The Doom of Calcurtha
General Summary
Contestants
Generalissimo Sanders Item 99 - Special Fried Rice Iron Chef - Deceased Rambo RabbitMission Briefing
Rumour is one of the local gangs is due to recieve delivery of very powerful weaponry, which could enable them to take over the planet. Intercept the delivery and advise what is best for the planet. Four factions seemed to hold the local underworld:Account
Embedded ahead of time in Rick's diner, the Iron Chef's Michelin Star sensibilities had ensured a week of bountiful commerce for Rick's diner. In his privileged position, he got to observe the back room, where the Splicers seemed to hold their secret meetings. Attempting to be delivered somewhere quiet, Sanders and his mech were instead intercepted by the Orks and hidden in their own storeroom. Rambo Rabbit entered the scene walking straight up to Night Nurse's bunker. Item 99 arrived in a car next to a local postman called Bernard, who could not for the life of him remember why he was there, but he was very sure this was important. While the dinner rush was keeping the Iron Chef occupied, Sanders emerged from his crate to find himself in a dark storeroom, with two locked steel doors. He attempted to find the password for one of them, typing such things as "1234", "boob", "boobs", "6969" none of which seemed to work. Rambo Rabbit drew a door on the wall and walked straight into Night Nurse's bunker, scaring the daylights out of her. Item 99's companion drove up to the police station and asked for directions to the fairgrounds. The police officers at the door, with their massive heavy machine gun, looked puzzled. Bernard remembered he had to be home for dinner and began to drive away. Item 99 tried to influence a police officer into picking him up, but the car was already gone. Night Nurse revealed to Rambo, as he was tearing her place apart, that whatever was to happen was happening soon. Tensions were rising and a police officer had been attacked. Rambo, satisfied with the chaos caused, walked out the way he came. Realizing the door was drawn in sharpie, and he could not just erase it, decided to draw a padlock on it and call it quits. He found himself face to face with Bernard and his car, carrying item 99. Understanding that Item 99 was in a dire situation, Rambo picked him up and the pair walked towards the police bunker. Sanders was hailed from outside the storeroom and invited out. He found himself face to face with Burt, the local ork gang leader, and a number of his men. Burt seemed quite excited to have him and enquired as to wether Sanders was "The Delivery". Blabbing his way out quite successfully, Sanders explained that he is the advance party and more is coming, which got Burt quite excited frankly. Clearly, the delivery was on the way, and then Splicer blood would be spilled. After this interesting briefing, Sanders made his way onto the street and relayed the information to the rest of the team. Rambo Rabbit and Item 99 arrived at the police station. Drawing a mustache on his face, Rambo began to explain that as of now, he was in charge. The confused policemen went to get their Captain. The Captain tried to understand Rambo's nonsense for a while, until he asked wether Rambo was... The Delivery. Rambo responded in a more or less affirmative manner, which prompted the Captain to take him inside and into his office. Item 99 managed to make his way into the hands of one of the soldiers, and patiently waited there. The Iron Chef ordered Rick to go find his perfect blend of spices that had been delivered somewhere. Reluctantly, Rick left the diner in the hands of the Iron Chef and ran out in search of a giant KFC bucket. Now understaffed, the Iron Chef picked out a random person and told him he now had a job and was to be a waiter. The unemployed man called Jack, quite pleased at the opportunity, took the job to heart. Rambo Rabbit began to insist to the Captain that he was, in fact, in charge. As proof, he presented a badge and his mustache. The Veteran of many wars opposite was not impressed by the shenanigans and quite intensely wanted to know if he indeed was all that was delivered. Rambo, bored with the situation, elected to disappear into Hammer Space as the Captain began to lose his temper. Armed men barged in just in time to see Rambo disappear into thin air. Among them was Item 99's current holder. Burt came to Sanders and fanboyed to Sanders, letting it slip that the weapons were coming from the Destroyers of Worlds. The Iron Chef asked Jack the waiter to go deliver sushi to the secret room. As the splicers opened the door to get the food, the Iron Chef forced his way into the room. To make him leave, the largest Splicer ate the sushi in front of him. But the Iron Chef had no intention of leaving. After Jack left to go back into the diner, the Iron Chef closed the door behind him and turned his hands into large blades. The Splicers all stare at him as he starts spinning in place. They all dodge out of the way and wait for him to finish. Rambo Rabbit came out of his hole dressed as a baby and told the soldiers the bad man was in the hole. The soldiers, reluctant to enter the deep darkness of the hole, simply held up their weapons and waited for him to return. The Captain returned and screamed at his men, the goddamn bunny was RIGHT THERE. Rambo jumped in his hole again, after getting shot more or less well by the soldiers. He returned with an acme missile, large enough to push everyone out of the room. The Splicers ganged up on the Iron Chef immediately and started destroying him. As he realized this might be his end, the Iron Chef reached out for help. Sanders immediately took the opporunity to run towards the Splicers, yelling that he was here on behalf of the Orks. He fired his chicken cannon towards the outer wall of the room the Iron Chef was being assaulted in. Ripping through the wall, he was answered by the four Splicers ripping through the wall and coming towards him. Several other doors opened nearby, and more Splicers, including a particularly large one, gathered around him. A few shots were fired and Sanders' mech suddenly looked quite worse for wear. Rambo Rabbit once again demanded the Captain hand over command and resign his post. Faced by the threat of the giant missile, the Captain agreed to the terms and handed over his badge. Rambo, quite pleased with himself, ordered him to be escorted out. One of the soldiers escorted him and they vanished out of sight. Checking via a clean glass against the wall, Rambo noticed that the Captain had most definitely not been escorted out. The Item 99's carrier followed the Captain into the other control room, where he was faced with a soldier unlocking a fusion gun and equipping it. Item 99 influenced his carrier to lock the door and swallow the key, to the great distress of the soldiers. Sanders made a hasty retreat, as the Orks started coming out en masse and formed their own line. As the Splicers gathered on their end, to begin the weekly staredown, the Iron Chef fired a mustard gas canister in the Splicer group. In the chaos, as the Splicers were running out of the cloud, the very large one began to run towards the Orks. Fearing that this was it, the attack, finally, the Orks fired. And so the fighting began. In the bunker, the bewildered soldiers asked their colleague why he did such a thing. Not sure what they were referring to, he turned around and smashed into the door. Shaken, he made space for the fusion gun to blow the door open. Sanders ran past the fight and straight into the storeroom, intent on fixing himself. As blood was spilling left right and center, the Iron Chef went back into his diner. The carrier of Item 99 found himself compelled to make an announcement on the PA system, about free bluberry milkshakes at Rick's diner. This attracted the Ravers, who came out of their hideout curious, but quickly this turned to blood thirst. The Captain issued one last warning to Rambo. Rambo cackled and walked towards the man with the fusion gun. As he fired, Rambo placed a finger on the end of the barrel. The man imploded, and so did Rambo's hand, inexplicably. He turned to the captain, with malice in his eyes. Sanders tore through the building but there was nothing that could help him repair his mech. He walked out of the building and positionned himself in discreet mode (retracting his arms and legs), and pretended to be a chicken shop. Meanwhile, the fighting went on. Green and red blood spilled all over. More Splicers arrived to help their friends, but the mustard gas cloud was incredibly disorientating and some found themselves face to face with the Ravers. Rambo asked the Captain to sever his own hand and give it to him, to replace the one he lost. Pleading for his life, the Captain found no mercy, and instead was handed a blunt letter opener. He began the grim task while Rambo stood over him, gleeful. Camping on his corner, Sanders noticed a seven foot tall man in dark power armor, adorned with skulls and horns, coming round the corner carrying a large metal crate. A Destroyers of Worlds . the current carrier of Item 99, manning the outside heavy machine gun, saw a similar man make his way towards the bunker. A third one arrived at the diner where the Iron Chef was tidying up the paperwork and handed him a crate. Upon inspection, the crate contained three The Reaper . Suddenly, as the fighting was turning in favour of Orks, Burt abandonned his companions and rereated into the building. The Captain was finally getting through the bone of his arm when Rambo stopped him. He instead offered him to put the hand in the hole. The Captain, in tears, obliged. Rambo then closed the hole, severing the hand cleanly. Outside, the DoW dropped the crate by the door and walked off. Sanders attempted to get the DoW's attention. Unphased, the large warrior walked through the door beside Sanders. Following him inside, Sanders saw Burt open the crate of Reapers. Burt noticed Sanders and asked the DoW if he was with them. Disturbed by the question, the DoW shook his head. Burt, already incredibly bloodthirsty, picked up a Reaper and screaming that he would be back to deal with Sanders, ran out to rejoin the fighting. The Iron Chef began by dissassembling one of the Reapers. Skillfully, he extracted the beautiful orbs that shone a light he'd never experienced before and found himself teary eyed. The Ingredient was found. Finally. Sanders picked up a Reaper and made his way outside. The fighting had spilled closer, and the largest Splicer was dismembering goblins nearby. Sanders elected to test The Reaper on the large creature. A malfunction made the weapon fire too close, and the right arm of the mech was destroyed, the weapon clattering to the ground. The Splicer, hearing the explosion, turned his eye to Sanders. Rambo, fitted with his new, bleeding hand, left the Captain in shock in his office and drew some flames on the door. Soon enough, everyone began to smell fire and burning flesh. Item 99's carrier made a new announcement to say that it was happy hour at Rick's diner, and people should go enjoy the bonus energy weapons. Burt, pleased with how things had turned out, fired at the Splicers. He pressed the wrong button and him and the weapon were instantly vaporized, as well as several other nearby orks. The Iron Chef stored the twenty fuel spheres he found in the weapon on himself and walked out through the back door of the diner. The waiter immediately jumped on the crate and procured a weapon for himself. Two splicers attempted to break in and Jack vaporized them effortlessly. The Iron Chef went up to the DoW stood on the corner and asked him if they had a chef. The DoW, quite excited at the idea of a chef on the squad, offered him the job, if he could prove himself by killing someone in a very graphic way. As the Ravers closed in on the bunker, the two remaining guards picked up Reapers and fired back. Rambo Rabbit exited the bunker, with a dramatic trenchcoat, a press badge and hat, and tried to interrogate the soldiers. Panicked, they didn't seem able to offer much of interest. After the Ravers tried to kill him, Rambo felt disillusionned with the whole effort. He walked up to a wall, and as the soldiers were being massacred, he drew a tunnel, leading to a farmhouse and a field, and disappeared inside. Meanwhile, Item 99 suggested to his carrier that he walk outside, while leaving him perfectly safe inside the bunker. The Ravers tore him to pieces. The large Splicer tore Sanders' mech open effortlessly. As he was about to end the old man, he noticed the DoW and the crate of weapons. Dropping the metal carcass, he picked up one of the Reapers and began trying to understand how it worked. Sanders took the opportunity to run as fast as his legs would let him. Further down the street, the Iron Chef noticed the Ravers getting delivery of more Reapers. He took aim, with the intention of firing one of the energy spheres at them. Instead, it detonated inside his arm, leading to a chain reaction. It wasn't an explosion so much as an absence. All sound was gone for an instant, and then there was a tiny black dot hovering in the air. It was slowly getting larger. As the fighting continued and the Reapers were being fired into the crowds, the DoWs assembled near the black hole. With just about everyone near him dead, Item 99 influenced the nearby DoW to come and pick him up. As they gathered near the hole, they seemed pleased. Interested, they threw a nearby corpse in there to confirm wether it did get bigger as it absorbed matter. Satisfied with the positive result to their hypothesis, they walked away to their ship. The fighting continued on Calcurtha, until the black hole swallowed the planet whole. Consequences- Four billion dead as Calcurtha disappeared into a black hole
- There's a black hole slowly getting larger and threatening to swallow a whole star system
- Item 99 is sat on a world destroyer ship.
Report Date
10 Sep 2022
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