Promises I can't Keep

The city was quiet as he moved from rooftop to rooftop. It was a peaceful quiet in the hours before dawn would rise and for the moment, he was thankful for that silence that would allow his mind to try and sort through the strange conflicting feelings that crawled up his spine and took roost inside his thoughts.
 
What's the difference between a man and a monster
Is it somewhere between I can and I want to
Is it somewhere between the promises I made
And the fact I couldn't see something getting in the way
 
It should have been simple.
 
Hunt the wicked. Hunt the monsters. Find them within the dark shadows of their lives, walk into the very dens of darkness they thought were safe, and show them how unsafe they truly were. Hunt and search and fight until he found the monster he was looking for in the longest shadows of the deepest hole.
 
And then people had happened.
 
I used to think that I know what I want
Never saw it coming unglued
I used to think that I know what I want
Now it's time to see if it's true
I had so much certainty
'Til that moment I lost control
And I've tried but it never was up to me
I've got no worse enemy
Than the fear of what's still unknown
And the time's come to realize there will be
Promises I can't keep
 
He should have never told her he loved her.
 
When the confidante had first started seeing him, he’d begun to develop feelings there, he mused, but he’d thrown them into the back of his mind. They were supposed to make people feel like that and he knew it was nothing more than an illusion. And then when Alexandra realized who he was, and promised to stand by him, to help him.
 
She was peace for him. And he’d ruined by admitting to her his love only for her to feel she was unworthy of it.
 
What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit
I tried to make it better, but I made it more sick
I tried to make it right, now awake at night
I know reality was getting in the was
 
I used to think that I knew who I was
Never saw it coming unglued
I used to think that I knew who I was
Now it's time to see if it's true
 
He shouldn’t have lost control.
 
There was something in the way Maelie moved, the way she lived, that he was drawn to. Her passion was a fire and, like a moth, he was compelled even as he knew it was a distraction from the mission. It opened him up to risk and to danger and to being caught again. There was no way, he mused, as he leapt across the rooftops, that he would be fortunate enough again should he be discovered. Every bit closer she got was simply more danger.
 
She was passion for him. A place to revel in the fire of connection and not be as lonely. And he’d been forced to ruin it because there was no way to truly tell her his dreams.
 
She wouldn’t have understood.
 
I had so much certainty
Til that moment I lost control
And I've tried but it never was up to me
I've got no worse enemy
Than the fear of what's still unknown
And the time's come to realize there will be
Promises I can't keep
 
He shouldn’t have touched her.
 
The cleric was his opposite and contrast. Where he was darkness and shadows she was brilliance and light. How could he -not- be attracted to her quiet determination and resolution? How could he not find her utterly charming in her complete straightforward innocence? She wanted to know who he was under the mask and while she never pressured him for it, he knew it was a gulf between them. But if she knew, truly knew, what he was how could she not judge him? How could she not hate him if she eventually found the truth?
 
She was determination for him. A place to feel confident in the mission and task he’d set himself, the impossible quest that had become the focus of his life. And there was no way to cross the gulf between them – no matter how much he wanted to see affection in her golden eyes.
 
I had so much certainty
Til that moment I lost control
And I've tried but it never was up to me
I've got no worse enemy
Than the fear of what's still unknown
And the time's come to realize there will be
 
He never should have grown attached.
 
The bard was happy, he saw. Happy with Maelie – the care between them was evident even if they did not say a word. In a way, he was glad; he could not be the thing which brought either of them that happiness. He had too many secrets. He was simply too fucked up. After all, wasn’t he already the joke of the city? He’d set out to hunt his personal monsters and somewhere along the line the mission had become muddled with whatever it was this city needed. And it had felt good to be thought a hero for a time. Except they did not see him as one – either a villain, a monster, or simply a joke.
 
She was inspiration for him. A place to feel like he could tackle this impossible task he’d set himself on. He’d come from everything and so starting his quest had been an almost simple matter. Money was its own magic of sorts and it allowed for time, training, supplies, and all the rest. Sareena had nothing. Every copper she owned she’d worked and saved for. She’d come from the lowest pits of poverty and had refused to let it make her uncaring or unkind.
 
And she was happier with someone else.
 
Promises I can't keep
Promises I can't keep