Candlelight

There were many gods, but Fodla, Eosphorus, and Ellowyn were the three who had always felt like home to Nel. Tonight she visited Ellowyn's Temple. It was so peaceful at night and there was a space on the floor filled with sand where people offering prayers could leave candles burning. Looking down at it as she walked among the lights in the quiet and darkened temple felt like walking upside down upon the night sky, each flame a star.
 
She settled herself down in a clear patch and lit her own candle. She sat quietly for a few minutes, listening to the sound of her own breath. Normally she prayed silently, but there was no one else around tonight, so she began with an old song that the elders had taught her and she's heard her mother sing as a small child. It was a song of praise in Ursine for the gentle goddess. Her voice, deep, rumbly, but not without sweetness, echoed in the empty space. These were words she had held onto under the care of the Sisters of Daybreak, songs almost silently to herself in secret at night, in defiance of the rules, so that she would not lose them.
 
Gentle goddess, you are unlike all other gods
You lived a mortal life, bled, and died.
You know our love, our grief, our joy, our pain.
We love you, dear lady, and raise this song to you.
 
You bring life where there is death
Comfort where there is pain
Gentleness where there is wrath
Mercy where there is only unfeeling power.
 
Guide us with your wisdom to walk with each other in gentleness
Guide us to show mercy when we are wrathful
Help us to rekindle dying fires, and refresh the weary
Give us courage in the face of cold, unfeeling power
To speak truth and make our aim steady and true when we fire upon oppression.
 
We praise you for giving us hope where all is hopeless
We praise you for resurrecting dead hearts and souls
We praise you for kindling fires from ashes
We praise you for holding no one beyond redemption and no one too powerful to be brought low.
 
 
As she finishes the song, she prays, just talking to the Lady, still in Ursine,
 
"Dear Lady, thank you for hearing my prayer. I have much to tell you, much to thank you for, and much to ask.
 
First, thank you for the chance to do something good for my work. There is nothing I would rather do than keep Miss Cardinal safe from those who would harm her. Please help me to do a good job and the to be the person she needs me to be. And please help Miss Cardinal to find freedom from the cage in her mind. Help her to feel free in her new life. And make my claws to strike true against any who would drag her back to her old life. Please, if it's possible, also bring the other women trapped there back to life, back to themselves, and free them too.
 
Please also give me wisdom about the special group I'm in. Help me to be true to those in it, and those without who need protection. Stop the loan sharks, the predators. And also protect the folks who are caught up in something too big to untangle themselves from. Or who joined because it was the best way to protect the people they love. I feel a bit torn in two. Please show me to right next decision to make.
 
I went back to Westgate with my friends a few weeks ago on a job. I never wanted to go back there, but...I'm glad I went. Someone was attacking the prison, not caring if the prisoners or guards died. I know some say it was Eosphorus' doing, but you and I know better, dear Lady. He wouldn't poison people in chains. Whoever did this had money and power. And I think they might mean to make war again. Please help us to build peace instead.
 
I felt you with me, Lady, at that place. At the end, I was helping the healers, just binding up wounds to help keep folks alive long enough for the healers to get to them. And Sir Lange was one of them. He was the worst of the guards when I was there. He seemed to take joy in breaking prisoners' wills and causing pain. I knew his face and he knew mine. I saw terror in his eyes when he saw me. He knew, and so did I, that I could have killed him in that moment, instead of helping him. It wouldn't have took much more than a slip of the claws when I was binding up his wounds. So many were dying that nobody would have questioned it. And Lady, I remembered every blow, every lash, every word, and I wanted to kill him. Forgive me, but I did. For just a moment I had power over him instead of him over me. And it felt good. But then I felt you, your mercy, your gentleness, and you reminded me that power meant that I had a choice. And I had the power to choose to be different from him. So I bound up his wounds, good and tight so that he would not bleed out before the healer could get to him. I even cradled him enough to let him drink some water. I had nothing kind to say to him, but I said nothing instead of cursing him.
 
I say this not to say that I am good, but to thank you for being with me in that moment, for showing me a different path. I want to be like my wise mother and gentle father instead, and like my kind and brave friends, not like him.
 
Thank you for the Ursan who came to the school and who taught me the ways of our elders. I don't know how to explain what that means to me, but I know you understand it.
 
Thank you that I am still alive. I don't what Philippe wants from me, but without him I would not have gone home to my children that night.
 
I wish to apologize to you too. I go to Akmon's Temple every week and pray to him. I know he killed you. Please know you are dearer to my heart than he will ever be. I went to help a friend, and I keep going back now to keep a promise. But I do not love him. I love you dearly.
 
Please bless the people in the Warrens, especially the children at the school. Protect them from all would harm them. Help us to nurture new life there -- gardens and loans and schools and other things that will help people grow and be glad.
 
Please protect Fox and her loved ones from the people who want to hurt her.
 
Please protect Peg from her mother and help her to see the good in herself.
 
Please watch over dear Fix and keep her safe.
 
Please protect Bella from her mother and help her to have faith in her smarts and strength.
 
Please guide Kevan to his lost sister and give him peace.
 
Please help Muse to rescue their missing family, and help them to see how worthy of love and how good they are.
 
Please help James to get free of his debt.
 
Please help Schatzi as they try and make the world better.
 
Please help Nita to find her family safe.
 
Please help Violet, Alex, and the poor young dampire who that awful man had locked up to heal from their pain and losses and be with them through their nightmares. Let them know that they are not alone.
 
Please help Scarlet with the pain she carries and whatever it is that makes her look afraid sometimes when she thinks nobody is looking.
 
Protect Cardinal and help her see how worthy of love she is too.
 
Please protect Lorke from that minotaur and from Marlene.
 
Please help Nevermore to not be so along and to see that he is not a monster.
 
Please comfort Mara as she heals from her family's betrayal.
 
Please help Lady Orlov feel more free and less alone.
 
 
And please bless and protect Bogdan and each of my kids. May their lives be full of peace, love, and warmth.
 
Thank you, dear Lady, for hearing me."
 
 
 
She rises, brushing the sand off her pants and leaving the candle during, waking back out from the sea of upside down stars. She leaves a gold piece in the offering box and makes her back out into the night to head home.