓͓̠́̉̈́i̷̬̺̰͖̇́̽͊̈́̈͆͋͠ͅg̴̡͈̪͔̩͚̖͗͋͒̈́̋̓̕͝h̷̢͎͖͓͓͙̬̍̃̂̈́̾̌̒͌̑̚͝ͅ that fills the ears and minds of any mortals or spirits that wander there. The horizon, at times, will sometimes slowly turn into a spiral throughout the day or just rotate as if trying desparately to make you even dizzier. Hags with frightening faces that look detached and floating somewhere near where they should be, vortex elementals, and more. The unusual environment and noises is only the beginning of the "beauty" and "horror" of this Gate. Leaving is ... almost an impossibility. There is no escape, no return to your original life, and even if you do find a way out, well, you'll never be the same way again. What prevents escape isn't a threat to the body through poisons, toxiNs, or even a frightening animal of some variety. No, the Spiraling Gate traps people within itself with the simple truth that "things can only get worse here." He described his mental state constantly in a state of deterioration or elation. On any given day he could be experiencing an anxiety spiral that prevented him from moving lest he cause himself or something else harm through some domino effect of disaster, or perhaps depression that cycled back on itself to create a worse and worse feeling that made any action impossible. Then, conversely, days where the euphoria caused by some random event led to sheer heights of optimism that only made any other day all the worse. These moments of bliss were not a normal mental state, they were not pleasant either, they were a forced mental state that the body and mind are accutely aware of despite not being able to act against their wishes...it was almost mind control. While spiraling in these ways, he found the likelihood of leaving this place to be less and less...even the act of meditation was sometimes beyond him, but he eventually began to understand it better, began to see the spirals again for the rage he had experienced before: as links in a chain that must be broken. Each negative or positive thought he felt was something to be meditated on. Each coil in an anxiety spiral that told him anything he did would lead to his own death or the death of the world, each depressing layer that made him think nothing was worth dOing or even bothering to move for. They were all just distractions on the greater spiral he was on, they were all just links that, when broken, brought him closer to the spiral he would eventually escape. He grounded himself and found ways to make the spirals far less intense... Within all the madness, all the rotation and convolution, there were also plants and stones that providEd stability. He would pray while seated on Stable Stone which seemed to exist within the mountains and below the ground. They were the only thing keeping them from detaching from this realm and fully spiraling into the sky. He would also find Lattice Berries and Stone-bound Ginseng. The berries apparently helped one find their mental sanctuary for self discovery while reversing mild spiraling moods. The ginseng helped prevent spiraling, provided stability and acceptance in every cup. With the newly discovered materials to help him find peace, Spalsis was beginning to have hope that he could escape this place.
With his meditation and his newfound aids, Spalsis was stable. He felt as though he could leave at any time, but, rather than do so, he instead decided to stay a bit longer. As he felt his stability become more cemented within him, he also discovered a new Spirit that was haNging around the spots that he most frequently meditated. This spirit, this Stability, was something Spalsis had not ever seen during his many, many decades within this gate. He found that being near it helped him resist the effects of the Spiral even more, though there was something off about it... While Spalsis normally felt himself pulling free of a spiral to continue his normal path as if breaking the link in a chain, he did not feel this way when meditating near the spirit. It did, indeed, help him feel more stable, but it did so more as a boulder in a river than the true stability Spalsis was looking for. It diverted the path away from a spiral, rather than resolving it naturally, and it felt like it was splitting his path into a new spiral rather than helping him find it himself. It effected his emotions in a way that was similar to the euphoria and depression he was feeling thrust upon him in this Gate. Its offers were lies...though perhaps some other traveler could find use for it in a pinch to escape truly spiraling out of control. Though, with this in mind, Spalsis found himself having to meditate in other places to avoid this spirit, and the more he meDitated and found his own stability, the more this spirit would appear. He left when he felt he truly new and could understand the realm wholly, though, in his own words,
"Could anYone really understand something so ... intentionally impossible to understand? I feel I know it as a brother, I feel it is within me always and flows through me, but this understanding is different than reading a book and understanding its contents. No, this Gate is not something to be understood in the traditional sense, and not many would have the lifespan to "understand" it in the way that I have. Its existence is unavoidable to most, we all suffer by the Spiral, and I hope to be able to pull who I can from the negative -or the positive- that might affect them in ways they cannot control. Like other Gates, the force of nature that the Spiral is can be used against it. ThOugh, unlike other gates, the Spiral is inside, outside, and is everything. From what I have come to understand, the other Gates are but a symptom of the Spiral, each is corrupted by it or is designed purely as a preventative measure or cure against it. The Dying Gate? Reincarnation? Merely a misunderstanding of a Spiral that existed long ago. Greed? An obsession, one that very likely was born from madness involving the Spiral. Rot? A part of death, a piece of the cycle that simply profits more off the dead than others, corruption, and a fear of what death might bring. Snow? Inner Peace? Merely a rock in the river, a divulsion, tearing one from their original path to make an easier -straighter- path. Better to embrace the Spiral and find your "inner peace" by truly understanding yourself, not by avoiding it. Resonance? Harmony amongst all things? Do you think they know themselves? Are they not jUst distracting each other from their own twisted path? Torrential? The Flow of Thoughts? The fast moving water of theirs has led many a Psychic and Prophet to madness. Indeed, they used their own madness to tell great prophecies, hiding their visions within maddening dialogue that only the most persistent could deCipher. Freedom? The Wind and its Drifters? Those that find enlightenment here are detached, or perhaps their chains are just longer than others. Their philosophy on removing desires is much like my own, straightforward, though they sometimes abandon the things that might be causing them to lose their path, and I find this to be foolish. It goes on and on. The Spiral is never ending...though I feel those that created this land, if it were created, did so with an intent to end it. From what I have witnessed in my travels, in my isolation and meditation, the Gates themselves are pieces of someone. They were creAted as part of a longing, and I think that that longing was to Die. Not to die and be reborn from the Spiral or the less pure Circle, but to Die and for it all to end. A lot of what they built was either encouraged greatly by some Spiral that they were in or being chased by, or perhaps as a means to stabilize their own eratic emotional state. What already existed was Death. A cycle that took what someoNe, perhaps the creator of these gates, had and cycled them back through. I think this creator was responsible for these deaths, and I think that their guilt gave birth to the Spiral as we know it now...or, at the very least, the maNifestation of it that we can see and experience in this realm. As he tried to forget his guilt and hide from the responsibility, he built more and more Gates to hide or distract himself. He couldn't face his guilt, his spiraling emotions, on his own and suffered for it greatly. I think something was keeping him alive too, he was mortal once like those that diEd around him, and the land he came to with whatever spared him was a blank slate for him to run through. That's why the Spiral is in everything, he carried it with him through everything he built... I'm sorry to have rambled so long friend, but I would leaVe you with this one last pondering: The Manufactured Gate. This one is... a place I did not enjoy as much. Eerything is in time, everything is ticking away like a clock, and evErything there is created in one way or another...very industrialized. I earned a spiral from my meditations on this Gate, and I must say that it is truly bizarre. It is both the newest and the oldest Gate. TheRe is evidence that it was crafted last. The citizens of the city found within its walls tell me of the time that they buiLt it, and the great mechanical dragon that sits within the clock tower will confirm that it was built like any other machine but also that it has outlived and rebuilt the universe many times. This Gate is responsible for much confusion in my previous ramblings and in understanding the other Gates. The Circle and its philosophy that is known within the Dying Gate and the world existed as a result of something after the Spiral, but it then also existEd before as the world was rebuilt. The Dragon will tell you that The Gates were once built and then never built again, Ulunor came into existence but never had to make itself in subsequent renditions of this universe. What does thAt mean, I wonder? It means more than just the words I've said, clearly, and I haVe been seeking a nice place to meditate on these strange discoveries."
Peace
Closing Thoughts/Loose Notes
My brain was wandering during one the nighTs at my new favorite bar. My eyes were enjoying the slow drip of condensation down the side of my glass, and my ears picking up the distant words of the fellow sitting next to me. He was having an actual conversation with the bartender, more than just an order placed or an attempt at small talk, and certainly more than my own conversation with the parts of me that wanted to order anotHer drink. His voice seemed slow, or maybe fast, and it stretched around and around the convErsation making me initially feel as though I weRe far more intoxicatEd than initIally estimated. I looked up for a moment and saw my neighbor for the firSt time that eveNing. He had a layer of slime on his otherwise human-loOking form that collectEd and dripped down the side of his face much like the cold moiSture that now pooled beneath my beverage. I was finally able to aCtually tune in to their conversAtion after straightening my back a bit, audible cracks from a hunched sPine filled my ears. Though the noise was distracting, it proved to also clEar my miNd enough to actually understand my soOn-to-be friend. He seEmed to notice me in my despair, and his neck and upper body moved as if lackiNg any bones. He looked towards me expectantly before finally speaking once more in that strangely slow, fast, all-surrounDing way that almost made me dizzier than the fumes filling this dive bar. His first words to me were "and you'll want to hear this too..." as he explained the way one can find Spalsis.
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