Guillotine Games

I've got nothing to lose but my security, my reputation, and my career.
Lillianna Alston, Competitor in the Guillotine Games

T

he Guillotine Games are the single largest competitive event on the planet. Their online viewership, and their in-person attendance, dwarfs that of all other live events. Like the Olympics, the Guillotine Games feature a myriad of competitions across a vast array of disciplines. But the Guillotine Games have a couple of clear distinctions:

1. Participation is strictly limited to current Hegemony International employees.
   
   
2. The last-place finisher in each event is always summarily terminated - on the spot. Those who've come in dead-last in any event are escorted from the premises by security. Their employee access is immediately revoked. All pay and benefits that would normally accrue to them are lost forever. They are also given a lifetime ban from ever working for the company again.
   
   
3. The events featured in the Games bear no relation to Olympic events. Nor are they in any way analogous to any traditional sporting contest. While the exact docket of contests evolves somewhat, on a Games-by-Games basis, some common events have included gargling, traffic dodging, insect swallowing, and the always-popular enema racing.
   
   
4. The worldwide event (usually referred to simply as The Games) occurs every two years. The "odd" years are filled with many regional-or-countrywide qualifying events. Events are always broadcast and even the qualifiers attract a massive worldwide audience. They also account for a disproportionate volume of betting activity - legal and otherwise - beyond that which is placed on traditional sports.
   
   
5. Although most of the events were traditionally adjudicated by panels of "expert" Hegemony employees (and, originally, Reginald Howell himself), recent games have moved to a model where the winners (and losers) are chosen by a process of live online voting. This has led to an explosion in The Games' popularity - especially in Asian and African markets - even from the heights they previously enjoyed as the world's most-watched event.
   
   

History

T

he Guillotine Games (originally deemed the Hegemonic Games) were launched in 1990 as the brainchild of Reginald Howell. They were strictly an internal corporate event, with no exposure outside the organization. Howell promoted them as a way to build esprit de corps, but he also saw them as another way to effectively augment cullings.

Going Public

In 2002, at the urging of the company's spinsters, the games were streamed online for the first time. This was also when they were rebranded as the Guillotine Games. Although there is no actual guillotine deployed in The Games, and no one actually loses their life, the fact that last-place finishers are actually terminated makes for tantalizing viewing. The Games were televised to a global audience for the first time in 2018.

Popularity

Since that time, their popularity has consistently grown. Many of the world's inhabitants view them as a must-see event. By 2047, aggregate viewship for The Games overtook the Super Bowl. In 2058, The Games became the most-watched event in the world, surpassing the World Cup.

Execution

A

lthough some of The Games' events are determined through empirical measurement, there are a great many events that are judged. In the earliest iterations of The Games, when they were strictly an internal event, those judgments were handed down by Reginald Howell himself, who would lord over the games like Caesar watching gladitorial matches at the Coliseum. Once The Games went public, Howell was replaced by a panel of judges. During the first public event in 2002, those judges consisted entirely of spinsters. But for all subsequent contests, the judges have been comprised of various celebrities and world leaders - none of whom are Hegemony employees. The aggregate scores of the judges are then averaged against the results from online voting to determine the final standings.

For those who are about to be unemployed, we salute you!
Erikas Sudzius, Spinster with Hegemony International

Demeaning

The exact list of events has evolved greatly over time. But many call for competitors to perform acts that are demeaning, disgusting, physically uncomfortable - or all three. While social commentators have routinely derided The Games for this reason, it has done nothing to quell the public's appetite for the events. Even for those who are repulsed by The Games, many find it to be undeniably entertaining as "trainwreck" programming.

Participants

O

nly Hegemony employees are eligible to compete in The Games. The event is orchestrated completely by spinsters and the resulting production is widely seen as the company's greatest public relations coup.

Given the jeopardy inherent in participation, one might wonder why any Hegemony employees would ever volunteer to compete. But there are many factors that cause them to embrace The Games.

Rewards

Primarily, first-place finishers are awarded with a reservation in Elysia - a benefit which most employees covet. Additionally, the winners are hailed internally as heroes, often being rewarded with cushy sinecures for the remainder of their Hegemony careers. Even those who fail to capture a first-place finish are often lauded for their help in making The Games the most popular event on the planet - and they are typically spared from culling cycles in the near future.

Strategic Participation

Given that "only" the last-place finishers are terminated, participation is also seen as a strategic move to avoid the culling process. (For a while, at least...) Many of The Games' competitors are individuals who fear they may be let go if they simply wait for the company to proceed through their regular process of periodic cullings. Even for those who do manage to finish dead-last (and thus, are immediately terminated), some of them have leveraged the international exposure to become celebrities in their own right, thus cushioning their public fall from grace.

Observance

T

he Games take place in every even-numbered year. Odd-numbered years are consumed by numerous regional events, which are also streamed and televised. Initially staged in a single day, they now span over the course of an entire week. They are always held in the last week of June. A different host city is chosen for each event, with past Games taking place in megacities such as Tokyo, Delhi, Shanghai, São Paulo, Mexico City, Cairo, Istanbul, Paris, and Lagos.

Pronunciation

HEJJ-eh-monn-ick GAMES

Related Organizations

• Hegemony International