Strahl's Journal, March 13th

Who am I? Am I sure I want to know?
 
My past is veiled in bloodshed, lies and my own malady
 
And yet still I thrust foward on the barren path, just days ago I praised the call to adventure, but now I lay uneasy
 
Yesterday we killed some mad necroturgist "hell"-bent on raising to power through a demon prince, and entering his absyss of a cavern layer, I was intent on swaying the individual to use his powers for the church of Zakrios, simply for the reason of avoiding a violent path.
 
But during our descent, Shaun freed a vampire imprisoned by the necroturgist, seeing some innocence in it, taking mercy. But when I looked into that monsters eyes, I saw a curse. Poetically similar to that I bear, the curse of a liar, a selfish wretch. There was something in that moment - when I stared myself down, seeing what plagued me and that I had been to weak to escape. I struck the monster, Jack by my side, and in those moments I didn't care if I lived or died. When I exited my mind, I was bloodied, but the monster was cold.
 
Which one of us was the monster?
 
I went on with the intent to fell the necroturgist, no mercy or negotiation wished for on my part. A fire burned deep inside me, but I'm not sure if it was fueled by justice or me wishing to erase the thoughts of my jaded morality.

Is there salvation for me?
 
And now I am indentured to a commander of lost souls, the last hours being a surreal haze of sudden boon and yet imprisonment.
 
Who have I wronged?
 
But if there is one thing I know for real, there will always be bloodshed, a vulture will always find what rots, and the branded sun will rise. Am I the vulture?
 
Can I escape this world's cycle of pain, and do something truly good?
 
I must get some rest, I've been inking and tossing pages to the wall of this cold stone room for hours.