I Have No Ale, so I Must Rage

So... I'm not dead.
 
Also, it turns out blowing things up with magic is... cathartic.
 
We got out of town with relative ease. It took a lot of planning for something that took about ten minutes to execute, but that's how it goes sometimes. Then we went and bought some donkeys and some feed, and we hit the road until daylight, at which point... well...
 
I slept.
 
Then I woke up, and I made the mistake of asking Viertree about my sister. She... recognized me. So I put all my cards on the table and admitted I was exactly who Viertree thought I was to try to find out how Vamwaeline isn't dead.
 
She's supposed to be dead.
 
I keep saying that, but I can't get it out of my head. I thought I made my peace with everything that happened. I enjoyed who I was... am. Who I am now.
 
But she's alive. She's supposed to be dead, and she's alive, and I have to figure out what to DO with that information.
 
Unfortunately, Viertree knew very little beyond 'she's not dead'. And worse... I didn't realize Tali was awake and heard everything.
 
Fuck.
 
Tali, as it turns out, is very... persistent when they decide they know what is best, and they backed me into a pretty airtight corner... something that I'm really miffed about, to be honest. Who are they to decide that I have to do that? They aren't my parent. I'm fucking older than them, and they treated me like a naughty lass trying to get out of going to school. Fuck that. Nobody was entitled to know about that. If it weren't for the assassination attempt I'd have done the right thing and left them all behind anyway, but it doesn't matter because Vamwaeline is small potatoes compared to the Volstrucker being on our tails. Do they not get that?
 
Do none of them get that?
 
So yeah, I told everyone about things. Not... quite everything. Everything up until my leaving. Going into the fact that Vamwaeline is alive was... more than I was ready to talk about. It was hard enough telling that shit to Levin, who at least earned that trust, and...
 
And Levin is gone.
 
I don't... know how they all actually took that in. It was hard to read how people felt, and I didn't stick around very long after. Then we got attacked by death dogs, and that was... helpful. I'm getting the hang of the magic. I made a shield... thing.
 
I didn't know I could do that.
 
After that Virdan, Thistle, and Loc were at risk of disease, so we had to find these flowers, and we thought this shadow ghost... thing, and that nearly killed Charlotte, and then I took that out too... which admittedly was kind of cool...
 
So there wasn't time to judge how they all feel. I wouldn't be at all surprised to wake up tomorrow and find they all left me here. I don't know if I'd trust me if I were in their place.
 
We'll have to see come morning, I suppose.
 
I... think I'd miss Virdan, I suppose. He's a really sweet kid. Tried to help me wiggle out of things. I think he poisoned his water? Alas... dwarven biology kept me hearty. The same thing that helps me pretend to be more drunk than I am screwed me there, but then he...
 
The poor kid apparently thought that trying to rob Charlotte when he and his family were desperate was some dark secret that would make us hate him. Here I was, hiding Sororicide. Fucking hell.
 
The others are harder to just... Panlo seems surprisingly capable, and fucking fast. Thistle... I can't read. Though she keeps giving me these odd looks. Thistle's quick thinking was the reason Charlotte is still alive though. Charlotte is sweet, and subtly strategic. She was a huge help against the death dogs, and the shadow... thing... yeah, that...
 
I'm glad she isn't dead.
 
Well, I need to try to sleep. Without a bedroll. Again. No regrets, those kids need to sleep well, but I miss having a bit of coziness, so hopefully we can get more soon. Again, assuming I don't wake up to find myself alone.
 
Damn it... she's supposed to be dead.
 
That was the only reason any of this was okay.