Merakesh makes a plan to leave the Tinatoa

Life, Trauma/ Loss

On that day three years ago in the dusk of the Celebration of Harvest Moon, he had come to her with this same look. She had taken his hands in her hands, and had tried to heal the wound on his palm. “Where are you?” she had asked. “Your body is here, but your soul is not. Where are you?”   “In darkness,” he had replied. “I was asked to do something. Bantha needed the boy to...” he paused. It was as though he were showing remorse for his actions and that the feeling was so foreign that he had trouble talking. “He needed the boy to suffer, and be a warning for his parents.” Merakesh swallowed, his mouth tasted bitter and his hand stung. He did not cry, he did not waiver in his voice – it was not his way. There was no self-pity or sadness, but more a revelation of self-discovery, calm and calculating. “My humanity is dying and it is leaving me in darkness,” he concluded.   “Surely that’s a bad thing?” she asked, unsure of the answer.   “I don’t know,” he replied, honestly. “The darkness is my life. It is who I’ve become. But there is a warmth you have that is intoxicating, and I know now, it is something that I can never have. My brothers will never let me have this and I don’t deserve it.”   It was this revelation on these steps many years earlier that allowed Merakesh to do what needed to be done now. To pursue his freedom from Bantha and the life he had fallen into, to remain single minded, powerful and elite. To damn all who got in the way, it was this moment, this lesson that he had to hold in his thoughts.