Smoke and Fire

(Each word is written in a different language in a specific order. Wyrmish-Orcish-AcoranCommon)
Third Holday of Incandescent Moons, 570
Kas thinks he's a funny guy, bringin' up information he shouldn't know like me n' Cybil's past. Well, have fun readin' my journal now ya bastard!
 
Today we were sent to the On-The-Road to meet up with another party member to help us with on this big upcomin' mission. Kas has reached a new level o' low. It's a literal, honest to Milica, kid. His names Cade and he has some weird little dog machine he said he's created. I'd say he's smart if he didn't act like such a kid. This is beyond stressful for me, I find it hard to be around children nowadays to begin with because o' what happened. Now I gotta watch one get hurt and potentially die I jest dunno if I can handle it. Such a naive little kid too, doesn't seem to know what he's gotten himself into. At least the party seems nice and welcomein' to him, but their attitude hasn't changed towards me. I got Urtho to talk to at least, but my own party seems to just ignore the fact that I exist until I do somethin' silly to them. It's like all I'm good for to them is a laugh or two. We moved on to visit Urtho, on the way meeting Blaire who's always seemed to dislike me. I always try to be friendly, but I dunno what her problem is. Maybe she's shoved one too many sticks up her ass, I couldn't help but stick my tongue out at her to lighten the mood while she glared at me. Think Ashe commented on it later blamin' me for it. Go figure, really.
 
This all really makes me think, should I sit here and take this? Sometimes I just wanna run away from it all and forget. It's disgusting to admit to me, but at least Cybil wasn't this rude to me when she was here. Hell, she even tried to welcome me with a hug like old friends. It's a hard thing to admit, but... I think I'd appreciate somethin' like that right now. This "idiot" debacle is startin' to wane on me a lot. Seems like I'm never thanked for nothin' I do. Least there's Olo who seems nice, honestly what a guy he is. He is a lot of fun to hang around, glad he's stickin' to the party. Yeah, I don't need to turn back to that monster for comfort! I got Olo.
 
Jokin' aside, I'd been drinkin' all night and hadn't felt even a wink o' drunkiness. Figured I just needed to drink more. Urtho whipped up a sick idea for an upgrade for my maul though, couldn't wait to see it honestly. That damn kid though, Cade, starts jest doin' whatever he wants. I swear the party doesn't like that I'm tryin' to reign us in a bit and get us out of trouble cause Conrad has even started shakin' his head at whatever happens around me. Now I think even the kid don't like me. What a group, why am I even 'ere anymore? I gotta make ends meat, but I don't gotta be a part of this party, especially if they make being around them so... frustratin'.
 
We made it back to the On-The-Road tavern and went up to sleep, still not feelin' too drunk I drank three more gallons of my booze... And still felt nothin' besides an urge to piss like none other. I asked Conrad what was wrong and turned out my booze had been tampered with! Dammit! Now I'm layin' in bed panicking. If I fall asleep I'm scared I'm gonna jest have a nightmare. What an awful day. I spent so much money on this ale too. Well I guess I may as well try to sleep, nothin' else I can do. The maul is fantastic, but that's been about the only nice part of this evening.
 
Third Metday of Incandescent Moons, 570
My dreams still haunt me if I'm not drunk. I saw one again, in a crowd chanting "burn them all". It was just like those days again. the screams, I could hear their screams again, I STILL hear them. I stepped forward to see what was goin' on, but then an elderly elven man clung onto my legs, beggin' me to save his children. Why? Why does this have to happen? I can't forget, I wanted to help them, I did. but he wouldn't let go. And Cybil... No, that demon she'd become was there. Gleefully burning them alive. I woke up to some assassin and that's all I remembered. Next I remembered glass being lodged in my arm, a singed room covered in ice, the smell of smoke, and a mutilated pile of mush sitting outside the window. I was battered up, and I watched as everyone just... Walked away from me. Not a word. I jest... What am I here for? What have I done to deserve this from everyone? I went downstairs and searched the body, findin' some money and a tattered scroll on 'em with a red bloodied eye sigil. " Justice exists within the minds Eye " I don't want to deal with this right now, this is suspicious. I can't help but feel like... Maybe they just came fer me? Maybe they were relatives of... No... They wanted to kill us indiscriminately, it couldn't a' just been related to me. I walked inside, still a beaten battered mess, barely clingin' to consciousness. Slammed the paper down on the table and... They were already talkin' bout it.
 
Then Kas walked in, distraught as all hell. Somethin' didn't go accordin' to plan obviously. Finally someone recognized my wounded states and helped me, also gave me some extra booze and medicine to help me get rid o' this "Cleansin' Root" as Conrad called it. Thank the Patrons I was finally able to get drunk. But now? Now I was mad. I was angry at my party that paid me no mind, angry with how they all seemed to jest ignore me unless I said somethin' stupid to them. We got some rest in Kas' room, I passed out on his gold, slept pretty hard... Still wasn't in the mood for anythin' anymore. Kas brought some kid in, somethin' about the Laelon king tryna make a peace with Nisiar and find a place for magic casters to live in harmony in Laelon. I liked the thought, but Ashe, Conrad, and ESPECIALLY Kevin seemed to be upset with this idea, at least they questioned it. I'd understand but I was sick of hearin' how they questioned it. Next thing I remember, Ashe was scoffin' at somethin me or the kid said and I threw my plate at her. She threw it back and hit me then called me an idiot. Again. JUST AN IDIOT. AGAIN. I shut the hell up and let the kid talk, this whole situation had made me angrier than all the devils in Gehenna. Then he started praisin' Cybil and I jest couldn't take it no more. I stormed out to more o' my party's mockery, probably not my best decision, but that's all I seem to be to these people! Two weeks with them an' never once a thank you! So I started swingin' my maul around recklessly until Conrad stopped me. The bastard, I needed a breather.
 
We're headed out now, and while I feel better I'm seriously doubtin' the shit I'm willing to do to help these asshats. I pray to The Mother and The Father, please tell me why I'm still here.