The Road to Urdibury

(Each word is written in Acoran Common, unlike the previous couple pages)
Third Kesday of Incandescent Moons, year 570.
 
We traveled in silence most of the way to and across the border into Laelon. Nothin' out o' the usual really. We came across a couple of bickrin' lil' gobbies towards the end of the day. Every one o' us was a bit skeptical, certainly not the worst idea. Who was it, Ashe I believe, after some silence she suggested that the entire thing coulda been a setup for an ambush. While not impossible I wasn't too concerned about a pack o' gobbies tryna strike me down. So I approached instead, much to the dismay o' my compatriots later. If it WAS an ambush, the goblins sure didn't seem to care whether we kept on walkin' or not... Instead the little buggers engaged me in some discussion over the coin they'd found. I admit, I was a bit abrasive. I threatened the rascals a bit tryna' get them to talk, but realizin' that wasn't gonna work I tried to loosen their mouths with a bit of gold which worked wonders. If it wasn't for the other's caution maybe we coulda paid them a bit more and learned some more info and avoided the fight that came. I tried to tell the goblins to just untie some woman's mouth that they'd tied up earlier, claimin' she was fumin'. Either because I'm just not the best talker or because Ashe was sneakin' 'round behind me makin' the gobbies uncomfortable, they decided to completely untie the woman. I stood around at first, hopin' to engage the woman in some idle chatter with the goblins still 'round, but unfortunately somethin' about the hostile look she had made me panic and react rashly.
 
Most o' the fight is a blur. I remember turnin' around at some point and... Murderin' one of the lil' goblin fellas I'd been chattin' to not so long ago. I saw an arrow, one of Ashe's I'd bet, but I couldn't hardly discern friend from foe, I had to be careful so I let it go. The last thing I remember is Olo telling me to calm down, a signal for my subconscious to unwind a bit. As I was startin' to calm down Olo punched me square in the jaw and our mad lady from earlier cut me a right harsh gash. Do I even gotta question my trainin' buddy at this point? I was down, but I understand why he did it. What I still fail to understand late into this night is why in Gehenna we're referring to this entire fight as a damned ambush? We'll never know, since we massacred the Goblins without tryna' reason with them. What's worse is they all made it sound like my fault again... As if I was the one who chose to shoot the arrow that caused the goblins to attack us. It's never anyone else's mistakes that get called out, only my own, even today. And Cade, that poor lil' kid shouldn't have been dragged into this. Maybe it's healthy for him to get over it, but I just... Seen too many kids like him, tryna desperately to save their loved ones with healin' magic... Pets, Friends, Siblings, Parents... Some kids even tried savin' complete strangers back in my mercenary days right in front of the inquisitors. It's too bad that... They were all cut down too for usin' magic. Cade was just like 'em. Bit off more than he could chew, likely to wind up dead if'n we don't clean up our act and soon.
 
I tried to thank the lil' guy for the gestures, but all I got was a deep bite by his robot... Dog... thing, and a blank stare. He came and healed me later, but I'dunno if that was because I was hurt or he wanted to thank me. Regardless we talked with the woman who was tied up by the goblins. She was guidin' Fletcher's fiance just as we was guidin' him. I mentioned maybe travellin' together, but it sounded as if she was headed straight to Nisiar over the mountains then across the border to Zlen. Maybe I misheard, but I figured that'd be the most dangerous route we coulda takin' what with these apostates of Rhaes and such. She mentioned soldiers blockin' the road and suggested that we take the caves up and around them to Urdibury, and we'd do just that. First and foremost though, we decided to sit down and make camp for the night. It'd still take us half a day to get there and it was already dark. Can't imagine what all may be comin' our way in the next few days but suppose that's just what happens when you live your life, killin' and fightin' for others.
 
Third Antday of Incandescent Moons, Year 570.
 
We woke up, had our food, and set out immediately. My mind's been in the clouds since yesterday. I regret the fact that we had to kill the goblins and couldn't find a way to resolve the issue peacefully. Regardless we traveled half a day before coming up to the mines we were told to watch out for, though our pace was halted by the sound of soldier's footsteps. We immediately turned left at the fork, headin' up to the mines but I suggested that Conrad and Ashe investigate the soldiers regardless. They came back mentionin' how it sounded like some nobles were absolutely against the marriage. Wantin' more war and some such. I didn't much see the point in it, but then again I've never understood nobles. Once we were inside the cave we were met face to face with another apostate. I tried to get the guy to back down after he told me to hand over Fletcher, but he would not. I mentioned before how I worry about Cade? Well Kas, if you're readin' this like I think you may be, you really need to consider teachin' him some lessons. Bugger ran up to the apostate and coulda nearly died. Mercenary work ain't work for children no matter their skills. I tossed a dagger into the apostate's chest as Cade slammed into him good. I dealt the killin' blow but there was nothin' else to be seen. Ashe berated me more, but I just don't care anymore.
 
It's always what I've done wrong, never what could have been done with these fools. You didn't think twice about those goblins Ashe, why are you, of all people, questioning me? With my growing displeasure of the group and our current event I still asked that Conrad and Ashe scout out one of the paths we were able to go down. Cade must've cast some spell on himself cause he got a bit antsy outta nowhere. When Ashe got back he ran ahead. I swear to the mother and the father, to every patron in existence, I cannot have this kid die because of this. Everyone chased after him, Ashe even tried to put the kid to sleep, a skill we should consider using more often on him. Regardless he kept running until some beasts came out and attacked him. Olo rushed passed me before I could even react to help the kid. I saw another route ahead that could loop around to them, so I ran ahead to flank the dogs only to be cut off by one. If I hadn't have done that Cade and Olo woulda' been the ones gettin' flanked. I was engulfed in flames, and I forget most of what happened until halfway back to Fletcher. I don't remember exactly why, but I remembered him being in danger that's for certain.
 
I turned 'round the corner and saw... Something that shook me to my core. I saw those beautiful, ambitious eyes again staring deep into my soul. Devoid of judgement for my sins long passed, her naive eyes pierced my soul. I understand that everyone believes they know the real Cybil, but they don't. Maybe one day they will, but now they do not. I saw her again for the first time in years, offering me a warm hug again like she used to. I was frozen in awe, in shock, relief, happiness? I couldn't tell ya, only that she was there one moment, and the next... Well the chain devil dropped to the floor in a bloody mess. It was jarring, sure, but it brought me back to reality. I'm not sure how I'm gonna be able to face Cybil after that either. I shook my head, and wiped my eyes. I realized quickly I'd been cryin' and didn't want the others to notice. I didn't want to trouble them... No... They don't deserve to see my weaknesses like she did. Feelin' disheartened I pressed on with the party. The rest of the days been quite quiet, but we finally made it to Urdibury. Everyone went directly to the tavern, each of us blowin' a pretty coin on the stay and food... I drank more than my fill and passed out as usual, I don't think I wanna dream after an experience like that.
 
I'm sittin' here in the mornin' of the day after. Fourth Festday of Incandescent Moons and all. I plan to talk with Fletcher about himself this mornin', maybe try to see why he likes Cybil so much, maybe try to learn from it. Even if her words speak ill of her, her actions speak louder. It's somethin' I really shouldn't forget. The next time I see her I'll apologize and try to thank her for a change, and then when I get back... I think I may leave the company for good. I'd rather die travellin' helpin' those in need than die fighting people. I don't know if I'll ever find a way to make amends with all those I killed, but I could try to at least make amends with those I've wronged today, and maybe... One the way I'll find a way to forgive myself as well. Mother, Father, all I ask is that you help me find a way in this world.