Session 7

Session Date: March 4, 2020

General Summary

To: Xepug Greetings to you. I have been told you wanted an update on a recent foray a few of my compatriots went on. As you know, Death 2 Pirates is your most skilled group of contracted adventurers and that can take a toll on the fragile psyche of some members of our team. We returned from a recent adventure to our favorite watering hole, the Red Ruby Tavern. There, we said goodbye to the Bard and John Spartan. Moses went to practice vocal scales or something, to be fair I was getting a drink and didn’t hear what he said. The lizard grunted a few times and left. Trisandra, Ayri and I assumed he needed to shit. Anyways, the three of us were left at the bar where we caught up on Ayri’s story. He was a slave on that merchant ship we liberated, and it was a sad story. Sad if you weren’t drinking, but I was so it was fine. Trisandra got wise to me trying to spike her White Claw™ and switched her spiked drink with mine. This was an even bigger mistake. Any who, the bartender, Yennice, told us about a supply issue with the bar. His vendors have been disappearing at a spot north up the coast. This was a noble quest and we all decided to help our friend out. Plus, he gave us me a bottle of Smirnorc® for our troubles. He also gave us a token to get some horses from the stable master to make the ride easier. After getting our horses, we purchased a guide named Tawbi. He was a cool little man that got really excited for low fives. I couldn’t high five him if I wanted because he was a short elf. Regardless, he was down with it. We arrived at our destination a few hours later. We’d have been there sooner, but Trisandra kept having to pull over every few miles to piss. When we got to a windmill on the coast, we saw a smoldering house that was recently set ablaze. The smell of iron and death was pungent and damn nearcaused me to vomit. There were torn body parts all around and even worse, broken bottles of booze. It was then that I heard a chirp from my pocket and remembered that Jake, my crow, had been in there for a long time! He had shit all over my pocket and that did cause me to vomit. Then I washed the cloak, gave Jake to Tawbi, and went with the team to investigate the windmill and area. Everything was fine until the Ayri caught the attention of a Warhorse. I am talking a huge horse. It’s penis probably could have been looted to be a weapon. As rogues do, Ayri ran away and the horse, and its massive penis, stomped my ass damn near death. Thankfully the holy witch was there to heal me, and we were able to dispatch the horse using my eldritch blast and Ayri giving it a knife enema. Trisandra was also beset upon by arrows from the windmill. We could tell something was in there shooting at us. We tried to call out to it and then I was overcome with feelings of emerald plains, fresh springs, and for some reason, cranberries. I quickly snapped out of it and we realized a Satyr was trying to kill us. Unfortunately, the Satyr was at the top of the windmill and the stairs were narrow and tough to have all of use climb and attack. So Trisandra went up the stairs and I levitated Ayri on the windmill to climb in through a window. He kicked the Satyr down to Trisandra, who then pinned him to one of the stairs. I came through the ground floor and blasted his face. We then tried to question him, but he died after a few answers as an insignia on him almost seemed to sizzle. The Satyr said he was sent by “the 12” to destroy the Glass Castle, the keep of Hireula. Ayri then tried to harvest his horns and failed miserably. You’d think a rogue would be skilled with a knife. Anyway, we went back to Yennice with an almost full case of White Claw and he offered to bar, yes I meant to say that, members of the Masquerade from gathering at his establishment. We chose to let them stay and asked him to listen out for any useful information. Yennice’s daughter, Darsys, will help us with that. Any questions? No? Good. Hail Malkizid! -Lord Lothar Cruxibel