The Color of A Soul

Sitting down to write tonight as the fire burns low and the muscley but night-blind human who goes by the name of Bo holds the “flashlight” I somehow am able to make for her- you know - after I met my imaginary friend who gave me weird powers and a stick and a tattoo.
 
The last few days feel like such a weird blur.
 
The good things first. Two new friends!!! They call themselves “Bo” and “Zy”.
 
Bo likes the color red which seems very fitting. She’s super strong, gets angry, and then hits stuff. It’s impressive. Red seems like a passionate color- a righteous fury. I don’t think Bo’s red is of the bloody hue, but more like the bright red love that Bo has for her sister. The red rage of a warrior protecting her family. I think Bo is a good person.
 
Zy- her favorite color is black. She’s an amazing shot with a bow and she did some fancy goopy nature mojo to heal her sister Bo. Black is an interesting choice, I guess it’s sorta like a rainbow but in reverse. Manon said something once about how colors are really only just our perception of light and its reflection. She was talking a lot and I don’t remember most of what she said but I think that black looks black because it holds all the colors within it. And our eyes don’t catch any reflection. That must mean that Zy is pretty special! Black is a very complex color.
 
It got me thinking. Does our soul have a color? And is it our favorite color or is it a reflection of the deeds that we do?
 
Journal I killed someone today. I’ve never hurt anything before. And in the moment I didn’t really think, I mostly was just afraid for manon, she was very close to this lizard dragon fighter creature. I think my soul turned dark in that moment. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the same as before.
 
Thersha told me that it never really gets easier. But that I shouldn’t want it to be easy. She’s a good friend. I think her kind words made my soul a little bit brighter again. She tends to be quiet, but she always seems to know just what to say to make me feel better.
 
Madlyn has been training me. She’s so strong! A very good fighter. And her armor is so useful in battle! I want to get stronger. Be a little more like her. I don’t think she realizes just how much it means to me that she’s taken me under her wing. She’s so confident! While mostly annoying, it’s also its own sort of armor. I wonder if she’s ever afraid of the color of her soul like I am.
 
Manon is so smart. I don’t understand half of what she says, but the half that I do understand blows me away. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a good friend like her. But I will protect her. Something has changed. With all of us, but I feel as though something powerful is happening to Manon. Something I will probably never understand. I think her strength is connected to her book from gpa Mary, I most certainly don’t think it relates to melee combat though. Whatever happens, I’ll always have her back. Whatever these new powers I’ve been given do- I’ll use them to protect her. Protect all of my friends.
 
Maybe I was born a mistake. A faithless half human failure. But my imaginary friend seems to think there’s something worthy about me. Maybe if I keep trying, keep training, one day I’ll make up for the things Silus made me do.
 
It’s nights like this that I really miss Thestral. She’s the best listener. Her warm cuddles and big heart would make even the darkest soul brighter. I hope her and Gpa Mary are okay. I miss them both so much.
 
~Kaylan