Arrakis III, the Orkyn Market
General Summary
Contestants
- George Pouffiasse
- Azareen (Deceased)
- Celtic
- Colin
Mission Briefing
Account:
After their transport ship collided with an Orkyn colony ship, our contestants crash landed on a small planetoid, that we now know is Arrakis III . Hours of walking later, our team stumbled upon an Orkyn market built out of the ruins of a recently destroyed military settlement. Befriending shopkeeper Toby the free goblyn, our contestants were told by their implants that their new objective was to leave the planet. But there was one wrinkle. The local Orks had no ships. Azareen was asked out by Bog, local Orkyn warrior, and in spite of her own sexual orientation, she accepted. Toby spotted a couple of Destroyers of Worlds and struck up conversation. Meanwhile, Celtic feasted on a couple of starving survivors in an abandonned building. George however decided to explore the market, meeting a number of colourful merchants along the way and trading pornographic images of himself for various items. He encountered a small pack of zombified walkers, led by a larger specimen. They seemed to be browsing, not buying anything. Celtic made his way to the former military base, where he met Great Ork Lugash , the local leader, trying to get through the large metal doors that were stopping him from scavenging some more. He attempted to kill him by reaching for the massive creature's heart, but found the vast muscle mass impossible to get through. Clearing that misunderstanding, he explained where he was from, prompting a number of Orks to leave Lugash's company to go search for the crashed ship. Celtic asked Lugash if he'd like him to get lunch for them both, which Lugash enthusiastically approved. As the date was going well, Azareen risked a question to Bog, enquiring about ways off the planet. He suggested to go meet Great Ork Lugash. So they did. Lugash was amused by the fledgeling couple and Azareen suggested using one of her explosive arrows to get through one of the doors. It exploded before firing, killing Azareen and severely wounding Bog. Celtic traded for a small explosive and a maggot sandwich, which Toby made for free since it was for Lugash himself. He made his way back to the military compound, finding Lugash slightly burnt, and one of the doors torn off. He activated the explosive and handed the sandwich to Lugash. Intrigued by the odd shape, Lugash inspected the sandwich, only to find the large grenade, which he flicked away from him. It exploded without hurting anyone. Annoyed at this attempt on his life, Lugash asked for clarification. Celtic blamed Toby, so Lugash sent one of his guards to kill Toby. After a verbal altercation with a Hologram man, Colin suggested to a couple of local Orks that whoever kills him, he would buy a goblin for, sending them after the Hologram man for an hour. Colin found more Destroyers of Worlds. In an attempt to prove his lack of fear, he punched one in the face, breaking his hand. Annoyed by all the administrative hoops he was asked to jump through to get a job with them, he left them to find the implant merchant. There, he chopped his hand off and traded it for an implant hand, complete with magnetic powers. Celtic went through the files and archives of the base and could only find vague local information that no longer seemed too relevant. As he heard Colin get quite confrontational with the guard outside, he came up with another idea. Further in the settlement, the first weapons merchant they encountered had closed shop and the zombies were nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, having ran out of porn to sell, George had met the Destroyers of Worlds. One of them recognised him as a Future Club celebrity, immediately allowing him to stay with them. He watched as they bought an enormous explosive weapon off one of the local vendors, and carried it for them. He then traded and bargained to get them two goblyns, adding to their firepower. Nobody saw as the large guard caught up with Toby and killed him with his massive axe. Around the same time, Celtic picked a fight with one of the guards, trying to get him to rebel against Lugash. Instead, he got brutally cut into by the Ork, effectively making him unconscious. Colin eventually arrived and gave him some of the blood he'd harvested from the survivors earlier. Celtic found a dead Ork corpse, from the assault on the base, and covered himself with green blood. He rushed out and started screaming that Lugash had been killed. Every Orkyn in the vicinity picked up their weapon to take part in the power struggle ahead. As the first blood was shed, Celtic was running through the camp, spreading his lie. The four Destroyers Of Worlds took it as a good time to start firing. George attempted to use the enormous weapon, but it backfired, killing the Goblyns instantly and hurting two of the DoWs quite badly. George himself wasn't faring too well. As Lugash went out to try and calm things down, Colin decided to work on the door. Upon seeing Lugash, the Orks fighting outside the base calmed down, but the camp was already tearing itself apart. The DoWs mowed through a large number of confused Orks as George dived behind the counter of one of the shops, to try and wait it out. The wave of Orks rallied upon seeing Lugash and fell on the DoWs. In spite of a large energy weapon they kept specifically for the purpose of killing Lugash, the Orks were winning, partly due to George almost killing two of his allies. Celtic retreated inside the base and with Colin managed to get the last door open. It was the door to the spaceport. A ship was right there, waiting for them. Upon hearing it on comms, George snuck out behind the remaining DoWs. By the time he'd snuck away, the rest of them had been slaughtered. On his small legs, George was going as fast as he could. Colin closed the base's door on him and returned to help Celtic make sense of the ship. After far too long spent on figuring out that the issue with the ship was that it needed refuelling, they were taking off. Lugash found George outside the base as the wave of zombies, having grown off the corpses it ate, was coming for him. George defended himself as best he could, but Lugash squashed the leader's head like an egg and the undead melted away. Lugash and George hit it off quite well, and he agreed to help his new small friend find a way off planet next week, when the next market happens. Result:
Report Date
01 Jul 2022
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